🌷Ana🌷
Work called and asked me to come in. Of course, I didn't say no which means I haven't seen Freddie at all since arguing with him yesterday. Perhaps I should've told work no? Perhaps the reason I didn't was intentional? I'm scared I've screwed up for good and facing my problems is a skill I've yet to master. Freddie has every reason to back away and the thought of that makes me want to drown my sorrows in the chocolate fudge cake I'm currently staring at.
"Don't look so sad," soothes Nic, sipping her water.
Unlike Sloan and I, she didn't get cake.
"Sorry. I'm not much company today," I apologise.
"Is this because of the fight you had with my brother?"
Sloan perks up, licking icing from her thumb. "You had a fight with Freddie?"
"He told you about that?" I ask.
Despite the café being relatively empty, I lean in closer. I don't want strangers listening to my problems and I especially don't want them knowing how much of a fucking idiot I am.
"He mentioned it," she admits.
"I screwed up, Nic."
Sloan reaches out, taking hold of my hand.
"We all do from time to time,' she assures. "Don't beat yourself up."
I sigh, feeling truly shit.
"Freddie isn't angry. He's hurt," explains Nic.
"That's worse!" I insist, making her laugh.
Sloan nudges my shoulder and gestures towards my fork. "Cake will help."
"Does he hate me?" I question.
Nic splutters, dribbling water down her chin. "Ana, Freddie couldn't hate you if he tried!"
Well... that's good.
"He's just not great at communicating. He's never had a girlfriend before."
"He's not—we're not—"
Sloan looks at me, eyebrows furrowed.
"We're neighbours."
They both nod.
"Who occasionally sleep together."
Nic laughs.
"That sounds... complicated," admits Sloan, spooning more cake into her mouth.
I follow suit and shovel a forkful in my mouth. "It wasn't, until I made it complicated."
Sloan sympathises. "Look, the Hudson brothers are a damn mystery at the best of times."
Nic nods, agreeing.
"But they're good men. Freddie just wants to love and be loved."
Nic attempts to catch Sloan's eye, signalling for her to stop talking about love.
"I'm sure you two can figure it out."
Judging by Nic's reaction, I suspect Freddie has filled her in on the nature of our relationship.
"I'm sure you're right," I reply, smiling.
Sloan excuses herself to use the bathroom and the second she's gone, Nic is hot on damage control.
"Ana—Freddie isn't expecting that from you."
"Expecting what?"
"Love," she clarifies. "Not yet."
"Yet?" I ask.
She backtracks. "Shit."
I'm so confused.
"Look, Sloan is right. He has so much love inside. I doubt he even knows it's there."
I nod, struggling to swallow.
"I see that in you too," she admits.
"Really?"
I like that.
"Yes. Really."
"Okay."
"Don't waste it on pricks like Josh."
I smile.
"Give it to Freddie, instead."
Sloan returns, momentarily halting our conversation. "What did I miss?"
"Nothing much. Nic just giving me a pep talk."
"She's great at giving those," she insists.
"Speaking of which, have you told him yet?"
"Not yet."
"Told who what?" I ask.
"James,' explains Sloan. "I've found the perfect wedding venue."
"Oh?"
"It's over budget."
"Oh."
"And in Paris," adds Nic.
I smirk. "Can I see it?"
I'm shown the most romantic setting I've ever seen and fall in love with it straight away.
"You have to get married there!" I proclaim.
"Right?" agrees Sloan, practically gushing. "I'm just worried about cost. We had the house renovated this year and..."
"You're making up excuses again," accuses Nic.
Sloan relents. "Ugh. I know."
I reach across the table and offer her my hand, Nic doing much the same.
"You'll figure it out," I assure.
"Thanks, girls," she says, looking between us both. "I'm lucky I've got friends like you."
Nic and I smile.
"Who knows. Maybe we'll be doing this again soon for you and Freddie."
Nic tenses, unsure what to say or do. She quickly cuts hers gaze across to me, ready to apologise with her eyes. To silently excuse her friend for—once again—getting ahead of herself. But I don't let her. Instead, I stare her dead in the eye and —in a way I hope shows her I listened to her previous pep talk—reply.
"Maybe."
***
I set up camp outside Freddie's door, determined to speak to him before the day ends. After leaving Nic and Sloan, I tried knocking only to find his apartment empty. I remember him saying something about working today and trialling Charlotte at nursery. If that's the case, it can't be a late shift and he should be finishing up any minute now. I plan what I'm going to say over and over again in my head, rehearsing every last sentence. I keep my excuses to the minimum and lay it on thick with the apology. I even practice what I should do with my hands, not wanting to appear nervous in my execution.
