"For you. Was on clearance sale." Saying so, Fayd threw the Marvel cap at Adil, taking him off guard. Adil, who was so interestingly indulged in a game show, looked up and groaned loudly to show his displeasure but then his eyes landed on his own lap and found a bag sitting on him. He knitted his brows together as he took the bag and opened the bag.
"Here, don't bullshit me. What store puts a fresh and limited edition Marvel cap on clearance sale? Where is it? Must be the ones in the city of Yazdan." Fayd could never understand Adil's obsession with his middle name.
It hadn't even been a week since Fayd gave him what he had been wanting from the time of announcement of launching a new edition. But he wasn't going to tell him that he had to stand in line for a solid hour to get his hands on the goodies. Adil would never know that he cut his calls to get him his birthday present. A birthday that was supposed to be in three months. It was all for the smiles, for Adil reminded him of the times he spent with his older brother- when relationships were impossible to sever. When the brothers would stick together in everything.
"I'm not going to thank you." Adil mumbled, pressing the cap against the crown to fit his size.
"Did I ask for one?" He faked a scoff to hide a smile that was forming on his face.
It was only a few days before the launch did he hear about Adil's unending rants about the new edition that took its time to get launched in Pakistan. He was happy that he could finally get his hands on the cap. He had said that he was not going to worry about the price even if it were to exceed his budget. Adil had that spark glowing in his eyes whenever he talked about Marvels. Sure, he was a die hard fan as they named it.
The eerie siren that kept ringing in his ears for the last few hours had subsided to finally stop. He could hear things- he could hear people talking around him, to him about something he couldn't pinpoint. The words were incoherent as if they were from babies. Their words were leaving an echo in the walls of his mind to get carved so he could remember when he would be able to hear properly. His eyes, as though, were being pricked by needles and his body unmoving and he could feel his soul wandering inside its cage, trying to find an escape but it wasn't there. There was no door for it to come out of it. It was meant to be there inside him until it was it's time to come out. It wasn't its time yet.
He groaned inwardly when the doctor mentioned something about him to Isaa. He could hear his voice. He could recognise his tone. He could also recognise the tiny- almost non-existent- piece of grief that stayed afloat. And even in sleep, he could puzzle about the unmistakable similarities between the brothers. The features, the use of appropriate tones in different places, the habits of clenching teeth. It was there. He could hear it as if his hearing had heightened.
Then it struck- the accident. His body was trying to reach whoever was close but he couldn't move a finger. His fingers and body, glued to the bed and the stench of strong disinfectant was not doing well to his already sick stomach. He wanted to throw up. He could feel the bile rise up to his throat but he couldn't open his mouth to empty the contents. He couldn't open his mouth to let out a word. He couldn't open his mouth to say that he could hear him. Fayd could hear the distant footsteps and then the shutting of the door. He was in despair, he didn't know what happened. He wanted to know whether Adil was doing fine just as he did before he blackened out.
And as though he was coming back alive, the beeping of life support engaged his earbuds in a conversation and the ringing of the siren had stopped. The light that was far fetched was coming closer and it was so blinding that his eyelids forced themselves to detach from each other. The light was blinding and it lunged at him like it was going to swallow him. The was so unbearable that he opened his eyes after three days from a deep and long slumber.
"Oh you woke up?" An accent so unfamiliar curbed his attention and he directed his gaze to find Isaa standing near the door, "Your vitals were falling to normal so they were expecting you to wake up anytime soon." He said, trying to wear a smile. His face pale.
"Where is Adil? Is he doing fine?" His throaty voice took a few seconds to reach Isaa and his smile fell before he faked one again.
"He is absolutely fine, Fayd. Take some rest, I'll call in your doctor. You were scheduled for a check-up once you wake up." With that, Isaa slipped out through the door without letting him have another chance at speaking. Perhaps, he knew Fayd was going to ask much about Adil and that he had nothing to say back to him since he was restrained from talking about the dead to a just-woken-up-from-a-coma. Isaa would rather throw himself in the sea than having Khalid sahb and Ayat breathing down his neck. His throat hurt in parchment.
"You're up?" Sayrah asked with surprise, her hands carrying a basket of fruits.
"Good to see someone who understands me. How long was I out for?" His gaze followed Sayrah as she walked up to the side tables to put away the medicine bag.
"You weren't unconscious, you were in a coma for three days." It's a miracle that you're alive. She said in the most flat tone. She was not pleased with whatever was happening in her life.
Not for once, never in that prolonging deafening noise had he thought he was in a coma. It only felt like a few hours from the accident. But God, three days were long and unbelievable. He didn't remember anything after he pressed his cheek against the top of the dashboard, letting the final calls of Adil reach his ears. He tried so damn hard to hear him, to listen to what he was meaning to say. He tried so damn hard to keep his eyes open but at the end it was sleep that took over his senses and lulled him for three days.
