Aniya Skywalker
Every day, every day I go back to my apartment alone, and remember my failure, that my child is gone because I wasn't strong enough to protect her. Sometimes I can try to convince myself she's coming back, but inside I know the truth: she's never coming back. She left me, walked away as if I meant nothing to her, and sometimes I have to ask myself. Did she care? Did she?! Inside I know the truth. I know she did, but it makes me wonder. Did I fail her? Did I do something wrong to deserve this, other than not being strong enough? Was I not the master she wanted, that she needed?
I don't understand!
Temper finally snapping altogether, I throw the nearest unbreakable thing across the room – my lightsaber – more frustrated when I feel no relief from it when it hits the wall and the floor with a dull thud. It changes nothing, absolutely nothing, but sometimes I want to throw myself into battle so I can focus on something else, because it's the only thing that stops the pain. I feel somewhat high with the rush of adrenaline coursing through me, seeing droid after droid cut down by my blade lying scattered at my feet. It's what I want, what I crave for now: destruction, the only respite from the reality of my life. Maybe if I push a little harder, do a little more, I'll be enough for someone.
Enough so that I won't have the entire Council scowling at me every time I enter the room, have my child leave me, have my master – my father, the man who raised me disappear because – because I haven't been fast enough to do what he wanted me to, what I was supposed to do. It doesn't... I don't know how he could have done that. It doesn't make sense, because he's always been there, and I foolishly thought he always would be. This is the man who turned down the possibility of a seat on the Council so he could keep training his padawan a generation back, so why? I know ending the war is far more important than my own feelings, but still, it hurts knowing even my own master would be willing to leave me behind for it. He did the same to Obi-Wan once, too, though. I shouldn't be so surprised.
But my padawan, my child, and Ahsoka... they're both gone. I want to scream out my pain and rage and frustration, because slashing down droids and sometimes – sometimes lifting them and crushing them to a ball of scrap metal isn't enough. It's never enough, if only for fleeting moments.
My brothers don't let me do this for long, rage alone to myself, and while I'm grateful, it feels like it's what I deserve. I was with Ahsoka when it happened, and I still was incapable of thinking clearly and stopping it from happening. How stupid could I be to not have seen it?
I find myself thinking about Alema again, wondering what I could have done differently, where in the galaxy I went so wrong. I tell myself she needed the space, needed to leave, but if I had used my head instead of panicking, she'd still be here. So would Ahsoka. Now that my master isn't here to guide me, I need someone to lean on, someone to follow, and that obviously can't be the Council. It's... well, it's the Chancellor. There's not anyone else we can trust, and even if the Council doesn't trust him, throughout the war my faith in him has only grown. He's trying to end the war, even if the Senate is too stupid to let it. There are too many people benefiting from it, and it disgusts me.
"I love you" my padawan had said, before she left, but... I feel bad for questioning it. I shouldn't, but sometimes... Does she want me back? Does she? Or have I been too much a failure to her for her to look back? I don't know. Maybe I never will.
But I could have sworn she asked us to come for her. She wanted it. Ahsoka wanted space though. I don't know – I don't know anything anymore. It had been Alema who interjected in the end and... She wanted to be away from the Council which I understand, but I don't know how she could have thought that was worth more than staying near us. I don't blame her. I don't. I just... don't understand, and it hurts. It hurts so much.
'We'll see each other again' Ahsoka had promised before they walked away, and I think now I understand our mother more than ever. I raised a child and had them walk away into the unknown because it was what they needed. Is this how she felt, coming home alone to a completely empty house?
I'm still sitting there, alone, when the door opens, and my brothers enter. I sense more than hear their arrival.
There's a long pause of quiet before Anakin approaches silently. "It never gets better, does it," he murmurs, more a statement than question.
"I lost my padawan," I snap.
"I meant the... the guilt."
I bite my lip, glaring at the floor. "Don't dare say a word about meditating," I snap, harshly. The Jedi rules failed me before, or maybe I failed them, I don't know. It doesn't much matter, because either way, it didn't work. My sisters are gone, and for as much as I love being on the field it hurts more for them not to be there, to turn around and not see a familiar blue figure who's now nearly as tall as me, sprouting sarcasm and cheerfulness despite the violence she's surrounded by.
