TW : Self harm and depression.
It was the beginning of a new academic year. This year Charlie could finally graduate and get out of that hell hole of a high school, possibly without having to fight creatures from another dimension. Not that he was much excited about the real world either.
After will came home, Charlie visited the Byers nearly everyday. He also checked on the rest of the party. And surprisingly enough he spent a lot of time with Nancy Wheeler. They were sort of becoming best friends not that Charlie would admit it.
Spenting time with Nancy also meant spending time with Steve because the boy was a total suck up. But at least he was trying to be better.
To prove the point, like mentioned Charlie had grown to like Nancy a lot and vice versa.
So one day, at a very vulnerable state, Charlie told Nancy all about Sarah. He sat on Nancy's bed leaning against the head board. She sat opposite him. She held his hands in hers and squeezed reassuringly.
There peace was shattered by someone tapping on the window. It was, of course, Steve Harrington. Charlie fought back an eye roll and wiped his tears. They expected him to be angry and upset like when he saw Nancy and Jonathan. Instead Steve approached Charlie and knelt down.
"Hey are you okay? Why are you.... Did something happen?" His voice was laced with concern.
Charlie was almost shocked by the action. Sure they were on friendlier terms but Charlie didn't think Steve cared enough about his well being.
"I..um..I'm fine. We were just talking."
Charlie got up and went to the restroom. He heard Nancy tell Steve it was personal stuff and she couldn't tell him because it wasn't hers to tell.
Things only got stranger from there. Steve sometimes either through Nancy or directly checked in on Charlie vet often. The three of them had movie nights every Friday. And one of those nights, halfway through the movie, Charlie fell asleep with his head on Steve's shoulder. Nancy didn't seem to notice how Steve tensed at the contact and restrained himself from moving an inch as to not wake the boy leaning on him.
That very night Steve drove Charlie home. There was a comfortable silence in the car. Steve kept glancing at the other boy. Charlie was picking at the blue hair tie on his wrist.
"Do you always wear that? I don't think I have seen you without it."
Charlie looked Steve dead in the eyes for a second. He weighed down the question and answered slowly.
"Yeah...it belonged to my sister."
"You have a sister?" Steve knew Charlie's parents were divorced so maybe his loved wiht their mother.
"Had." Charlie said monotonous. There was no anger in his voice. There was no emotion at all.
Steves glanced his way but Charlie didn't meet his eyes. Soon they were at Charlie's place and he was getting off.
"Hey about earlier... " Steve begun it Charlie cut him off.
"Don't think too much about it. You didn't know and that's fine."
Charlie finally looked at him and smiled. Steve didn't know what to say because Charlie had never smile at him before. And boy ; his smile was beautiful.
"Okay... I will see you later? " Steve tried to play it cool as if his stomach didn't do a backflip when Charlie smiled at him.
"Goodnight Harrington. "
And with another smile he was gone, leaving only a whiff of his cologne behind.
"...goodnight..." Steve muttered to himself.
As time passed, Steve noticed Charlie had another side to him. Not the angry "Talk to me and I will punch you" side. Or the more relaxed and caring side when he was with Nancy, Jonathan or the party.
There was a side to Charlie that was a lot more complicated. Sometimes he would withdraw from everything and everyone. He wouldn't answer the phone calls, show upto school or movie nights. Then one day he would be back like nothing happened. Steve never asked Charlie about it, too worried about his reaction.
About a week before the start of their final year, Charlie began to pull away from everyone again. Hopper tried everything to get him out of bed or just talk to him. But Charlie lied curled up on his bed with a blank drwan over him. At night he lied awake because of his night terrors that went from the beeping of a heart monitor to the growling of a monster. In the day time he slept or pretended to avoid talking to anyone.
This went on for five days. Nancy and Jonathan called back to back. Hopper answered the calls every time to say that Charlie refused to talk to anyone.
On day six Charlie got out of bed. He stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom. He could barely recognize himself. His cheeks were hollowed out. There were dark circles under his eyes and his skin was pale with a tinge of grey.
"Charlie, Sarah is sick."
"I'm sorry there isn't much we can do for her now."
Charlie shut his ears with his hands.
".... I want a divorce.... I can't keep living like this."
"Jim can take Charlie. I don't... I don't want him."
"Your mom doesn't want you and now I'm the one stuck with you!"
"Psycho Hopper."
"... The kid is crazy... "
"El is gone."
"Stop. Please. Stop it." Charlie muttered, tears running down his face. He frantically looked around and found a small piece of glass. In a quick motion he took it and brought it to his wrist. It dug into his skin drawing blood. The wound wasn't deep. He just wanted to distract the pain.
"Charlie... Hey you in there?" His Dad's voice came and Charlie tensed.
He cleared his throat and replied.
"There's someone here to see you. It's the Harrington kid."
Charlie frowned in confusion. Why was Steve out of all people checking on him? Maybe he needed something?
Charlie pulled his sleeves down. He washed his face and collected himself before going out. Steve was sitting on the couch in the living room. He looked visibly uncomfortable with Sheriff Hopper glaring down at him.
"Hey..." Charlie said, his own voice unrecognizable.
"Oh hey... I... " Steve stopped himself glancing at Hopper.
"I didn't know you guys were friends." Hopper said gruffly.
Charlie rolled his eyes and walked towards Steve. He grabbed Steve's forearm and said to his dad
"Really dad?" the glanced at Steve and said
"Come along, let's talk outside."
Steve willingly went along. At the door Charlie let go of his arm.
"What are you doing here Harrington?" he asked his voice devoid of any emotion.
