🌷Anastasia🌷
Freddie and I are nonstop all night. We can't get enough of each other and the magic our bodies make when working together. We take brief naps between having sex and although I love the feeling of him being inside me, I live for those moments where he holds me from behind. His sexy whispers are also a favourite of mine, never once letting up. He reminds me at every possible moment how incredible I am and I, of course, return the gesture. By the time morning rolls around, I'm lying in his arms, beyond content.
"You have special machine at work to find people, right?"
Freddie laughs. "You need to work on your pillow talk, babe."
I gently shove his shoulder. "I'm serious."
His chest feels warm against my cheek, and I'm obsessed with the steady beating of his heart.
"Yes, we have ways to find certain people."
"Certain people?" I ask, trying not to show my disappointment. "So, not everyone?"
"That depends? Who are you looking for?" he questions.
I reposition myself so that I'm leaning on my elbow, facing him. "Nan has an old flame she never told me about."
"An old flame?"
I nod. "Liam O'Connor. They were in love, but their families wouldn't let them get married."
Freddie's eyes widen.
"I think it would be nice for them to reconnect."
"Does your nan want that?" he asks.
I shrug.
"Are you meddling?" he teases, playfully poking my ribs.
I respond by smirking. "Maybe?"
"Well, do you know anything about this Liam? Where he lives? His date of birth?"
I immediately deflate. "No. Nothing. I know he's Irish, but I'm not sure if he lives over there?"
Freddie doesn't seem to think it's much of an issue. "I'll try my best to find him."
I offer him my biggest grin and kiss his cheek. "Thanks."
He pushes me onto my back and towers over me, using his arms to cage me in.
"I need a favour in return, though."
I giggle. "Oh, yeah?"
"I need you to let me fuck you again."
"Again?" I ask, feigning outrage.
He slowly lowers his head to mine. "Yes, please."
I don't object.
***
I pull the lemon cookies out of the oven and am immediately surrounded by their smell. I load them onto the cooling rack and wipe my hands on my apron. I left Freddie's house late morning when he went to collect Charlotte from James and Sloan's house. I felt called to do something I used to enjoy doing. Something that reminds me of my old self, yet doesn't stop me from moving forward.
"Perfect," I mutter to myself, breaking one in half.
The white chocolate chips I added in are melted and the cookie batter is still slightly gooey in the middle. I decide I'm fucking proud of my attempt and want Freddie to experience one while they're still at their best. I quickly load three into a small tin and head towards my front door. I spin around with the tin tucked under my arms to find Freddie stood on his doorstep taking to another woman. He's smiling at her, genuinely in awe of her presence. I immediately want to return to my living room, but my front door closes with a click, bringing both of their attention to my arrival.
Fuck!
Freddie looks startled and a little embarrassed. The woman he's with—however—simply smiles before walking off. I don't know what to do or say. Is Freddie seeing someone else? We never discussed where we lie with regards to other people and therefore I can't exactly be angry with him. But how can he sleep with me and have another woman around the same day?
"You wanna come in?" he asks, sounding nervous.
I nod, because more than anything I desire an explanation. Still, I don't utter a single word. I'm in shock. I thought Freddie was one of the good ones. I never expected him to do this. I never expected it to hurt this much.
"Is she your friend?" I ask, sounding uncertain.
He shakes his head, then—eyes widening—reaches for my hand and covers it with his own.
"Ana—baby—no!"
I swallow hard, nails digging into the cake tin I'm still stupidly holding. Here I am, baking cookies for the man I had sex with last night while he's inviting other women into his home.
"She's not—that's not—"
"It's okay," I offer. "We're not dating. You're allowed to see other women."
He takes a step back, seemingly shocked. "Is it?"
"Is it what?" I ask, heating up with anger.
"Is it okay if I see other women?"
I shrug.
"Because if I see other women, you can see other men and I don't know if I'm okay with that."
I throw my hands up in frustration, seconds away from throwing the cookies at his head. "How are you turning this around on me right now? You're the one I just caught with another woman."
"Ana—I'm not—"
"And you don't get to tell me what I can and cannot do, Freddie! If I want to see other men, I will!"
I don't even know why I say that other than to prove a point. I have no desire to spend time with any other man who isn't Freddie. I'm simply hurt and embarrassed and this is the only way I know how to save face.
"You want to sleep with other men?" he asks, face contorting.
