A/N: If you hate me by the end of this chapter, I'd totally understand. I'll be sad, but I'll understand.
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Chapter Nine: Jane
October, 2007
It was hot.
It felt as if I was wearing too many clothes and deeply buried under tons of blankets. My forehead felt damp and heavy while pure heat prickled my skin. I felt like I was suffocating. I opened my eyes and my vision blurred for a few seconds as my eyes slowly adjusted to the bright lights. I noticed that I was lying on a bed. The familiar smell of the sheets underneath me indicated that I was back in the condo, in the bedroom that I loathed.
"Good, you're awake." My head snapped at the direction of the voice, causing my neck to twitch in pain. I felt like my body was on fire.
Sebastian, whose voice brought me to my senses, stared at me with irritation. But, there was something else behind his hooded eyes. Was it guilt? Worry? Or was I imagining everything right now?
I wanted to reply but my throat was so dry that it hurt to swallow. Sebastian seemed to sense my problem and quickly walked over to the bed stand and handed me a glass of water.
I gulped it down as if I had never drank water before, and then sighed in relief.
"Thank you," I managed to utter out, testing my sore vocal cords.
Before he was able to say anything, the bedroom door swung open and an older man walked in. He was tall and handsome looking, and an expression of relief crossed his features when his eyes fell upon me. He looked strangely familiar. It took me a couple of minutes to notice the deadly similarities between the two men.
I stared, horrified at the exact replica of Sebastian. The blue eyes, the same face structure, straight nose. Hell, even their hair was almost the same, just different colors.
"We were getting worried about you," he announced while coming closer to me, a warm smile appearing on his face.
Instinctively, I flinched when I felt his hands on me, gently checking over my forehead. He didn't seem to notice, or he maybe did but ignored my reaction. Anyhow, he said nothing at how I'd responded to him.
"What happened?" I asked the man, despite my fear.
"Well, Sebastian told me that you fainted in the car, right?"
I nodded and he continued. "The way Sebastian had described your condition seemed that you have just experienced a panic attack," the man explained, drawing his hand away from my face.
Well, what he told me wasn't a surprise. I often went through worse panic attacks at Varo’s club when I was still a newcomer. I looked away from his kind gaze, confused at the difference between the two men.
"How often?" he asked, interrupting me from my thoughts.
I shrugged, trying to think back of the last time I had a panic attack. "I don't know...maybe four moths ago."
He looked away thoughtfully, glancing at Sebastian, who seemed to be clueless to everything.
"Well, I can't really do much but prescribe you some anxiety pills. Whether or not you want to take them is your choice. The fact that they have disappeared is a good indication that your anxiety is not life threatening," the man continued and I nodded at the newly revealed information.
"I'm Demetrio, by the way. Sebastian's father," he introduced himself, sending me another one of his charming smiles.
I smiled in response. It occurred to me then that it was the first time in months I actually genuinely smiled. "I'm Jane. It's very nice to meet you," I said before inwardly gasping at the name I had given him.
He shot me a confused look, "I thought your name was Adriana. Sebastian mentioned so."
Nervously, I dared not to look at Sebastian. "Adriana is my middle name," I lied, hoping my eyes didn't betray me.
"Jane then," he said, "It's a pleasure meeting you. Hopefully I'll see you again under better circumstances," Demetrio bid me goodbye and walked out the door, glancing at Sebastian at what I thought was anger, before leaving the room.
The second the main door slammed shut, I felt Sebastian's icy glare on me. Ignoring him, I pulled the blanket tighter to my body and proceeded to lie down from my half sitting position.
"Your real name is Jane," he stated from behind me, his voice quiet yet deadly at the same time.
"Yes," I replied in a clipped tone.
"So, Jane, mind telling me what's going on?" he asked, emphasizing my real name.
I sat up, ignoring my throbbing head and glared at him. "Do not call me Jane. My name is Adriana to you," I said coldly.
"I can call you whatever I want, Jane," he replied with a smirk.
"Then don't wait too long when you don't hear an answer," I responded back.
"Don't fucking talk to me like that, bitch. I own you so act like it," he growled, taking a few steps towards to the bed.
I snapped. I couldn't take his attitude any longer.
"Or what? You'll rape me? Beat me?" I laughed humourlessly. "Trust me, I've already went through all of those things." My voice was sarcastic, a pleasant surprise to my own ears. "You can't threaten me. You don't have anything on me. For all I care, You can take me back to Varo." I drawled out defiantly. My boldness continued to shock me, the words coming out of my mouth like spilling water. It felt so good.
"Shut the fuck up, bitch. Or I'm going to make you," he hissed, a dark shadow passing over his features.
