With a stomach full of fresh, grilled rodents, Jerr and I were sparring a bit more, before resuming our journey to Hidden Moon.
"Your footwork is improving quickly, Sari," Jerr noticed, swinging his sword in the air, a motion easy for me to block.
Our swords kept repeating this simple dance, while Jerr kept pushing me back at odd moments, forcing me to adapt my stance.
I leaped forward in answer, forcing Jerr back a few steps. His eyes glittered with enjoyment as he laughed, making the green even more intense than it usually was.
I pushed forward once again, but Jerr kept his footing steady where he was. Our faces inched closer once again, our panting breaths intertwining in a flurry of hot air.
Some sweat was dripping off his forehead, making his face shimmer, while the grin on his face slowly disappeared. Even when sweaty, the waves in his brown hair remained, nearly untouched.
His breath hitched a bit - which I took as a sign to swing my sword in his direction, keeping my eyes locked on his.
He stumbled back and broke the string of tension with it.
"Don't get distracted," I warned him playfully.
"Touché," he whistled as that grin appeared on his face. "In an ideal world I'd perfect your footwork, but I think we might need to get started on the actual sword fighting."
"Why? What's wrong with my sword skills?" I scoffed, swinging the sword in the air in front of me, tracing a dramatic infinity symbol.
"It's very... uncontrolled," he said carefully, but the teasing in his eyes danced away his caution.
"And you're only telling me this now? I've been swinging like this for the past two days!"
"Having a good base of the footing to start with, was more important," he shrugged. "But let's do one quick exercise before we hit the road again. To cool down."
Sweat was dripping down my forehead as well, contrasting against the hotness of my skin. "Okay," I answered, signaling him to give his orders.
He stepped closer to me, his sword pointing at my arm as he said, "Try to think as the sword as an extension of your arm. It's not a tool you hold, it is a weapon that you are. Wield it as if it's a part of you, letting it flow naturally with your body."
He pushed my hand upwards with his sword, examining my grip on the sword. His hand grazed mine as he adjusted a few of my fingers, his warm, callused fingertips rough against my mostly untouched hand. He then stepped back again, and I hadn't noticed how warm his closeness had felt until he stood further away, and the coldness of the midday air circled me again.
He swirled his sword around in the air, making different loops and twirls, never once letting go or altering his grip on the wooden weapon.
"A real sword is much heavier, so it will feel very different than this," he continued, as I lifted my sword and followed his motions. "But it's a good start."
The first few loops went well, and were quite easy, but when Jerr began with more complicated motions, the difficulty of holding on to the sword without altering my grip showed.
"Ah," I grunted as my sword fell on my feet. My foot tapped at the air in a feeble attempt to shake off the sharp pain, before I bent down and picked up that wooden danger once again.
Jerr kept his gaze on me, an approving look glimmering as I refused to let a few bruised toes keep me from training my skills. It was the same look Feytan had given me countless times, but it felt more... intimidating coming from Jerr. And more satisfying to receive such a look from him, to find those green eyes staring at me with content.
We kept swinging our swords in silence, Jerr flawlessly making figures in the air, and me trying to mirror him. While I altered between looking at Jerr and then looking at my own arms to mimic his motions, he kept his stare steady on me the whole time.
When my hand began straining, Jerr said it was time to resume our way to Hidden Moon, and showed me how to clasp the sword to my own bag, so he wouldn't have two of those dangling around his legs.
It took me only a few steps to realize just how annoying that sword was. "By the Moons," I grumbled, as the large, wooden stick kept hitting my left leg on the side.
"Imagine what a real sword would be like," Jerr laughed. "Or two of those wooden ones."
"Why did you keep them both for so long, then?" I asked him, daringly.
"I don't know," he shrugged. "But it feels good having only one, so you can keep yours."
"How generous of you," I sighed, altering my steps so I walked beside him again. "What if we just put it in our bags?" They'd stick out of the tops, maybe tap our heads every now and then, but I didn't know why we couldn't just carry them around like that.
"No," he dismissed. "You also need to get used to the feeling of a sword on your side. Although, generally, the sheath would be attached to a belt."
"I hope that happens rather soon," I complained. "I can already feel my leg bruise."
"In due time, I'm sure you will."
Jerr and I were munching on one of the roasted rodents we had kept from earlier today, with some berries and nuts we'd gathered along the way.
The forest now lay far behind us, leaving us out in open fields. Jerr didn't want to risk making a fire, arguing we were already too visible here as it was.
We'd been looking for another shed, or a hut of any kind for shelter, but had found none. The fields we had been walking in were either bewildered, or used for agricultural purposes, where the farmers didn't see the use of sheds.
We kept away from towns, since Jerr feared the possibility of wolves being present in these little towns. Other than the first town we had spent the night, he didn't know of any town without wolves that we would pass.
As our Moon started her rise, we decided our bodies needed to eat and rest, and we'd have to risk one night out in the open.
Although I knew I had to feel unsafe – other than a small, tingling feeling, I never felt anything but at ease.
Or now, cold.
Our Moon favored us and kept the night dry and cloudless, but the cold nightly wind send shivers down my body every few seconds. I shuddered even more at the thought of what this cold felt like to a human.