"Well...I... Nancy is worried about you... She said you weren't answering her calls and you didn't show up to movie night." Steve began explaining.
"So she asked you to check on me?"
"No no she didn't ask me." Steve looks away sheepishly and continued
"I was worried about you too. So I thought... Are you okay?"
There it was. The question Charlie was dreading. He never knew how to answer it honestly. Firstly, because he was never okay, far from it. Secondly, most asked for the sake of pleasantries not because they actually cared.
Charlie weighed down trying to figure out if Steve actually wanted an answer and if he did, should he be honest?
"I'm fine. Everything is fine." once again he couldn't bring himself to tell the truth.
Steve looked at him for a long second. Taking in his appearance, the pale skin and dark circles, the messy hair. From there his eyes flicked to Charlie's lips, his hand and long fingers, he could imagine them tangled in his hair.
Steve pushed the thoughts away. One, he was with someone else. Two, he was terrified of actually being with another man. For him popularity and acceptance mattered more than anything else. Nancy Wheeler was the kind of girl everyone expected him to be with.
But still he could help but wonder... What if Charlie and Steve stood a chance? Was it worth throwing away everything else?
"Are you okay Harrington? Because you look like you're a million miles away."
Charlie's question got his attention.
"Yeah yeah.. I'm fine. Just... You want to go for a drive?"
Steve mentally kicked himself. Charlie raised an eyebrow.
"...uh sure. Wait here."
For some reason Charlie couldn't say no to Steve, was indeed very weird. He went inside and out on a jacket. Hopper didn't object because Charlie was finally going out even if it was with Steve Harrington.
They drive in silence for a minute or two until Charlie finally asked.
"Where are we going?"
"Skull rock."
Charlie frowned and Steve immediately defended himself.
"No no not for that, of course."
Charlie chuckled, which made Steve's heart flutter.
"Whatever you say, Harrington."
"Will you ever call me by my first name?"
"You'll have to work really hard for that."
Charlie said it without looking at Steve and thank God he did because Steve was bright red in the face.
When they reached Skull rock Steve was a lot less chatty.
"You're awfully quiet over there."
Charlie said taking a seat on a giant rock.
"Just thinking about this stupid college application essay I have to finish like in couple of days. Nancy said she can help me but... I'm worried."
Steve said sitting down next to him. Charlie glanced at the boy. He glanced at his hair, which Steve claimed was the best part about him. Yes his hair was great but if Charlie had to say he found Steve's jawline and nose very beautiful. Not that he would ever say it, ever. Steve Harrington's ego was already so big, he didn't want to feed it anymore. Also because of what it could mean.
Steve Harrington, the boy who bullied him, the boy he loathed so much, - he couldn't imagine what it would if he actually fancied him. Him and Steve together was a crazy idea anyway. Especially in a town like Hawkins. And he had to think about Nancy.
"I'm sure you'll do fine. Nancy writes great essays."
Steve scoffed.
"And here I thought you believed in me."
"Oh please we've been in the same class from middle school. You're the kid who asked stupid questions in class and got bagel crumps all over the floor. " Charlie retorted. Steve looked at him curiously turned his head to look at him.
"So you have paid attention to me? "
Steve asked in a husky voice. Charlie turned his head too but his counter died in his throat when he realized how close they were. He glanced at Steve's lips and back into his eyes.
"Don't flatter yourself, Steve " Charlie breathed.
"You just said my name." Steve said leaning in. He pressed his lips to Charlie's in shy and tender way. Charlie almost kissed him back, almost.
He abruptly pushed Steve away and got up. Not because he didn't want to kiss Steve, but because of Nancy. Because he knew Steve was someone else's and that someone else was also his best friend.
"Shit! We can't. We can't do this to Nancy."
Charlie said desperately.
Steve blinked a couple of times and cursed himself.
"Charlie...yeah you're right. I'm so sorry." he paused and thought about it for a second.
"But you didn't kiss me back because of Nancy and not because you didn't want to."
Charlie sighed miserably.
"Steve." he said in a breathy voice. Steve wished he would just go back to calling him by his last name. Because his name on Charlie's tongue made him want to do every sin under the sky.
"Just forget this happened okay. I'm going to go." Charlie turned around. Steve immediately caught up to him and got hold of his wrist. Charlie winced. Steve through a concerned glance at his hand and pulled hand away.
"Just let me drive you back, okay?"
Steve insisted. Charlie nodded.
The drive back was in a very uncomfortable silence. Charlie fidgeting with the hairbnad on his wrist and Steve nervously tapping the stirring wheel.
"I'm sorry about earlier." Charlie said when they reached his house.
"It wasn't your fault."
"Still. I'm even more sorry that even if Nancy was not in the picture this world would accept people like us."
Charlie was just as surprised in his honesty as Steve.
"I will see you in school?" Steve carefully asked making sure Charlie wouldn't start ignoring him or worse go back ghosting everyone altogether.
"Yeah sure." Charlie replied. Neither of them looked at each other.
Charlie sighed grabbed the door handle. Steve took his hand, very gently. Charlie's heart was beating at the speed of light. Steve brought his hand to his lips ad kissed his knuckles softly.
"Goodbye, Harrington." Charlie immediately got out and walked into his house without turning back. His heart sinking at the thought of having to watch Steve and Nancy together, knowing that Steve Harrington actually liked him back.
That night he went to sleep, trying to erase every thought about Steve Harrington, his stupid hair and stupid jawline and even more stupid puppy eyes. But all night he could only dream of one person - Steve.
A/N... Oooh next chapter we get to meet a certain blonde. I love drama and angst, especially angst.