Anak
“Kamusta ka, anak? Na-miss mo ba si Nanay?” malamyos ang tinig niya pero…
Ganito siya noon kapag nakainom. Uutuin ako na kunwari mabait siya at nasa katinuan pero kapag nakalapit na ako… walang humpay na bugbog ang aabutin ko. Abot-abot ang tahip ng dibdib ko. Matinding takot ang lumulukob sa akin.
Bumukas-sara ang labi ko, hindi pa rin alam kung paano makahuhuma. Ano ba ang tamang sabihin? Kahit ano? Kailangan may maisagot dahil ayaw ni Nanay na... parang wala siyang kausap.
“Hindi mo ba sasagutin si Nanay? Gusto mo ban–“
Hindi ko na siya hinayaang makatapos. Nagbigay na ako ng sagot. Sagot na gusto niyang marinig. Bawal ang magkamali, kundi ay masasaktan ako.
“A-ayos lang po… ako. Na-miss naman po…” utal-utal na sambit ko sa nanginginig na boses.
Gumuhit ang panunuya sa mukha niya. Ang dulo ng labi ay umangat at natutuwang pumalakpak. Ang babae sa front seat ay 'di pa rin natinag. Nakatanaw pa rin. Binuksan ni Nanay ang pinto ng kotse kalaunan. Kamuntikan akong mawalan ng balanse dahil sa gulat at pagkataranta. Mabuti na lamang at naalalayan ako ni Nurse Rita.
“Ma’am, na-text ko na po si Sir,” bulong niya sa akin.
Pilit kong ikinakalma ang sarili. Kumapit ako sa kamay niya nang mahigpit, sinusuportahan ang sarili. I watched Nanay Helena get out of the car. She came towards me. Sinulyapan ko ang kasamahan niya. Ang babaeng palaging nasa café at nagtatanong daw tungkol sa akin. Sinasabi ko na nga ba na… kamukha niya nga si Nanay. Hindi ako nagkamali.
“That is your sister, Hollis. Halika at ipakilala kita,” anito bago dumampi ang kamay sa balikat ko nang tuluyang makalapit sa akin.
I almost jump because of that. Nanay’s touch will never be a soft one for me. Instead it's quite... perilous. I tried to look inside my heart if there is longing for this woman. The mother who I lived with for about eight years. The mother who cause me trauma’s and phobias. The one who... took me away from my family. Reason why I didn't have the life that any child does deserve.
Dalawang haplos pa ng kamay niya sa balikat ko.
"Your sister Hannah is here," she pointed at the girl.
“Take your hand out of my wife…” a cold domineering voice got our attention, specially mine.
I instantly turn around to look for my husband. There, he is sporting a dangerous aura. Wearing his business attire. Looking like a lion ready to hunt for a prey. Now that he is looking at Nanay Helena, I can see the desire on his eyes. Desire to hurt the woman he’s looking at.
I managed to heave a sigh. Somehow, I calmed myself. My husband is here. He won't let Nanay hurt me.
"Tross," a soft voice left my lips.
No one can hear it because of it's volume. Only Nanay and Rita does. But maybe my husband really knows me. Because even with that tiny voice, he looks at me.
“Come here, wife,” he motioned me to enter the gate.
I was about to obey him when Nanay’s grip on my shoulder tightened. Just like… what she’d done before if I did something that pisses her off. Every memories in my head started bothering me. That made me tremble in fear. The thought crossed my mind.
'Can I free myself from Nanay's hand?'
My body jumped when Nanay's voice filled my ears.
“Ngayon lang kami nagkita ng anak ko. Ipagdadamot mo pa?” matigas ang boses nito.
Nababanaagan ko ng galit ang mga mata niya. Tross’s walked towards me. Sa akin agad nakatama ang mga mata niya. Nagpapahayag ng mensahe iyon. Sinasabing… nandito lang siya. Nang makalapit sa akin, ang parehong kamay ay sa balikat ko agad napunta. Tahasan niyang inalis ang kamay ni Nanay sa balikat ko. Pabalayang bumagsak ang kamay nito.
“Rita, bring my wife inside,” ani Tross at saka hinarap si Nanay Helena.
As if Nanay knows that she has her control over me, she looks at me with a glint of sweetness yet intoxicating anger in her eyes.
“Nanay wants to talk to you, Hollis. Nanay misses you so much. Don’t you, anak?” Malambing ang paraan ng pagkakasabi niya noon subalit nagtatagis naman ang mga ngipin.
