Steve was starting to worry. Not about the triplets. At least no more than he normally did. There was always some underlying current of worry that they would get sick or injured, or someone would take them to get to him, or he wasn't meant to be a dad. They were fine though. They were coming up to three months old, growing well, and their development was on track even for babies that weren't so premature.
Yes, they almost never seemed to sleep at the same time. Yes, there were times they would all start crying at once and he would feel stretched so thin that he was sure the tiniest problem would break him. It was all worth it though. When they smiled up at him while making eye contact, he knew he would die for them. When they laughed he knew he would live for them too.
It wasn't them he was worried about. It was you.
You had taken to motherhood naturally - or that's how he'd seen it. The doctors had said to stay aware of postpartum depression. He was sure it wasn't that. You were tired, but you laughed easily. You talked about the things stressing you out. Your eyes lit up anytime the babies smiled or laughed. If you did have postpartum, you were hiding it really well and he just didn't see you as the kind of person who would do that.
What concerned him was, it had been three months since the babies were born and probably seven since you were last able to have sex, and you still showed no interest. Not that he couldn't wait. Steve would wait forever if he had to. He liked sex because it was a connection to you and Bucky but he'd never felt he needed sex. There were lots of other things that gave him that same connection. You and Bucky needed it more. You initiated frequently. You liked to try different things. This complete drop in libido was out of character.
If it was just that though, he'd put it on the exhaustion. Being exhausted made people not want to do anything much except sleep. It wasn't just that though. You'd stop undressing in front of them too. You locked the door when you had a shower. Occasionally either he or Bucky would offer to be on solo baby duty so you could have a bath with the other one and just have some private intimate time together, but you always said no, only really taking the offer it was given as something you could do alone.
He could not work out what was wrong. If it was something going on with you or if you just didn't feel the same about them anymore.
You did want to have sex with Bucky and Steve. You were worked up beyond belief and at this stage sex with anyone at all sounded fun. The problem was, you were caught up in your head. Being pregnant with triplets had changed you physically and you now no longer liked what you saw when you looked in the mirror. You did want to have sex. You wanted it really badly, to the point that you thought if it didn't happen soon you might actually explode.
You just hated how you looked. The massive increase in stretch marks and the way your skin sagged on your stomach. You'd put on weight with the bed rest too, and with the kids demanding all your time, eating right and exercising was almost impossible. You couldn't look in the mirror anymore and if you couldn't look at yourself, you couldn't imagine why anyone else would want to look at you either.
The three of you were all in the living room with the triplets. Kari was out on her day off, so it was one of those slightly more stressful days, but with the three of you home you were handling things fine.
Each baby was now on its tummy under the play gym. They each took turns stretching their heads up for a moment before slumping down and making a frustrated sound. Steve and Bucky had their attention fixed but you noticed that Bucky was poking Steve a lot. Rubbing his butt and leaning over to kiss his neck. The elective chastity was starting to get to him. You could tell.
"Maybe you guys should just start having sex again without me," you said, unwilling to meet their eyes.
Bucky looked over at you his brows knitted. "What? Why?"
"You need it and I feel guilty. I don't know when I'm gonna feel like myself again. It feels like never right now," you answered, shaking your head the smallest amount.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong? I'm starting to worry about you. Do you want to speak to one of the onsite therapists?" Steve asked.
"No. Yes. Maybe," you said. "I don't know. I mean. I can watch. Would that be something? It's not you or sex. I like watching you."
Bucky chuckled and reached over rubbing your arm. "As much as a turn-on that sounds, I'm not sure it's really what you want."
You sighed and went to speak but Sarah started to whine about being stuck on her stomach and you flipped her onto her back. She looked up at the three of you happily and started kicking her legs like crazy and making little squeaking sounds. "Hello, Sarah," Bucky said looking down at her. "Are you excited to be on your back, huh? You like being on your back?"
Sarah squeaked and pulled on his beard, her legs pistoning wildly.
"It's just that," You said turning the other two babies over onto their backs too. "I just..." You paused and took a deep breath. "I can't see how you would even want to look at me right now. I'm disgusting."
"Oh, sweetheart," Steve said, coming around behind you and putting his arms around you. "You are more beautiful and more desirable to us now than you've ever been. We know you better than anyone. We love you. I can assure you, we both wish you'd let us see you naked again."
