"Thanks for tha ride Woddy. I promise when I get a job. I'ma slide you some gas money." I told Woddy as we both got out tha car.
"Shut up Keyshawn, ain't nobody takin' no gas money from you."
"Niggah you betta, have you seen gas prices lately? It's to tha point it's either gon be gas or insurance, can't afford both." I laughed.
We walked into tha office of Watkins Law Firm.
"Andre!" I called out.
"Back here.." He hollered out. Woddy and I walked to tha back into his office.
"Have a seat please." Woddy and I took a seat, and he pulled out a folder and looked at me.
"So how are you today? He asked me.
"I'm doing good." I told'em.
"Just good, why not great?" He asked.
"I mean, it's just like any otha day, nothin' special."
"Well maybe the news that I have for you today will make it more than just a good day." He opened the folder he pulled out and started looking over paperwork.
"I've gotten more information about your probation. It's just a restraining order that Derrick placed against you, meaning that you must stay away from him. It doesn't say anything about you staying away from the kids but since the kids are in his possession and the restraining order is against you, you must stay away.... for now."
"I thought you said good news Andre." What he was saying didn't sound all that good to me.
"The good news is that as long as you stay away from him and don't get into any trouble with the law, we can get your probation reduced from six months to possibly three months or less." I smiled. That was good news.
"Awww... see that's better I got a smile out of you." He laughed. "I also got the information from Family Court. Derrick has filed for full custody of the kids. Of course, we can fight this but it's going to be challenging."
"And why is that?"
"Because it's going to be your word against his and right now he has the upper hand in winning because of what happened that day. He has the officer, the child protective service lady, and the doctor's reports from the hospital."
I was literally about to cry.
"So, what does she have that will help or work in her favor?" Woddy asked.
"Although everything he did was the perfect set up to make her look like the abuser the good thing is that you have a clean record, you have no reports or any trouble with the law or any abuse. Just continue to stay away from Derrick, keep doing good, find a job and go to therapy then you should be back with your children in no time.
"Well, I'm happy for that. I miss them so much."
"I'm going to do my best to help you get back to them. I do have one question though."
"What's that?" I asked him.
"I did a lot of digging and searching and I couldn't find one police report against Derrick. Why is that?" He and Woddy looked at me.
That was an answer that I didn't have. I didn't have anything to say other than the reason I never reported Derrick was because I was stupid, dumb, low confidence, low self-esteem, just flat out stupid. Not one time did I think to file a police report against Derrick but then again I never thought it would come to this. I just thought, one day I would be able to get away.
"Do you really think the law in Mississippi...tha white law of Mississippi was gon care or help a stripper black gurl throw a privileged white man in jail?" I asked him.
"No, no I don't, but I also don't see a stripper black girl in front of me. I see a strong, black queen who I now except to know that she has an army behind her and a strong, black king who's going to stand and fight this white Mississippi law with her. So, if anything happens please make sure to let me know and if a report needs to be file do so. It'll help you."
"I understand." I told him.
"Good, your court date is coming up soon. The main thing right now is to just continue to keep doing good."
"You know it's crazy how tha big bad wolf is so scared of lil' red riddin' hood."
"He saw you had become immune to the abuse; he was losing control over you, and he didn't know what else to do. So, he did what any other bitch man would do and that's set you up and call tha cops on you."
"I promise it would be easier to just kill him. I mean it can't be a court date if it's no one for me to go against."
"I'm going to act like I didn't just hear you say that. But I'm sure he's not going to be bothering you anymore, he not only knows you have family standing behind you, but he can also see. I head he file a complaint about his car window being busted." He looked at Woddy.
I promise these niggahs had a staring contest for at least 2 minutes.
"I'on know what you talkin' about. But can she travel?" Woddy asked finally ending the staring contest.
"Yeah, she doesn't have an ankle monitor. Just don't travel far. I don't want it to seem like she's running or something. I really hate to sound like a parent I just want to make sure that we get you back with your kids and we don't have much to work with and need to make sure we have good things to present to the judge when the court date arrives...speaking of...how's therapy?"
"I don't need therapy."
"If after everything you've been through you don't think you need therapy shows that you need therapy. Please make sure to start going."
