[ omniscient ]
It's been about a week since X came into the picture. Things were odd.
The doctors told Stokeley that X would soon be clear to leave the hospital, he was doing better physically, ribs healing and all. Stokeley had no idea how X was doing mentally though. He was still trying to get to know him, but it was hard. Hell, X was still trying to get to know himself.
When Jahseh was around, he was open about his feelings to a certain extent. There were some things he never told Stokeley, but mostly he trusted him. X was way worse. The walls he had around him were crazy high, and steady. He made everyone around him feel like he didn't want to be there, and regardless if he did want to, they wouldn't know... because he wouldn't tell them. Stokeley felt very lonely, he went from having a boyfriend that had just started trusting him again, giving him another chance to do better - to being left with a stranger that has an attitude problem.
Stokeley, Symere and Jordan were unsure if X even liked them or not. You'd think since X found out his newly made friends were so accepting of him, especially since he thinks DID and intersex are such strange concepts, he'd be accepting of them back. But nope, he's still on some homophobic shit. A homophobic man, with someone who pretty recently came to terms with his sexuality after years of being homophobic as well... and they used to date. Well... technically they're still dating because they were together before the accident. But Stokeley doesn't know if X knows that, and it just doesn't feel like that right now, so he has to pretend everything is okay... Even though Stokeley somewhat feels like Jahseh has died in a way.
He wasn't really comfortable around X, he barely stayed overnight at the hospital with him anymore. Partly because he didn't know if X would even want that, and partly because he wasn't comfortable doing so himself. He wasn't giving up though. The talk him and Jahseh had before the incident with Shéyaa, it meant a lot to him. He really did want to change, so he wasn't giving up on either Jahseh nor X. He finally rekindled things, he wasn't going to let it go that easily.
Stokeley didn't have an exact plan, but even if there was a risk Jahseh wouldn't come back he still wanted him in his life in one way or another. That's why he still wanted to get to know X, and give X a chance to get to know him and their friends too. After all, all his alters are in the same body, they're part of each other. No matter how different the alters are, they still come from the same place. And that's exactly why he built up the courage to invite X to stay with him.
A few days ago the doctors had told Stokeley that it was best if Jahseh stayed at a loved ones place, who could take care of him until he was strong enough to get back on his own two feet. Both physically and mentally. It was a lot of responsibility, but nothing Stokeley wasn't used to. He asked the doctors if it was okay to bring X back to the college dorms and take care of him there. They said that shouldn't be an issue, but that Stokeley had to make sure the college were still okay with X living in their dorms because that was out of their control. He was still a student there, but he wasn't going to be able to attend classes for a while, and he hasn't for a while either.
So that's exactly what Stokeley did. He talked to the principle, who was surprisingly understanding and accepting. When Stokeley told Jordan and Symere about it, Sy said it was probably because they felt so bad about Shéyaa beating Jahseh up so badly in their premises. Maybe they're scared of any type of legal action.
Stokeley also talked to Miles about switching dorms with him, so that Miles lived with Jordan and Stokeley could live in Jahseh's dorm that he used to share with Miles. Miles is close to both Stokeley and Jahseh separately, so he was of course understanding and willing to adapt. He also had no problem being roomies with Jordan, since they're homeboys too.
Now the only thing that was left to do was to ask X. Two days before X was scheduled to get discharged from the hospital, Stokeley visited him. When Stokeley first mentioned it, it seemed like X was aware of the situation regarding him being discharged soon. He seemed worried though.
"Yeah, I know. Me and the nurses have been talkin bout it" X said, scrolling through his contacts.
He had so many names on there, and yet still the only ones he recognized now were 'Stokes', 'Bestie' and 'Jordan'. A few of the other contact names were a tad bit familiar, but no face came to mind. Stokeley had given Jahseh's, or more accurately, X's, phone back to him. He had kept it until Jahseh was conscious, and now that he had switched to X, he could give it to him. He said he could text or call him whenever he wanted, no matter the time, if he needed something whenever Stokeley wasn't around the hospital. Or if he just wanted to talk... but Stokeley didn't say that, because he knew X would think it was weird.