"Leave my wife alone!" pinatayan ni Tross ang galit ni Nanay.
Nagpapalitan ang tingin ko sa dalawa. Niyakap ko ang sariling balikat, hinimas-himas iyon na parang ibang tao ang gumagawa sa akin. Ganito ang nakagawian kong gawin noong bata ako at sa tuwinang masasaktan niya. This is my way of comforting myself in a dark cold night outside our house. Only wearing a thin piece of clothes.
Bukas, love na ako ni Nanay. That's what I always believe. Naging mas magaspang ang paghimas ko sa balikat ko. Rita stopped me. As much I want to look at her, I can't leave Nanay Helena's scorching eyes.
“Miss na miss na ako ng anak ko. Anong masama kung dalawin ko siya? Pagkatapos ng maraming taon.” Biglang nag-iba ang tono ng boses niya nang bumaling sa asawa ko.
Hindi ko namalayan na habang nakatingin rito, pigil-pigil ko na ang hininga ko. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko. But then I collect myself. I shouldn't be weak in front of my husband. Only for Tross. I need to act strong. I won't worry him.
“Helena…” a thunderous voice called her.
Sa gate, naroon ang mga De Guia. The three men look so murderous. All their eyes are fix on our visitor. If looks could kill, Nanay would be probably lying on the floor. Lifeless. Tita Selena rushed towards me. Her hand found mine. She pulled me on her back, protecting me like how a mother would protect her child from any harm.
“What do you need now, Helena?” Crisosmo asked. He’s now beside Tross. Both of them are fiercely ready for anything that Nanay Helena would do.
Nanay scoffed and laughed like a mad woman. The look of amusement and sarcasms is written in her eyes. A smirk plastered on her lips after she bark with laughter.
“I know how you treated my daughter, Criso–“
“Wala kang anak dito, Helena! Batang kinidnap, oo!” puno ng galit ang boses ni Crisosmo nang putulin ang pagsasalita ni Nanay.
“You begged me not to put you behind bars. Binigyan kita ng kondisyon…”
Crisosmo took a step forward and Nanay step back. Kind of afraid of what Crisosmo would do to her. I want to stop them so bad. Black spots filling my sight. I shook my head to clear my head.
"You really don't know how to stop. You gave your words—"
“That was before your son wiped all my properties! You ruined everything!” Her voice broke as he cut Crisosmo.
Namumula ang mga mata niya, puno na ng galit iyon na pilit niyang itinatago kanina. Galing sa pagtatago mula sa likod ni Tita Selena ay nagpakita ako. Tita doesn’t want me to but I am so eager to know the truth.
“K-kaya ho ba narito kayo?” maliit ang boses na tanong ko.
Lumipad sa akin ang tingin nitong nagbabaga sa pagkamuhi. Gumuhit ang ngisi sa labi niya. Tumulo ang luha sa kaliwang mata. Bahagyang gumagalaw ang pisngi sa galit at ang ilong ay namumula.
“Give me back my properties at magpapakalayo-layo ako. Hindi na manggugulo,” mariing sambit niya sa kabila ng panginginig ng boses.
She said those words directly to me. Saying that I am the only one can make it and I... should really make it happen.
Binasa ko ang labi ko at handa na sanang tumango but Crosson’s voice stops me.
“I won’t do that. You don’t have the rights to give us conditions, Helena. You kidnapped a child, raised her in an abusive home, and dropped her off when you found another victim.”
My brother's voice is poisonous. He went to the other side of Helena. The three of them are like monsters watching over their prey.
Hindi natinag si Nanay sa mga iyon. She tried to come near me but Crisosmo blocked her way. Tross arm scooped my waist.
“Whatever your problem is, my wife is out of the picture. I won’t think twice, Ma’am. I’ll drag you myself in jail if you bother my wife once more.”
He looks at me and painted a small smile on his lips.
"Let's get inside. You need to take your vitamin," he mumbled, ignoring what's happening in front of us.
I was about to disagree but Tross doesn't look like he'll hear my plead right now. Inakay niya ako patalikod, wala ng pakealam sa mga naroon. Gayunpaman, nagawa ko pang umiling dahil sa naalala. I know Nanay Helena better than anyone here. Alam kong hindi siya titigil hangga’t hindi niya nakukuha ang gusto.
Bakit hindi na lang ibigay? If Crosson really did her dirty, I can asked him to bring Nanay's property. Maybe she'll disturb us no more.