"I had no intention of doing so," Obi-Wan replies, "And if I were, it would be because I assumed you weren't listening."
"That would be an accurate assumption," I snip back. The joke lays flat, as half-dead as I feel. I'm too tired to keep fighting, to keep dragging forwards when I don't even know what path I'm headed down. I don't know where I'm going, what this will lead to. I feel... lost. Like I'm floundering, drowning without an anchor to pull me back.
Anakin smiles faintly, but there's a deep, aching sorrow in his eyes that never really left. I suspect it never will, or if it does it'll take much longer. I still often find myself thinking of our mother, thinking of how we failed her. I can't believe I did the same a second time, for my child this time.
Why? Why does this keep on happening?!
"You still blame yourself?" Obi-Wan asks.
"I never stopped," I bite back sharply. He may be here – they may be here, but I don't know for how long. How do I know they won't leave me, or that the war won't take them? Or worse, the Sith won't take them? The memory of Dark-Anakin from Mortis is still burned ever-fresh into my memory. I'll never forget it. I can't. I stayed with him though. I did as he asked me to.
Even then, it doesn't seem like it was enough. It doesn't seem like it ever will be.
Anakin Skywalker
Aniya and I are at the Senate meeting the next day, when the Republic agrees to install Clovis as the new head of the Banking Clan. The former ones were arrested for their crimes, so they needed new leadership, and he promised to the Senate that he was going to end the corruption. Never mind how the information necessary was obtained by illegal means in the first place.
I don't like this at all. I don't see how the Senate could agree to install someone like him as the leader, after everything. My gaze drifts through the enormous room, landing on where Padme and Clovis are standing near each other.
I still can't forget how she nearly died that day, back when I'd accompanied her when she had been trying to investigate Clovis. I can't let something like that happen again. (I can't fail her too, after I already failed Aniya, Ahsoka, and Alema.) Aniya is standing with her arms crossed next to me, none too happy.
Even once the meeting is over, Padme is still busy, so we find ourselves walking down the hall alongside the Chancellor instead. "I can tell that something is troubling you," Palpatine observes, looking over at us, "I've known you for too long not to see it."
It's always touching when he shows concern for us, though even now I can hardly understand why he cares. Not that I'm ungrateful. "Your Excellency, forgive me, but I believe it may be a mistake for you to trust Clovis," I reply.
"Is it?" Palpatine muses.
"I don't believe his intentions are... or will necessarily stay the way he's pretending they are," Aniya concurs.
"Rest assured," he responds, "My public endorsement of Clovis is not the same as my private confidence in him." That's... relieving. I was beginning to wonder if I was the only person around other than Aniya who doesn't trust him.
"Then what is going on here?" I wonder, frowning.
"We will watch him closely," Palpatine answers simply, "I don't dispute your distrust of him. I think there is something we haven't unearthed yet, and I would very much like for it to surface."
"I'm just concerned about who could get hurt in the process," I admit. Beyond Padme, there's so much that could go wrong in a plan like this, if Clovis decides to turn on the Republic again.
Palpatine nods his agreement. "Let us make sure that doesn't happen, shall we?"
***
Of course, the something waiting to surface doesn't take long to show up.
"This is an outrage!"
"We warned you this would happen!"
Shouts of outrage ring out through the Senate, as Palpatine explains the situation. Almost immediately, Clovis raised the interest rates of the Republic. And I might not keep track of all the little political details, but I know enough to know that will make everything far more difficult.
"And what of the Separatists?" someone else asks.
"From the little information Senator Amidala has been able to establish, there will be no raise on their current loan," Palpatine answers.
"I knew something like this was going to happen," Aniya sighs.
"Hmm, correct you might have been about Clovis," Yoda murmurs, where he stands next to us.
"It's incredibly foolish for him to make a move like this so easily," Windu frowns, "He will turn the whole Republic against him."
"Not clear to us are his objectives. Want this, he might."
Something about this is not adding up, and I don't know what, but I do know that something else is about to go very wrong. One glance at Aniya shows she's thinking the same.