When X first got the phone, messages started rolling in from 'Bestie'. He didn't know who that was, so that was the first time X texted Stokeley. Stokeley informed him that it was Symere. X also wasn't really comfortable with Stokeley's contact name being 'Stokes', he thought it was corny, but he felt like changing the contact names would be disrespectful to Jahseh. Not that X ever gave a fuck about who felt disrespected by him... but it just felt wrong to come into Jahseh's life and start altering things he had built up, even if it was small shit like a contact name.
There were a few things X knew he was going to change for sure though. He couldn't stand the indigo blue locs, for one. He didn't know exactly how he wanted his hair, but he was gonna do something about that. And maybe start working out a bit. He wanted to physically look more like the way he looked when he thought of himself mentally, it felt a bit uncomfortable living though someone else's body. The face was accurate, but the rest felt like a matter of taste. X didn't like Jahseh's taste.
X kept scrolling until he stopped on a specific contanct, "See?" He said, turning the screen over so Stokeley could look.
Stokeley moved closer to the hospital bed to see what X was referring to.
"This is a person who knows everything about me, someone that loves me unconditionally, someone I should be able to turn to in situations like these, but I can't. Cuz to me she's a stranger" X said.
Stokeley frowned, the contact name said 'mom'.
X turned the screen back to himself and stared at it, his eyes looked almost sad.
"I mean, from what Jahseh have told me, I'm pretty sure Cleo would love for you to stay with her so she could take care of you. You're still her son after all, it doesn't matter if you as X don't know her or if she doesn't know you. Like you said, she loves you unconditionally" Stokeley said, trying to comfort X.
In reality, Stokeley really wanted X to stay with him. He thought it was a perfect opportunity to get to know him, and he didn't really want to miss any part of his progress. What if he missed out on something important? But regardless, he wouldn't just force X to do whatever he preferred. If X wants to stay with his mom, he should. Stokeley had no interest in coming in between him and his mom in any type of way, he knew how much Jahseh loved her and how much she loved him.
"Yeah bruh but you know what? I don't even think I'd be comfortable being there, spending time with her when I don't know shit about Jahseh's life other than what Dwayne have informed me of. It would feel fake, like I'm borrowing someones body and entering their private lives" X said, now locking his phone and putting it on the bedside table.
"But now I don't know where to go" he said.
"Well.. actually you don't have to worry about that" Stokeley started,
"What you mean?"
"Uhh I-" Stokeley quickly stopped himself when X's face turned to look at him.
His eyes, Stokeley had missed staring into his eyes. So many memories suddenly flashed in front of Stokeley, all the times he had stared into those very same eyes. It felt strange, given that those same eyes now belonged to a completely different person.
Stokeley felt nervous again.
"You deaf?" X said with slight attitude.
Stokeley scoffed. He forgot X was an asshole.
"Yeah you know what? I was gonna offer for you to stay with me but since you wanna be a dick you could go to homeless shelters like a stray dog, good luck!" Stokeley said quickly and sarcastically, before turning around to leave the hospital room.
X quietly looked at him. And just as Stokeley's hand reached around the door handle to leave, he spoke up.
"Wait" X said. Stokeley stopped, slightly rolling his eyes.
"What?" he was annoyed.
"We not gon share a bed right?" X asked. He was serious.
Stokeley almost cracked a smile, this shit was ridiculous.
"yeah bye" He said, turning around again.
"No seriously, would that all actually work out?" X asked
"Yeah, I talked to the people at college, and I talked to Miles. They were all good with it, so if you want to, you can stay wimme." Stokeley said, starting to doubt if this really was a good idea.
"And no gay shit?" X said again
"Bitch say some shit like that one more time" Stokeley snapped back.
"Who you calling a bitch?"
"Watch out I might come over and kiss you"
X's face twisted into a disgusted grimace. Stokeley almost smiled.
"No, you fucktard. I'd never do anything unconsensual to you ever, or anyone else for that matter. Me and Jah never even-" Stokeley cut himself off, realizing X might not want to hear anything like that.