"You're just saying that because I don't let you see me naked," you protested. "It's not pretty. I can't even look in a mirror anymore."
"Didn't you once say to us it's what's inside that counts?" Bucky teased.
"That was just because Steve said my amazing geode chocolate looked like an ugly rock," you scoffed.
"I bet you taste just as good," Bucky teased.
You dropped your jaw in mock shock. "James Buchanan Barnes! In front of your children!"
Bucky laughed and leaned down blowing a raspberry on Anthony's stomach.
Steve ran his hand down your side and over your stomach. "We love you, sweetheart. If you need time, we'll give you all of it. But if this is you thinking that you're doing this for us. To save us. That is not what you're doing. We want you."
You whined. "I do want to. I'm really exhausted but, I am also really pent up."
Steve ran his fingers down the side of your neck and kissed it slowly, grazing his teeth over your skin. "How about this? Tony and Pepper have been offering to give us a night off. We send them up for a sleepover with Kari on Saturday. We take our time. Have a nap. Take a bath. We can get dressed up and cook together. Then if you're feeling it..."
Your whole body tingled and a shiver ran up your spine. "That sounds good."
"And if you're not feeling it, you can watch me and Steve," Bucky teased.
Saturday came and you spent the morning with the babies. Handing them over to Pepper and Tony had been the hardest thing you'd ever done. You almost chickened out until Tony physically walked you to the elevator telling you they'd call you if they had any problems.
You had started with sleep - the three of you needed it. After that, you had taken the bath. Steve had run it and you went in and met both he and Bucky in the bathroom as they were stripping off their clothes. You looked at them and froze. They were perfect. Steve literally had a body sculpted by science. It would be nearly impossible for a regular man to maintain what he had with no extra effort. His muscles were thick and his skin taut, showing off every one of them in detail. There was not a single flaw on his smooth skin and his dick was large and perfect. Even Bucky with the heavy scarring around where his metal arm was attached, looked perfect. They didn't even look like they had aged since you met them.
Taking your clothes off right now seemed like such a mistake. Even with all the talk about loving you for what was on the inside, you couldn't help but think that it wouldn't translate to any attraction to what was on the outside. Steve straightened up and looked over at you. "Sweetheart," he said softly as he approached you. "If you're not comfortable..."
"Look at you," you said frowning.
"I hope you didn't fall in love with what this is because I assure you, I still feel like the tiny little asthmatic I was before the serum. Only without the breathing problems," Steve said.
Bucky sat down at the edge of the bath and patted his thigh. You walked over and perched yourself on it. He kissed the side of your neck and ran his flesh hand along your side. "When I got my head mostly clear, and Steve and I started... this," he said, gesturing between the two of them. "I had so much going on. Every time he touched me it was like my body was having a weird disconnect. I wasn't used to people touching me in any way except to cause me pain. I wasn't used to Steve touching me like that at all. It was a lot. I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with it, even though I knew I wanted it. Add to that -" he held his hand out and made the metal plates on his hand shift around. "I'm a monster. That's what I thought. I'm a monster. I'm not even totally human anymore. Not just outside either. I am a monster all the way through. How could Steve look at me the way he did, when I wasn't the person he knew? I was an animal trained to kill. But he did. He looked at me just like he did when we were kids."
You had started to cry and you leaned back against him and pressed your face into his neck. "But then I thought to myself, well maybe he's blind. Maybe he can still only see that Bucky. I was okay with that. I love him and if he's blind to my flaws because he knew me before, I can live with that. Then I met you and you looked at me just like he does. Like I'm real and I'm worthy. And sometimes - sometimes I still don't feel it. But when you look at me I almost don't need to feel it."
Steve came and sat down beside you and kissed Bucky before leaning his head on your shoulder. "And, sweetheart, what we are, the thing you're seeing right now. It's the thing that makes us other." His hand ran up under your shirt and he traced his fingers over your stretch marks. "This is what makes you real. We fell in love with a woman that was normal and very human. That's who we want."
You turned your head and kissed him. They both held you as you did and Bucky's lips brushed against your neck. "I love you both so much," you whispered when you pulled away.
"We love you too," they said in unison.
