Second morning without Mum interfering my life (for now), I could sense Leo's bad mood kasi nakiki-breakfast na naman kami ni Clark sa kanila. As usual, he's the house husband, and Kyline brought Eugene sa school habang katapat ko na sa table si Luan na may sarili nang upuan at hindi nakakandong sa daddy niya.
Clark has a kitchen in his bachelor's pad, and his ref has food in it, pero nakiki-parasite na naman kami kina Leo. His reason right now was my plan on asking Ky as my logistics partner.
Wala namang problema sa plan ko, in all fairness, but I got where Leo's bad mood was coming from.
Clark said sa call kanina before we went here, I need logistics for my possible shipments kasi online transactions ako, for now.
Pagdating namin kina Leo, nanghiram ulit ako ng underwear and extra clothes, and I dunno if Leo was being perceptive or passive, pero binigyan ako ni Kyline ng damit na fitted for me, as in saktong-sakto lang talaga. Kahit underwear, exact size!
I wore a chili red cardigan and a plain white sleeveless blouse. The red wrap skirt was perfect since ka-color ng cardigan, though the shade was a bit darker and more of fire brick red than chili red, pero okay lang. Kyline gave me newly-bought skin tone stockings. They even bought me red platform shoes na perfectly fit din!
I was thankful pa nga kasi akala ko talaga, si Ky ang bumili kasi super sakto lahat. But to my surprise, nope! Leo bought my undies and clothes!
Grabe ang hiya ko right now kasi pabibilhin ko na ang kahit sino sa barkada ni Kuya ng bra at panty, huwag lang si Leo. I mean, we weren't that close saka ang scary niya, actually, para bilhan niya 'ko ng underwear at damit. More so, he's the guy sa barkada ni Kuya na may pamilya na.
Buti nga, open-minded si Kyline na bumibili ng underwear at damit ng ibang babae ang asawa niya. If Kuya did this to other lady na hindi niya kaano-aano o kahit pa kapatid ng barkada niya, for sure, Jaesie would activate her berserk mode and question Kuya until he surrendered.
"Wala ka pa ring balak umuwi?" tanong ni Leo habang ngumunguya at nakatitig sa akin. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang irita niya. At feeling ko, isang maling sagot ko lang, babatuhin niya 'ko ng omelet sa sobrang inis.
"Mum's doing her best to trap me pauwi sa kanila," paliwanag ko. "She wants me to marry Clark, e ayoko nga."
"Tapos nakatira kayo sa iisang bahay," sagot ni Leo.
"We're not doing anything apart from sleeping . . . together . . . literally," I explained.
"Bakit hindi mo na lang kasi pakasalan si Clark para matahimik na si Tita?" naiinis niyang tanong bago sumandal sa mesa. Tumingin siya kay Clark na bumagal ang pagnguya habang pinauulit sa kanya ang sinabi niya gamit ang tingin. "Dude, hindi sa kinakampihan ko si Tita Tess, pero ang reason kasi niya, walang mag-aalaga kay Sab, in a sense, na gaya ng ine-expect niya sa inyo ni Early Bird."
"Dude, magpapakasal nga lang ako kapag naikasal ka na," katwiran ni Clark.
"So, payag ka kay Sab?"
"Nag-oo na nga ako, di ba? Pero hindi pa ngayon."
Gusto ko sanang sumabad kaso mas inuna ko pang nguyaing mabuti ang cold sandwich na gawa ni Leo kaysa magsalita. Pinanonood ko lang sila, as if hindi ako ang topic.
"Clark, kilala mo si Tita. Hindi naniniwala 'yon sa pagmamahal," Leo said. "Walang pakialam 'yon kung mahal mo o hindi si Sabrina. Ang pakialam n'on, nasa pakialam mo sa anak niya."
"Kaya nga, alam ko naman." Kagat-kagat na ni Clark ang kutsara niya habang naka-hang ang handle n'on paibaba. Inabot niya ang kamay ni Luan na inaabot ang slice ng loaf bread sa gitna ng mesa. "Kukuha ng bread si Wuwan?"
