As Spencer began to wake up, she rolled over, wanting to be near her husband, only for his side of the bed to be cold and empty. "Jay?" Spencer whined as she rolled onto her back, yawning. "Jay?" She called out, propping herself up on a pillow.
Spencer started to internally panic. Especially after what had happened the previous day she didn't like waking up without Jay. Her mind instantly went back to when he got kidnapped and shot.
When the bedroom door opened and Jay walked in, a huge wave of relief washed over her. "Hey." Jay whispered, going over to the bed. "I tried to let you sleep." He explained, sitting on the side of the bed and she silently nodded. Spencer reached out and held onto jays hand, needing to feel he was really there. "When do we fly out?" She lowly asked, looking down.
"Our flights at 4, chicago time. Its 11 now." Jay answered her, tucking hair behind her ear. "I really don't wanna go back there. I can't see him again. Oh my god- or go back into our apartment." Spencer started spiralling and Jay out put his hands on her face. "Hey, slow down. I promise you I will be right there through it all. Lean on me, I'm not going anywhere." Jay smiled softly, kissing her forehead.
Spencer pulled Jay into a hug , resting her head on his shoulder when he whispered in her ear "I made you waffles and coffee" Her face lit up and she smiled. "I love you."
"I love you too."
———
After managing to get out of bed, Spencer walked down the stairs, hand in hand with Jay. She sat at the island and stared at the plate in front of her, not wanting to touch it. "Please eat something." Jay sighed, handing her a coffee.
"I need to go check on Alex." Spencer mumbled, taking a mouthful of her coffee. "No, what you need to do is eat. I'm not going anywhere till you eat something." Jay insisted, pulling a stool out and sitting down. Spencer obliged and cut into the waffle, taking a bite. Jay stayed there until he was satisfied with the amount of food she'd eaten.
"Thank you." Spencer smiled, pushing the empty plate away from herself. "We should probably start packing." Spencer suggested as she stood up, bunching her sleeves around her hands. "Come here." Jay whispered, pulling her into a hug. Spencer's eyes welled with tears and she tried to hold herself together. He knew she wasn't okay.
———
Spencer sat on the couch with Alexander on her lap, spending some time with him before they'd to go. Jay was in the kitchen explaining to Becca that Lottie would be minding the kids instead of them for the next couple of days.
"Mama." Alexander blabbered, grabbing onto the strings on her- jays hoodie. Spencer smiled at him, kissing his forehead. "Spencer, time to go." Jay said, walking over and lifting Alex up. "You be a good boy now for your auntie and Becca." Jay teased, smiling at his son before handing him to Becca.
"You ready?" Jay asked Spencer as she stood up and she shrugged: "I guess so."
"Safe flight guys." Becca smiled, waving as Jay dragged the two suitcases out of the front door.
Spencer was silent the whole way to the airport, an empty look on her face as she stared out the passenger seat window. Every now and then Jay would comfortingly reach over and touch her leg, just to reel her back in.
She never spoke any words and her face was quiet, but it didn't take a psychologist to see the pain in her eyes. Her head was spinning a million miles an hour. She'd no idea how she was going to be able to do this. Even with Jay by her side.
"We're here." Jay said as he parked the truck in the car park outside O'Hare airport. Spencer turned her head around, snapping back to reality. She silently nodded, opening her seatbelt and getting out of the truck.
"It's okay, I can take one." Spencer smiled, seeing Jay trying to manage both suitcases. Jay gave her one of the suitcases and she held his free hand in hers, holding his hand tightly as they walked into the bustling airport.
———
They were in the segregated security clearance area considering they had weapons with them. They didn't feel good about leaving the guns at home with the kids for fear the safe would end up open.
"Walk through." The TSA lady said, gesturing for Spencer to walk through the scanner, she walked through with no issue and then stood aside while Jay walked through. It beeped and Spencer sighed, impatiently tapping her foot.
"Step aside please. Arms out, legs apart." The woman demanded, looking to Jay. "Do you have anything metal on you?" The woman asked Jay who shook his head, gesturing to his belt, boots, watch and badge and gun which were in the tray that had gotten scanned.
