I was sobbing for the whole ten minutes ng biyahe. Mum was trapping me para wala na akong matakbuhan.
She held my credit cards, she canceled all my projects, she even had the guts to terminate my contract with my agency as a brand ambassador, and now, kahit sa sarili kong tinitirhan, blocked ako?
"She's supposed to take care of me! Not to be her puppet!" I yelled and pointed somewhere. I sobbed once more and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I didn't do anything wrong! I just want to live my life!"
We were heading to Kuya's place sa Ivory Meadows. That was my last resort para uwian kasi ayokong umuwi sa Dasma if ang reason lang ay dahil gusto ni Mum na doon ako kontrolin.
I'm already twenty-six! I was supposed to decide on my own! Hindi na 'ko bata!
Clark didn't say anything sa gitna ng mga rant ko. Since hindi ganoon kalayo ang Ivory Meadows sa bahay ko, nakarating kami agad kahit wala pang half an hour. But when his car stopped in front of the gate, hindi agad kami pinagbuksan ng guard. Nakababa pa rin ang boom barrier kaya hindi kami makadaan.
I covered half of my face with my hanky just to cover my reddish face. I even let some strands of my hair down to cover my swollen eyes because of crying.
"Magandang hapon ho, ser." The guard in uniform approached us. "Saan ho kayo?"
"Sa residence ni Ronerico Dardenne, boss," Clark answered.
"Ay, kay Ser Ronie. Sige ho. May ID kayo, ser?"
"Ah, yeah. Saglit." Clark gave his driver's license to Manong Guard.
"Ikaw ho, ma'am, may ID ho?"
I shook my head and Clark answered for me. "Wala siyang dalang ID. Naiwan sa bahay."
"A, sige ho, saglit. Hmm . . . Mendoza . . ." Then the guard turned around to ask the other guard on the guard post. "P're, pa-double-check nitong Clark Mendoza kung nasa record." Binalikan si Clark ng guard saka nagpasabi. "Ser, saglit lang, ha? Itatawag muna sa amo namin."
"Boss naman," pagtawag ni Clark at isinampay ang kanang braso niya sa nakabukas na bintana. "Bakit itatawag pa, e barkada ko ang nakatira doon?"
"Pasensiya na ho, ser, protocol ho kasi, e."
"Wala namang ganitong protocol dati, a."
"Ser, kalalapag lang ng order sa amin kahapon para sa mga Dardenne."
"Anong order?" Clark's voice started to get annoyed by the delay.
"Si Madame Tessa ho kasi ang nag-request. Kapag ho dumaan dito ang bunso niya, itawag agad sa kanya."
I immediately turned to the window side para makaiwas na makita ng mga guard. I peeked at the windshield and looked for the security cameras saka tinakpan ang buong mukha ko gamit ang panyo.
I'm doomed!
Pati sa Ivory! Fuck! Last resort ko na 'to na sure akong may mapapala ako, pero pati rito, guwardiyado na rin?
"Boss, nasa kasal pala barkada ko," biglang sabi ni Clark at ipinakita ang screen ng phone niya. "Doon ko na lang pala siya pupuntahan. Mukhang wala siya diyan sa bahay niya, e."
"A, oo nga, ser! Sabi nga ni Madame kahapon. May kasal daw silang pupuntahan." Ibinalik na ng guard ang ID ni Clark.
"Itatawag n'yo pa ba?" tanong ni Clark.
"Busy ang line, ser. Baka ho nasa simbahan," sagot ng guard.
"Ayun, good!"
I thought we were gonna go ahead, but Clark gave the guard a hand signal to go near the car window. Clark took his wallet and took some money—a thick pile of cash—and handed it to the guard.
"Hala, ser, ano 'to?" The guard was shocked and looked at Clark in bewilderment.
"Boss, ganito. Huwag n'yo na lang itawag kay Tita Tessa na dumaan kami rito ng girlfriend ko, okay? Kay Rico, okay lang, pero hindi kay Tita." I watched Clark in the window's reflection, and he was pointing at me. "Kasi baka pagalitan si Rico. Baka sabihin, kung sino-sino ang dinadala ko sa mansiyon nila. Kilala mo naman si Tita Tessa, mahigpit 'yon."
The guard was still reconsidering Clark's offer.
"Hindi naman kami tutuloy, baka puwedeng magkasundo na lang tayo." Nagtaas pa siya ng index finger for another deal. "If within the week, hindi ako tinawagan ni Tita para sa confirmation ng pagpunta ko rito, dodoblehin ko 'yan. Deal?"
I caught the guard glancing in my direction and I couldn't stop myself from sobbing and clearing my clogged nasal passages.
"Pasensiya na, boss, kalilibing lang kasi ng favorite dog niyan kanina kaya umiiyak pa rin hanggang ngayon."
