...
Silence
Was all that was heard, after my sudden outburst.
I just.. Can't understand.
Be it this situation or even myself.
I was scared.. I am scared.. To even look at him.
'How is he looking at me?'
I have honestly.. No clue.
...
Will he.. Be disgusted? Mad? Violent? Loud?
I'm scared.. To even see his reaction.
Sadly, time waits for no one.. Time doesn't stop.
So, I've got nowhere to hide.. Nowhere to run to.
'I'm such a coward...'
I really am disappointed..
In myself.
Why did I want to run away again?
Why did I run away?
Was it worth it..?
I got this man involved.. And all I can think about is escaping. Running.. Hiding..
From my problems.
I couldn't stop it.. I couldn't stop the tears from falling onto the floor... From my eyes, to my cheeks and then.. The floor.
I really am pathetic.. Now my vision is even blurry.. I don't want him to see me like this..
'I'm sorry...'
I couldn't even apologize properly. Out loud.. Upfront.. Sincerely.
Instinctively, I crouched down and hugged my knees.. Burying my head between my knees. My legs.
Hiding.
I couldn't help but to hear his footsteps growing closer..
Getting louder with each step he took..
'He's coming closer...'
I have to face him..
But..
I just can't seem to do it..
Slowly I felt a pair of warm arms wrap themselves around me, hugging me.. Protecting me..
From the world outside..
And then.. I heard that oh so warm voice..
I seemed to see a brilliant light.. In this dark tunnel.
I did it instinctively.. I got closer to the light.. And hugged it carefully.
Not wanting to lose it.
Ever.
Because.. It was so comforting.
It is, so very comforting.
"Because... I love you."
I didn't care at this moment.. I didn't care what he was. What I was, if was lying or speaking the truth..
If he'd be my heaven or hell.. I'd follow him.
Because I can't go back now..
I'll selfishly stay by your side.
Even though I know the consequence.
The risk.
I held him tightly, while questioning him.
"Even if.. I'm a married woman? The emperors woman..? A cursed woman?"
Tears were still running down my cheek.. Seemingly endless.
What he said next.. I couldn't comprehend.. I couldn't understand.. Yet, I didn't care.
"..I know this is very immoral. Especially for you, but.. I'll love you no matter what you're. No matter who you're.."
My mind.. Was blank at this moment.
I mean.. What should I think at this moment?
When? Why? How??
I couldn't understand.
But it seemed like he wasn't quite done yet with his sentence, as he continued.
"As long as you're you.."
Then his eyes narrowed and he stated firmly, yet warmly.
"And, you are not a curse. They're just using your uniqueness, your beautiful eyes, as an excuse. For their own faults, own regrets. They don't want to face their own consequences. It's not your fault. You're innocent."
This man has honestly.. Left me speechless.
Time and time again.. My walls came crumbling down.
You might be surprised or won't understand why or even how?
But.. When I'm with him.. I feel- at peace?
Safe?
Loved?
Cherished?
Appreciated?
Things.. Feelings.. That are new to me.
Does it scare me? Of course!!
But I tried leaving.. It didn't work. I can't run.. Nor hide.
I have to face it.
I have to face, myself.
'Why do I feel the way I feel around you?'
I wanted answers.. And well,
This safety.
This warm feeling in my chest.
This.. Warmth.
So, I'll stay.. Until I get punished for my unfaithfulness.
Until I die, so as not to drag you don't.
I'll face my fate.
If it means this warmth will stay a little longer.. I'd do anything.
So, I hugged him back tightly.. Clutching his clothes.. As if he'd disappear into thin air.
I didn't even notice it but, I was shivering.
Was I.. scared?
Am I.. Already so reliant? Have I learned nothing?
I got to admit..
I'm a fool.
For you, it seems..
I had no clue when.. Or even how we got back to the hut. But, one second we were in the middle of nowhere, the next.. We were home.
'Home..?'
Since when-?
I was honestly.. Exhausted. Physically but especially mentally.
I was very confused.. All these new emotions, the adrenaline rush of wanting to leave.. That.. His sudden 'confession'..
I didn't know what to feel or think anymore.
Soon letting exhaustion kick in.. And then.
Black.
It would appear, I passed out. I, fell asleep.
When I opened my eyes again, he was.. Gone?
My sleepiness long gone, I quickly stood up, not caring to change and started looking for him.
He wasn't.. Here.
He was, gone-?
While searching the place for him, I found.. Some white hair???
'Weird..'
I couldn't help but to find it.. Somewhat odd?
I know that he's got black hair, so.. Does he have a secret pet???
Is his hair already starting to lose color?
'Dang.. That's gotta suck..'
I quickly shook my head and scolded myself.
'Let's not get ahead of ourselves. It could honestly be anything.'
And thus, I found a few different things.
First off, this place seemed to be made for two.
It seemed.. Old?
But like, what isn't.
The palace is pretty old too.
Unlike the things I was used to seeing. It paled in comparison to the palace, it wasn't as extravagant, big or shiny.. Yet, it felt warm.. Comfortable, cozy. Safe.
It had it's own charm this place.. It was small, fit for two people. It wasn't empty.. It was.. nice.
The second thing was, an old broken flute. It seemed.. Ancient. Used.. And loved.
I also saw some suspicious stains, but decided not to give them much thought.
.
*Ahem*
After.. That.
I came to a conclusion.
'This place is pretty normal.. It's.. Pretty. Tranquil, relaxing..
I couldn't help but to slowly fall for this place.
It was nice.. But, Incomplete.. Because, you weren't here.
'Just, Where are you?'
The sun was slowly going down..