"So, where are you headed?" The lady asked Jay, in a different tone. "Uh.. New York." Jay replied briefly as she started patting him down, starting at his ankles.
"Oh yeah? How come? Pleasure, business?" She asked as she worked her way up his legs. "Work." He replied, lying because it doesn't really go down well with people to answer by saying "no I'm going to take my wife's ex fiancé off life support. "
"Okay, you're all good." The woman concluded as she patted jays torso. Which in Spencers opinion was unnecessary. "We're cops, do they think we're smuggling H or something?" Spencer scoffed as jay walked up beside her.
"Sense of humours intact I see." Jay chuckled and she rolled her eyes. He draped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her close to his side and kissing the top of her head.
———
Trying to pass some time, Spencer and Jay decided to crash in a coffee shop. "I think I'm gonna get a coffee, want one?" Jay offered, putting his hand on the back of Spencer's neck as he stood up.
"Yeah, whatever you're having." Spencer replied and Jay nodded, grabbing his wallet. Watching him go up and join the queue, Spencer pulled her hands inside the sleeve of his hoodie, sinking into it.
"Anything else?" The barista asked Jay as he ordered the coffees. "No, thank you." He smiled, taking some cash out of his wallet. "That'll be $7.42." The barista smiled and Jay handed her the money.
He stood aside as he waited for the coffee, mindlessly staring into space. "Hey there." Jay turned his head at the sound of a female voice. "Hi." He replied to the young looking woman. She was probably about 25. "So, what's your name?" She smiled and Jay frowned.
"Jay." He sighed in a bored tone. "Jay, I like that. I'm Chelsea." She grinned and Jay nodded. "Cool." He mumbled, putting the change in his pocket. "Where you headed?" Chelsea flirted, touching Jays arm and trailing her hand up his bicep.
And that's where he drew the line.
Jay ignored her question, eyeing her hand going up his arm, trying to see if his wife was witnessing this. Which, she was. Spencer leaned back in her chair, frowning from the distance as she watched some blonde girl feeling up her husband. But she was too exhausted to even move.
"Coffee for two, hm..?" The blonde chirped, twirling hair around her finger. "Yeah." Jay nodded as the barista slid the two coffees toward him. "I'll have the other one." Chelsea winked and Jay smiled, picking it up. "Sure."
Just as she went to take it off him, Jay dropped the coffee and the lid popped off, sending coffee splashing up all over her, her shoes, and her white jeans.
"What the hell is wrong with you!" She cursed out, looking down. "My bad, I thought you had it." Jay shrugged, picking up the other coffee. "My shoes!" Chelsea shrieked as if her family was just murdered.
"What a shame." The sarcasm dripped off jays tongue as he ran a hand over his hair, making his wedding ring visible to her. "Next time don't flirt with a married man." He muttered under his breath, walking back to the table Spencer was at.
"What was that all about?" Spencer perked her head up and Jay just shrugged. "Nothing." He smiled, placing the coffee in front of her as he kissed her head, his hand on the back of her chair.
Seeing the man kiss a woman with an identical ring, Chelsea scoffed "ugh!" Then stormed away, coffee dripping down herself.
"Hey." Jay whispered, turning to Spencer and taking her hand in his. "I love you more than anything and I know you're gonna get through this. I promise." Jay kissed her hand.
Spencer smiled weakly as she picked up the coffee. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. She wanted this to be over and it hadn't even started yet.
———
On the plane, Spencer gazed out the window with earphones in, trying to disconnect from her reality. Getting tired, she leaned her head over, resting it on Jay's shoulder. Responding, Jay kissed the top of her head, holding her hand.
Hearing the Ping of the intercom, Spencer pulled her earphones out to listen. "This is your pilot speaking, we will be approaching JFK airport in an estimated 20 minutes. I hope this flight has been satisfactory for you all. Thank you for flying Delta Airlines."
No. No. No.
They were nearly there.
"I uh.. I have to go to the bathroom." Spencer said as she stood up, putting her hand on the chair. "Okay." Jay nodded, moving his legs to let her climb out of the aisle.
