The darkness that surrounds me is nothing like anything I've felt before. Despair, anger, fury. The darkness within me feeds from those. They fuel it, even in sleep. But when I open my eyes even still, the evident lack of light is still present. Darkness surrounds me. It lives within me all the same.
I'm already standing when my eyes open and I'm faced with a complete absence of light. I quickly notice I'm in the same endless, dark place I found myself in when I was warned of my upcoming betrayal. The blinding light in the distance, which, as I walk closer to it, seems to be getting farther and farther away. Even now, I still have no clue who my betrayer will be, but I'm determined to be ready for when it happens. I can't let myself be caught off guard again.
I understand immediately that after what happened last time I found myself here, I need to follow the light until it shows me something. So that's exactly what I do. I begin to tread towards the light, hoping that whatever it wants to show me isn't anything like last time.
After a while of walking after the light, nothing has happened yet, and it starts to irritate me. "What do you want to show me?" I ask the darkness. Coming to a standstill after a few more steps, annoyed at the lack of an answer, I say, "I'm not moving anymore until you show me what you need to show me instead of leading me towards the light without any answers."
A shocked squeal escapes past my lips when the light disappears, leaving total darkness in its wake. There's nothing to be seen through the abyss, and no matter how hard I try to get a glimpse of even a little speck of light, there's no use. I'm stuck here with the refusal of this place to show me what it brought me here for. "Are you just going to leave me in the dark until I wake up?" I ask, but once again, nothing answers my question.
"And I thought I would never see you again." Something—someone says from behind me. But when I turn around as fast as I can in hopes that I can catch whoever had said that, nothing is there. Just the same absolute darkness from before.
"Who are you?" I ask. Take a step forward. "Come out and face me."
"Has it really been that long?" the voice asks. It's a male voice, and I know I've heard it before. As I search my mind for an image of the person who that voice belongs to, it all becomes clear.
"Alec," I say, my face contorting into one of anger.
"Hello, daughter." The light comes back, only this time it stands over me. The version of Alec that I knew before I found out about my real family steps into the beam above me that looks like a spotlight. His pale skin and bright blond hair glow as he steps toward me. "You're not calling me Dad anymore?" he asks, his lips tugging upward.
"You're not my father," I state. "And I'm not your daughter. Not anymore. Not ever." Alec smiles, outstretching his arms as if coming in for a hug. But before I can protest, he wraps them around me, pulling me close.
"What changed, darling?" Everything. When he pulls away, he takes a step back. "Really, you should be grateful. I raised you."
"You took me from my family and raised me so you could take my powers," I snap. He doesn't see my hands coming until they collide with his chest, shoving him back. The anger I have been suppressing for him for months comes out all at once. He stumbles, but doesn't quite fall. "Why would you do that to me?" I shout. The light that floats over my head follows me as I take a few steps forward and push Alec again. "You took me from them and kept me as your own for seventeen years, and now that finally I have the chance to be with them, they're dead!" Alec doesn't protest my assault. In fact, he lets me push him. Tears flow out of my eyes as I do so. "Why?" I ask, pleading. "Why would you do that?" With one final push, he lands on the ground. Angry.
"Your father took over my pack and killed my parents when they refused to submit," he spits. Standing, he points a finger at me. "Your mother had me imprisoned for months."
"After you tried to kill her."
"I grew up with nothing because of your family. It was only fair that the favor was returned," he says, crossing his arms.
"Growing up with nothing was no excuse, Alec!" I yell, my voice rising with every word. "No excuse," I repeat. "I would know."
With another stab of his finger and another step in my direction, Alec begins to shout. "I tried my best to give you a good life. I did everything for you. I loved you like you were my child." Even though he admits he loved me as his own, I don't know if I can believe it. I believed him every time he'd say it when I was a kid, but now I can't possibly look him in the face as he says it and find truth in his words. "I protected you. So don't tell me it wasn't a good excuse, because you have no idea what it feels to have nothing."
An unbelieving laugh leaves my lips. "Are you sure?" I ask. "Because for seventeen years, I had nothing." It's my turn to shove a finger at him. I take a step towards him, and he takes one back. "You took me away from my family." Another jab. "You forced me to live in terrible conditions." Another. "You faked the death of one of my closest friends in order to 'make me stronger,' as you put it. You told my other best friend the truth about me and forced him to keep it a secret, threatening him with death." A part of me wishes that my powers could work in this place. It would make taking my anger out a lot easier. "You took everything from me! I had nothing for my entire life because of you. You don't do that to people you love!" Suddenly, it comes to me. I remember the conversation between Bennett and I.