"What exactly happened after I passed out?"
"Uh, Adil sir called his brother saying you were bleeding from your ears and that you were not responding. He was so scared." Her insides shivered remembering the time when Isaa played the recording of his last call with his younger sibling to the cops. Adil was breaking in a cold sweat, he was trembling in fear of anything happening to Fayd. He was so unsure and fearful when he talked to Isaa.
"Can I go meet Adil now?" He asked and her words fell apart. She looked to the ground to hold her tears back and sniffed a little to suck in the water seeping from the eyes through eye ducts.
"He has gone out of the city. Take some rest, senior." She lied. She told him a lie that she had been practicing from the time she was denied to give him the news of Adil's death. However, she didn't know how long they could go on with the lie. He was an investigator after all, he would read and understand from the wavering of their eyes.
"How do you feel?" A doctor, in his scrubs and almost his age, burst through the door.
"Good, I guess? But I do feel numbness in my left forearm." The doctor paused and examined his scar while Fayd kept his gaze pointed to the doctor.
"Judging from the scar, you must have been cut by a glass. Did your nerves bear the impact of the cut?"
Not to question, the cut went deeper into his soul that it had been stained ever since, "I'm not sure. It was a cut from glass but I don't remember anything else. I was eleven then." It had been twenty two years since the incident and it had come to where he couldn't even imagine what his left hand would look like without the scar. It had become a part of him.
"Okay, you're scheduled for a check-up. We will find out about your numbness too," He smiled down at Fayd and was about to walk away when, "This is your second chance at life. Don't be so reckless, young man." Everyone's words hinted at life like he would have to be careful if he wanted to breathe.
As the doctor existed, his amused gaze turned to Sayrah, "What was that about?"
"Allah knows." Sayrah sighed out although she knew what that was about.
Her days were sombre and nights, pressing ever since the news of Adil's death was dropped on them. She wasn't planning on meeting Fayd until he was given the news since she didn't want him to make a fool out of himself in front of her. The last time she met before he went away with Adil, he told her that Adil was getting back to work and he, too, needed to come back in shape. It twisted the folds of her stomach, making her feel a pain that wasn't ever experienced.
Adil was gone to never come back. Adil was gone to rest in a world between the world and the hereafter. Adil was gone- dead, he would never speak again, he would never make anyone look foolish with his silly remarks, he would never make someone smile again, he would never return to work and he would never get to wear the Marvel cap on his birthday.
The hour she got to the hospital after his immediate death, she was told that he called Isaa saying Fayd passed out and had been bleeding from ears. And although he seemed to be fine, he was the one to take the huge blow. Passing out saved Fayd's life but the blow he took and the fear afterwards killed the boy.
She looked up from the green tea mug to see what bibi Jaan was doing and found her fishing her medicines out of her medicine bag and sighed, given the older woman was the only one who had been holding her back from leaving for the office since the morning by saying that she wasn't feeling very well and that they might need to make a trip to the hospital. Clearly, that wasn't the case. Bibi Jaan just wanted to keep Ayat in her sight until she digested Adil's death. It was a hard blow for everyone.
"Your phone is going off." The woman yelled from the living room, pushing herself against the backrest and tilting her head to have a look at Ayat.
Ayat sighed as she stole the teabag from the hot water and tossed it in the waste bin before making her way to where she kept her phone earlier. The creases on her forehead deepened, "Yes?"
It was Isaa that spoke to her unsure of what her answer would be,"Hey, could you go pick Fayd from the graveyard? Looks like he knows about it. Sayrah and I had to rush out to the outskirts for an investigation." His profession as a doctor was going down to the hell and he had been picking up from where his brother had left.
"How do you know about it?" She countered back, given Fayd and him never even shared a talk like two civil adults.
"I got a call from the hospital saying he left in the middle of the checkup. I tracked my car and it's located near the graveyard." His reply was soft and quiet and wavering as though someone was going to hear him. Ayat closed her eyes, the corner of her mouth twitched up in utter dismay.
"Why would you leave your car with him in the hospital?"
"I was in the hospital taking care of pre-check up procedures when I got a call from outside so I left my keys with the staff, not with him." And ofcourse, Fayd's own car was damaged beyond repair. Isaa couldn't even imagine how Fayd talked the staff into giving his car keys to a coma patient. Granted, he was a private investigator. Lies and him were never apart.
"I will see what I can do." With that she hung up. The thought of having to go to the graveyard where a hundred lives rested twisted her guts. She didn't get to see Asher's lifeless body. Nobody got to see it. What would have happened if he died in the country and they were to hold a funeral? How would have she gathered her pieces that kept piercing through her heart again and again? How would have she lived after that?
