I feel miserable.
Scratch that. I am miserable.
It's been 24 hours since I broke up with Hunter. And it's been the worst 24 hours of my life. I feel awful.
Is this how it's supposed to be? How it's supposed to feel when you break up with someone?
Because if I don't already regret my decision, I do now.
But I know that's my heart talking. My head is telling me a completely different story. One I can't base off emotion.
The only thing I can remember from that night is them kissing. And the only way to believe my heart is if I saw him push her away.
But I can't do that because I can't remember anything. I don't know if he pushed her away or not.
On top of that, my phone has been going off the hook, do not disturb obviously not phasing others.
My phone may be silent but my curiosity to check my phone once in a while lets me see the hundreds of texts and missed calls.
Most of them are from Allie or Bev, some are from Cal but I haven't answered any of them. I can't.
Because the more I keep thinking about it, the more I don't want to bring it up.
I haven't gotten out of bed since yesterday but my mental reminder that I have work today, motivated me enough.
I was sick of moping in my bed for hours, so as much as it was a struggle, I sat up and went to take a shower.
Changing into a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt I ordered an Uber to the rink. After twenty minutes it got here and within thirty I was at work.
My job has been great since I got it. The people are nice but the kids are the best.
Especially Evie and her friend, Julie. I've been spending a lot of time with those two. I get off at seven but spend extra time after Evie told me her interest in skating.
She had asked me if I could teach her a new trick after she saw me do a lutz jump for fun one night.
Of course, I couldn't say no, so every shift I stay after and help her get some basic moves down. She got the hang of it quickly, but I can't say the same for Julie.
Julie is a little behind but I don't mind helping her out. Evie's been much more helpful when it comes to Julie.
As much as Julie struggles Evie's there to put her right back on her feet. She makes my day everytime.
Tonight they skated around like they always did, but what I wasn't expecting was Evie to come up to me.
"Hey, Ms. Dani." she smiles.
"Hi, Evie." I give her one back.
"Are you okay?" she asks in a high pitched tone.
My smile falters a little bit. "I'm–I'm fine Evie." I try to reassure her.
"Are you sure Ms. Dani. You look upset and mommy always tells me to never leave anyone upset." I stared down at her in awe.
She was adorable, I watched the small gap in her smile as she spoke.
"I'm okay Evie, just a bad day today. Why don't you–"
"Tell me, tell me, tell me Ms. Dani!" she cuts me off with a screech. "Why are you having a bad day?"
Before I could even answer her, another voice echoed throughout the emptied rink.
"Evie, Evie, Evie!" Julie screamed as she skated towards us. "I did it! I can skate backwards!"
I looked up as she gleamed at the both of us.
"Really! Show me, show me! Ms, Dani, come watch!" Evie seemed excited as she skated over to Julie.
I watch the two in awe. Even if they weren't my own, I still cherished the two of them. They were the bestest of friends I could tell.
And I can tell because they're always there to support one another.
They don't give up on each other.
God did a couple of five year olds just give me good advice? Seems like it.
An hour later we all stepped off the ice as the zamboni went to clean it. It was around eight o'clock and Julie's parents were still not here, like they usually are.
"Are your parents close by Julie?" I ask her.
"No Ms. Dani. They're not coming." she said.
I gave her a confused look. They're not coming?
Maybe the Adlers will drive her home?
"She's sleeping over at my house!" Evie exclaimed, clearing up my confusion.
"Oh that sounds fun!" I laughed.
"Do you want to come to our sleepover Ms. Dani?" Julie asked.
"Pleeeeease, Ms. Dani." Evie begged.
I smiled at both of them. "Thanks for the invite girls, but I'll have to pass. Maybe next time though."
"Aww, ok." The two of them pout at me and it's scary how guilty it makes me feel.
"I'll see you guys on Monday ok?"
They walk up to me and hug my legs like they always did when I had to leave. I leaned down a little to rub their heads.
"Bye Ms. Dani!" Evie smiled before she pulled away from my leg.
"Bye girls." I said as Julie detached herself.
I walked over to my stuff and fished my phone out of my bag. For the first time in almost two days I took it off silent.
I saw that my ride was here and walked outside. I know I said I haven't talked to anyone, but that's not true.
I've been talking with Addie about a time I could go see her dad. Tonight she was picking me up from work to head down there.
I'm sure she knows about what happened but she hasn't mentioned it or tried asking me about it. And I'm grateful for that.
This also gives me the perfect time to think about things. Where all of this will go. Because right now I'm unsure of what to do.
I mean, I already got through the easiest part. I broke up with him. And I say easy because it was based purely off emotion.
The hardest part is figuring out if that was the right decision or not.
I walked outside and spotted Addie's car on the street. I saw the car lights on and her in the driver's seat.
I knocked on the window and laughed at how startled she was.
"That's not funny!" her yell was muffled through the glass.
I shook my head and walked around the back as she opened the trunk. I placed my stuff inside, closed the trunk, and got into the car.
"Don't scare me like that again," she warned me but I just laughed it off.
"Sorry, sorry, but I had to." I throw up my hands in defense.
She rolls her eyes and takes the car out of park. "You ready?"
"Yeah." I sighed, getting comfortable.
A buzzing in my pocket prompted me to take out my phone again. Bev's name flashed across my screen and I pressed answer.
I should ease their worries, that's the least I can do.
"Hello." I said, putting the phone to my ear.
"Oh my god you picked up. Guys she picked up! Get over here!" I heard her familiar voice raise in excitement.
"Hi Bev."
"Dani! What–please, what happened? Are you okay?" she started bombarding me with questions.
I could hear the chatter in the background and assumed everyone was there.
"I'm fine. Listen I know you guys are probably worried–"
"Well no shit we're worried!" I think it was Carter who said that.
I must be on speaker. "Hi to you too Carter."
"What happened that night? I mean the two of you broke up and won't even speak to us." he mentioned. "Why?"
I sighed and thought of an answer, but came up with a vague one. "We're...figuring things out okay?"
"We get that but can you at least give us a reason as to why you're taking a break?" I hear Jason ask.
"I mean obviously something major happend because you left the party and Hunter got fucking wasted."
That made my heart drop. He got wasted? Fucking hell Dani, why wouldn't he?
You broke his heart.
Along with your own.
"I–is he okay?" I ask.
"We don't know. He hasn't said a word to any of us since that night." Marty said.
Shit.
I hate that no one knows what's going on with him. But I can't exactly go see him for myself.
"Listen. I don't want you guys to worry about me, I'm fine. But please make sure he's okay." I tell them. "I'll explain everything I swear, just give me time."
I hear some chatter and movement before Bev's voice fills my ears. "I took you off speaker if you don't want to tell everyone anything. Please Dani–"
"Bev, I promise. I'll tell you everything soon. I love you guys."
I hear her sigh. "Ok, please be alright. You guys are really good for each other." I could hear her voice crack.
It made me upset knowing I was making her upset because we had separated.
I couldn't say anything else as my throat started to close. I ended the call and put my phone down.
I took in a shaky breath, trying my hardest not to cry.
I felt awful.
Addie put her hand over mine, "It'll be alright." she said.
I managed to give her a small smile before looking out the window.
Suddenly this felt like it was going to be the longest car ride of my life.
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The push and pull of Danielle Thompson is making me go insane!!
Totally off topic but if you could describe Hunter, what would you say?
Thoughts???