Ruby
"We've been walking for, like, an hour," I tell Jakoby, the next evening.
We are hand in hand and I'm wearing my long wool coat, a hat and a scarf, just in case. I get cold easily, even though it's not quite winter yet. He's just in jeans and a hoodie, but he looks so gorgeous as he grins down at me.
"We could walk another hour and still be on the trail," he tells me.
"It's so pretty out here." My shoes crunch some dry leaves as I look around through the trees in front of us.
"You are, too. So pretty."
"You called me gorgeous that first time we met," I remind him, then laugh when he sticks his tongue out at me.
"You're both." He grins and then pulls me close to him. "That was such a good day."
"The day you walked up to me directly after your date ended and called me gorgeous?" I ask, still teasing him.
He nods. "Everything changed that day."
His arms snake around my body and I rest my head on his chest as he pulls me into a hug. We haven't seen another person on the trail for awhile. There were a few people walking dogs at the start of the trail, but since then it's been pretty isolated. That doesn't mean no one will pass us, but I feel confident enough to look up at Jakoby and smile. He leans in and pressed his lips to mine right away.
He's warm and soft and my stomach flutters right away. I love how we melt into each other and how nothing else seems to matter when he kisses me. Feeling that sort of freedom is new and amazing.
When he pulls away, his eyes are darker and very serious. I'm not sure I've ever seen this look in his eyes.
"I'm so glad you gave me a chance," he says, before reaching for my hand again.
We start walking back to the lot where his roommate's car is parked - since it's at least an hour walk back to the where we started - and I stay quiet for a minute. I don't know what to say to that. I don't feel like I 'gave him a chance'. I feel like we just came together and things have worked out.
"I mean, I'm really happy we're here, together," he goes on, because I haven't said anything.
"I am, too. Honestly. You took me by surprise, Jakoby, but you make me better. You brought me out of my darkness," I tell him, and I can tell right away that he's surprised by this.
Maybe he doesn't know how different I was before we met. I was basically a hermit, besides going to work. I haven't told him much about my life, expect that I was a foster kid, how Ryan and I were separated and that Garrett sort of saved me when I was eighteen. That's the gist of it, and that's all he knows. It's the stuff I can talk about easily. I can't talk about what happened to be before my family fell apart. I can't speak the words about what happened when I was in foster care, as a teenager. Only Garrett knows those truths. And sometimes I wish even he didn't know.
"So, sometimes I like to play this game with people. You tell me one thing about yourself, and I tell you one thing about me," Jakoby says out of the blue, lightening the mood a bit.
I think he's figuring out that there's a lot about me he doesn't know. Maybe this is his way of trying to learn more. I'm really not sure this is a good idea, but I agree anyway.
"I'll start. I love pineapple on pizza," he goes on and then laughs at my expression.
"Ew. My cat is named Muffin," I say a moment later.
"Cute." He pauses for a second. "I want everyone in the world to know my name."
This one surprises me a bit. "That's a big dream. Do you mean, like, you want to be a famous musician?"
He nods. "I guess so, yeah. Your turn."
"I really like you," I tell him, as my turn.
He grins. "I already knew that. Redo."
I clear my throat, squeezing his hand a bit. "I feel safe with you."
His eyes look surprised for a second and then smiles, showing me his teeth. "That makes me so happy."
And I mean both of those things when I tell him. I do really like him. And I do feel safe with him. Really safe. I think I'm getting closer to filling him in about my past. I can't really move forward with what we're doing - dating? - if I don't tell him about the shit that I went through. I know it's almost time. I just hope he's willing to stick with me after he knows.
*
"You saw him twice already this week, and we've barely hung out at all. Just come to the party for a bit?" Garrett says, two days later. He's pretty much begging me.
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I feel bad saying no to Garrett, but I told Jakoby that I was free tonight. He invited me over to his apartment to celebrate his roommate's birthday. I haven't been to his apartment yet, and I was nervous about it, but I was also looking forward to it.
But Garrett's not wrong - it's Saturday and I've already been out with Jakoby twice this week, since our first kiss. It changed something for me and even though I still haven't told Jakoby, I think we're more than friends, now. Or at least I'm ready to be more than friends. I shouldn't feel bad for spending time with him, but Garrett is trying to do just that. He's trying to guilt me into going to this party with him.
Somehow, that morning a few days ago when Garrett told me he misses us made me even more sure about how I feel about Jakoby. I still love Garrett, but it's not like this. Not any more.
Tonight, Garrett came knocking on my bedroom door and invited me to a party, with him and Bet. It's at one of his co-worker's houses and it's some sort of going-away party for someone. I'm not sure why he's so insistent that I go. He's literally never invited me to hang out with him and his co-workers before.
I do know he's trying to fix things between us once again. I've been practically avoiding him since Wednesday, when he skipped work to hang out with me. It just didn't sit right with me that he said he missed us, because what does that even mean? He can't miss me, we live together. He sees me every day. He can't mean that misses when we were together, because he's the one who ended it. He's the one who said we needed to stop whatever was going on between us and just be roommates and friends.
"I'm sure you and Bet will have more fun without me tagging along," I say to him now and shake my head.
Garrett was still in my doorway, a few feet away, but as soon as the words come out of my mouth, he crosses the room and is close to me - too close. He's wearing nice jeans and a sweater and his hair is gelled to the side.
"Why do you make everything about Bet and me? Why can't we all hang out together like we used to?" he asks, quickly. He sounds so sad about this.
"We can," I say, stepping back and sitting on my bed. "But I work tomorrow and I was planning to meet up with Jakoby tonight."
"Ru, we've haven't hung out all together in so long. We aren't even going to be out late. C'mon. Please?" He gives me his puppy dog eyes and then reaches out to touch my hand. "Please? I want you to come. It'll be fun."
I'm still not so sure, but I do hate how things have been between us. He hasn't said anything else about "us", but something changed that afternoon. I know he's dating Bet and he knows I'm with Jakoby, so nothing should feel weird between us. But it does.
For some reason, I agree to the party. I'm telling myself that I can go for a bit and maybe still go to Jakoby's tonight. It's the sadness in Garrett's eyes that gets me. It's how I'm so used to doing whatever he wants, because I used to crave his attention so badly that I'd do anything for him. But that was before.
I have to get ready quickly because we are leaving soon and we have to pick up Bet, so I send Jakoby a text on our way out the door. I don't want to lie to him, but I don't feel like I could tell him the truth at this point.
I'm pretty tired, so I decided to just stay in tonight. See you tomorrow?
I tuck my phone back away so I don't have to see his response, just yet. I already know he's going to be disappointed in me.