He’s... here.
“I know this is a lot to take bellissima, but-” I don’t hesitate, grabbing him by the front of his still sexy as hell leather jacket, and pulling him to me so we end up crashing to the floor, my arms and legs wrapped around him tightly as he sits with me in his lap against the fountain. “I guess I don’t need to give you the whole ‘I’m an angel’ speech then?”
“No fucking way, Brie told me about Harley. I know why you’re here.” He chuckles as I bury my face into his neck, his warm arms wrapping around my body like a comforting blanket around a baby.
He still smells the same.
“I’ve got you... I’ve always had you.” The way he holds me, like I’m still a little kid, it’s so precious.
I know I should be more freaked out by this, but I’m not. One meeting with Chad Wilson alone was enough to tell you that something as insignificant as death wouldn't put an end to him.
“I knew you’d came back... They kept preaching to me that you wouldn’t, that I needed to let it go, but I told them you wouldn’t leave me like that.” I never stopped believing.
“No May, I never left... I couldn’t abandon my favourite girl.” His favourite girl.
I was dripping wet, but now my clothes feel completely dry, tightening my arms and legs around him to the point that I’d kill him if he was still breathing.
Sorry, bad joke.
I don’t know what to say, I feel like I never stopped speaking to him, that he’s heard every question I could ever ask and every story I could ever tell him in each silent prayer I’ve left for his ears alone.
Except there is one thing I need to know.
“Is she okay... Is she okay up there?” I lift my heavy head up to look at him, even through my tear filled eyes and ringing headache, he's just as fucking gorgeous as he always was.
He smiles at me, soul-comforting tingles shooting from his fingertips as they stroke over my face.
“Yeah, she's good... She's really good, basically running the place.” Of course she is, I’d expect nothing less. “Distracting though, she picked to be twenty-one again when she arrived, and let’s just say that Parker ass of yours is hereditary. It feels inappropriate to keep calling her Granny when I can’t stop staring at the thing.” I burst out laughing, I bet she gives him hell. Good.
I miss her so much it makes my heart bleed.
“Is she... Why didn't she...”
“She wanted to, she wanted to come here but I sort of fought her on it. I think we both know you aren’t ready yet.” He’s right. I accepted that Chad died a long time ago, but sometimes I still open my eyes and expect to see Granny in the kitchen. Seeing her and being in her arms now would keep her alive for me, I couldn’t live with that. “Besides, I’ve been your guardian since I got there, I wouldn’t have picked to be it for anybody else, you needed me.”
“Well where the fuck have you been? I’m sure you’ve had every dead Playboy Bunny to make your way through, but I’ve kind of been having a shit show down here.” He throws his head back and laughs, a laugh I never thought I’d hear again, before grabbing the back of my head and bringing the front down to his lips.
A single kiss, right on my forehead, one that just makes all the darkness seep out of my soul with his influx of light.
“I’ve been here, I know it doesn’t always seem like it but... Have you ever read the poem Footprints?” I shake my head. “Okay, it’s basically about this guy, and when he walks down the beach in happiness he can see the footprints of God walking beside him, but whenever he’s going through his darkest patches and turns around, there's only ever one set of footprints. He feels abandoned, he doesn’t understand why in the moments he needed him most that God would abandon him.”
“Maybe he was a dick.” Chad laughs, but he sees straight through me, he was always the one able to bypass my humour to see the hurt underneath. He draws my head down against his chest and wraps me up once more, the feel of him against my skin so familiar tears start to drip from my eyes. It’s really him.
“Not exactly.” He chuckles. “When he confronts God and asks him why he keeps leaving him in the moments he needs him most, why there aren’t two sets of footprints in the sand in his darkest hour, God tells him that when he saw two sets is when they walked side by side through his life, but in his times of greatest sorrow, when he only saw one... those are the moments in which God carried him.” That’s... that's fucking beautiful.
“So when you feel most alone...”
“That’s when I’m carrying you, May...”
Fucking Chad Wilson, only been back two minutes and I already need a box of tissues.
“Well you’re crap at it, you need to work out more.” He howls with laughter, kissing my temple and cradling my head.
I’m totally lying by the way, if anything he’s in better shape than before, which is kind of insane.
“I know it’s been bad, I’m sorry. We have no control over what happens in your life, May, you have free will, all I can do is be there for you and take some of the weight.” That’s a stupid system, who decided an idiot like me should be allowed to make decisions in her own life? I want to speak with his manager and go full fucking Karen. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop you from having to live through all that pain... and I’m sorry I can’t stop any of the pain in your future. Life isn’t always sunshine and roses, but I swear to you, you are never alone.”