But with Fayd, it was not the case. He was not dead and he was just visiting someone there. That thought brought somewhat peace to her heart. She was in denial- refusing to accept the prediction about the rate of his survival when he was brought to the hospital. He bled from his ears- he bled from his ears because of an accident, because his head hit the surface very hard. He was given a day. Fayd was only given a day. The man that was expected to die, survived and the man that rushed him to the aid, passed away.
"Kya hogaya?" Bibi jaan walked over to where Ayat stood, unfazed by everything else around her. She was snapped back to reality when bibi Jaan clicked her fingers infront of her. However, she didn't know what to say to a woman that had been mourning a death. No way was she going to tell her that she was going to get Fayd from qabristan.
"Farah ne kuch kardiya hai, maine jaana hoga." She cringed at the idea of taking Farah's name, for the woman would directly call her assistant if she were late. She looked around the hall for keys and found them lying on the sofa.
"Theek hai, jao."
~
On a warm evening, Ayat felt cold as she neared the gate of the graveyard. There lied so many people- so many people that were loved by their family and people around them and now they were left alone in the middle of nowhere and in the middle of the city. She would be damned if someone she loved was buried there, she would absolutely lose her mind. Her mind, hazy with the thoughts of him sitting next to Adil's grave and crying out silently. She didn't want to witness that. She didn't want to see a man as strong as him cry.
The burgundy car was about to shed blood with the heat it was absorbing from a long time. That was his car. That was the car Fayd took away with him as he ran off from the hospital. She didn't know how they let him off with a car when he was supposed to be in the hospital room. Her hands shivered, thinking of the pain Fayd must be going through
"Jab titli udh gayi toh phool kis kaam ka?" He didn't have to turn around to see her. He didn't have to turn around to recognise her. He filled his lungs with air as he closed his eyes. He didn't have it in him to do anything- not even talk.
Woh auron jaisi kahan thi.
"Nahi phenk paya." He mumbled loud enough for her and for the residents of the graveyard to hear.
"Kyon?" Her heart was going wild in its cage, urging it to come out of her throat. Howsoever, he didn't seem to realise it yet. He hadn't realized that she was aware of it.
"Bas nahi phenk paya." He turned to her and that's when she got to look into his eyes. They didn't sport anything- not even the usual coldness and emptiness. His eyes were dry and void of anything that could be showcased.
"Why are you not crying? Let it out, Yazdan." Ayat cooed, tracing the rims of his scar and making him wheeze. He shut his eyes as he sucked in a shaky, quivering breath. If it was any other occasion, he would have caught the hints she was trying to throw at him- that she knew. But there he was, mourning the death of someone he would willingly call his brother.
They said regret was the only thing that affected humanity. The regret that came after knowing that everything they had and built was gone. Regret for Fayd was not showing Adil what he meant to him. He neglected him, he gave cold shoulders to him but never for once did he tell him that he was like a brother and telling him that wouldn't have hurt anyone, "The only person that held me up in my hard times was Adil, he is gone now."
The regret was huge and pressing and there was no way he could seek salvation out of it. He regretted the way he behaved like a rogue when he was in the car- on their way to an investigation. He acted like a total jerk. Oh, only if he knew, "I heard he brought me to the hospital. I can imagine what I put him through. He died in my place."
"How did you find out about his death?"
"It takes no genius to connect dots. I've been working for the house for too long for my own good. The last guess was when Sayrah said he was out of the city. Adil never leaves Karachi without me even if I'm down sick." Leaves- as if he was still alive, as if he was still breathing.
"Are you really the same boy who I met back in the States? He was so brave and strong." This was her last attempt in trying to make him realise that she knew. His eyes that were clamped shut flew open only to find her stare back at him with a small smile that was barely there.
Ayat saw his face lose colours as her smile went deeper. The pain and the shock was not what he intended to go through. Her eyes, glowing with a gloomy glint that sought escape. Her eyes, trying to speak. Her eyes, drying out in misery. Her eyes, laying the sequence of her history in front of a man that turned out to be the troubled boy who helped her smile at times whenever she thought of him as a teenager. Ayat Wajdani wasn't being a hard shell to break to him.
Then his pendant made its way out of her bag and danced in the air before his eyes as she held up to his face level. Her smile stirred an uncalled emotion that fell low into his abdomen. It hurt. It fucking hurt him to hurt her- to betray her when she was aware of his identity. He had kept it from her so he could walk away once he was done. How was he going to leave when he knew she was going to be betrayed by the same boy from the past.
And then he pulled her in for a hug, encircling his scarred hand around her nape and sealing the airway between them. Ayat let him rest his head on her shoulder, rubbing his back gently before she froze as he tightened his hold and went- "Let me breathe in your scent, I've longed for this all my life."
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❝Woh dil hi kya jisme gham na mile
Woh ishq hi kya jisme dard na mile.❞
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Salaaam,
I'm so sorry I've been trying my best to be consistent with updates, my life just decided otherwise.🥺