Crowell approach us. I look at him, almost begging for him to side with me. He looked away.
“Kami na ang bahala. Ipasok mo na si Hollis,” ani Crowell.
I found Carden's eyes. Ang mata naman nito ay nagsusumamo sa akin na makinig. Si Tross naman, determinado pa rin sa balak kung kaya naman wala akong nagawa kundi ang sumunod. Nurse Rita followed us. May tatlong metro yata ang layo namin sa gate dahil na rin naglalakad ako kanina. Doon na nga lang ako nahinto dahil sa biglaang pagpapakita ni Nanay Helena.
“Careful,” Tross murmured.
We’re five steps away from the gate when I heard the car horns. As I tried to look at that, I heard another noises. Fearing voices followed. I can no longer focus on that when I witnessed how the car hit my body with strong force. The bumper of the car hit my stomach. I gasp in horror. My body fell on the concrete floor.
The car move away from me. I heard my name being called several times. A strong arm caught my head and made me lean on his chest. My eyes started to flutter.
“Wife, don’t close your eyes,” a stuttering voice hushed.
“Ang anak ko… bunso ko…”
“Fucking chase them!”
Nagkakagulo sila. Natataranta.
“The car… Crowell! Sasakyan!”
I want to squirm because of stomach pain. Pain is all over my body. Bumibigat pa lalo ang pakiramdam ko. Gustong-gusto kong sumigaw pero nanghihina ang katawan ko. Parang tinatakasan ng lakas. Ng buhay.
“Hold on, wife. We’ll bring you to the hospital,” my husband said even with shortness of breath.
He's panicking. He's not the type of person to panic but here he is, panicking. I'm in danger. He's like this because I'm in extreme danger!
Naramdaman ko ang pag-angat ng katawan ko at pag-alog noon, para akong itinatakbo. I wanted to speak. To tell them that I will be okay. That they shouldn’t worry. But am I really fine?
No! I know I’m not when I felt the hot fluid flowing on my legs. Wetting my short. Hot fluids that might indicate something I don’t want to hear. I don't want to know. I don't want to happen!
“Drive faster, Crowell!”
I can still identify which voices I hear. Tita Selena is sobbing. I don’t know if she is doing something to me or what! Hindi ko na rin maramdaman ang haplos ng asawa ko at tanging mararahas na paghinga na lamang. That is when I realized my body is starting to get numb.
My baby… please, not my baby…
I am not aware of how much time does it takes until they brought me to the hospital. All I know is that I lost my consciousness. and when my senses came back, it feels like I've been sleeping for a long time.
I cannot open my eyes. It feels heavy. My body is still numb and I can’t feel any limbs of it. I cannot open my eyes no matter how much I tried. Like it has no life. My chest… it feels strange. The beat of my heart. Why it doesn’t have the same rhythm? Like it wasn’t mine.
I tried to think. They said that the brain is the master of your body. The controller. I did my best to collect myself in order to understand a thing. Voices... There are terrifying… mourning voices. My hearing started to adjust. The noises became clearer. I started to understand words… and it made me think of… I wish I didn’t.
“K-kailan pa gigising anak ko, Doc? B-bakit po ang tagal?”
"Selena, you should calm down. The doctor said she's fine." It was a voice faking calmness. It shattered after the first five words.
"But it's been a month! A month, Cris! She's still not opening her eyes. I'm starting to doubt..." another voice explode.
I am so sure, that is my biological mother’s sorrowful voice. Followed by empty hushes.
“We need to wait, Mrs. De Guia. The operation is successful. Although, we need to expect the worst. Kahit pa sumailalim na siya sa heart transplant, hindi pa rin pwede sa kaniya ang mabibigat na emosyon. Sadly, no anesthesia can remove the pain of a mother who lost her child. Complications will be faced once she gains consciousness. we'll force her to calm down if we need to.”
"What if she can't accept it?" a low voice asked.
Crosson...
A deep sigh followed.
"She has no choice, Sir. The only thing you can do is to stay by her side. Her mental and emotional health are at risk."
I wanted to huff. I... have no choice? A mother who lost her child? Who? Me?
My mind went blank. My mind seriously can’t process anything. Parang tumatalikod ang isip ko sa narinig. Parang ayaw nitong maniwala. Gustong lumabas sa kabilang tenga ang mga salitang iyon. But little by little, my mind still accepted it. My whole world clashed. The numbness of my body earlier gradually disappeared.