"I would like to call for restraint and allow us time to analyze the situation," Palpatine decides.
With the urgency of the situation, Aniya and I opt to staying at the Senate in case something happens, so we're in the Chancellor's office when Padme calls. The alarm I can feel from her is enough to set me on edge instantly.
"Our garrison has been attacked by the Separatists," she reports, frantically, "And it appears they are staging an invasion of Scipio."
An invasion? With Padme right there? Alarm surges through me, followed by the desperate urge to get there, to be there with her, to make sure she's okay. I can't let anything happen to her!
"An invasion?" repeats Palpatine, "What do they hope to achieve? With this news, the Senate will vote immediately to attack Scipio."
"It appears the war has already come to Scipio," Padme replies. On her end of the line, in the distance, I'm almost certain I can make out the far off sound of explosions. And its only moments later that a droid appears on the hologram behind her, and it abruptly flickers off.
No. This is why I didn't want her working with Clovis! I knew something would go wrong, sensed it from the beginning even if I didn't know what. All I can feel is a mind-numbing panic. I already failed my mother and my sisters. I can't fail my wife too.
"Invoke an emergency meeting of the Senate," Palpatine orders Mas Amedda, "There is no time to lose." He turns, looking to the two of us. "I feel it is only right that you should handle this matter."
***
The Separatist fleet orbiting the planet disappears into hyperspace almost as soon as we show up, even though there's still forces all over the surface of the planet. "This doesn't make sense," Aniya says flatly over her comm, "It's like they aren't even trying to keep Scipio.
"Maybe they aren't," I agree, frowning. All their actions don't make sense here, and it really seems like we're missing a major piece of the puzzle, unless the Separatists were trying to bring war here, for some reason. But why would they want to let the Republic get control of the Banks? It doesn't make sense. I don't take the time to consider it, though. We need to get Padme out of there. After that we can contemplate possible motives, like we always do.
I jump out of the gunship the moment it lands on the platform, charging into the droids, slashing through them, Aniya close behind. The Coruscanti guard who had come are lying on the ground, amidst the destruction. I sprint over, kneeling next to them, to see if any of them are still alive. They aren't. I didn't expect anything else, but it's still... upsetting.
"Hold the droid forces here," I order, standing up, "We're gonna push on and get Padme."
We take off again, racing into the building. There are droids all over the place, but we cut through them easily, making our way up to Clovis' office. Aniya slashes the door open, kicking it down, and we turn into the room. A battle droid and an assassin droid immediately whirl towards us, opening fire.
"It's over, Clovis," I warn, lunging forwards, slashing through them in a second, only for Clovis to grab Padme's arm, holding a blaster to her head.
I jerk to a stop, eyes narrowing, though I don't lower my lightsaber. I don't know if he would hurt her, but it's not a risk I'm willing to take. "Let go of her," Aniya snarls lowly.
"Stay away from me," Clovis snaps, "I didn't do anything wrong! You have to believe me!"
"I suppose pointing a blaster at someone else's head doesn't count?" she retaliates, "Yes, it's very convincing!"
He slowly starts to circle around the room, trying to move towards the door. Not that he could escape since there's so many clones everywhere. "You don't understand!" he protests, "You've all been deceived."
"We know that," Aniya growls, "And by you, too. Well, I was deceived, but you deceived the Senate."
"I'm not the villain here!" he protests, "It's Dooku! Tell them, Padme."
"Let me go, Clovis," she snaps.
The Force suddenly screams in warning as a burning vulture droid spirals straight for the glass window on the other side of the room. Glass shards shower the room and the floor shakes violently, before the entire structure starts to collapse. I land on my side on the floor, as it tips, and everything and everyone start sliding for the now gaping opening only feet away from us.
I scoot forwards, desperately reaching for Padme as she and Clovis slide to the edge of the tilted room, barely managing to grab ahold of them before they fall. The whole thing is tilting dangerously, and I can hardly keep my own grip, while holding onto them at the same time, without falling off myself.
"I can't hold both of you," I pant. My grip on them both is slipping and – "Try and climb!"
"I am!" Padme insists, though it only seems to be making her slide more.
