Chapter Twelve: I Want U & It's Obvious.
Houston, Texas
June 11th
Beyoncé Giselle Knowles
I was hornier than a preacher's kid, my steps heavier with each step I took to her bedroom. My balls felt like they had a school bus of children inside.
Drinking sweet red wine by myself was a mistake. Especially when the girls were with Ebony.
I almost knocked on her door, but remembered she kept it unlocked as long as I wasn't laying in bed with her. She had anticipated me coming. Maybe not tonight, but every night she expected me. And here I was, vulnerable, playing right into her mind game.
I opened the door slow, saw her laying on her stomach, the silk sheets only covering half of her bottom. That mound was beautiful, jiggling every time she shifted and tried to get comfortable.
My mind imagined her on her back, legs behind her head, breasts begging me to suck. Pre-cum pooled inside me and I knew I'd be here for the rest of the night.
I hadn't had any since I got out. It felt like serving my sentence all over again, except I could see her in real time. I hadn't said anything, but she was more gorgeous than I remembered leaving her. I knew women that let themselves go after tragedy struck. Not this woman. She made me feel like a boy going through puberty. I just wanted to touch her, and every time she was around, my dick stood up. I couldn't keep count of how many times I wanted to give her some but wouldn't because she didn't deserve it.
She still didn't, but we pick our poison.
She rolled over onto her side just as I began walking. She saw me coming and rolled back onto her stomach. I kept going, knew she wanted me here. She missed me.
I crawled into the bed, pulling the sheets over us. Her thong was light pink with a bow on the back, peeking out from between her cheeks. I wanted to bite her, sink my teeth into her skin, and make my mark.
I pulled the bow, snapping it against her skin. She didn't react as I kissed her from her spine to her shoulder. I pressed up on her ass, letting my hardness swell against her.
She turned her head to look at me, staring me in my eyes, "You coming in here to play with my feelings?"
"Nope. Just your body."
We laughed together for the first time in a long time and my heart felt whole again. Above all else, she was my best friend. Admitting to myself that I needed her was hard, but it was true. Ten years. We had spent ten years with one another, may it be over the phone or visits or furlough, we were ten years in. It was hard to ignore all the time we'd spent together and all the time I still wanted to spend with her.
She touched my face, caressing my cheek, "You are drunk."
"I'm wine drunk. There's a difference."
"I'm concerned sweetie," Her tone was gentle, like the way she touched me. I rested my face in the palm of her hand like a kitten. "Can you understand that? I'm so scared for you. Alcohol is an ugly thing, and you're using it as a crutch."
"I'm not."
"You are. I don't want you to get to a point where you don't care if you're inebriated around the girls."
"I'd never do that."
"I believe you."
"I don't wanna talk about this anymore," I moved from her hand and kissed her shoulder. She wiggled back into me.
"I don't deserve what you wanna give me."
"My therapist working?"
She nodded her head as I caressed her skin. I ran my hands over her entire body, made sure to take time, refused to rush.
"I'm learning a lot about myself."
"She'll give you a reality check," I mumbled, continued giving her kisses.
Without words, we folded into one another. She raised up on her knees a little and I hovered over her, my fingers strumming her swollen clit like a guitar.
"I can't help how much I love you," I whispered. The liquor had me ready to confess, ready call off this whole thing and take my woman back.
She stopped me. She laid her body back down and removed my hand, still looking into my eyes.
"This is scaring me."
"Me too."
I rolled over beside her, stared at the ceiling as I stripped from my clothing. I opened my arms for her and she came to me, cuddling so close until we were mashed together. She belonged right here, close to my heart, forever.
"In a way, you've turned into Eric," I told her.
I'd thought about it, and it was the truth. He had done a nasty number on her and she jumped to me without trying to heal. I made the mistake of thinking that I alone could heal her from all the trauma he had put her through. And in turn, she had become him.
"I'm trying to fix it."
I rubbed her back, "Just making an observation."
"I'm sorry for being selfish. I just didn't want you to leave me and I hoped I could control that feeling you had for a little while longer until I got all my ducks in a row."
"That's your problem. You can't control everything, you definitely can't control people. You hated it when Eric tried to control you and look what you're doing."