"Ana?"
His voice cuts through my thouoghts.
"Hi."
He's wearing his police uniform and it does unimaginable things to me. The way each muscle stretches the material leaves very little to the imagination. His thick arms are on show, reminding me of last night when he used them to hold onto the headboard while fucking me. His stance is strong. Powerful. And having Charlotte strapped to his chest is certainly not helping me concentrate.
"Can I come in?" I ask.
He nods, unlocking the door for us.
"How was she at nursery?" I question, putting Charlotte's needs before my own.
I swear he smiles. "She was great. The teachers already love her."
I match his enthusiasm and grin.
"Can you take her while I get changed?" he asks, loosening the harness.
I oblige, no questions asked, going straight in for cuddle. I hold her tight to my chest and instinctively kiss her on the forehead. Freddie watches for a moment, in awe of my actions. He appears a little dazed before snapping out of it and heading towards his bedroom. Moments later, he returns looking much more casual in his jeans, T-shirt and his glasses.
"Thanks," he offers, gesturing towards Charlotte.
She's asleep in my arms.
"You're welcome," I reply.
He sits next to me on the sofa, knees touching. My heartrate picks up again, and my nerves from earlier return. I try to remember how I scripted things before but in the end, nothing presents itself. I'm too nervous to even think.
"Ana?"
"I fucked up."
It comes out in a rushed mess.
"I'm so sorry. I jumped to conclusions."
He nods, eyes focused on his daughter.
"Helen thinks I'm self-sabotaging."
"What do you think?" he asks, only interested in my thoughts.
"I think I saw you with another woman and panicked."
"Why?"
"Because I like you, Freddie. A lot."
He sighs, running his hands across his face. He looks exhausted and I feel worse, knowing I aided in that.
"She's my therapist. Yesterday was our first session."
Fuck!
Freddie finally took the leap and did something important, only for me to shit all over it.
"I just—I would never—I like you too, Ana. A lot."
He still hasn't looked at me, so I lightly press my spare hand to his cheek and tilt his head in a way that gives him no option but to look at me.
"That's really great that you're seeing a therapist."
He smiles.
"How did it go?" I ask.
"Really well. It helped me figure some stuff out about my parents."
I nod, encouraging him to continue.
"And you."
"Me?"
He nods.
"What did it help you figure out about me?"
He shuffles in his seat and clears his throat. "I'm not very good at explaining myself..."
I smile and squeeze his arm. "That's okay."
"I'm not trying to control you," he admits, lowering his head in shame.
I hate that I've made him feel as though he is. I would never put Freddie in the same category as Josh. Admitting he doesn't want me seeing other men is not controlling, nor is it unjustified. And I want him to know that.
"I know you're not," I reassure. "And I'm sorry I made you feel like you are."
He takes hold of my hand and squeezes my fingers.
"I don't think I can carry on seeing you if you want to be with other men..."
"I don't," I quickly explain. "I only want you."
"Are you sure?" he asks.
His uncertainly kills me.
"I was hurt when I said that, Freddie. I saw you with another woman and I wanted to hurt you back."
Now, it's my turn to lower my head in shame.
"I was being selfish."
He nudges his arm with mine, still holding onto my hand.
"I take full responsibility for this fight," I offer. "And I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. For saying those hurtful things. I'm sorry I hurt you, Freddie."
"Thank you," he whispers, gazing down at me.
I desperately want to go to him. To fall into his arms, but I hold back for fear of upsetting the situation. Freddie might be the type of man who needs time alone to process his thoughts. He might decide he can't forgive me after all. I can't come in here with my apology and expect a kiss and a cuddle straight away.
"Come here," he encourages, pulling me onto his lap.
I'm still holding Charlotte and somehow manage to straddle Freddie whilst maintaining my tight hold on her. Our noses brush and I gasp as our lips graze each other's ever so slightly. His grip on my waist tightens as we stare at each other, contemplating if we should break our rule or not.
"I really want to kiss you, Ana."
"I won't stop you," I insist.
He inches closer and our lips are moments away from touching when Nic, James and Sloan suddenly come bursting through the front door.
"Oh fuck!" mumbles Freddie, moving his head away from mine.
I attempt to reclaim my original position but with Charlotte still snug in my arms, I end up staying exactly where I am on Freddie's lap.
"Sorry to interrupt, but this is an emergency!" proclaims Sloan, looking between Freddie and me. "You two made up, yes?"