She rushed down to the back of the plane, pushing open the bathroom door and locking it. She turned to the sink, looking at herself in the mirror and the dark circles under her eyes.
"Pull it together, Halstead." She encouraged herself, splashing cold water on her face. "He can't hurt you. Get over yourself." She scoffed, leaning on the sink.
"He can't hurt you. He can't hurt you." She whispered under her breath, pressing her back against the door and taking deep breaths.
She jolted upright at a knock at the door. "Hello, the planes about to start descending so you need to return to your seat." The flight attendant said as Spencer unlocked the door. "Okay." She mumbled, nodding before walking back up the isle.
"Hey, you okay?" Jay asked as Spencer climbed back over him, into the row. She nodded silently, leaning her head against the seat and shutting her eyes.
Jay gently placed his hand on her thigh, giving it a soft squeeze. As soon as he touched her, Spencer tensed up, instinctively pulling away from him. Jay frowned, sending her a concerned look.
"Sorry- I uh- I'm just really on edge." Spencer apologised, putting her hand on top of his, relaxing slightly. "It's okay." Jay smiled softly, flipping his hand around and interlocking it with hers.
"You've got this." Jay whispered encouragingly, squeezing her hand.
———
Maybe it was just Spencer's paranoia but as they walked toward the baggage collection area, she could swear people were staring at her and Jay, knowing looks on their faces.
"Ow." Jay whispered when Spencer started squeezing his hand too hard. "Sorry." She whispered, loosening her grip on his hand. "What are you looking at?" Jay asked her. "More like what are they looking at?" She replied, looking around. "I don't follow." Jay told her.
"The people. They're staring at us." She said and Jay frowned. "I doubt it. I think you're just worked up." Jay comforted her, kissing her head as they waited on their suitcases.
"Maybe.." Spencer sighed, putting her hands in the pockets of jays hoodie she was wearing as he waited for their lighted to roll around on the conveyer belt.
But something didn't seem right. People were definitely pointing and staring at her.
———
"How do you feel?" Jay asked as him and Spencer walked through the arrivals gate. "I wanna go home." Spencer whimpered, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I know." Jay sighed, wrapping his arm around her as he used his other hand to pull a suitcase.
"There she is." Spencer whispered, gesturing to the enthusiastic blonde holding a sign with the words "Mr & Mrs Halstead." Props to Rachel for trying to make light of the situation.
"Here, I'll take that." Jay said, taking Spencer's luggage off her as they approached the blonde. "Hi honey." Rachel smiled softly, pulling her best friend into a long awaited hug. "I missed you, so much." Spencer whispered as she wrapped her arms around rachel.
"I can't believe I haven't seen you guys since you got married." Rachel stated in disbelief, pulling away from Spencer and hugging Jay too. "I know, it's been way too long. You need to come visit sometime, meet your godson." Jay said to Rachel who's smile nearly reached her ears.
"Oh my god. I still can't get over that. You guys have two kids now. Shit- you had a baby." Rachel chuckled in disbelief and the couple nodded. "It still seems like yesterday-" "do not finish that sentence. Spencer warned her best friend who, fearing for her life, ended the sentence there and then. "Never mind.." Rachel cautioned.
"Come on, we'll catch up in the car, it's a long enough drive." Rachel said which was true, JFK airport was literally in the middle of nowhere.
———
"Glad to see you guys haven't gotten divorced yet." rachel joked as she drove, Spencer and Jay in the back. "Glad to see your humour hasn't changed." Jay sassed back, gently rubbing his hand up and down Spencer's thigh.
"Is she okay?" Rachel asked, gesturing to the passed our brunette holding jays hand. Even in her sleep Spencer didn't dare to let go of him.
"She will be eventually. This is just taking a lot out of her. She's mentally exhausted." Jay sighed, sending his sleeping wife a worried glance.
"She's strong." Rachel stated and Jay nodded. "Don't I know it. I'm the one who married her." He chuckled, Rachel smiling at him through the mirror reflection.
"But man- she's been through enough." Jay sighed, hanging his head low. "She deserves so much more."
"That's why she has you." Rachel told him honestly and he smiled at her. "More than that." Jay added and she frowned. "More than you?" Rachel asked him and Jay slowly nodded.