"Aniya!" I yell. If she doesn't help out, I'm afraid one of them is going to die. I may not like Clovis much, but I'm not about to let him fall to his death, even if he earned it.
"Here," Aniya calls, edging down a little closer, and raising a hand towards Padme. She lifts her with the Force, pulling her up to safety.
With her free, I pull Clovis up. "I'll call the boys to come pick us up," I decide, glancing down at the very long far below us. It's the only way we'll be getting off of this thing.
"Yes, and someone is under arrest," Aniya adds, giving Clovis a dark look.
"This wasn't my fault!" he protests again.
"Save it for the Senate," Padme tells him flatly. "The best you can do is try to resolve this."
***
We don't have long on Coruscant after returning from Scipio, to hear – unsurprisingly, really – that the Chancellor himself is going to be managing the Banks. The war in the Outer Rim is steadily worsening, and the Separatists are launching the attack we thought they would be mounting right before our padawans left. It hurts to think about that time, but it feels like everything going on now revolves around it. Now that the Separatists no longer have proper income for the war, I imagine it's in their best interests to bring it to an end as quickly as possible.
"We're leaving for the Outer Rim," I inform, "And... with how bad it's getting, I don't know when we'll be back."
"I should have known this would be coming," Padme sighs, stepping closer to me, "Don't worry, Ani. I'll be doing everything I can here to get the war to end."
I give her a small smile. "I know you will." I move closer, wrapping my arms around her.
After this, I don't know when I'll see her again, and I can't shake the feeling that it might be a long time.
First Ahsoka and Alema, then Qui-Gon, and now, who know when we'll see Padme and Jaufre again? At least we know they'll still be here when we get back. At least we'll still be able to talk to them.
"And I know you'll be doing everything you can to win the battle as soon as you can," Padme adds.
I nod. "I will, but I don't know if it will be enough." Things have been so much worse after Krell, and I can't see that changing. I don't see anything getting better from here, even if I have no idea how it could get worse.
"This might be over before we know it," Padme replies. I can only hope she's right.
Jaufre Naberrie
It's been only a few weeks since Anakin and Aniya left for the Outer Rim, and I miss them already, even if I've long since gotten used to the separation. Maybe someday, things will be different, but it's a fact of life, at this point. Maybe it's only bothering me a little more because I really don't know how long it's going to be before I see them again.
So, I'm really not expecting it when Padme appears in the living room early one morning, seeming strangely... excited almost. She looks almost nervous too, in a way that I can't miss, even if she's pretending to be normal. "Padme?" I ask, "What's up?"
"I – something happened," she answers, almost breathlessly.
I raise an eyebrow. "What?" I've never seen her this... uncontrolled, for lack of a better description.
"I..." she looks around, her voice dropping, "I'm pregnant."
I blink. Wait – wait – She's what?! "You have excellent timing." Seriously. Of all things in the world, this was the last thing I was expecting to hear.
"This isn't funny!"
"I'm not laughing! But I'm serious."
"I – I don't know what we're going to do," Padme blurts, nervously, "This... people are going to find out."
Right. And that won't be good. It would cause a huge scandal. But she's going to have a child. She's going to be a mother. I'll be an uncle. I don't even know how to feel; the news is too shocking. I reach over, patting her arm. "Don't worry, we have like seven months still to figure it out," I assure her, "Don't panic just yet."
"I know, it's just..." She trails off, and the excitement from before fills her face again, "But I can't believe that this happened." Yes, she's clearly feeling much the same as me.
"I know," I concur, "Though I still don't know what you two were thinking."
Padme huffs. "For all you know, Aniya could be pregnant right now, and that would be much worse."
Okay, she did not need to say that. "That wouldn't happen," I argue. It wouldn't have. But now I'm suddenly wondering what if she was. Thank you, Padme. Not.
My sister shakes her head, huffing out a breath. "I'll – I'll wait to tell Anakin about this in person. He doesn't need the distraction out there on the front lines."
"And I don't think mentioning that over a possibly monitored holocall would be a good idea either," I agree. Though I don't know how I'll keep from spilling this to Aniya. This is going to be a very long wait.
... And in hindsight, maybe we should prepare for two children, just in case.
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