"I-eat ako bwead!" Kinuha niya ang inaabot ni Clark na slice ng tinapay sa kanya. "Chenchu, Nining Kwerk!"
I really admire Clark's attention to details. Ultimo si Leo na katabi ni Luan, hindi napansing may inaabot ang anak niya sa mesa.
Clark and I agreed of postponing our supposed wedding. My reason, iyon din ang lalakarin namin today and some aspects involving Mum and her selfish decisions. Clark's reason is still vague to me.
"Ano'ng plano mo?" tanong ni Leo kay Clark.
"Mahirap kasi ang gusto ni Tita. Lalo ngayon. Alam mo naman, ang dami kong rason para humindi."
"Pero okay naman si Rico sa 'yo, di ba?"
Clark let out a disappointed sigh, and I chewed slowly as I looked at him. Nakatitig lang siya sa plato niya habang nakasandal sa upuan. Ako ang nafu-frustrate habang nakatingin sa kanya.
"Is this about our age gap?" I asked in a low voice.
"Walang kaso sa age gap, Sab, maniwala ka sa 'kin," sagot ni Leo, at pagtingin ko sa kanya, pinupunasan na niya ang kalat ni Luan sa mesa.
"Then what?" My gaze was shifting from Clark to Leo. "Not that I want to marry Clark, but I want to understand why it's a no for us."
"Mahabang kuwento," sabi lang ni Clark.
"I'm all ears."
"May pupuntahan pa tayo, saka ka na makinig." Nagpunas na ng bibig niya si Clark gamit ang table napkin na nakapatong sa side niya saka umikot sa side papunta kay Luan. "Baba-bye na si Ninong Clark kay Wuwan."
"Aawis na ikaw, Nining Kwerk?" inosenteng tanong ng bata habang nakatingala kay Clark.
"Opo, papasok na sa work si Ninong Clark. Kiss ka na dali." Clark bowed for Luan to reach his right cheek. The kid followed and they did a light bro fist before Clark held Luan's head to give him a soft forehead kiss.
"Dude, chat na lang ako mamaya sa GC," Clark reminded and gave Leo a light handshake, followed by a light hug, tapping Leo's back.
"Sige, ingat."
I just waved goodbye, but I guess Leo and Luan didn't care about me leaving their territory more than they did about Clark.
We were about to go to Sun-Dias main office, which was near my condo. One of the reasons why nasa Ayala ako kasi nga, super lapit lang sa workplace. Twenty kilometers away from West, fastest route na ang skyway.
Clark's gloom came back, and it was really off to see him in his gloomy mode na may reason kaya ganito siya. Seeing him so serious meant a lot for me kasi ako rin ang reason kaya siya seryoso.
"I'm still holding my no sa wedding plan ni Mum," I started in the middle of our silence. "Because I still want my brand to remain. What about you?"
I stared at him, and his eyes were fixed on the road.
"Leo said, it's not about the age gap. So, walang kaso 'yon for you," I said, and started to sound like I was judging his decisions. "You didn't groom me at all, Clark. Mum didn't groom me for you. You ghosted me when I was young. Kahit nga noong graduation ni Leo, you denied na natatandaan mo 'ko. Mum didn't speak about it for more than fifteen years until now."
"Alam mo, mahirap magpaliwanag."
"Isa-isahin mo para may idea ako. Because you just say no without any context. Like what you did before. Umiwas ka na lang nang wala akong kamalay-malay kung bakit."
"Nasagot ko na 'yan, ayoko nang ulitin."
"Give me your reason why you're saying no para mag-meet tayo halfway," I pushed, asking for a definite answer from him. "Kasi kahit si Leo, nagsa-side sa decision ni Mum. Everyone says yes, and you say no for now. They all have their reasons. What about you, e dapat reason mo nga ang una kong malaman before anyone else's opinion."