I look at Freddie, not wanting to assume anything. Thankfully, he nods and simultaneously squeezes my waist.
"Good, because I need you on food committee."
"On what?" he asks.
Sloan huffs, outraged he doesn't know what a food committee is. "I told James about the Paris venue."
"That's great," I announce.
Freddie looks at me like I've grown two heads. He has no idea what the Paris venue is or that I met up with his sister and future sister-in-law for coffee this morning.
"We mutually agreed it was too far over budget for what we have planned," informs James.
"Why? What do you have planned?" asks Freddie.
Sloan instinctively rubs at her stomach.
"Wait! Are you—"
Nic stares at her, wide-eyed.
"Maybe."
"OH MY GOD!" yells Nic, absolutely elated. "You're having a baby!"
Freddie and I both jump up, needing in on this moment as much as Nic.
"That's fantastic," gushes Freddie, going straight in for a hug with James. "Congratulations, man!"
I join Nic and Sloan, holding them to me as tight as I'm holding Charlotte. Before long, the boys join our small circle and all five of us—plus Charlotte—are hugging.
"Charlotte—baby—you're getting a cousin to play with," announces Freddie, kissing her chubby cheeks.
Somewhere amidst the celebration, she woke up.
"Wait!" I say. "That doesn't explain why Freddie and I are on food committee?"
"Oh, right," replies Sloan, emotional from the announcement.
Luckily, James steps in to explain, though he's no less teary-eyed than his fiancé. "The venue called us this afternoon. They have a cancelation and can squeeze us in at 50% off."
"That's fantastic!" insists Nic.
"Next week," he adds.
"Next week?"
I'm no expert but planning a wedding in a week sounds like hard work.
'Exactly. We need all hands-on deck to pull this off," insists Sloan, working her way around the room. "Freddie and Ana, if you could organise catering, that'd be great. Nic, I've put you and Lara on entertainment."
Nic nods, taking her bridesmaid duties seriously.
"Mum and dad are travelling up tonight. Lara's on her way down from Uni now." Sloan faces me, realising her need to fill me in. "Lara is my sister."
"Oh, okay!"
"We're having a joint hen/ stag party tomorrow night," she explains, struggling to get everything out in one breath. "Ana—you'll invite Catherine and Helen, right?"
I laugh. "I'm sure they'd love to come."
"Freddie, I know it's short notice to find a babysitter, but you have to be there!" she insists.
"I'm sure Caroline won't mind," he replies, taking Sloan into his arms and kissing her hairline. "Relax, we've got this. You're going to have the most magical wedding ever."
"Really?"
She stares up at him, hanging onto his every word.
"I promise."
Charlotte starts fussing, no doubt looking for her dad. I hand her to him and as I do, he kisses my forehead. It's the first time we've been intimate in front of other people and I don't miss the look on everyone's face as a result. Nic and Sloan couldn't look happier and James himself is practically bouncing with excitement.
"Alright, I think a party is in order!" announces Freddie. "To celebrate Jamie and Sloan's exciting news."
"What do you have in mind?" questions Nic.
"Takeaway and boardgames?" he suggests.
Nic rolls her eyes. "Jesus, when did you lot get so boring?"
"When we became parent," he teases, nudging her hip.
She playfully shoves him away and then proceeds to steal Charlotte from him. This just so happens to free Freddie up and he takes this opportunity to hug me from behind. I fully lean into his embrace and squeeze his forearms, trying desperately to remember a time I was this happy. Surrounded by loving people, the only thing missing is Helen and Nan.
"Why don't you invite them over?"
"Who?" I ask.
He playfully nibbles my ear. "Your nan and Helen."
I have no idea how he could sense I was thinking about them, but I don't question it. I fire Nan a quick text, knowing Helen will be with her.
'They're on their way," I inform, reaching up to kiss him on the cheek.
"Perfect," he says, smirking.
"Yeah," I agree, gazing up at his handsome face. "You are."
✨✨✨✨
Hi, lovely!💕
WOW! What a chapter.
James and Sloan are PREGNANTTTTTT!!
I'll be honest, this wasn't planned but I'm so glad it happened this way. I think it's so cute! 😙
And I'm so proud of Ana for owning up to her mistakes. How adorable is Freddie in this scene too? Kissing her on the forehead in front of everyone!!
OMG!!
Why am I just fingerling over my own characters in this authors note? 😂
Please let me know what your fav part was! I'm DYING to know!
And don't forget to read this chapter in Freddie's POV for more Hudson goodness...😈
Speak soon,
Rebecca xo