"Don't worry, I'll make sure she goes and doesn't miss any sessions." Woddy said.
"Healing must begin within and branch outward."
He went over a few more things with me and then Woddy and I left and headed to the one place I was putting last on my to do list, therapy.
____________
"Keyshawn we can't and we not gon sit in this car the whole time." Woddy said.
"I'on wanna go Woddy."
"Why not?"
"Cause I'on wanna relive that shit! Sitting around a bunch of women who were just as stupid as me getting beat and not sayin' shit, why talk now, huh? It's only goin' to make it worse."
"Look you kno me by now and you kno I ain't gon sugar coat shit wit you, especially to spare yo feelings. You want yo kids back right?"
"Yea, of course."
"Then stop bitchin' and do what you need tah do to get'em back. Tha shit may help you more than you think."
I turned and looked at him.
"Damn niggah, well will you at least go in wit me?"
"I'll go in wit you but I'm stayin' in tha back. You always gon have us to depend on but you also gotta start belivin' in you Keyshawn and not dependin', or being scared. You gotta start havin' trust that yo gon' be okay and he doesn't have control over you, trust that you got this and gon make tha right decisions."
"Okay, let's just go and get it ova wit" I took a deep breath and got out tha car.
We walked into tha Chucallisa Community Center. I peeked into tha gym whure tha meeting was being held, Woddy came behind me and opened the door and pushed me in with his body. Tha door closed so damn loud. Everybody turned around and looked at me. I could see a few of tha gurls whisperin' to one anotha', I could tell they knew me, at least knew I was Miss. Mississippi.
"Hello, please come sit and join us." Some lady said standin' up pointing to an empty seat. I went and took a seat.
"I'm Cheryl Bass, president of O.S.P, One Safe Place. We provide shelter, therapy and help for women who are victims of domestic violence, and you are?"
"I'm Keyshawn...Keyshawn Harris."
"Could have fooled me. Thought you was MISS MISSISSIPPI" the same gurls that were whisperin' when I came in started to laugh.
"Your whoever you say you are in here." She gave the gurls a look then continued. "Today I would like to talk about everyone's first experience with domestic violence. I wanna talk about how family and friends helped you and what things you've done yourself to get stronger. Who wants to start?"
Everyone looked at eachother and nobody said anything.
"Must I remind you that this therapy group program only lasts a few weeks, and everyone must participate in order to have a completion form." I remember what Andre said earlier. Healin' starts from within.
"The first time always catches you off guard. As his hands wrapped tightly around my throat, slowly takin' life away from me and my unborn child I had one thought and that was to leave. A lot of people say, "why don't you just leave?" but what they don't know is that it's not just that easy. Especially when you have your own family slam tha door in yo face. That was my first mistake...going back. That allowed him to see tha power he had.... the power he had ova me. He knew then that I had nowhere else to go to, no one to help me. It was only recently I found out that I had way more help than I knew of. I had framily." I looked back at Woddy, and he just gave me a small smile.
"So many arguments, so many fights, so many bruises, so much make-up, so so so much make-up. It's crazy, it had gotten so bad that he knew which brand of makeup to get and would go out and buy it for me, so that I wouldn't have to go anywhere. What he was really doing was keepin' me trapped inside tha house. What I thought was tha perfect getaway plan didn't work, it ended me up hure. I'm still learning and workin' towards getting better."
The session lasted about and hour. I thought my story was bad but some of the other women had been through so much worse than I had. Once we were done for tha day I walked up to Woddy who was still waitin' in tha back.
"Are you happy now?" I asked him. He grabbed me and gave me tha tightest hug.
"Woddy, I can't breathe." He let go quick.
"My bad, but yes, I'm happy now."
"Yeah, me to. I'm glad I came."
_____________
"Cedes gurl tell me again why is we eatin' at Madea's?"
Cedes had called me wantin' to have lunch. I hadn't seen her since tha time I went by her gym, so I decided why not go and catch up with my bottom bitch.
"I just wanted to see you and catch up. I miss you."
"Yo ass can always come back to tha club. Mercedes Sundays can get it back poppin'"
"Oh nah, you don't needs me, you got Roulette and Whisper. I heard they holdin' it down."
"They iight but can't nobody have tha club poppin like Mercedes Sundays."