"Sab, complicated kasi ang setup natin, alam mo 'yon? At hindi lang 'to tungkol sa 'yo. Hindi lang 'to tungkol sa 'ting dalawa. Kailangan kong mag-adjust sa lahat."
"Why?" my heavy question. "Why did everyone ask me to wait for you—or wait for you to finish what you're doing? Gusto ko lang ng solid explanation kung bakit kailangan nating mag-no sa lahat—"
"Premature lahat, Sab," putol niya sa sinasabi ko. "From the planning, from Tita Tess's impulsive decision of this wedding, sa future commitments na madadamay sa pagpapalit ko ng civil status, ang dami ko pang plano for my firms, sa potential comparison na naman sa aming dalawa ng kuya mo, sa usapan namin ng buong barkada, sa plano namin sa wedding ng bawat isa, and your freedom to choose whoever you want to be with instead of me." He pointed to me while his eyes were focused on the road. "Hindi ako puwedeng magpakasal ngayon kasi hawak ko ang lahat ng commitments ng barkada at kailangan ko rin 'yong i-consider, and marrying someone—kung sino man siya na dapat kong pakasalan—malaking issue 'yon for me kasi ang laki ng pakakawalan ko. If I marry you sooner than expected, then that means I'm letting go of my commitments na isang dekada na naming pinaghihirapan ng barkada ko. And trust me when I say it's not all about you, Sabrina. Kasi hindi ako nabubuhay para sa sarili ko lang. Kung gusto ni Tita na alagaan kita, aalagaan kita, problema ba 'yon? Pero hindi ako magpapakasal not unless, plantsado na lahat."
And that left me speechless.
I mean . . . I should have stayed with his reason na malaki ang age gap naming dalawa kaya ayaw niya.
Yes, malaking factor kapag nagpalit kaming dalawa ng civil status. Sa pagbabayad pa nga lang ng tax for our businesses, malaki na ang effect.
And yes, Mum's plan is very impulsive, na hindi ko rin alam kung paano niya ipu-pull off ang wedding na hindi naman napagplanuhang mabuti.
Sa comparison sa kanila ni Kuya . . . that was too personal. Or maybe it was heavy for Clark kasi favorite child siya ng mommy namin ni Kuya, and he was avoiding another conflict like what happened noong sinisi ng parents ko si Kuya before.
Na-touch naman ako na sa kabila ng lahat ng reasons niya, sumagi pa rin sa isip niya na may plano pa akong magpakasal sa ibang lalaki other than him.
Anyway, I got my answer—more than what I asked for. His no is reasonable enough. At least, hindi na ako mangangapa ng sagot.
But he was consistent in his words kasi ilang beses na niyang sinabing willing siyang alagaan ako. Though, he was doing that already, and I appreciated him for doing his best to take care of me habang nakikipagmatigasan ako kay Mum.
Maybe I should consider his no more than my reason why I didn't want to marry right now. Feeling ko kasi, mas reasonable ang mga dahilan niya kaysa sa reason ko.
I was busy pondering our situation when I felt his hand encircling mine. At that same moment, I noticed that I was scratching my nails on my left leg, and those scratches left some fringes on my stockings.
My eyes shifted to Clark, and he was still focused on the road to notice my fidgeting.
Honestly, sa dinami-rami ng taong nakasalamuha ko, even those I thought my friends or my exes, none of them asked me why I used to scratch my leg or pinch a part of my body. Every time I do this to myself, no one dares to ask me if I'm okay. And there was a point when my skin was already red and full of scratches, and the only response I got was, "Kinakati ka ba?"
Si Kuya Ronie, si Mat, and si Clark lang ang nakakaalam kung bakit ako nagfi-fidget, and Clark understood my every movements, magsalita man ako o hindi. If this is Mum's reason for choosing Clark over anyone, hindi ko siya masisisi kasi walang ibang kayang alagaan ako nang higit pa sa pag-aalaga ni Clark kundi si Clark lang din.