Lalo tuloy lumakas ang iyak ko kasi ayokong matawa sa sagot ni Clark sa guard. Allergic ako sa aso!
"Ay, gano'n ho ba? Condolence ho, ma'am. Sige ho, ser."
"Thank you, boss. Next week, balikan kita." Then the car window on the driver's side slowly closed. The car moved rearward for us to go.
I continued crying because I had nowhere to run. Wala akong wallet, wala akong dalang cards, wala akong kahit ano maliban sa sarili ko at phone ko! Kahit pisong barya, wala ako!
"It wasn't supposed to be this bad, right?" I asked Clark, and I cleared my clogged nose. "Gusto ko lang umuwi sa bahay ko."
He let out a deep sigh and pouted at the road. Ni hindi nga siya makapag-joke sa nangyaring panghaharang sa amin kanina sa Ivory Meadows.
"Alam mo, Sab, sa totoo lang, hindi first time 'tong ginawa ni Tita Tess e," seryosong sinabi ni Clark, pero dinig kong naiinis din siya sa nangyayari.
"Yes, Mum did this to Kuya with Bettina! But Bet's a bitch and she's someone Kuya needed to get rid of!" I yelled. "If only I knew this would happen, sana ginaya ko na lang talaga si Kuya! Sana kumuha na lang din ako ng ibang bahay na blocked doon si Mum like what he did sa bahay niya sa P. Rodriguez!"
Jaesie was allowed to stay at Kuya's house, away from Mom and me. Banned nga ako sa bahay na 'yon kahit pa bahay 'yon ng sariling kapatid ko! Walang ibang babaeng nakakapasok doon maliban kay Jaesie!
If only I had realized it earlier, sana noon pa ako bumili ng bahay na hindi alam ni Mum para may mapupuntahan ako once she's gone insane again.
And it was too late to realize it.
"Bring me to Mat," I asked Clark.
"Sab . . ."
"I can't go anywhere, okay? Sa dami ng mukhang pera sa circle ko, isang swipe lang ni Mum, may magsusumbong agad kung nasaan ako."
Hindi na sumagot si Clark. He just turned right on the service road along EDSA and went straight to Addition Hills.
We were quiet inside the car. If this was a problem I was supposed to handle, for sure, Clark was the reason why Mum had to do this the hard way instead of begging me to listen and marry whoever I had to marry regardless of my feelings.
Kung pakakasalan ko si Clark, automatically, terminated na ang brand ko. And for what it's worth?
She wanted to keep her money na ipamamana niya kay Clark?
Did she want to force Clark to take care of me forever?
Did she want to outrun her kumares who wanted Clark to be their son-in-law?
I knew she loved Clark more than she loved me. But at least have the consideration to respect me kahit hindi na bilang anak kundi someone na may autonomy sa sariling buhay niya.
Hindi ko na nga hinihiling na maging favorite child ako. Kahit man lang sana freedom sa buhay, ibigay nila sa 'kin—sa 'min ni Kuya.
It didn't take an hour bago kami makarating sa duplex ni Mat.
The place was European-style with gray tiles and glass walls. Mula sa labas, kitang-kita ang staircase sa nakabukas na tall curtain pangharang sa glass walls. May balcony naman at sinilip ko mula sa malayo kung makikita si Mat doon pero wala. Although the niche lights were open, that meant Mat was in her house right now.
It was almost dusk and the partially full moon was already visible in the pale blue sky. Clark halted in front of Mat's gate and I opened the car door first before he asked me to go out.
Ako na nga rin ang nag-doorbell nang dalawang beses, and Mat opened the front door and checked the gate.
"Mat, it's me!" I shouted.
"Sabrina?"
From the metal bars of the gate, I saw Mat jogging toward me and scowled after seeing my condition.
"Aw, baby ko, what happened?" She hugged me and looked at Clark. "Clark, inaway mo?"
"Huy, grabe!"
"Ano nga?" reklamo ulit niya habang hagod-hagod ang likod ko.
"Pinasara ni Tita Tess ang penthouse niya. Pati sa Ivory, nire-report kung pupunta siya roon," sagot ni Clark.
I glanced at Mat's face and she just opened her mouth in disbelief. "Pasok nga muna kayo. Hindi ko ma-digest!"
The vertical steel gate slowly went up and Clark hopped inside his car to drive.
Nauna na kami ni Mat papasok sa loob ng bahay niya habang hinihintay namin si Clark na sumunod.
Mat's house is cozy, and the yellow lights made it feel warmer inside. The interior design is minimalist and features more white and black for a classic and elegant look.
The house isn't that huge. Enough lang para sa isa o dalawang tao. Ang umo-occupy ng ground floor ay living area sa right pagpasok, a huge space sa harapan, probably space for her work sometimes, and kitchen and dining area sa left side. There are doors for the toilet and pantry sa kitchen area, and another door papunta sa likod ng bahay. The staircase is on the right side, sa end ng living room paakyat sa second floor.