"Your therapist told me it's a defense mechanism."
"Call her Ms. Nash."
"Okay."
"What are you defending yourself from? I've only ever been good to you. I've accepted everything that came with you. All the tears, mood swings, and everything in between. I took it all because I knew who I got with when I got with you. But damn. Sometimes I think I should've waited on you. Then we really wouldn't be here."
With her bare skin against mine, I felt as if I could tell her everything, and she would listen. I'd always been real with her, but here, like this, we couldn't hide from one another. I was tired of hiding, tired of fighting. I just wanted to live in bliss. Hopefully with Onika.
"We wouldn't have Cetiri."
"I wouldn't have missed ten years of my life."
"You blaming me?"
I nodded, "Partially. And it all goes back to the insecurities you bad. I was so obviously devoted to you. Yes I looked, but you did too, and I never touched her. Then you went and you poisoned the girl. She framed me because of you."
"And I apologize for that," She rubbed my ears, but I felt that but coming, "I think you should've fought. And I've told you this plenty of times. You gave up."
"I gave up?" I scoffed, "This is that selfish shit I'm talking about. You weren't in that blank ass room with two officers telling you that you're being charged with first degree fucking murder because there's a bitch in your bed with your prints all over her and the murder weapon that they didn't tell us shit about. You weren't there. You didn't experience the anxiety I did when they told me I could spend the rest of my damn life in prison unless I took that fucked up ass plea deal, so excuse me for choosing the better of two evils."
"Baby I'm sorry, that's not what I mean. Just... what if you won?"
"And what if I lost? I took that plea because I had a guaranteed going home date. I didn't think of me, I thought of you and our children. I thought that this trial could go on for months. Months of uncertainty, months of stress, and you could lose the life I'd put inside you deliberately. You would lose and lose again when they convicted me for the rest of my life. It was all for you and the life we were building together, so gave up? You're crazy. And even if I did, so the fuck what? Ten years over life? You'd leap."
She only came closer, pulling my body tighter into her embrace. "I'm sorry sweetie. I didn't think of it that way. I didn't want you to have any time so when you told me you were taking that plea deal, I thought you were leaving me forever."
"You always think someone's leaving you and that's not the case. You have an abandonment issue."
"I know. I'm sorry for putting it on you."
"Don't do that. I've always tried to be a help to you, as long as you help me help you. You keep on hiding from me and lying to me when I've told you that's not something you have to do. You're in trouble because of your lying and withholding. The truth is what attracts me."
"I understand. I always think I can control the truth before it happens. Like hopefully I can lean it in my favor."
"Well when you fuck up the way you did, you don't really get that choice."
"I know baby."
"Act like you know then."
"Give me the chance. Don't push me away if you're allowing me to try. It'll make me resent you and I'll stop trying."
"I'm here in this bed butt ass naked with you Onika. If that isn't giving you the chance then I don't know what is."
"Can we make up now? We don't have to get back together, we may not be ready, but I wanna make up," She kissed me along my jaw and threw her leg over me.
"You wanna fuck."
"I wanna make love," She turned my head and brought her lips to mine, her kiss sweet like sugar. She kissed me gently, our lips moving in sync like we had never separated once in our lives.
I couldn't help the way I still felt about this woman.
She had messed up bad, but I loved her still, and she was trying to fix it. We wanted the same thing and if I could forgive everybody else, I could damn well forgive the woman I put so much time, love, and effort into.
"Go slow baby, I need that."
I kissed her everywhere, didn't leave an inch of her body unkissed. I kissed her eyebrows, ran my thumbs over them and dragged my lips to her nose. She giggled when I licked her nose and moaned when my lips covered hers once more. As much as I wanted to pull my lips away, we just kept kissing, falling in love with a simple kiss the way we had from the beginning. If we only kissed for the rest of our lives, I'd be satisfied.
She pulled away to breathe, more girlish giggles leaving her pretty lips. I was smitten, all over again.
"Want me?" She asked me and I nodded, kissing her down to her chin. My lips dragged themselves lazily to her neck, missing every inch of her body. My hands had a mind of their own, couldn't stop even when I wanted to. I rubbed my hands down to her back, held her hips, squeezed her ass. I licked her collarbone, readied my tongue for the best part of her.