But for now, I had to consider Clark's disposition. Maybe Will's right. I should wait for him to finish what he was doing. Clark considered my decision, so I should consider his.
It was nine in the morning when we went to Sun-Dias' building in Ayala. The whole building has thirty floors, and Madame Olga's office was located on the twentieth.
I have no physical ID, but the building's employees recognized me kasi, duh! Yung mukha ko, naka-display sa labas for Sabrina's product, hello?
Basically, hindi pa fully terminated ang contract ko kaya wala silang magagawa kundi i-keep ang mga poster ko sa labas.
"Good morning!" I greeted the lady at the front desk.
"Miss Sabrina, good morning."
"I want to talk to Madame Olga. Free ba siya?"
"One moment, ma'am, I'll call her office."
Actually, dapat may dala akong lawyer kaso wala akong pambayad sa lawyer, for now. Si Clark lang ang dala ko, how sad.
We were waiting for the go signal para umakyat sa office ng VP. The whole lobby was populated by employees na labas-pasok sa building. Ganitong time ng umaga, busy lahat. May 24/7 customer service hotline ang Sun-Dias sa iba't ibang brand na handle nila, and three floors were occupied by customer service representatives. Ang daming office hours for them kaya hindi na kataka-taka kung bakit may ngayon pa lang uuwi at ngayon pa lang papasok.
Marble tiles ang flooring ng lobby, and I was tapping my heels sa sahig. I was scanning the glass walls na cover ng front part ng building, and all the posters and standees na naka-display for the visitors to see.
Some of the posters, puro products ko. My product is the bestseller of Sun-Dias agency. Malamang kasi super effective ng product, and of course, effective talaga 'yon! Sasakalin ko si Calvin at si Kuya kung hindi. Bago dumaan sa chemist 'yon, pinatse-check ko pa muna ang initial formula kay Calvin at kay Kuya bago ipasa sa laboratory.
Focused na focused ako sa pangmamata sa ibang product nang tapik-tapikin ni Clark gilid ng hita ko, gaya ng ginagawa niya kapag pinatatahan ako.
Napatingala tuloy ako sa kanya mula sa likuran.
"What?" tanong ko pa.
"Mababasag na yung tiles sa ginagawa mo," mahinang paalala niya. "Ang ingay, tinitingnan ka na ng guard."
Again, I was unconsciously releasing my anxiety, at napansin na niyang napapasobra na ang pag-tap ng heels ko sa sahig.
"Ang tagal kasi," pabulong na reklamo ko.
"Hmm. Hintay pa tayo nang kaunti," sabi niya at hinawakan na ang kaliwang kamay ko habang nasa likod ko pa rin siya. He was brushing my hair and that calmed me down. Para tuloy akong alaga na kailangan pang i-pet para mag-behave.
"Miss Sabrina."
"Yes?" Lumapit na ako nang kaunti sa front desk, at hindi pa rin ako binibitiwan ni Clark.
"Proceed na raw po kayo sa 20th floor."
"Thank you!"
I could see myself as a clingy girlfriend from afar kasi hatak-hatak ko si Clark papunta sa elevator area sa left side namin.
There were six available elevators pero four lang doon ang available for visitors. The elevator on the far right end was the direct lift sa office ng VP. Compared sa ibang elevator na may assistant, hindi 'yon basta-basta pinagagamit sa kahit na sino kaya nga may guard na nakabantay malapit sa wall sa dulo para ma-monitor kung sino-sino ang mga gagamit.
The guard received a call sa two-way radio niya kaya siya na ang pumindot ng up button for us.
"You reviewed my contract, right?" I asked Clark as I looked at him.
"Yep."
"May laban ba 'ko against Mum?"
"Hmm . . . you? Wala. Pero try kong sulutin ang contract ni Tita."
"Wh—what do you mean by sulutin?" I asked, brows creased, confused and doubtful.
"Susubukan kong ipa-terminate ang contract na hawak ni Tita."
"Pero mawawalan ako ng brand!" I almost yelled, but I still kept a low voice.