The waiters came and took our order.
"How's Grandmuva Ernestine doin'?"
"Gurllllll tween ha and murda they gon drive a bitch to tha grave."
"What they doin?" She laughed.
"Bullyin' me."
"Bitch stop!" She was really crackin' up.
"I'm serious Cedes. They got this best friend bond. Probly at tha house now plottin' on a bitch."
"Stop, you got a niggah that care for you and yo grandmuva, and he take good care of her. Be happy, most niggahs won't even do that."
"I'm so happy Cedes, he makes me so happy." I told her smiling.
"Bitch is you in love?"
"Woah now... I'on kno about love. Let's say it's a strong like."
"You ain't foolin' me or anybody with eyes bitch. Yous in love."
"I'on kno if I can keep up with'em."
"What chu mean?"
"Gurrrllll tha thangs he does tah me be havin' me on cloud fu'kin' one million."
"Not one million, please do tell."
"He's such a sweetheart and he's romanic. Don't get me wrong, niggah still hood as fuck and don't think he calls himself murda fah no reason. But wit me he's so.... gentle, caring, and protecting. And don't get me stated on tha dick."
Cedes just looked at me.
"Um, I said please do tell. That ain't mean leave out tha good part."
We both leaned ova tha table like two best friend's tellin' a secret that nobody else could kno bout.
"Murda be on that Kevin Gates shit. I'm talkin' bout bitch bend ova , stand up on ya toes , bend ova, breathe thru ya nose...You eva had someone give you complete control ova them...have someone make love to you with just they mouth, run they tongue up and down yo body, slurpin. yo'- "
"Okay, okay bitch, that's enough. I'm bout tah get wet."
"Let me find out you done got a man and ain't tol' me!"
The waitress brought us our food.
"Nah, it ain't no man. I'm thankin' bout'"
I looked up and threw one of my fries at ha.
"Bitchhhh, let me find out yous bumpin' coochie."
"It was one time, one and done."
"Why, obviously you liked it."
"I gots Terrika to worry about now, and the gym."
"You betta do what makes you happy and find a way to juggle that shit. You had responsibilities even when she wasn't wit you so find a way to juggle it all and do what makes you happy. Don't live yo life questioning what could have been."
We talked some more and ate our food. Then started to head out.
"This was nice. We need to do this again cause-"
Someone walked passed me and almost knocked me down.
"Damn you fuckin' faggot watch whure tha fuck you goin'"
"Excuse me?"
"You hurd me, watch whure tha fuck you goin you FUCKIN' FAGGOT!"
"Mane you betta chill tha fuck out." Mercedes said.
Mercedes stepped in between me and tha dude. He was rockin' blue and gold head to toe.
"Do we get a problem Mane?" We all turned around and saw some light skinned dude standing behind me, he had one hand behind his back at waist length. A bitch wasn't dumb. I knew he had his hand on his gun.
"Nah, er'thang cool Lante. Lil'mama done made it real fu'kin crystal clear she done picked a side."
They looked at me with disgust and walked into tha restaurant.
"Uncle Clifford let's go." Cedes started walkin' to tha parking lot.
"What tha fuck was that Cedes?"
"Look let's just go, don't worry about it. He ain't gon do nothin'"
"Stop and tell me what tha fuck is goin' on now!"
She stopped walkin' and turned around.
"That's Mane, he and murda got beef I guess."
"Tha fucks you mean, you guess?" I was gettin' madder by tha second.
"Afta my last dance at tha club, I asked him if he liked tha show and he said he would have liked it betta if I wasn't on stage with that faggot HVH niggah and said that he needed to watch his back."
"You mean to tell me that this niggah basically told you, that it's war with him and murda and you didn't say nothin? Are you fu'kin serious Cedes? I thought we was framily!"
"WE ARE!"
"I was just about to get shot because you failed to let a bitch kno what tha fuck was goin' on."
"I mean... they all talk that gang shit, plus he's on probation, I ain't think he would really do sumthin."
"You sound so fu'kin' stupid! They take that gang shit to heart.! It's in they blood Cedes! Not only did you kno afta tha grand re openin' but you always knew at tha party, you were front fu'kin row and saw murda kiss me, did you not think for one minute that my association with him would put me in danger as well?!!"
