Chapter Thirteen: Get Back
Houston, Texas
June 12th
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles
When my eyes opened, the sun was staring back at me through the opened blinds. The room smelled of sweet jasmine and vanilla. The sheets were pearly white and clean instead of crusted with cum and when I looked around the large room, my should be crippled wife was nowhere to be found. The room door was wide open, but the bathroom door was shut. Then my memories flooded back.
I wasn't supposed to come into this room last night, wasn't supposed to talk to her, and damn sure wasn't supposed to touch her. But we connected that way, and surprisingly I'd left more clear than I had since everything all went down. It wasn't a dirty thing, it was beautiful. Made her feel wanted. Made me feel needed.
I knew there were people that would never be able to take Onika back after what she'd done, and when I told my mother, I could tell she felt a sliver of disappointment that I didn't know if I was genuinely leaving or not. But she understood that love wasn't always beautiful. Sometimes love tested you and pushed you to your limits.
The bathroom door opened and Onika peeked her head out, her hair wet, draping down to her naked breasts, covering her nipples. I sat up and my breathing grew heavy.
"Come on baby, I'm waiting on you. Been waiting on you to wake up."
Her skin looked like mine, bruised up and covered in marks of passion. The night had been long and yet I could remember every single orgasm from the night before.
"Drink water sweetie," She pointed to the nightstand. A glass of freezing cold water sat there, dripping, waiting to be drank. Next to the water were two Advils.
As soon as she said it, my headache came on strong. I took the pills and drank the entire glass. Then I got my wobbly body out of the bed and followed her.
White rose petals adorned the floors, meeting my feet when I walked. In the bathroom, the nights were off and four three-wick candles lit up the whole room. She shut the door behind me, letting out the remaining light.
She reached for my hand and held onto me while guiding me to the filled tub. The tub could fit more than six people. I wondered how lonely she felt in this same tub for ten years.
She lead me inside the tub then walked her naked body away over to the sink. When she came back, she climbed in too, and handed me a flute of champagne. She sat with her back to me, nuzzling herself between my thighs, resting her head back onto my breasts.
"Good morning my love," She rubbed my thigh.
"You sound like you had a good night," I rubbed her, rubbed her from her neck to her shoulder. "Do you hurt anywhere?"
"Do you?"
"No, I don't."
But I should. She put it on me like a desperate woman last night, put it on me like a woman who refused to lose. And my inebriated mind refused to let her lose. If she loses, I lose. In every capacity.
She fucked me like she was me, made love to this lingam in every way she physically could. At one point she was on top, her body moving like she was stroking me, needing that power over me. It was odd and felt amazing all at the same time.
I asked her again, "You hurting?"
"No."
I nodded and laid my head back against the tub. I sat the flute down.
"Did you mean what you said last night?"
"I said a lot of things last night."
"About my drinking."
"With every bone in my body. It frightens me when you drink because of the things you told me about what was happening when you were in there. My mind races and I think maybe it'll come home with you. I mean, the habit did. I think you'll get to a point where the line between inebriation and our children blurs."
"I told you I would never do that."
"I know. Just listen to me for two seconds. I've known people who'd been through the things you're going through now and they let alcohol ruin their lives. I don't want that to happen to you or our children or me."
"That's not gonna happen Onika."
"I'm just sharing my concerns. I love you, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. If you told Ms. Nash, what would she say? Would you listen to her?"
"I wouldn't tell her."
"I think you should."
"I'll think about it."
We soaked silently, rubbing one another and falling again. Or at least I was. This motherly, loving, helpful part of her was the reason I'd fallen in love with her in the first place. Well actually, it was those melons, but this was a close second.
"I should get a Plan B."
"What?" My heartbeat raced as I sat up. Water splashed, the tide became so rough that the water fell to the floor.
Her body followed mine and she looked back at me. "What?"
"Why are you talking about a Plan B?"
She looked at me like it was obvious, "Because we're not in a good place right now and even though I'm trying to fix it, I don't wanna bring another child into our brokenness."
I contemplated telling her that I wasn't leaving. I didn't need her to stop trying because regardless she was wrong, but I wasn't going to let her kill my baby knowing it was something she didn't actually wanna do.
"Don't do that."
"Are you asking me or are you telling me?" She had her eyebrow raised.
"I'm talking to you. Don't do it baby," I leaned up and kissed her ear, "We want this baby if you're even pregnant."