This world will always be yours. Whether you want it or not. It's yours. The people in this world are willing to make things right for you.
Bennett was right, as much as I wouldn't like to admit it. Where Alec took things from me and left me with nothing. This world—my world— our world is willing to give me everything. "But now, I have more than I ever had with you. More than you ever gave me." With an exasperated sigh leaving my lips, I watch Alec's expression twist intently. "I have an entire world."
Alec scoffs. It surprises me that he knows what I'm talking about. I'm meant to be queen of the werewolf world and he knows it. I don't know why it scares me that even in death, he sees every moment of my life. "What's the use of your world if they wouldn't even help you?" he asks smugly, folding his hands over his chest. "They don't even know who you are to them."
"They may not," I agree. "But with any of Bennett's commands, they'd do anything for me."
Alec lets out a laugh I've never heard from him before. It's laced with a teasing undertone. Almost as if he's mocking me. "Bennett?" he asks, raising a brow. "You mean your mate who's family did nothing to help my pack when it was destroyed by your father? Don't forget when they did nothing when your little boyfriend's pack was torn to pieces by rogues."
I snap at him. "Knowing you, you probably orchestrated that attack to introduce him into my life," I spit. My legs carry me into a pace. Beginning to walk around the outskirts of the ring of light we're under, I continue, side-eyeing him. "Sounds like something you would do."
Alec deflects my attempts to blame him. "Let us not forget about how they took seventeen years to find you," he says, directing a glare in my direction in response to my previous words. "I hid you in plain sight for seventeen years and it took them that long?" He turns on his heels as I ring around him, leaving his rhetorical question lingering in the air around us."And it wasn't even them who found you. Some pack that your father happened to have an alliance with did." Leaving the words to hang in the air like a suffocating fog, he pauses. He wants to make sure I take each syllable in. And I am, but I don't believe anything he's saying at all. "Do you really think they cared about you? In what way would it benefit them to care about finding a lost child that is of no importance to them?"
"The Astraea pack found me," I correct him. "They aren't just some pack. And I'm glad they found me because—" I stop my pacing in front of him, staring right into his eyes "— they didn't hesitate to kill you. Now you can't do any harm. You may be able to come into my head to torment me, but you can't do any harm in the real world. Not anymore."
Suddenly, Alec's expression twists. His seriousness fades into a knowing smirk. "What?" I ask, looking deep into his eyes for an answer I know he isn't going to let me see through them. If I want an answer from him as easily as just looking at his facial expression, his look makes it clear that I'm going to have to work for it.
"Darling," he chuckles, amused. He says the one word in a teasing manner. As if I'm missing something. As if I'm an absolute fool for not realizing it sooner. "I may not be able to do damage myself, but I left my men strict instructions."
"Your men?" my brow rises.
"My friends, if you will," he replies, extending an arm in his explanation. But then a realization hits his face and he lifts a finger in my direction. "In fact, I believe you've met them before."
It's almost as if my heart knows what he means before I do because it sinks. I feel it plummet in an instant as his smirk grows sinister. "Your pack was the last to meet them."
The Destroyers.
***
My eyes snap open upon the realization without getting to say another word or ask more questions. I want to tell myself that everything that has been going on the past couple of days was part of that dream and that I've woken up in my room in the pack house, but as I sit up on the bed and look around, I realize I'm still in the room that was assigned to me at the palace.
Rubbing a hand down my face, I let out a sigh. Alec was the Destroyers' leader. But how? None of it lines up. He was able to keep it from me my whole childhood and somehow never let any information slip. But he was right. Harm isn't something he can do by himself now that he is dead, but he has done so much of it since his death. I understand now that this is what he intended. The entire world believed that with his death, everything would be peaceful. That's what he wanted us to believe. And we did. We are fools for letting our guard down—for believing that his death was the end of it all—for believing that the destroyers were unorganized and weak. And now we pay for it.
My brother peeks through a crack he makes in the door before opening it all the way and stepping fully inside. "How are you doing?" He asks. He looks like he hasn't been able to sleep in days although the attack was only two days ago. From the door, I can clearly see the dark bags hanging under his red, swollen eyes. Although it hasn't been long, he looks thinner and slightly frail from the lack of food he's been eating. If he looks like this as someone who knows how to keep himself together in bad situations, I can't imagine how I look.
