The silence is deafening.
It couldn't have been more than but a few seconds since the words slowly dripped from your lips, but the way Rintarou doesn't dare to utter a single word after the fact, sends you into a premature panic. You were convinced it would happen again— he would break things off quicker than they even began. You weren't sure if you could handle that. Surely it would be your breaking point.
"That's what you were afraid to say?" He abruptly asks, a rumble in his chest as he chuckles a bit— though you're certainly unaware of what seems to be so funny.
"I'm sorry, it's insensitive of me to laugh— not that I'm laughing at you or what you've said... it's just, you scared me! I thought you were gonna tell me you were dying or somethin'."
You can't help but crack a smile, maybe out of nervousness or that he seems to be reacting much better than you anticipated.
"Honestly y/n, I'm kinda relieved you said this. Not that I don't love my kids, but I never really thought I'd want to have any... then mei got pregnant and... you know— what I'm saying is, I don't really know if I'd wanna have any more.
Not that I wouldn't have any with you, if you wanted to, but—"
"It's okay Rin." You chuckle. "I get it, and I'm relieved to hear you say that. Most men wouldn't want to be with a woman who can't give them an heir." You sigh, the playful lilt in your tone withering as you recall the words that have always been engrained in your head since you were young.
"Is that really what you think? Damn, your parents really fucked you up— no offense..." he trails off, surely wishing he'd put his foot in his mouth by now. "Just know that even if I did want more kids, it still would've been okay. You really think I'm dumb enough to let you go again? I may be an idiot, but not that much."
"You are an idiot," You smirk, moving in closer to tuck yourself further into his chest, his chin coming to rest at your crown as his arms pull you flush against his tepid skin. "But maybe I am too. There's plenty of things I still need to work on... I think we both do— but I'm hoping to have you by my side as we work through them together."
Together.
He liked the sound of that.
Almost as much as he likes the sound of your laughter when you play with the kids, or the sound of your heartbeat when he holds you tightly, resting his head on your chest just to feel your warmth. He likes the sound of your fervent, shallow breaths as you pant with desire underneath him when he's inside you, and he especially adores the sound of your voice when you say that you love him.
Those were the sounds he would never be able to live without— despite his best efforts to simmer in his own self-depreciation, his heart just wouldn't let him stay away, because those were the sounds that would soon become the glue that he needed to mend it's shattered pieces. It was his turn now, to be the glue to mend your heart; he was going to make damn sure he fulfilled that promise.
Without a semblance of doubt, you were confident that for once in your life, you had made the best choice for yourself. Was is the right choice? Or even the smartest choice? Maybe, or maybe not— only time would tell, but...
It's your choice.
Your life.
Your heart.
That's all you've ever wanted; the freedom to live your life the way you wanted, no longer maintaining a false sense of professionalism or perfection. No longer following blindly behind the lies of your past, shackled to the upbringing that you never truly felt apart of in the first place.
You knew things wouldn't always be rainbows and sunshine from here on out, but truthfully, you didn't mind the rain. It reminded you that life didn't always have to be perfect. It can be messy, loud, even painful... but what's important is that it's yours and no one would ever take that from you again.
Amidst your moment of self reflection, you notice that Rin has no doubt been lulled to sleep by his very favorite lullaby. He appears almost ethereal in the way that the moonlight cascades upon his handsome features, shining on your most favorite parts of him— his pouty lips, his feathery soft eyelashes that dust his chiseled cheekbones, his cute little nose that blushes pink whenever he's embarrassed or flustered... you can hardly believe that someone so perfect exists.
No, Rintarou isn't perfect— but he is perfect for you.
Your Rintarou.
You can't help but smile at that fact, as you carefully peel yourself out of his grasp, not before leaving a soft kiss to the corner of his parted lips— soon slipping out of bed and into some night clothes so that you can make your way through the hall to find the kids' rooms.
Reiki's door appears first, so you carefully crack it open, finding yourself sweetly surprised to see both of the twins cuddled together underneath Reiki's Pokémon blanket.
It wasn't a rare occurrence— you often found that if either one had a nightmare or a tough time sleeping, the other would be there to help them fall back to sleep. It warmed your heart to know that despite their constant torment and bickering, they truly loved one another and always had each other's backs.
It reminded you of your relationship with your sister when the two of you were young. Through your parent's miserable upbringing and teachings, you always had each other to fall back on. Until... you didn't anymore. Your heart skips a beat when you think about your falling out, especially considering how she must have felt when you abruptly left home without much of a goodbye.
You made a mental note to reach out. Even if she hurt you, you had hurt her too— she was just as much a victim as you were, and you wanted to be the big sister that she needed. Maybe with your help, she too could slip away from your father's clutches.
Taking one last long look at your children, you whisper 'I love you', before turning back towards the door to make a silent exit.
"Y/n?"
The tiniest of voices softly whisper, as you turn around to find Reiki's fox-like eyes peeking at you from over his sister's shoulder. He rubs the sleep from his eyes as he quietly sits up, waiting to see what had prompted your visit to his room so late at night.
"I'm sorry, Ki. I didn't mean to wake you. Just wanted to check on you two." You whisper back with a subtle smile, hand still on the door knob as you begin to push it open.
"You broke your promise, ya know." He says, his tone still somber, yet scolding with the degrading tone you've come to expect from him.
You sigh, releasing the handle and making your way over to his side of the bed. The mattress softly creaks underneath your weight, causing Reiko to stir a bit before relinquishing back into her state of slumber.
"I did break my promise, and I'm so terribly sorry that I did. I never wanted to... and I really hope that you can forgive me for it."
He purses his lips, almost as if he had to ponder about it for just a moment, before an adorable little smile shines through his eyes.
"I guess I can forgive you this time, 'cause we didn't pinky swear. That means it doesn't count." He quips, and you can't help but chuckle at his innocence.
"Redo?" He asks, sticking his little finger out, eyes shining with hope as he waits for you to return the gesture.
With a deep breath, you wrap your pinky around his, matching his gaze as you look into his eyes with so much love and sincerity— hardly even realizing that fat globs of salty tears threaten to spill down your cheeks.
"I won't leave you ever again, pinky promise."
With a release of his hand from yours, he wraps his arms your neck, immediately melting you into his touch. Your little boy; your son. Admittedly, that was something you never imagined to be possible. Even if you weren't ready to say it out loud, it's definitely something you felt so deeply within your heart.
This time,
You were going to make damn sure you fulfilled that promise.
That's a wrap for Dejected ! I hope you've enjoyed reading this book as much as I've enjoyed writing it <33
Stay tuned for the final chapter,
the epilogue !
As always, if you have any questions about this story, please feel free to ask and I'll do my best to answer. Be sure to check out my other works, especially the Daddy Issues sequel to see more of the Suna family (it's a crossover !)