'He's still not back..'
Did.. something happen to him?!
Is he in danger-?
Or.. Did he lie to me..?
Did he.. Abandon me too?
Did he.. Report me?
I felt a stabbing pain in my chest..
'Stop thinking so negative!'
I scolded myself mentally.
'Still.. He should be back soon.. Otherwise I'll go search for him. What if he's dying?!'
.
Calm down..
Everything's okay.
Don't worry..
.
Yeah this ain't working..
I had to occupy myself with something.
I had to get my mind off of things.
'Let's just.. Clean. Yeah, Clean..'
And thus, I began cleaning the hut, gaining even more findings..
.
While cleaning, I came across that flute once more.. And couldn't help but question as to why he didn't throw it away already.
Eh, it was honestly, none of my business.
.
I wanted to get rid of the trash but like.. IS THAT BLOOD???
Did he kill someone-??
Is that my blo-
...
I got to calm down- (ಥ﹏ಥ)
.
Then I pretty much finished cleaning most of it..
'Should I.. Clean his room?'
No you pervert!
...
Shut up own self.
And thus, I decided to go in...
...
...
I was about to go in, when I heard something..
It was him.
"Don't."
I flinched..
Who wouldn't?
I turned around and gave him an awkward apologetic smile.
'Well.. This is awkward..'
He quickly went in, leaving me behind, filled with questions.
I didn't notice at first due to shock and surprise but.. Why did he look.. Exhausted?
Now that I think about it.. He's been gone all day.
Usually he's always here.. But since last night, he's been going out.
Leaving me here, all alone.. For what?
Why is he out so long? All day too at that..?
'Just... What are you doing?'
The next few days passed by rather quickly.
It was the same routine.. He went out, I was alone and confused. Lost.. And negative.
I mean, the man did just confess to me and then he's just.. Gone. My gut was telling me something was wrong.. What if he was in trouble? Oh god..
'Just.. What's going on..? Why.. Does he always look so exhausted?'
I had questions.. Yet, no answers. At all.
My questions kept piling up, as did my confusion.
At some point.. I couldn't take it anymore!
So, I decided to look for him. Even though that's pretty much a death sentence.. I didn't care anymore!
I wanted answers! No.. I needed answers.
So, I tried to disguise myself, tried.
Though I pretty much failed miserably...
At the end of the day I just put a big cape over myself.
Looking very suspicious..
'Dumbo'
Shut up.. •~•
Ahem.
The sun was at it's highest peak and I was walking around town searching for a certain someone.
After I was searching for ages. A certain someone found me.
You bet I was pretty much pissed..
The moment I saw him, the moment he talked to me.. My negative thoughts 'vanished' and I felt.. Well, pissed.
At him-
"..."
I was silently death glaring him.. And he was just nervously standing there! Looking so meek.. So weak and exhausted..
'How am I supposed to stay mad at this?!?'
"I'm sorry.."
To my surprise.. This was the first thing he decided to say to me.
Instead of trying to find any excuses or being mad at me for suddenly being here.
He.. Apologized?
"...For what?" I quietly muttered.
Tell me. Why are you apologizing. Do you know your wrong? Do I know my wrong?
I was honestly lost in contemplation. In my own confusion. My own messy emotions..
"I'm sorry.. For being gone all the time without any explanation. Especially after that happened.." He cautiously apologized, while holding my sleeve gently.
My mind froze.. Just.. Blank.
'How could I ever deserve this kind of man-?! How could I be so lucky???'
I honestly felt like I saved a nation in my past life or something.. Because how else could I deserve this man???
Shouldn't he be mad at me for going out all of a sudden? And acting like this..?
Slowly my brain began to function again and I noticed that.. I still haven't said anything!!
'AHHHHHH I'MSOSORRYSIRFORGIVRME-'
I put my hand into his, the one which was holding my sleeve and muttered shyly, yet apologetically.
"It's fine.. I'm sorry.. Just- Please tell me next time. Okay?"
"Hum." He seemed to agree with my suggestion and followed me back to our home.
"I promise I'll inform you next time.. And, I'll spend more time with you. Way more.."
He suddenly whispered into my ear, while hugging me from behind, oh so gently..
'JEBFKBFJSKFSKFBKSKFBFKD'
I don't know how much more my heart can take.. This is- This has to be seduction-!
I was a flushed mess and I could've sworn I heard a sly chuckle, yet.. When I looked at him he looked so.. Innocent. So very Innocent-
Forget it.. Let's just.. Go home..
We arrived.. Home. Finally..
He led me in and shyly muttered.
"If you want.. I can show you my room.."
*Poof*
Wh- I- U-
My mind was swirling.. I was flushed!!
I started to fidget shyly and unconsciously muttered.
"W-we can't!"
...
Can I pass away now..?
"..."
"..."
"Pfft-" I suddenly heard him chuckle, his laughter.. He wasn't even trying to conceal it!
I feel so embarrassed!!
He shouldn't say such suggestive things!
"What were you thinking.. Hm~?"
...
"I- I wasn't thinking anything! I- You-"
I was so embarrassed... And at this point I didn't even know what I was saying anymore.. (ಥ﹏ಥ)
"I didn't know you had such thoughts.."
He kept teasing me! And in such a seductive voice too!! With such an innocent looking face- such an innocent expression!!
'Illegal! Hmfp.'
And just like that, the evening continued.
With him teasing me, me dying of embarrassment and him looking so happy.
Then, we went to bed.
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(∪｡∪)｡｡｡zzZ
What were you thinking? (' ∀ ' *)
... What was I thinki-
See you~
Thoughts?