"Ite-terminate lang natin ang contract na under ng management ni Tita, then kukunin ko ang renewal."
"Meaning . . . ?"
"Ako na ang magma-manage sa 'yo kapag nakuha ko."
My jaw instantly dropped after he said that.
"Mawawalan na si Tita Tess ng right to control you kasi terminated na ang contract na hawak niya at malilipat na sa 'kin ang bagong contract na lalakarin natin today. Kapag nangyari 'yon, hindi mo na kailangang problemahin si Tita para sa brand mo."
The elevator bell dinged and I could see myself with sparkling eyes as I stared at Clark with amazement.
Hindi ko naisip 'yon!
Though, never ko naman talagang maiisip 'yon because Mum managed my life since I was a kid. But it was amazing that Clark thought of that kahit pa siya na ang nagsabi na walang butas ang contract ko.
Yeah, kung wala nga namang butas, better to terminate it and create a new agreement.
Kuya called him brainless, yet Kuya trusted him a lot. Kahit si Mum, pinagkakatiwalaan din siya. Well, ano pa nga ba ang aasahan ko kay Clark?
"Huwag ka munang mag-celebrate, hindi pa 'yan sure. Plan pa lang 'yan," reminder niya pagsakay namin sa blangkong elevator.
"Pero possible."
"Siyempre, possible," kampanteng sagot niya. Hinatak niya ako para makapuwesto sa harapan niya, at mula sa likod, ginawa pa niyang patungan ng chin ang ulo ko. "For sure, hindi 'to aasahan ni Tita Tess kasi wala kang pera. Hindi mo rin maiisip na ipa-terminate ang contract mo at mapipilitan kang umuwi sa kanya para pilitin siyang i-keep ang brand mo."
Kahit sabi niya, huwag akong mag-celebrate, habang nakikinig pa lang sa explanation niya, kinikilig na ako sa magiging resulta.
"Madali namang basahin ang plano ni Tita, kung tutuusin. Ang pinakalaban lang niya, may pera kasi siya. Now, ang kailangan mo para tapatan siya, 'yong may pera din."
"Gagastusan mo 'ko?" nakangiting tanong ko habang nakatingin sa kanya sa reflection namin sa elevator panel.
"Hindi naman siya totally gastos kasi hindi ko naman wawaldasin. More of showing-off lang tayo ngayon para kunwari, hawak ka ng kasingyaman ni Tita. Hindi ka basta ibibigay ng Sun-Dias sa kung sino lang, siyempre."
"Hahaha! Sure akong kilala ka ni Madame Olga."
"Sure ka?"
"Oo. Ang daming awards sa basement mo, e."
"Pinansin mo pala 'yon," nakangiting sabi niya. "Pero magagamit ko 'yon ngayon. Magyayabang muna ako nang very, very light para makuha kita."
Biglang tumaas ang isang kilay ko habang nagpipigil ng ngiti sa sinabi niya.
"Kilig ka naman." Kinurot niya ang left cheek ko, at kahit gusto kong sumimangot, wala. Napangunahan na ako ng kilig sa napakaraming dahilan.
"Hoy, hindi, a."
"Sus, ang pula na nga ng mukha mo." Tinusok pa ulit niya ang pisngi ko. "Baka sapakin ka ng reflection mo sa elevator, nagde-deny ka pa."
"Blush on 'yan."
Bigla niyang tinapik ang noo ko. "Wala kang pambili ng makeup, gaga. Blush on ka diyan."
"Grabe!" Hawak ko ang noo ko nang tingalain siya.
Tumunog ulit ang elevator at nakatingin pa rin ako sa kanya kahit bumukas na ang magkabilang panel para makalabas kami.
"Labas na. 'Kupad!" Itinulak pa niya ako palabas kasi ayokong kumilos nang mabilis. "Bibili pa tayo ng sewing machine mo, patagal ka pa."
"Ang harsh mo talaga, kainis."
♥♥♥