I have spent so much of my life telling myself that nobody gives a fuck, that all the times I’ve ever felt rejected and neglected are because I’m not worthy of being loved and cared for. It’s easy to tell yourself that when you think so little of yourself, because of course why would anyone love you when you can't even look in the mirror with any kind of joy?
None of this was them, they made mistakes the same as everybody else, sometimes I wasn’t the priority I should’ve been, but them not loving me? That was never the case. I was never alone, I was just pushing them away.
“So why now? Why are you coming now?”
“Because I could feel you were about to give up, and if there’s one thing this world will never survive, it’s May Parker giving up... I’m serious, that’s some Armageddon stuff, and that’s not due for at least another ten years so I couldn’t allow it.” I sob through my laughter, he’s the only person I’ve ever met that has the ability to make you want to hug him, kiss him, and slap him all at the same time.
This angel is dangerous.
“I just... I just still don’t get it. It’s too much, too much to ask one person to live with. Do you know how many people just died because of me? I’m not worth this, Chad. Me coming here was supposed to be me finding myself, it would’ve been better for all of them if I was never pulled out of that water.” He immediately grabs my chin, pulling me to meet him eye to eye.
He hasn’t aged a day; the same cheeky grin, the same deep chocolate orbs, that same look on his face that just makes me want to giggle like a child with a crush.
“You aren't in control of everyone around you, May. Trust me, in the grand scheme of things, you are just a blip on most of these people’s radar. Destiny is a fucker, it takes people it shouldn’t, leaves behind people that you don’t think are worthy... but everyone has their story to tell. You of all people should know that sometimes...” He breathes deeply, the words getting stuck in his throat. “Sometimes the hero has to die, sometimes the good guys don’t win... and sometimes the villain... Well, sometimes they aren’t the villain at all. It really depends who’s telling the story.”
Diego.
He was a villain in a previous story of my life, now he's so far from that in my head I can’t even connect the two people as the same.
Sometimes you can’t see the reason until it hits you in the face. Chad’s death for instance; It destroyed us, so many people suffered when he left, but it also set into motion more weaving threads in the tapestry of all our lives than we ever could’ve known.
Jay and Leah building their lives together, never letting society break them, because they knew they owed their love, their family, and their children to one person.
If Harley hadn’t died with Chad, then Josh wouldn’t be with Milo now, they wouldn't have found each other.
Even Steve and Brie. Steve got offered a big job out of college, one that would’ve seen him on the other side of the world, but then his little brother lost the love of his life and he couldn't leave. He was right where he was supposed to be, to meet my sister.
So many other stories, Coach and Liz finding Lukeyboy at the exact moment he needed them most. Josh and Leah being college roommates, creating a life long friendship both of them cherish, that meant Liam could meet Heather.
Brie only went to college to piss off Chad’s angel spirit, because once he made a joke about her being gold-digger material and she couldn’t let it go. She lives to prove people wrong, and he knew that, pretty sure that’s why he said it to her right after she said she wasn’t going to college with Leah. Genius when you think about it. She promised him she’d make something of herself and she did. There she found Conner, so I could find Hope... So many lives, so many criss-crossed tales that wouldn't have happened if we didn't lose a hero.
Sometimes the hero just has to die.
“It's not fair...” Tears run down my cheeks as I cup his beautiful face, one that should be so much older now, one that I should’ve watched grow. “It's not fucking fair... It shouldn’t have been you... It’s not fair...”
“No, it's not.” He takes my hand, slowly guiding it from his face so he can kiss the inside of my wrist. “But never forget what Granny always says: Things always work out exactly as they are supposed to, even if-”
“It's not how you thought it would.” I can’t see the reason right now, but one day I’ll look back on this memory and realise that everything that happened from the moment I stepped onto Italian soil, had to happen to get me where I needed to be.
I need to have faith.
“But stop thinking such big picture, right now I just want to be here for you. So how about we worry about all the other stuff later, and you just give me a hug?” He doesn't have to tell me twice, I immediately fall straight back into his arms.
I know I should be taking advantage of this time, I should be asking him every question I’ve ever had about the life beyond this one, but I just don’t care. I just want to feel him.
He runs his hands up and down my arms, cradling me into him and letting glowing light wrap around us that lifts burden after burden from my shoulders.
The power of an angel.
“None of t-this would’ve h-happened if you were s-still here.” He wouldn't have let it.
“Of course not, because we'd be married by now.” I chuckle into his chest as I run my nails down the back of his neck, getting a slight tremble from him that makes me smirk. He might be an angel, but we all know he’ll never act like one.
“You seem v-very sure that I’d want you.” I’m not fooling anyone, of course I would’ve wanted him. A bad boy with a heart of gold is a rare fucking breed.