"We should've brought furs," Jerr shuddered as another gush of wind passed us.
"Why didn't we?" I asked.
"While furs are warm, they are also heavy. And we usually don't need furs, so I suppose we didn't really think twice about not bringing them."
Another sting in my heart at the fact that I wasn't allowed to shift. "Can't I shift, just for this night?" I pleaded. "Just to sleep."
Jerr's eyes showed sympathy. "Your wolf is still new and untrained. The night is full of life – full of prey you will want to hunt. We can't risk it."
I hated how much sense he made.
"I will have to shift, though," he added, silently.
"Why?" The unfairness of it all dug at me.
"Because everything is more intense as a wolf. I will hear potential foes much better, I will see everything clearer, I will smell everything out before they have the chance to come within a short proximity of us."
"So, the reason why I can't change, is exactly why you should?"
"I wish it were different," he sighed. "Truly."
I believed him. His eyes filled with regret, and I found myself cursing the low light of our Moon, blocking me from truly seeing how that particular emotion toyed with the green of his eyes.
"It is what it is," I said. "I've been dealt worse cards."
I wanted to add that I was thankful Aven had allowed me to transform once already, but now that I knew what I was missing – it somehow made the hole in my heart bigger at every confrontation with my lack of strength.
"It's not a lack of strength," Jerr corrected me. "It's just that you're not used to it. If anything, you're one of the strongest people I know."
"One of?" My tone was offended, my hand dramatically covering my heart.
"I am friends with one of the most powerful Strong Moon wolves alive, you know," Jerr said in his defense.
"Nice save," I retorted.
Jerr chuckled. "You might want to look away."
"Why?" I asked, as he got up.
"Because I need to shift now, and you seem to be needlessly uncomfortable by the thought of seeing me naked." That wicked grin had found its place back, pulling at his lips.
"By the Moons," I grumbled, feeling my cheeks redden as he threw his shirt over his head.
I didn't dare look at his muscled torso, not after his teasing comment, but I knew it looked good.
"Almost done," he said playfully, as soon after I heard his trousers drop. "You could put my clothes on as well tonight, layer up some."
I nodded and waited for a short moment before I turned my face again, thinking he would have surely shifted by now, but instead found him grinning at me, still very much in his human form.
And very much naked.
He was crouched down, his hands over his knees, barely hiding the area I had done my best at avoiding the past days.
"By the Moons, Jerr," I exclaimed, turning my head again. I couldn't see it, but I just knew – I felt, that my face had gone completely red. All the blood circulating my body was now claimed by my upper half.
"Don't worry, Sari. I covered all the good parts," Jerr laughed. "The best parts even."
"Just shift, you sunburned idiot," I grumbled, my face still turned away from him.
I heard another chuckle, before I heard the soft landing of paws on the damp underground, allowing me to turn my head back and gaze at his light, brown wolf.
His beast side was huge – but it was still Jerr. Even in the darkness of the night, the green of his eyes shone through. And even if the color wouldn't be green, the playfulness dancing around them gave away his identity.
"You really are an idiot," I said.
His wolf cocked his head to the side, mimicking confusion.
"I know you can understand me perfectly."
His wolf subtly winked at me, before his nose nudged at his clothes.
He had conveniently dropped the pile next to me, so I wouldn't have to reach too far to get his clothes.
The warmth that he had left in them still lingered as I put them on, his scent permanently hugging me.
His wolf faintly smelled of him, too. But it was more animalistic in this form, more nuanced by the addition of his fur, or even his wolf's breath, which wasn't the most pleasant undertone of his smell.
I laid my head down on my bag, using it as a pillow, as the brown wolf sat down next to me, a good distance kept between us.
I missed the human side that I could talk to under the stars – but even his presence as a wolf, felt comforting, and safe.
And that safety somehow scared me more than anything else had in the past few days.
It wasn't a feeling I had allowed myself to feel in a long time – safe. Even with Lotta, I always had to look out for a potential pack member near me, who wouldn't have the best intentions. But here, now that it was just us the two of us, that safety came sliding in, slithering its way into my heart.
Not only wasn't I used to this feeling, the mere fact he could have this effect on me, scared me too. More than I dared to admit.
My mind was fighting itself – since fear and safety didn't tend to go hand in hand. It took a while, but it finally decided, that for tonight, I could feel just safe. I needed to, if I wanted to be able to get some sleep.
But even as my mind had given me the permission to ease myself, the cold breeze disagreed and kept sending shivers and shudders down my spine.
I had crawled into a tiny, little ball, reserving as much body heat as I could, but as the cold of the night picked up, so did the trembles of my body. My hands kept rubbing each other, desperately trying to keep warm, as my breath made clouds when they escaped my lips.
Until suddenly – a soft warmth encircled me. I looked to my left, just to see Jerr had placed himself behind me. His nose nudged me upwards, and I was too cold to protest. My body needed the warmth he was offering me. When he had placed himself, I laid back down again, my head and hands disappearing in his brown fur.
His head curled next to my shoulder, his tail covering my feet, until I felt like a caterpillar, safe and warm in its cocoon.
As my body slowly warmed up and I started to fall asleep, I could only feel that one thing. Safe.