"Go ahead, rape me, hit me, kill me. I don't give a damn anymore. But no matter what you'll do, I will never respond to you calling me Jane. Ever."
Without a warning, I felt his heavy weight on me. His eyes glared at me darkly, the rage clear in his eyes. I closed my eyes when I felt his hands on my skin, pulling the blankets from my body. He ripped my shirt off, just like he had done so countless of time, grunting at my every protest.
Pig.
It was easy ignoring him now. I felt better that I had finally let out what I wanted to say. I looked away from him, staring at the half empty glass of water that lay on the bed stand. I studied it, taking notice how it shook as the large bed moved.
He was rougher than he had ever been, probably rougher than the first night he raped me. But I knew why he acted so. I knew that it was the only thing that he could control of with no questions asked. It was his only way of marking me, no matter how animalistic it was.
I dared not to stare, knowing it will satisfy him more if I let him see my pain. I knew all along that it was his goal. I long ago realized that what he was trying to do was shatter me to pieces so he could get over his wounded ego and at my cold rejection toward him.
What he failed to realize though, for the past couple of weeks, as he continuously took me in any shape or form, he had long managed to achieve his goal.
I wondered why I hadn't made him see it, why I had let myself endure the pain mixed with pleasure. Why the back of my head told me that he may have been a different person if I told him the truth about me. But it was over now. He had taken everything.
I was already broken. So broken, I was beyond repair.
Xxx
The sun didn't shine that morning like it always did. The bedroom was dark even though the curtains were completely open. I stared at the walls, not wanting to move. He made me feel dirty again. He had made me repulsive. He had done it all over again and left shortly after, without a word.
I couldn't forget it. I couldn't remove the image of him out of my head; the dark shadow over his face, the expression of pure revenge, the hatred. I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly.
"Stop!" I commanded to myself, "Stop."
I got up, unable to stay in that bed any longer. I grabbed some clothes and headed for the shower like I always did. The hot water soothed me, getting rid of his scent on me and the touch of his fingers that I couldn't seem to forget. It felt good because I was able to remove something, a piece of him from my body. When my head began to spin, I knew that I had to get out. Unwillingly, I stepped out and put on some clothes, my red skin burning against the cotton fabric.
By the time I finished, it was already noon. I made my way to the kitchen and prepared myself some toast and a cup of coffee. Yet as I stared at my plate, my appetite disappeared with last night’s events still fresh in my head.
I was physically better. My body wasn't sore anymore, it got used to his roughness a long time ago. But emotionally, I was a mess. I wondered why I hadn't gone crazy yet, wondered why I was still able to function like a human being. I wondered why I've turned into such a lifeless robot.
I left my plate on the table and walked over to the sofa in the living room. I sat down for a moment and closed my eyes. I could hear the fridge working from the kitchen, the birds chipping from outside the windows, hell, even the sound of the cars zooming by. But the apartment itself was silent; so freakishly silent that I could hear sounds that weren’t even there. Everything was frozen, dead, just like how I felt.
I wanted to leave, I realized. I wanted to pack my little bag and step out of that big, brown door. I wanted to run downstairs and shop till I dropped, just like yesterday. I wanted the sun blazing on my skin. I wanted the wind to blow on my face. I wanted freedom. I wanted to unlock the invisible chains around my wrists that tied me to this place.
But most of all, I wanted to run and never look back.
But as the minutes passed, my mood seemed to darken over the realization of not being able to do any of the things I wanted to. Everything went back to normal, the same frozen state that I was in.
At that exact moment, I knew what I had to do, how to end all of this misery and my uselessness in this world. I glanced at the ticking clock that indicated it was only 3:00PM. I had at least a couple of more hours before I could make my pitiful escape.
I headed to the bathroom and brushed my hair, hard. I moisturized my face, for the first time in months. I put on some nice clothes—the most descent ones I owned—and even put on a little bit makeup. I was about to head to the room and pack my bags when I heard the loud ring of the doorbell, followed by the sound of the door locks.
My breath caught in my throat. "No," I whispered in despair. Why was he back so early? All the work that I put into this, all my effort, was now useless.
Dejectedly, I found myself walking to the living room. I sat silently on the couch and waited for him to make an entrance. Finally the door opened, but he wasn't alone.
A young, tall woman stood behind him, a smile on her strangely pale face. She glanced at me, her smile widening, and grinned at Sebastian who huffed in response. She had long brown hair, deep chocolate eyes and a round, olive skinned face. She was gorgeous.
"Hello," she called out, walking towards me.
"Hi," I responded timidly in confusion.
"I'm Carmen, how about you?"
"Jane," I introduced myself, once again giving my real name. I heard Sebastian hiss next to her but I ignored him and focused my attention to the woman who looked at me like I was some sort of a prize.