"I mean.. don't get me wrong, I love Spencer with everything I have. But sometimes I just.. sometimes I feel like I'm not enough for her, that she deserves even more." Jay confessed, looking to his sleeping wife.
"Jay, being totally honest.. I don't think Spencer would still be here if she didn't have you. Without having you, I really do think that we would've lost Spencer a long time ago. And I'm not just saying that, I mean it. This city nearly killed her. You saved her." Rachel told him, the two of them bonding over the fear of losing Spencer.
"The first time I saw Spencer after she left, when Peter escaped and she came back, even though so much was going on with Peter, the smile on her face while she spoke about you was the first real smile I think I've ever seen on her face." Rachel added and Jay started tearing up, Rachel too.
"I don't know what I'd do if I lost Spencer." Rachel sighed and Jay nodded. "I'd lose my mind." He replied and she stayed silent for a moment before saying; "I guess what I'm trying to say is.. thank you. Thank you, Jay, for saving my best friend." Rachel confessed and Jay smiled softly, looking at her reflection in the rear view mirror.
"I'd do anything for her." Jay added as he glanced to Spencer. "I don't doubt it." Rachel smiled at him, wiping her teary eyes.
"How are you doing?" Jay asked Rachel, trying to make conversation after the deep topic. "Eh, as good as I can while being 17 weeks pregnant and trying to manage twins and a full time job." She shrugged and jay chuckled. "Understandable."
But what neither of them knew, is that Spencer wasn't really asleep. It was almost impossible for her to sleep with what was going on. So she heard everything. And it broke her heart. The thought of Jay feeling like he wasn't enough for her was like a stab wound to the gut.
He was more than enough for her.
Jay was everything to her.
———
Back at the house which the three girls used to occupy, which was now just lived in my Rachel, Grayson and their twins, they gave the couple the guest bedroom which used to be Spencers room.
Jay walked out of the bathroom, Spencer was leaning against the dresser. "Can we uh.. can we talk for a minute?" Spencer asked lowly, looking down.
"Yeah, of course. About what?" Jay asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Us."
The one word Spencer uttered made jays blood run cold. "Oh.. uh.. okay." Jay nervously replied as she turned around and walked over to him. "I love you, so much. And I'm sorry if I've ever done anything to make you feel like you're not good enough for me. Because that's not true at all. I don't deserve you." Spencer said and Jay sighed, glad they weren't about to fight over anything.
"You heard all of that?" Jay asked, looking up at her as she stood between his legs. "I did. And Rachel's right. Without you, I.. I wouldn't still be here." Spencer admitted and Jay tried to blink back a couple tears. Spencer climbed onto jays lap, wrapped her legs around his waist. She put one hand on his chest and the other on the side of his face.
"I promise you, you are everything and more to me. You're the most important person in my life, including our kids, but, you know, you were here first." Spencer shrugged and Jay sent her a smile.
"No matter what ever happens between us, I will always stand by what I said in my vows the day we got married. I meant every word I said. Every time I've told you I love you, I've meant it." Spencer explained to him, the scruff on his face feeling rough on the palm of her hand.
"I don't want you to ever feel like you're not good enough for me. I can't apologise enough if I've done something to make you feel like that." Spencer apologised and Jay shook her head, turning his head slightly to kiss the side of her hand.
"Don't apologise. You've never done anything to make me feel like you don't want me or anything of the sort." Jay answered her and she sighed out of relief.
"Then what's going on?" She asked him and he shrugged. "I don't know.. I just.. nothing." Jay shook his head and she frowned.
"No, Jay, stop it. Don't shut me out like that. Just because I'm going through something doesn't mean you can't confide in me. I'm still your wife..." Spencer sternly said and Jay swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Sometimes I just feel like I could be doing more for you?" Jay shrugged and looked away. "You're doing more than enough for me. You've been with me through so much. And I'm so, so grateful for that." Spencer whispered, turning his head back to hers.
"You just.. you don't deserve any of this shit. It kills me that I just can't- that I can't take it away." Jay told her and she smiled softly. "Babe, you have no idea how much you take away. You just being with me makes everything hurt a little less. Just knowing I have you through all of it." Spencer said honestly and Jay nodded.