Ang mabigat kong mga mata, nagkaroon ng sariling buhay. Kusang nagmulat. Ang didbib ko… ang bawat tibok noon ay nagdadala ng sakit sa ritmo na halos hindi ko na makilala. My eyes are like a faucet when my tears flowed.
I stared at the white ceiling. It looks pure, clean and empty. A picture of an innocent child was painted by my own mind using the blood of my heart. It is black and white. It slowly disappeared. Like a broken pieces of glass. A painful sobs left my lips.
I heard footsteps coming to where I was. I was surrounded by different faces with the same expressions. Pity, worries, agony. I immediately looked at my husband’s face. Tears escaped his eyes. He bent down and rested his forehead on mine.
“I’m sorry…” his whisper broke me once more.
“Anak ko… nandito si Mommy…” it is a pleading voice. Clear loud sobs.
I didn’t realized that I am doing the same thing. Howling in tears. Drowning in agony but never asking for help.
I cried and cried until darkness swallowed me.
I was awakened by voice. A tiny voice. I opened my eyes and unconsciously get up of the bed. Hindi ko na alintana ang ginagawa. Ang alam ko lang, nais kong sundan ang maliit na boses na iyon. Tinatawag ako. Nilalaro.
Tinahak ko ang landas palabas. I don't know the exact time but there are only few nurses in the hospital corridor. I didn't bother greeting them. I am only here to follow the voice.
There's a giggle. A faint one.
"Mommy..." as what I heard.
My eyes got wider. I look side by side, hoping that I'll find the baby. My baby.
"Misis? Hindi po kayo dapat naggagala ng ganitong oras. Bawal pa ho kayong umalis," paninita sa akin ng isang binata.
Umiling ako. Sinenyasan siyang huwag maingay dahil natatabunan ng boses niya ang boses ng anak ko.
"Misis, sasamahan ho namin kayo pabalik sa silid po—"
"Shhhh! Saving huwag maingay. Hindi ko na marinig ang anak ko," iritado kong sita sa kaniya.
Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata niya at nilingon pa ang ibang nurse na naroon. Kaniya-kaniyang bulong ang mga ito.
"Misis, si baby niyo po kasi naroon po sa silid ninyo. T-tara po..." hindi sigurado ang boses ng binata.
"Hindi ba siya iyong namatayan ng anak?" dinig kong sabi ng isang nurse.
"Si Mrs. Del Rico iyan. Her son died after a week of being born. Neonatal death."
"Iyong inoperahan sa puso ni Doctor Suarez?"
Pinanood kong nagtanguan sila. Lumukob ang init, sakit at galit sa dibdib ko. Binunggo ko ang balikat ng lalaking nurse at nagtungo sa mga nagkukumpulan sa likod niya. Galit na galit ko silang tinignan.
"I'm not the one you're talking about! Buhay ang anak ko! I just heard him called me!"
I even pointed my pointer finger at one of them. Mukhang nagulat ang isa roon kaya napailing-iling. I went ballistic after that.
"Why are you saying that he's dead? He isn't! He called me! My baby called me!" I shouted angrily.
Hospital people got alarmed. What happened next is my husband calling my name non-stop. My family also came hurriedly and tries to calm me down.
The nurses pinned me down the bed after Tross's put me there. They all joined team to stop me from wiggling and hurting them. Iyak lang ako nang iyak. Galit na galit.
“Mrs. Del Rico, please calm down,” the Doctor advice me, which my mind cannot comprehend.
Nurses are injecting something in me. There are too many hands holding me. Controlling me.
“This will calm her down,” I heard them informed my family.
I don't know what's happening anymore. My body is answering to the liquid they injected in me. I am losing my energy. My life.
“Mr. Del Rico, I think you should leave the room, first. You also need to calm down, Sir…”
I watched how they guided Tross outside. He's also arguing with the nurses and doctors. He has lost his patience. He’s lost just like how I am. He’s broken, too.
My eyes scanned the room. Delicante brothers are here, so as De Guia’s. Crisosmo and Tita Selena. They all went to my side as the nurses left. Tita Selena held my hand. I looked down. Crisosmo’s hands found my other one. I cried while looking at those. With my dying voice, I plead.
“Ma… Pa… ang anak ko…”
Basag na basag ang boses ko. Namamaos pa iyon. Umangat ang tingin kong unti-unting nanlalabo.
“B-baby ko…” my last whisper as I lost my consciousness once again.
I am laying down on the bed. Almost lifeless.
—
Good evening!😊