"Uncle Clifford I-"
"Uh-uh, Uncle Clifford Rule Numba six hunned and thirty-five- "Loyalty has an expiration date." I never thought yours would expire so soon. I thought I had a sista fah life. I'm done wit you."
I hurried past her and walked to my car. I be damned if I let her see me cry.
________
"What chu kno about this one Miss Ernestine?"
We had been chillin in the livin' room going back and forth listin' to music. I put on Forever Mine by tha O'Jays.
'Yesssss what chu kno bout this good music hure Murda?" She asked me and got up from ha seat. I went ova and grabbed ha hand and we started slow dancin'
"Ya'll be sleepin' on me, I kno my ol'school"
"Well, I bet chu ain't know they wrote this song bout me." I laughed and shook my head; she was really somethin' else.
"Is that right? Nah I ain't kno that."
"Yep they all wanted a bitch."
"Which one you chose?"
"Aw heyell niggah, all of'em."
We were laughin' so much I slipped up and didn't even hure Cliff come in. She was leaning against tha wall watchin' us. I started mouthin' tha words of the song to ha.
'Cause it's you I'm thinkin' about pleasin'
Oh, baby... aahh,
Never think about leavin'
(Don't do it) don't do it (don't do it) oh, baby
It's you I'm thinkin' about pleasin'
Aahh...
Don't you ever think about leavin' (Don't do it)
Don't do it, baby?
"Niggah, why you just standin' ova thure? You wanna dance wit'em?" Miss. Earnestine asked Cliff. I guess she could feel ha presence.
"I mean, yeah."
"Welp, to bad, song ova."
I just looked at Cliff and held my hands up in surrender laughing. I went and grabbed her purse and phone then grabbed ha hand and walked to tha couch. I put her phone and purse on tha table and gave ha a kiss. She tried to pull back first and turn ha head. I gently grabbed ha face and turned it towards me.
"What's wrong? Why yo eyes so red, you been cryin?"
"LaMarques no, it's just my allergies actin' up got a bitch eyes itchin'" I really ain't believe ha but I also didn't press tha issue.
"You wanna eat?" I asked ha.
"Yeah that dick!"
"Opp- Do you eva stop to think about what you bout to say?!" Cliff asked Miss. Earnestine. I just laughed and she elbowed me in my side.
"Niggah nawl, afta you don lived as long as I lived, been through all I been through, what I got ta watch my mouth fah? I'ma say what I want."
"I just can't with ya'll tonight." Cliff got up.
"What I do?"
"Don't be playin' victim. You right alone wit ha, you probly been tellin' ha stuff."
"Niggah a bitch can hear,"
"I'm bout to take a shower." Cliff turned and went upstairs.
"Maybe we should chill on ha. You think she really be gettin' mad at us?"
"Niggah nawl, she knows we playin'"
"I'ma go to tha store and get Cliff some medicine you need-"
Ding!, Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
Cliff phone started going off with message alerts.
Ding!, Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
"Is you gon look to see who it is?"
"Nah,"
Ding!, Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
"Hand me tha phone, I'll look and see."
"I'm takin' you to tha eye doctor, you swear you can see."
Ding!, Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
Curiosity got tha best of me and I grabbed tha phone. It could have been Big L or somethin' may have been wrong with tha club. Luckily she had her messages set to preview and I was able to see that it was Mercedes textin ha.
9:00 pm
Uncle Clifford please text me back.
9:02 pm
Don't let this break up our Framily.
9:03 pm
I would have never let Mane hurt you!
Mane? Hurt you? My heart was beatin' so fast and all I saw was red.
"Um... I'ma...I'ma be back, I'ma go get tha medicine."
"You ain't gon get no medicine. The moment you picked up that phone your breathin' changed. You want me to roll out wit chu?"
"No," I swear she stayed tryin' to be gangsta. "I need you ta stay hure and hold it down."
"A bitch can do that!"
I was still seein' red when I got in tha car. She skraight lie to a niggah, I'm supposed to be ha niggah but she lied to me... I tried to calm down and just think of reasons why she ain't just tell me tha truth but I was already too heated to calm down and think.