"I'm fine," I say, which couldn't be farther from the truth. "But I should be asking you the same."
Rowan shrugs as he walks toward me, sticking his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. "I'm pulling through," he says. "I've been making decisions for the service." Guilt settles in my chest. I should be helping him but instead, I've been cooped up in this room the last few days. "It's tomorrow, you know," he reminds me, which I know. Bennett has been keeping me informed about a few things, which include the plans for the funeral, which will be a large one for everyone who died in the attack, and things like the investigation for the attack, which they've gotten nowhere with. We don't know anything about where the Destroyers went after it. We don't know where they're located, or any information on when they plan to attack next. We know nothing, and it kills me how hard it is to get answers.
"I'm sorry. I should be helping you," I say. But instead of agreeing with me, he shakes his head.
"You need some space, and I get that," he says, sincerity in his voice. "I don't mind making all the decisions on my own."
"But that's not fair," I argue, sliding out of the bed. "You need some time to mourn as well as I do." Grabbing my shoes, I slide them on. "Take some time to yourself. I'll take care of everything else." Rowan seems to consider my offer, but it doesn't take him long to reject it.
"I need a distraction," he argues back, pulling his hands out of his pockets. "And there's a lot left to get done. I don't expect you to do it all on your own."
I point at Rowan. "But you expect yourself to get all of that done on your own."
Rowan chuckles at my accusation. "You wouldn't understand. Keeping myself busy makes me forget for a little while." He takes his hand and scratches the back of his neck nervously. "And even though my problems will still be there when I remember them, it feels good to forget about them for a little bit."
I sigh, deciding that no matter how much I try, I won't get him to take a break from everything that he's been doing, even though he looks like he hasn't slept in years.
Rowan excuses himself and tells me he has many more things to get to before tomorrow. I feel guilty that I'm not helping him, but he doesn't want my help and I have to respect his decision. Especially now that we're both going through all of this.
My brother has never been someone to show heavy emotions. He always feels like it's unnecessary. One of the only times I've ever actually seen him show how he was feeling was when I was found and he told me who I was. The only other time was when we watched our mother slip away from us. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he'd be as much of a mess as I am. But other than his apparent lack of sleep, he seems to be holding himself together. Even if he's falling apart on the inside, he sure isn't showing it. I would kill to be able to do it as effortlessly as he can. It's something about him I admire.
The first thing I do once Rowan leaves my room is change out of the old clothes I've been wearing since yesterday when I took a shower. Walking into the bathroom, I make it over to the sink, where brand new toiletries sit on the counter, ready for me to use. I grab the toothbrush, which is still in it's packaging, and tear it open. There's an unopened tube of toothpaste on the counter next to all the other packaged items.
It isn't until I turn the water on and bring the toothbrush to my mouth that I catch the first glimpse of myself in the mirror. Heavy purple bags hang substantially under my eyes. The bags look like the weight of them is pulling my eyes down because my eyes have never felt so heavy. The countless tears I've been releasing over the last few days have caused my lids to droop and the skin surrounding my eyes to become puffy. Lily had come into my bedroom late last night, her reasoning being she couldn't sleep. She ended up giving me another lesson on makeup. Now all of our hard work is smudged all around my face since I didn't bother to wash it off after we were done. I look awful.
After brushing my teeth, washing my face, and fixing my hair, I'm out the door of the room and down all the extravagant hallways. I don't think I remember how to get to Bennett's office, but I'm determined to find my way to it. Lucky for me, there are small signs located on every corner that lead me to his suite. I notice every worker and person I come across makes it their mission to avoid me. It doesn't bother me, however. No one would want to have any sort of awkward interaction with someone who just lost their entire pack. They're only trying to spare themselves from an uncomfortable situation.
It surprises me that none of the staff members in Bennett's suite stop me to ask what I'm doing here. I was hoping something like the first time I was up here would happen. But no one even looks my way, and for some reason, I find myself being grateful for it. A few seconds after knocking on the office door pass before Bennett yells for me to go in.
The king is on the phone talking with someone who I can assume isn't of any relation to him. His voice is professional—powerful as he speaks. "I want everything to be perfect," he says, nodding along to whatever the person on the other end is saying. "I'll pay you however much you want so long as nothing goes wrong. This is very important. Miss and Mister Bloodmoon deserve the best of the best." He pauses for a moment to let the other person speak. "I'm counting on you." Saying his goodbyes, he hangs up the phone. His eyes fall onto me as he finally looks up.