Mat let me sit on her white and black mid-century modern sofa, which smelled so sweet. I could smell the fragrance of cherry blossom and peach. It passed my clogged nose and calmed me down a bit.
"What happened?" Mat asked once again and combed my hair as she stared at me. "Ano'ng ginawa ni Tita?"
"She blocked all my resources. I got nowhere to run," I replied.
"Blocked means . . . ?"
"Wala akong kahit ano ngayon. Phone lang ang dala ko. Wala akong wallet. Wala akong damit. Pina-lock niya ang penthouse. Monitored ang bahay ni Kuya sa Ivory Meadows. My agency emailed me, asking for my presence sa office ASAP to terminate my contract for my brand. Wala na rin akong orders sa boutique ko since September to prioritize Patrick's wedding. Wala akong ibang mauuwian kundi sa Dasma na lang."
"Oh my gosh . . ." Mat's worried face was overwhelming to me because she was the only person I could run to right now na sure akong hindi paghihinalaan ni Mum.
Not that we weren't close enough, but Mat made a boundary with Mum after she agreed to support Kuya and Jaesie's wedding as the wedding organizer—kahit pa against si Mum doon at first.
The front door opened and Clark entered the house, frustrated and baffled.
"About pa rin ba 'to sa wedding n'yo ni Sabrina?" Mat asked.
Naupo naman si Clark sa tabi lang din ni Mat bago niya ito niyakap mula sa likod. He even buried his face on her right shoulder, and I was thankful that Mat wore a plain, loose shirt and comfy shorts.
"Tina-trap yata kami ni Tita," sabi ni Clark at halos hindi ko siya maintindihan kasi doon siya nagsasalita sa balikat ni Mat.
Mat was holding my hands but her attention was on Clark on her shoulder. "Tina-trap kayo and you're letting it?"
"Hindi naman. Ginagawan ko naman ng paraan."
"Then bakit umabot sa ganito?" She sounded more annoyed than me habang kinokompronta si Clark. "What about Sabrina's things? Paano ang work niya? Wala palang dala 'tong kahit na ano."
Clark raised his head and placed his chin on Mat's shoulder. He looked at me as if he was tired of my mess because of my mother.
"Dito muna siya sa 'yo," sabi niya saka sinilip si Mat mula sa balikat nito. "Babalikan ko siya bukas after ng wedding ni Pat."
"Bukas na ba?" tanong ni Mat.
"Actually, today ang wedding. Itinakas ko lang si Sab sa venue."
"Bakla ka ng taon!" Hinampas agad niya sa hita si Clark at tinawanan lang nito ang ginawa niya. "Alam mo, lalo mo lang ginagalit si Tita Tessa!"
"Awkward na nga ang reception kanina, e," depensa ni Clark.
"Pero hindi mo kailangang dalhin dito si Sab kung hindi pa pala tapos! Nakakaloka ka, Clark Mendoza, ha!"
Nagkamot lang ng ulo si Clark habang iniiwasang sumagot pa kay Mat.
"At bakit ganyan ang suot mo?" Dinuro niya si Clark mula ulo hanggang paa. "Nag-polo ka sa wedding?!"
"Kabibihis ko lang, grabe naman."
"O, e anong plano n'yo?" tanong ni Mat sa aming dalawa ni Clark.
"Dito muna siya," seryosong sagot ni Clark. "Then kakausapin ko si Rico kung ano'ng gagawin namin sa kapatid niya." Itinuro niya ako. "Ire-review ko dapat ang contract nito ngayon kaso pati laptop wala 'to, e. Baka dito muna ako hanggang dinner. Makiki-access ako ng email para makita ang content ng kontrata niya sa Sun-Dias."
"As in ite-terminate ang contract?" tanong ulit ni Mat at nakasimangot siya nang sobra. "Paano yung Sabrina's? Di ba, may release kayo under Sun-Dias ngayong summer?" tanong niya sa 'kin.
"Yeah, supposedly," sagot ko, at wala na akong energy pa.
"So, canceled na 'yon?"
"Not sure. Siguro."
"Ang laki ng project na 'yon, gaga!" She said that to Clark and slapped him on his hips. "Gawan mo ng paraan!"
"Gagawan nga ng paraan. Makautos?" sarcastic na sagot ni Clark. "Pahiram ng laptop."
"Maa-access mo ba?" nagdududang tanong ni Mat.
"Manonod lang ako ng porn, pampawala ng stress."
"Puta ka talaga." Sinabunutan niya si Clark pero tumayo na rin siya at nanduro pa. "Do something, ha!"