"It's really nice to meet you," she said, looking at me from head to toe. I nodded in response and before I knew it, I was being dragged to the bathroom.
"I'm going to make you so beautiful, everyone is going to fall over when they see you," I heard her say behind me, quickly loosening my ponytail.
I stared at her in confusion. What the hell was going on?
"I'll be back at six. Don't have too much fun, Carmen," Sebastian said, leaning against the bathroom door. He seemed to study me as his eyes trailed up and down my body, back to my complexion. I could tell he was curious about my change of appearance but he didn't say anything that would indicate his thoughts.
"Whatever, pretty boy, just go already," Carmen dismissed him with a wave of her hand. Sebastian shot me another long look before finally disappearing from view.
"Can you tell me what's going on?" I asked, right after I heard the sound of the door closing.
"Oh, he didn't tell you?"
"No."
Carmen rolled her eyes and shook her head. "That's Sebastian for you. He never tells you anything and expects you to be all fine with it," she said as she opened a big black bag and pulled out god knows what.
Tell me about it, I thought sarcastically
"There's a charity function tonight, and you're going as Sebastian's date," Carmen informed me, as her gaze left her toolbox and looked down my figure.
Was that why he bought those dresses? For a charity? And why in the world would he want to bring me as his date?
Carmen's voice interrupted me from my thoughts. "Girl, you have absolutely no style. What in the world are you wearing?" she scolded, looking at me with distaste.
I shrugged my shoulders. "It's comfortable,"
And those were my best clothes, I thought to myself. I wondered what she would have thought if she saw the rest of my almost non-existent wardrobe.
"Well, you got to make sacrifices to look beautiful. How old are you anyway?"
"Seventeen."
Carmen's eyes widened as a small laugh escaped his lips. "Well, he sure picks them young," she commented, her eyebrows rising suggestively with interest.
I looked away, not wanting to ruin the good mood and stayed silent, hoping that she wouldn't ask any questions.
Carmen stopped grinning as she caught the le. After a few seconds of silence, she sighed and turned to what she was doing. "Let's make him drop to his knees," was what she said, before leaving me in the bathroom and going to the closet full of clothes.
Xxx
"There, all finished!"
I sighed in relief. Carmen spent exactly two hours getting me ready to some charity function that I knew nothing about. She played with my face, stretched it, painted it, brushed it and hell knows what else.
By the time she was done, I felt like my hair would fall out from pain and my legs give out in these seemingly ten instead of four inch stilettos.
"You have another half an hour before Sebastian comes," She informed me "but I have to go now, I got another appointment," she said, smiling apologetically.
I nodded at her, "It's ok, I'll be fine," I reassured her. "Thank you so much."
She smiled and pulled me into a hug. "You're such a good girl, Jane. I don't know what you're doing hanging around with that gangster."
A few moments later, she left but not without making me promise her that I'll give her a call. She was a really nice woman, kinder than any of the ones I had met in the past couple of months. I didn't understand why she worked for Sebastian if she hated what he did for a living.
Oh, did I forget to mention that?
He was some mafia leader who killed people for no apparent reason, which in my book was another reason out of a hundred to hate him even more. I was whoring around with a gang member - I didn’t know how much lower I could sink.
I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was no doubt beautiful. She had turned me into a perfect doll, a complete opposite of what I had been in the morning. The cover up on my face evened out my skin tone and removed the ugly yellow along with the dark shadows underneath my eyes. The hint of the red blush on my cheeks made me appear more alive and less pale. The purple smokey eye shadow over my eyes and the long liner made me look older but more sophisticated and elegant. I barely recognized myself.
But no matter how pretty I was, or how stunning that dress was on my body, I couldn't stand another second of the life I was currently living. I didn't want to see another second of his face, another touch of his hands on my body.
I wanted to be free, and if the only way I could do it was this, then so be it.
I walked to the kitchen and grabbed some tools. I placed them on the bathroom sink and headed to my room, packing my bags. My heartbeat raced as I walked back to the bathroom. Everything was ready, all I had to do was take that knife and slit it across my wrists. I felt sad that all of Carmen's hard work would be ruined, but I knew that I had to do this. But more than that, I wanted to.
I took a handful of the anti-depressants Demetrio had prescribed me and swallowed them. With shaky hands, I grabbed the sharpest knife and closed my eyes. The only thought that crossed my mind at that moment was my mother's serene face when she died.
Soon, I thought to myself, as my eyes closed painfully, my body falling into unconsciousness.
Xxx
A/N: Didn't see this one coming did you? The reason why I did it was because I felt that it was right. I put myself in her shoes and thought to myself what I would do. I'm sorry if this upsets you.
Comment, vote, fan! Next chapter is in Sebastian's POV. Wish me luck!