My tongue met her nipple and we both moaned. Her moans outweighed mine when my tongue swirled her nipple the way she liked. I bit her and she hissed, pushing my head closer.
"Slow down baby," Her hands were shaking when she placed them on my arms.
I didn't mind taking it slow right here. I took my time with both of her breasts, alternating my mouth and my fingers. I never left a nipple untouched or unsucked.
I was so hard for her, so aroused that I didn't even care that I was streaming cum onto the sheets. Her breasts were more perfect than I'd left them. I never wanted to move my mouth from these beautiful breasts.
She needed me slow, but I felt like an animal. I slapped her ass, pulled her thong and snapped it against her skin again.
"I need you bad," I told her.
We shifted once more. I let her move me just how she needed me until I was slouching against the headboard and she straddled me. I watched her as she steadied her feet onto the bed. She pushed her thong to the side and rocked, rubbing her wet pussy along the length of my dick.
"Damn," I let my head loll back just for her to come to me, kissing me and apologizing and rubbing. I throbbed, needed to be in her so bad that her deserving it didn't matter. I was pent up all over again, my frustration becoming larger than me. I told her, "Apologize with your pussy."
"You are so nasty," She pulled away and let me inside her wetness, our moans in perfect sync. She came down on me slow until all of me had disappeared inside her, her moaning so shaky but she wouldn't give it up until she had all of me.
I anticipated bouncing, placed my hands on her ass to assist. Instead, she showed me just what Trini's were known for. She grinded like there was music inside her head, her eyes refusing to leave mine, breaking me down.
"I missed you... right... here... baby," She was grinding me right into her cervix, that pain and pleasure turning her into a different beast.
I couldn't control my own body anymore, but she had my senses. My eyes wouldn't leave her, my ears bombarded with the sound of her wetness mashing with my hardness. She intertwined our fingers, letting me hold onto her as she fucked me like her life depended on it.
I was about to lose it. I couldn't hold onto her hands the way she wanted me to. I moaned like a bitch, begging for the euphoria that was coming.
"You wanna cum?" She kissed my nose, giggling innocently like this wasn't her doing.
I nodded my head frantically, growing inside her, throbbing inside her. Her walls were connecting to my brain, lubricating my nerves, and softening my heart. I could barely function, let alone talk.
"You're about to cum?" She pressed her forehead against mine, my tear-filled eyes meeting hers as I whimpered like a puppy, needing my sweet release. I grinded with her, hands shaking as I began to bounce her, slamming her down. "Wait on me baby, not yet."
"Shittt," I whined, practically crying. I was hitting HER spot, and it made me so sensitive, I couldn't keep taking this. "Please," I didn't want to beg, but this pleasure was bigger than my ego.
Fuck this.
Her head fell back and I looped my arms around her thighs. Swiftly, I had her on her back, her legs behind her head, pounding her spot and pouring cum into her like she was my personal cum bucket. I couldn't help myself. Her shaky hands came to my biceps but I wouldn't stop, staring her into her eyes.
"Cum all over me baby," I taunted her the way she had taunted me, hitting her spot over and over, fucking that crazy into submission.
Her back arched high off of the bed, her eyes rolling back into her head. She wanted to talk but she couldn't. I kept fucking her, kissing her lips, and telling her how much I loved her. It was the truth, and she needed it. Still, there was an animal inside me that wouldn't allow me to relax.
I pushed on that button like a bad kid being told no. I claimed her, grinded my hips to the rhythm of my name, spelled Beyoncé all over that pussy.
"Okay b-baby! Sorry!"
I pressed my forehead to hers, my bottom half continuing to work her, "I want you forever," I whispered and her eyes watered, staring right back into me.
"I'm cumming," Her entire body shut down, only her walls working around me, trapping me and splashing me, her cum calling me to keep fucking, keep making her cum just like this.
So I placed her legs on my shoulders and gave it to her slow, didn't care that she was still sensitive. We kissed and fell in love again, kissed and fell in love some more as I stroked her into oblivion, told her I forgave her with my sex as she apologized with her tongue.
There was nothing like this. Connecting to this woman. No one would ever understand. She was connected to my heart, my mind, and my soul. I could never let her go.