"I'm sure of it, but Beyoncé you have to look at the reality of things."
"I'm not leaving you," I told her reluctantly.
"You're not?"
"Don't tell me you've never thought I wouldn't."
"I hoped you wouldn't, but I tried not to get my hopes up only to be let down when you did decide that you wanted to leave me."
"I don't wanna leave you, I just want you to get it right. I don't wanna be rough or hard. I wanna be able to love you sweetly again, and I want you to do the same. I can't get that if I leave you."
"You can always get that with someone else."
I rested my chin on her shoulder, "Only want it with you. Keep the baby, if you're pregnant. You and Ebony can be belly bumpers."
She looked back at me, beaming, and I remembered Miles Davis. I wrapped my arms around her and the water splashed as I moved us through the water, kissing and caressing.
"I don't wanna work for somebody else's love to see if that'll work out. We work. With a little bit of help and realization of self, we work. I only wanna do that with you, still."
"I only wanna do that with you too," I felt her authenticity, felt her body shake with tears, "I wanna work so hard for this Beyoncé. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I didn't have you. Before you, my life was filled with strife. So grey and ugly and here comes this ball of sunshine that is you. I don't wanna lose you baby. You think of everybody else before you and I want to think of you only for the rest of my life. I don't wanna fight for anybody else the way I wanna fight for you."
"Mhm hmm," I moved her hair and kissed her spine, "What I'm hearing is, I get my baby."
Her back arched, trying to get away, but I slid her right back between my thighs by her hips. Just thinking about her pregnant made me hot. I loved that belly, loved how she filled out whenever she was carrying one of my seeds, love those titties blowing up three times their size. She was my personal MILF.
"You are too excited. I may not even be pregnant. I was just saying if."
"Let's make sure," I adjusted, let my hardness rest on her back. I kept on kissing her spine, driving her crazy until all her no's turned into sweet yes's.
I pushed her forward until her hands rested on the edge of the tub. She looked back at me, her eyes begging me to come to her.
The water was zero match for my current when I went to her. I held her stomach as I slipped inside, rocking her body and making my own tide. She looked back at me and lifted her leg onto the edge of the tub, pulling me closer.
"You are not going to be this flexible when you're pregnant."
"So take advantage now."
❧
"Feels good with no kids on your ass, don't it?"
I shrugged my shoulders, my face nuzzled between my twins. I didn't want to be anywhere but here, even if I had kids on my ass. My picture perfect world included at least five. So I didn't mind.
Mama had me programmed real good.
She raked her acrylics down my back, giving me kisses on top of my head. I felt like her baby all over again, especially when she wrapped her smooth legs around me.
"Thank you for staying," She said, but she kept her eyes on the tv. She kissed my head again.
"Thank yourself. If you didn't do what you were supposed to, I would have left you, no matter how bad it hurt."
"That scares me."
"It should. For the rest of your life, think if you ever do anything remotely close to that again, I'll leave you. And that doesn't mean stop doing what you're doing. Keep seeing Ms. Nash, keep working on you and us, and I will too. I know a baby isn't a quick fix. This takes so much."
"I will. I'll do anything to stop us from falling apart."
I rubbed her flat stomach, "You think my shooters are swimming for that egg right now?"
"Baby, you literally had me upside down, yes, I think so."
"You liked it."
"That has nothing to do with your swimmers."
"I know my shooters shoot," I mumbled to myself.
She rubbed my neck and we both looked to the tv. This comfortability was one I hadn't felt in a decade.
Being in there meant always having to be on your toes. It didn't matter that I had built a community behind those bars, I was always afraid. Afraid that the girls would suddenly switch their attitudes and beat me down. Nothing could compare to the safe and serene feeling that Onika gave me. If I was as crazy as I used to be ten years ago, I would've married her right here, right now.
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.
"The girls are back."
I stayed put and she slapped my butt.
"Go open that door."
"Why can't you do it?"
"I'm pregnant. I can't do nothing."
"Okay, remember that."
"Nothing but fuck!" She shouted as I went to the door.
I laughed at her. My smile dropped when I opened the door and I saw Eric with a thin mustache above his lip like those men used to in Paris. Ivory, Cetiri, and Ebony were at the end of the driveway, Ebony looking at me with confusion written all over her face.
"Hello Beyoncé. How are you?"