"yeah dawg I'm not tryna hear allat" X said, confirming his assumption, making him sigh.
Stokeley rolled his eyes more intensely this time. "You get a separate bed, I'm just there to take care of you. That's it" He said, slicing the air in an X-form with his hands.
"Aye who you think you rolling your eyes at?" He said, sitting up properly in bed.
"What you gon do about it? Fight me with broken ribs?"
"I-"
"Exactly." Stokeley interrupted him,
"I'll pick you up in two days when you get discharged. Until then try not to break more ribs".
Stokeley didn't feel as bad joking about the results of the incident, partly because he wasn't speaking to Jah, and partly because he knows X doesn't carry that trauma. It doesn't affect him. Also, he was being a cunt.
"Tuh, you feisty" X couldn't help but scoff out of admiration for Stokeley's attitude. Stokeley grinned and closed the door behind him when he left.
He wouldn't admit it, but deep down X liked to be around Stokeley. And he couldn't hold back the feeling of looking forward to what other surprises Jahseh's life might bring him.
And so, two days later, they're roommates. Stokeley had spent his weekend moving into the new room, and so had Miles. It felt strange to Stokeley considering him and Jahseh never even became roomies, but he comforted himself with the fact that they almost always hung out anyways. Symere was hanging out with Jarad and Michael, Miles and Jordan just came by to grab the last of Miles' stuff.
Now they're alone together, two half-strangers.
X looked around the dorm. The dorms here seemed really big, it was like a full apartment. Two bedrooms, a kitchen connected to the living room, and a bathroom as well.
Stokeley slapped his hands together and rubbed them like an awkward dad, and and then leaned his back against the small kitchen counter.
"All of Jah's- I mean your stuff is in that bedroom over there. You want me to help you get in bed?" Stokeley asked kindly.
X just side-eyed him and clicked his tongue, and began to walk towards the bedroom
"I'm good bro" he said, Stokeley sighed at his stubbornness.
He entered his new room. It was dark because no lights were on, and the sun was going down so the window didn't really let in a lot of light.
All he wanted to do now was get in bed, so he started take off his hoodie... without Stokeley's help. He was doing good, until his arms had to rise above his ribcage to get the hoodie off his shoulder and head, when a stinging pain struck his ribs. He completely lost his balance at the pain and almost fell over the desk in the corner of the room. It made a loud sound.
Fuck, he thought. He didn't want to have to ask for help. It didn't necessarily make him uncomfortable, but he just didn't wanna prove Stokeley right. X couldn't even take his arms out the sleeves. He sighed and stood up straight, letting his arms slowly drop to his sides, leaving the hoodie crookedly hanging off his torso.
"Stokeley" he said. No response.
"Stoookeleyyy" he tried to sound cheerful, but it was obviously sarcastic.
No response.
"STOKELEY!!" He had to shout this time, and another wave of pain rushed to his side.
Stokeley came barging through the door
"Yes what??" He sounded stressed.
"You really are deaf, aren't you?" X said exhausted.
"No" he chuckled "I was getting ready for bed" He said, now smiling at the scene in front of him.
X quickly glanced at Stokeley up and down as a reaction to what he said. His eyes accidentally got stuck on his unbuttoned jeans, but he quickly looked away hoping Stokeley didn't notice since it was dark in the room.
Stokeley crossed his arms, grinning. He noticed. Now X was hoping Stokeley couldn't see him blushing. He wasn't blushing because of that reason, it was simply embarrassing because now he might get ideas. Whatever.
"You need help with that?" Stokeley teased, pointing at the hoodie.
"Fuck it look like bruh..." X said, with a stern look on his face. He wasn't having it.
Stokeley put up his hands in the air in defense, still laughing.
"Alright alright my bad, damn" he said, getting closer to X. They were almost the same height, Stokeley was just a few inches taller.
When Stokeley grabbed onto the hem of his hoodie, X slightly flinched. He wasn't scared, he just wasn't used to this. Stokeley slowly started pulling it up from his waist, careful not to hurt him.