"You were talking about me?" I ask, prompting a small smile from him. I close the door behind me and walk to one of the few chairs in front of his desk, sitting down.
"I was making some calls," he admits. "Rowan has been sending me his decisions for the service for the last few days and I'm making sure everything is perfect for you two."
"I feel bad that I'm not helping," I say, to which he nods, showing he understands.
Bennett lifts a palm. "Planning an entire funeral isn't easy after you've lost someone," he mutters. "Let alone a whole pack."
"Exactly," I press. "Which is why I should be helping Rowan. I would be right now if he didn't insist he could do it on his own." My eyes drift off and land on one of the bookshelves behind Bennett. I catch a glimpse of one of the multiple books I searched through when Levi brought me into the office for the first time after my power surge. Some of those books had no answers. Only a few of them had a measly paragraph about sacred wolves, all saying practically the same thing. But only one of them barely contained the answer I was looking for.
Bennett's voice calls for my attention. "Each person grieves in a different way," he claims. His hands interlock on top of his desk as he leans forward. He gestures to me with his hand. "You grieve by locking yourself up and keeping time to yourself." Then he gestures in a different direction, toward wherever Rowan may be. "And your brother grieves by keeping himself busy."
"And that's okay," he calls me to attention when my eyes begin to drift to my hands in my lap. "You'll tear yourself to pieces trying to be like everyone else." I don't think I'll ever be able to understand how Bennett always finds the right words to say because now I feel just a little less guilty about keeping myself locked in my room since we got back. Like maybe I'm not so selfish for leaving my brother to do everything on his own.
There's a sigh that leaves my lips. "You're right," I admit. "But I didn't come here to waste your time. I came here to tell you about a dream—" I correct myself quickly. Nothing like what I saw will ever be a dream. Dreams aren't real. That was. "A vision I had. It's been bothering me and I think you need to know about it."
Bennett leans forward in his fancy office chair, inching closer to me. "A vision?" he asks.
As I explain in detail everything I saw, I begin to feel more and more ridiculous by the second. Only in their dreams would someone who is normal see something like this. Someone who isn't anything like me. I can tell that even Bennet is having a hard time believing anything about this is any more than just a dream. His hand reaches for the back of his neck as he scratches it in uncertainty.
"Are you sure?" he asks as soon as I tell him about my discovery. Alec was the leader of the group that has been causing us so much trouble and he left them strict orders to finish what was started. "As far as I know, we've investigated him and he has never had any ties with the destroyers. There's no possible way. Maybe it was just a bad dream—"
"—No," I insist. "It wasn't just a bad dream, Bennett." When I see the look on his face doesn't change, I continue. "I've had so many visions like this and every time I've had one, it always comes true. I had one about my mother and my pack before I was found and look—" I motion around me with both my hands. "I'm here now. This can't just be a dream."
The king sitting before me is still unconvinced. I stand. "Please. You have to believe me," I tell him, pleading. I'm afraid of what could happen if he doesn't take me seriously. Everyone could be put in danger.
He eyes me hesitantly. "It's not that I don't believe you, Norah," he says. "This kind of thing doesn't just happen to any ordinary person."
"That's because I'm not just any ordinary person," I reply. "You know that. Nothing about me is ordinary. You have to believe me if you want to keep your people safe."
Bennett sighs, defeated. "Very well. We can interrogate the spies again tomorrow after the funeral."
My lips grow into a small smile. "Thank you," I say graciously, but he doesn't reply with words. His nod is enough for me. I push my chair out of the way before placing it back and making my way to the door. It makes a click as I shut it behind me.
_________________________
Hello everyone!
Thanks for bearing with me on my huge break. This chapter isn't great but I've been so busy with school, college apps, band, theatre, and choir that I'm not finding much time to write. But, I am not planning on ever stopping writing. I will continue for the rest of my life.
A little update on my life: I'm taking 3 AP classes as a senior and AP Stat is kicking my ass. The content of the class isn't hard for me, but it's so much work. My other AP classes aren't too bad.
My school is doing The Little Mermaid musical and I'm so excited! I'm doing my first choir solo in October, which I'm so excited about as well.
I'll try my very best to push out the next update as soon as I can. If I had to guess, I think I have about 20 more chapters left.
Anyways, I'll see y'all in the next chapter!