He moves both his hands to the sides of my neck, lifting my head to face him, the entire world falling to silence until the only thing left is us.
“Me and you, May... We are the greatest love story never told.”
Damn fucking right we are.
He looks at me, I look at him, and I can see it all. He would’ve fought it, for about a week at most because we all know I’m irresistible, then it would all just fall together. We wouldn’t move slow like Milo and Josh, we wouldn’t be scared of what people would think. We’re both passionate, it would’ve started hot and heavy, burning flames that burnt the world around us, until finally we realised it was so much more than physical. Then we’d be done for.
Brie would hate it. Leah wouldn’t know where to look. Jay would probably attempt to kill him at least twice... but in the end, it wouldn’t matter, because we’d know what we want.
Maybe that’s just the ramblings of a little girl from long ago. Maybe it’s a vision of a future we were never destined to have. Or maybe it’s a tale for a world where neither of us would ever find ourselves sitting here.
Either way, it’s fucking beautiful.
Actually... You know what...
“I’ve been waiting a long time to do this.” I lean forward, cupping his face and delivering our lips together softly. It’s something I’ve dreamt about, something in the deep recesses of my brain I’ve always wondered would feel like.
And damn is it better than I imagined.
I kiss him, a perfectly sweet kiss, and I swear for a second, just a second... he kisses me back.
“Oh Granny is going to kill me later... again.” No she won’t, she knows me, she wouldn’t have expected anything less. “How about you and me make a deal not to tell the love of my life about that?”
“I promise not to tell Leah anything.” I giggle, but his eyes drop down for a moment. Why is he... Oh... “You didn’t mean Leah..?”
“Not quite...” He smiles sadly. Well damn, whoever this girl is, she got him good.
“A story for another time?”
“A beautiful one.” I can’t wait to hear it one day.
He’s different, but the same, it's hard to explain. He’s exactly the person he was when he left, but it’s almost like he’s lived another lifetime up there. You can feel it in him, how truly precious he thinks this world is now, and how much he wants us all to thrive in it.
“Tell me what to do, how do I-” I get cut off as water starts to pour out of my mouth like a river, choking me and splattering all over him.
What the fuck?
“Oh shit... We need to get you back, you distracted me with those gorgeous hazel eyes again, I could never say no to those things.” He picks up my body effortlessly, carrying me bridal style just like he used to when he'd tuck me into bed with a goodnight story, before lowering me gently back into the fountain.
“Ch-Chad... What do I...” Water continues to rise in my throat, like I’m drowning in the sea all over again.
No... he’s starting to fade...
Please don’t leave...
“You know where to go, you know there's someone here that will help you... Just close your eyes and breathe, bellissima. You know, just think.” His voice starts to become muffled, his blurry glowing figure fading in and out of my vision.
“Tell her...” *cough* “T-Tell her I love her. Tell her I-I love her...” I need her to know, I need her to know how much I love her.
Chad looks down at me with a broken heart, tears flowing down my cheeks as I try to beg him through my water filled mouth.
“Oh fuck it... They can punish me for it later, Harl will cover for me.” He waves his hand, a glowing light that splits the universe appearing next to him, before the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen steps out. “Remember there’s always a plan, my little wifey, there's always a plan even when you can’t see it.”
He steps back after kissing my forehead once more, the water drowning my lungs as I try to push my words out, but then I look into the eyes of the angel next to him, a mirror of me, and I realise who she is.
My angel.
“I-I” *cough* “I l-lov...”
I want to tell her... I want to tell her I...
“I know, baby girl... I love you so much pumpkin, so much, I’m so proud of you... Go back, you have to go back now... I love you.”
Granny.
I love you.
I smile up at her, memorising every inch of her perfect weeping face as Chad holds her in his arms, before my body is dragged under the water.
Their two glowing spirits leave the earth before me, travelling up until they melt in with the moonlight, and I shoot up to find myself yet again in the darkness of the town square.
Water spills from my lips as I gasp for air, dripping off every inch of me.
Did I fall asleep? Did I fall asleep in the fountain?
Was it all a dream?
I stop choking and spin around looking for them, but I’m still all alone here.
No I’m not, I’m never alone. I never could be.
I’m blessed by angels.
I quickly grab my phone, checking if there's a call from Antonio yet but there’s nothing.
What the fuck am I supposed to do? Chad said I know someone here, but who the fuck do I know in Verona?
‘Close your eyes and breathe.’
That’s exactly what I do. I shove out the memories, push away the anxiety, refuse to let in any distractions no matter how much my ADHD brain fires on overdrive. I just close my eyes, and breathe.
When it hits me.
“Ivana.”