She was starting to tear up herself and Jay chuckled, "sorry." He mumbled as she wiped his few rogue tears with her thumbs. "You've nothing to be sorry for. I want you to know whenever you feel like this, you can tell me. Jay, you could tell me anything, I mean anything, and nothing would make me love you any less." Spencer promised, pressing a kiss against his lips.
"I love you so much." Jay whispered, pulling her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her back. "I love you too. More than anything." Spencer kissed the side of his head, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck and pulling her legs tighter around his waist. A few single tears fell from her eyes, dampening Jay's sweater.
———
When Jay and Spencer went downstairs for dinner, Rachel was whispering with Lana who had come over. Grayson was occupying the twins on the other side of the room.
"What's going on?" Spencer crooked as her and Jay reached the bottom of the stairs. When the whispering died down and Grayson immediately took the twins out of the room, a cold tension filled the room.
"What is it?" Jay frowned. As soon as the girls turned to him, Jay knew something was wrong. "Whatever it is, just tell us." Jay persisted as Spencer stood silently by his side.
"It might be easier to show you.." Lana said and Spencer nodded, taking a few steps forward. The two girls took a few steps away, allowing the couple to approach the coffee table.
Spencer's eyes darted across all the pieces of paper on the table; printed out articles. Only all of the articles were about her and.. Peter. Spencer's eyes widened and her breathing started getting quicker. She scanned over the pages, picking out random words her eyes saw. Miscarriage. Fiancé. Assault.
"What?" Spencer breathed out, her hands going shaky. "I don't.. how?" She frowned, her eyes glossing over.
"There was a leak at the district." Lana said and Jay scoffed. "We're gonna need a bit more of an explanation."
"Jay." Spencer whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat. "There was a security breach. Sealed confidential documents were released to the public. We've managed to take down all the original leaks.. but, articles were up in minutes." Rachel explained to him and Jay rolled his eyes.
"So you got hacked? And the worst night of Spencer's life got released to anyone who wants to know." Jay clarified and the two girls nodded. "Fix it." He mouthed to them, noticing Spencer still staring at the articles in shock.
"That's why the people in the airport were staring at me. They saw this." She whispered, her photo being on all of the articles.
"Everybody knows." She started hyperventilating, picking up one of the articles which had all of the photos of her after the assault. "It's okay. It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything." Jay reassured her, putting his hand on her back.
"It changes everything. People know what happened to me." Spencer's lip upturned and a few tears built in her eyes. "No, people know why Peter is a horrible person." Jay corrected and she turned to him, tears in her eyes.
Jay pulled his arms around her and she buried her head into his chest, hiding her tears from her friends. "It's gonna be okay." Jay whispered, kissing the top of her head.
———
Spencer tossed and turned all night, not being able to sleep. Spencer rolled over, facing jays bare back. She gently nudged his back a few times, chewing on her bottom lip.
"Jay. Psst. Jay." Spencer whispered to him, putting a hand on his arm. "What?" Jay groaned, rolling onto his back and running a hand over his face. "I'm sorry, it doesn't matter. Go back to sleep. Sorry." Spencer apologised, retracting her hand.
"I didn't mean it like that, babe." Jay yawned as he twisted into his side. "Are you okay?" He whispered, kissing her forehead. "I can't sleep." She replied, her eyes being wide awake meanwhile Jay was struggling to keep his eyes open. "What can I do?" Jay asked and she shrugged.
"I just wanna be close to you." She replied and Jay sleepily chuckled. "Spence were in the same bed, how much closer do you want?"
"Closer." She mumbled, not really having an answer "Come here." Jay whispered, putting a hand on her back and pulling her closer to him. Spencer chuckled as Jay rolled her over so she was facing away from him. He let his arm fall over her waist and she grabbed his hand, holding it and pulling his arm tighter around her. To really emphasise on the 'closer' Jay gently put one of his legs over hers, pressing his torso against her back.
"Better?" Jay whispered, kissing her head. "Much." She smiled to herself, closing her eyes.
———