You stood and undressed. Still feeling self-conscious, but as you rid yourself of your clothes they each began kissing your body. Every part they could reach was touched or tasted. By the time you stepped into the water, your skin was tingling and you wanted them both so badly.
Now was not the time though. Now was for relaxing and being together. The three of you washed each other and lay in the warm water letting it soothe you and release the tension you were holding.
After the bath, you went and dressed. It did cause a slight resurgence of anxiety when the dress you'd chosen was much tighter than it used to be. You did your best to squash the feeling. It wasn't enough to make it go away completely, but you changed into a dress that was a looser fit and felt better.
When you went out into the living room both Steve and Bucky were in three-piece suits. Bucky wore black on black while Steve had a deep blue that brought out his eyes. You had that familiar thought whenever you saw them in suits about how they'd look better on the floor.
You had prepared fondue and when you brought it out and started the cheeses melting with the wine Steve shook his head and looked at Bucky. "Really?"
Bucky started laughing, holding his side.
"What? Don't you like fondue, Bucky said..." you said, worried you'd done something wrong.
"Bucky's a little shit. But no, it's fine, really. I've never actually had it," Steve answered, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Well, aside from the chocolate fountain type."
"He used to... think... it was a ... euphemism," Bucky wheezed.
"Well, we can do the other kind of fondue after. For now," You pushed the plate with chopped bread, vegetables, and cured meats closer to him.
After the cheese course, you had a course of meat, seafood, vegetables, and pasta cooked in seasoned broth. Dessert was a swirled dark and white chocolate that you had prepared cheesecake, brownie, pretzels, and fresh fruit to dip in. In the end, Steve really liked fondue. Each dish was completely demolished by the three of you. And you each would take turns feeding your favorite thing to one of the others.
The boys cleaned up and you met them in the bedroom. They made a beeline right for you, flanking you on either side. They kissed your throat as their hands roamed over your body. Bucky unzipped your dress and Steve pushed it onto the floor. They turned on each other and you helped undress them, your clothes just falling to the ground and lying scattered on the ground. Each of you kissed and touched each other, exploring each other's bodies like you were only now rediscovering them.
Bucky led you to the bed and lay back. You straddled his face and leaned down running your tongue up the length of his cock as he ran his tongue up your folds. You sucked on the head as he pulled your clit between his lips and flicked his tongue over it. Each movement you made, he countered sending shivers up your spine and making heat coil in your cunt.
Steve kissed and ran his hands over both of you before positioning himself behind you and slowly easing his cock into your cunt. You moaned loudly around Bucky's cock as Steve's stretched and filled you. You had thought he'd feel different, that having the children would have ruined you. But you felt just as full as you always did. You had missed this. You had needed it without realizing exactly how much.
Steve began to thrust into you as he kissed up your spine and held one hand on your shoulder to brace himself. Bucky held your hips as his tongue flicked between your cunt and Steve's cock, increasing and enhancing the feeling of pleasure coursing through you.
Bucky started to roll his hips with you, gently fucking your mouth as you continued to suck. You moaned and used your hands to tease his balls and between his legs.
A sheen of sweat clung to your skin. Steve ran his tongue up your shoulder before biting it. Your core muscles clenched and you dug your fingers into Bucky's thighs as you came, his cock muffling your cries.
Steve's hand moved down over your head and he began tugging and rolling Bucky's balls as he continued to thrust into you a bit harder and faster than before. Bucky sucked and bit at your clit. Your orgasm barely even passed when another hit. It brought Steve along with it and he snapped his hips forward as his cock emptied inside you. Bucky made a graphic moan as he licked up the fluids that dripped from you.
You sucked hard on his cock, pulling slowly back and then dropping your head back down. He thrust up with a grunt and released in hot ribbons down your throat. You drank them down greedily until his cock had stilled and you let it fall from your mouth.
The three of you slowly moved off each other and curled up together on the bed. "Oh god, I missed that," you hummed.
"Me too." Bucky agreed, hooking his arm around your shoulder and kissing the top of your head.
"Well give me like 10 minutes, and we can probably go again." Steve teased.
You hummed. "I don't know. I'm pretty tired and I think maybe getting the chance to catch up on sleep should be taken," you mused. "So maybe only three more times."