________
"So, it's like 11:00 pm and we just starin' at a bunch of niggah's outside smokin', drinkin' and dressed in blue and gold." Winter asked.
"I mean forreal what chu call us fah niggah? What's up?"" Tru asked me.
"I'm bout to bury me a niggah,"
"You kno I'm down wit whatever but be mo specific niggah." Tru said.
"Niggah wit no shirt on with tha bandana round his neck. Niggah tried to run up on Cliff."
"And she told you this?"
"Why you askin' so many fu'kin questions. I got enough proof."
"Cause yo too fu'kin hot headed and you got a show comin' up and meetin' with tha record label. I neva care or question bout shit that need to be done but if somebody gon do it, it can't be you. You got shit ta do, important shit. If you want tha niggah dead than he dead, simply as that but it gon be you ta do it."
"So how you gon do it?" Winter asked me.
I reached and pulled up my Draco.
"See what I'm talkin' bout' you ain't thinkin'. You tryin' to go in loud as fuck, cause a whole fuckin' scene."
"Ain't nobody got time tah be waiting on Woddy or you to get shit done. I want him dead."
"And that can be done, but it's not gon happen yo way niggah, I'm not lettin' you fuck up your chance of gettin' out of Chucallisa, you not stoppin' again."
"We gotta do somethin' I can't let this shit ride. Fuckin with Cliff is like fuckin with my life."
"We can go in and-."
"No,"
We both turned around and looked at Winter.
"Whatever you're going to say, don't say it. It's not gon work. You don't send a man to do a woman's job. I been watching and feeling him out. He muscled up but look simple and every simple man think with one thing. They dick." She reached in tha front seat and grabbed tha blue and gold bandanna I had and got out tha car.
We watched ha from tha car. She walked up to Mane and his boys stepped to her. Tru put his hand on tha door handle. I put my arm out to stop him.
"Be easy."
We watched a little longer and her and Mane ended up goin' in tha house. We waited it out a little longer until the crowed disappeared. We put on our ski mask, gloves, grabbed tha tape and rope from tha trunk, and got our pistols. We snuck around to tha back door and picked tha lock. We creeped to tha livin' room and saw Mane sittin' in a chair and Winter in front of him dancin'. She looked up at me and gave me a wink.
"What tha-"Before he could turn around I pistol whipped him. He fell to tha ground.
"Pick his ass up!" Tru grabbed him in a choke hold from behind and slammed him back in tha chair. Winter got tha rope and tape from Tru and tied him up and taped his mouth. I pulled up another chair and took off my ski mask. He moved trying to get out tha chair when he saw it was me.
"You old ass Chief-fi-Chief niggahs just don't know when tah give up huh? Didn't you just hav'ta bury one of yah niggahs not to long ago.. I'ma keep this short. If you think I'ma let that shit you pulled today slid, you drummer than I thought. If you ever fuck wit my Framily i'ma erase yo whole bloodline niggah. First I'ma start with ya mama, she lives off Enon street ove on tha south side. White house, 3 bedrooms,2 bath. Afta I kill ya mama, I'ma kill ya little brotha, after I kill ya brotha then I'ma kill yo aunts, uncles, cousins... EVERY FUCKIN BODY! Anybody who fuckin' kno you exist will die. I got a doctorates in Murda, that murda game shit to easy."
He tried to say somethin' and I snatched tha tape off his mouth.
"You fuckin' faggot ass niggah, I'ma kill you and that faggot!"
I held my hand out and Tru handed me his knife. He grabbed Manes mouth and pried it open. He had a good grip on his bottom jaw. I grabbed Manes tongue and carved tha letters UC. Tru held his mouth shut and I carved tha letters UC on his left cheek, right cheek and mouth.
"Now you got my bitch name tatted in yo mouth."
He tried to say somthin' but Tru still has a tight grip on his mouth.
"This was just a warnin', you see how tha fuck I'm steppin' behind me and mines, keep playin' and make me play GOD! If you fuck with me or mines again. You ain't gon live to see yo brotha graduate from Chucallisa High. Shit yo brotha ain't gon live to graduate. I will bury each and every fuckin' one of you. Play round again and see."
We left out tha front door with ease. I would hope this niggah gained some sense, I don't fuckin' play about mines.