"Relax" he said, "Tense for no reason".
They were really close now. Stokeley was focused on the hoodie, he didn't notice X looking at his eyes... and his lips. When he realized what he was doing, he just looked down on the floor. He couldn't tell what it was he was feeling, it wasn't attraction, but he felt a bit dizzy and as if someone else's emotions were running through his body.
Stokeley's hand accidentally rubbed against X's bare, warm chest. Right across his left nipple. His hands were cold, causing X to shiver, tensing up again.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to" Stokeley said. He quickly changed the subject to avoid making X more uncomfortable. X didn't say a word, he just swallowed nervously.
"It was your idea putting on this stupid hoodie anyway. Talking bout some it's gay to button up that flannel let the nurse put on my hoodie instead" Stokeley mocked X.
"I mean... it is" X said, chuckling a bit. The mood was starting to become less heavy.
"cuz you dumb as fuck" Stokeley said, pulling the hoodie properly off his head now.
Stokeley turned around to the desk and lit up the lamp. "Wait here a sec" he said, leaving the room.
X just stood there, confused.
When Stokeley came back, he had a balm in his hand. Right, the ointment the doctors prescribed. He had to rub it on his ribcage because some of the muscle had ripped when his ribs fractured. Nothing serious, but they were recommended the balm.
"Let me see" Stokeley said.
X sighed, letting Stokeley examine his severely bruised ribs. He was hurting too much to fight it.
Stokeley sucked air through his teeth, "I'm not gonna lie that look like it hurts" Stokeley said.
"yeah no shit"
"Yeah yeah... can I?" Stokeley said, looking into X's eyes. X looked back at him, nodding once.
Stokeley put some of it on the tip of his fingers, and then gently started to rub it across the side of his torso. X flinched again. The balm was cold and warm at the same time, and the pressure of Stokeley's fingers was feeling weird across his skin, X couldn't really explain it if he tried.
When they were done, Stokeley went to one of X's drawers and pulled out some shorts. X was already wearing shorts, but he figured he'd want new ones since he had been in them all day.
He lightly threw the shorts on the bed, and got close to X again. This time, his fingers pulled on the waistband of his shorts. But he was quickly cut off by X's hand grabbing his wrist, hard. This time, Stokeley flinched. it felt like he was crushing his wrist.
"What are you doing?" X spat, backing away.
"My bad I was just-" Stokeley tripped on his words.
"Don't touch me" He said in a low tone.
Stokeley meant no harm, he was used to taking care of Jahseh like this, he got caught up in the moment.
"I'm sorry. Your shorts," Stokeley tried wording it carefully "You've been in them all day, I figured you might wanna change them, since you can't do it yourself" He continued.
"yeah no, I'm good. Don't do that gay shit again" He sounded cold, turning to get into bed.
Stokeley remained quiet. He stood in his place for a while, rubbing his wrist with his other hand. The mood switched so quickly he didn't know how to process it. What if he fucked up? What if that was all it took to entirely be on X's bad side?
He just walked towards the desk and turned off the light. He didn't know what else to do. And just as he was about to leave the room
"Stokeley"
Stokeley turned to him, just staring. His face felt like it dropped. X was under the blankets now, his back was facing Stokeley.
"I was too hard handed... It was like a reflex. I dunno where it came from, felt like something took over me for a sec" X mumbled from bed.
All Stokeley could think about was Jahseh. Maybe he was still in there somewhere, he remembered how Jah has reacted like that a thousand times, he's just never topped it off with a homophobic remark. Usually it was the other way around. He understood how Jahseh felt now.
"And thanks... for all this" X added. It was unusual of him, but he felt bad.
"You good, don't worry bout it. Goodnight" Stokeley said. He still didn't know how to feel.
"Goodnight, Stokes" X muttered before quickly falling asleep. Stokeley's head snapped back in X's direction, he was trying to figure out if he heard that right.
He shook his head, trying to make the million thoughts in his head go away.
But Stokeley could barely sleep that night.