"Oo nga, ang kulit!" Nakasimangot lang siya kay Mat hanggang sa dumeretso ito sa hagdanan para umakyat. Nang hindi na namin makita si Mat, inilipat naman niya ang tingin sa 'kin. Damang-dama ko ang disappointment niya sa nangyayari.
"I want my life back," I told him and wiped the almost-dried tears from my eyes. "I can't settle na puro lang ako ganito."
He sighed and nodded. Wala pang ilang minuto, dala na ni Mat ang laptop niya at charger n'on.
"Bakit parang lumalala ang issue na 'to?" tanong ni Mat paglapit sa amin. "Bakit hindi na lang kasi kayo magpakasal para tumigil na si Tita?"
Inilapag niya ang laptop sa wooden center table and pulled the mini drawer under it para sa socket ng charger.
"Sabi sa contract ni Sab, kailangang single siya para sa image ng Sabrina's."
"E di ba, product nga 'yon para magka-jowa ang mga buyer? Tapos single ang endorser?"
"Kasi nga, single ladies ang market," depensa ni Clark at inagaw na kay Mat ang posisyon ng laptop. "May point naman ang contract, and that was signed noong 21 pa lang si Sab."
"Oh, yeah! Oo nga, baby pa si Sab n'on. I get it. Okay? Gaano katagal ulit 'yon?"
"Ten years," sagot ko.
"Wow, ang tagal. Hindi ba puwedeng ipa-amend ang contract? Parang unfair naman na dapat single si Sab until 31."
"Kaya nga baka ginamit ni Tita sa plano niya since possible ang amendments," Clark explained, and his eyes were fixed on the laptop's screen. "Pero dapat i-review muna ang grounds."
"'Yon lang ba ang consequence if maikasal kayo? Yung branding ng Sabrina's?"
Not that I was disappointed with Mat's question, but she sounded like it was just a small sacrifice for me.
'Yon lang?
Hindi 'yon basta 'yon lang. Hard-earned money, effort, and reputation ko 'yon for the past five years. Hindi 'yon basta 'yon lang.
Kung pinaghirapan mo 'yon sa loob ng kalahating dekada tapos may magsasabi sa 'yo na 'yon lang ang mawawala? Feeling ko, useless ang lahat ng effort ko para hindi mai-consider na achievement ang nila-lang nila.
"Mat, hindi basta 'yon lang ang Sabrina's," Clark suddenly blurted out in his serious voice. "Hindi mo ila-lang ang mga billboard ni Sab sa EDSA saka TV commercials niya. Hindi libre ang mga 'yon."
"Yeah, I get it . . ." Mat defended. "I know."
I glanced at Clark. I appreciated that he considered that part a big deal for me. It touched a huge part of my broken soul right now and pacified it from exploding deep down.
"What I mean is ano pa ang consequences apart from that?" Mat continued. "Compared to Rico's case last time, buti nga, favored sa inyo si Tita. Si Jaesie, ilang beses nang rejected sa kanya."
"Mat . . ." Clark called out and stopped checking his online responsibilities for a while.
"Clark, Tita Tess can pull all her strings at any time. Hindi ka ba kinakabahan?"
Oh, please. Don't tell me, pati si Mat, ipu-pursue rin ang wedding namin ni Clark?
"Mat, masyado 'tong complicated, okay?"
"Mas complicated ang ginagawa n'yo, actually.Habang ina-analyze ko ang situation, lalo akong nagtataka kung bakit umabotkayo sa ganito. Puwede mo namang klaruhin kay Tita kung ayaw mo, right?"
"I already did!"
"So, bakit niya pinu-pursue?"
"I told her na ikakasal lang ako after Leo!"
"You told her what?!" Mat exclaimed, and my eyes were shifting from her to Clark. "So you said yes?"
"Sort of? Yeah? I said yes."
"You what?" sabay pa kami ni Mat sa pagsabi n'on.
"It was conditional, okay! Ayokong tumanggi!"
I pointed at him to let him explain his fucking side! "So you're the one to blame for my mishaps!"
"It's not your mishaps, for the record, Sabrina!" he retorted. "Para kay Leo ang deal na 'yon na wala namangkinalaman si Tita Tess!" he explained to Mat. "I'm trying to compromise, okay? Sab, isangdekadang hinintay ni Leo ang kasal niya at ayokong sirain ang pangarap niyadahil lang sa gusto ng mama mo! And besides, hindi ko nga alam ang nangyayarisa brand mo pati sa condo mo! Tapos biglang kasalanan ko?"
My tears unexpectedly fell after he raised his voice at me. It felt like he was blaming me for everything my mom did to us.
He blew out some air and raked his hair frustratedly. "Magpapahangin lang ako sa labas."
I really thought that kicking me out of my own place was the only heartbreak I could have today. I didn't know that Clark raising his voice at me could make things worst.
I'm so lost.
♥♥♥