I shrug. "Maybe?"
He stares at me, hurt. "Am I not enough?"
"Well, clearly I'm not!" I yell, pointing towards his door.
There's suddenly a knock, as though summoned by me gesturing towards it.
"It's only me," comes Nic's chirpy voice, interrupting our argument.
She walks into the living room, and I immediately pull back.
"Are you coming to the park too, Ana?"
I smile at her bright face and shake my head. "I can't. I'm a little busy today."
She returns my smile before facing her brother. "So, I'm stuck with you?"
I don't tell her how lucky she is to be stuck with him. I simply throw out a half arsed goodbye and don't bother looking at him before I leave.
I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid.
I crack open the tin and shove a lemon cookie into my mouth, unashamed of my desperation. It tastes delicious and my petty mind is glad Freddie hasn't had any. I eat another two before I grab my phone and make a call to Helen. Despite being forty years older than me and nan's BFF, I see Helen as an ally. A friend. And she gives the best fucking advice.
"Hello?"
"I had sex with Freddie."
There's not a single second of silence before she responds. "You should answer the phone like this more often."
I sigh.
"Why do you sound full of regret?" she asks.
"Because I baked him cookies and caught him with another woman."
"Doing what?" she questions, outraged.
I'm glad we're on the same page.
"Talking."
"Talking?"
"Yeah, they were on his doorstep. They were saying goodbye."
"Fucking hell, Ana! He hardly had his cock in her mouth."
I laugh, because even though Helen is my go-to in situations like these, I never can get over the things that come out of her mouth.
"What makes you think it was romantic in any way?"
I shrug, even though she can't see me.
"Anastasia?"
"I don't know," I admit. "It's just a feeling."
She sighs, sounding sad. "I knew this would happen."
"Knew what would happen?" I ask, ready to defend Freddie's honour.
I'm honestly so confused. Part of me dislikes him for hurting me and the other is prepared to fight in his defence.
"That fucker dragged you down and now you're self-sabotaging every good thing coming your way."
"Josh?"
"Yes, Josh," she rages. "Your nan wanted to see him, ya know? I stopped her."
"When?"
I had no idea.
"When the police called to say what had happened."
Unexpected tears form in my eyes.
"She was so angry, Anastasia. So angry."
I blink and they run down my cheeks.
"Believe it or not, I was the calm one in that situation."
I actually can believe it. Helen may be impulsive and sharp, but when the time calls for it, she's rational.
"But do you know what makes me angry now?"
"What?"
"The thought of you throwing away your life because you think you're not good enough."
Why does what she's saying make so much sense?
"Freddie is not being disloyal. Your mind is telling you he is."
"Why?"
"Because that's what years of abuse does to you. It's poison."
I don't argue with her there.
"And if you're not careful, you'll end up alone like me."
"Like you?" I ask, surprised.
She doesn't respond.
"Helen—"
"I'm proud of you, Anastasia," she admits. "You did what I couldn't do. You left."
Oh my God!
"Helen, I had no idea!"
"Of course you didn't. No one knows. Except your nan."
I smile, glad the pair of them have each other to rely on.
"Can you do me a favour though?" she asks.
"Anything!" I tell her.
"Will you continue to make me proud?"
Her question tugs at my stomach. "How do I do that?"
"By being happy."
When I think of happiness, I think of Freddie and Charlotte. I think of lemon cookies and long walks in the forest. I may not be at the end of my journey when it comes to loving myself completely, but the first two things on my list have certainly helped and Helen's right. I'm fucking self-sabotaging.
"I'll try," I tell her, quickly saying my goodbyes before heading towards Freddie's place.
I feel like the world's biggest arsehole and really want to apologise. Unfortunately, there's no answer and I figure they've already left for the park. I contemplate texting him but decide this is a conversation best had face-to-face. Especially with someone like Freddie. He thrives off emotion and I want him to know how sorry I am for overreacting. I want him to be able to see my face when I tell him he's the only man I'm interested in.
Until then, I'll sit in my misery and eat a million lemon cookies.
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Hello, lovely!💕
So much happened in this chapter and I love how the story is unfolding!
Ana is on a journey to find growth, but is it too late? Will Freddie forgive her? Will she be able to communicate her true thoughts to him?
Read Freddie's POV to find out how he feels about Ana saying they can see other people. I have a feeling he's not happy about it! 😈
Speak soon,
Rebecca xo