ILL FATED DECISION
Raven walked briskly through the cave hallways, his mind a jumbled mess. Rogan was positioned securely on his Dad's hips, his head nestled into the croak of Raven's shoulders. The young sub had never seen the older sub look quite as he was. But Rogan was wise enough to not question him for he decided that his dad looked as though the sound of a needle could drive him over the edge. And Rogan did not want to risk this. He knew that whatever his dad was troubling over would only be resolved when the older wolf decided to. And by the way Raven had grabbed his son and was now holding unto him like life support, Rogan was scared for him. He was afraid that if he parted from his dad or even spoke, Raven's strength would come tumbling down.
Raven turned down a familiar hallway and Rogan shifted his head slightly in curiousity. Rogan wasn't expecting his dad to bring him back to their cave where they and his father and brother all shared. Rogan didn't let the fact that his dad angry gumbling and harsh whispered words came to a short and were replaced by a sharp uneven intake of breath.
Rogan felt his dad stop and hesitate there for a moment before deciding mostly likely not to coward out now. His dad walked forward and Rogan wondered if to pretend to be sleeping. He decided he would and he laid motionless at his comfortable spot on his dad's hips and shoulders.
Raven walked into his cave to be greeted by a pacing Jagger. The dominate's facr was twisted in fright, worry and indecision. He seemed to be fighting within himself, an internal battle, and Raven did not know how one person could contain all the emotions that his mate now wore. Apparantly Jagger did not notice when Raven had entered and in his pacing, he turned to be hit off guard with the image of his mate and son.
The dominate released a breath of happiness and rushed to Raven, encasing him and Rogan into a hug filled with love and relief.
"I thought maybe you had really left. Gone already. That we were too late. Darius even had some wolves set out to ensure you havent gone far." Jagger released the hug and was now looking affectionately at his mate. He had always appreciated Raven's beauty as many others have but now that he had actually believed he could have lost him, he saw a new kind of beauty and love for the sub.
"I couldnt leave without seeing you," Raven answered truthfully.
Fear hit Jagger harder than any one person could hit him. And his eyes swelled up big, unfallen tears filling them, "So you're still leaving them?"
The question was just a whisper but it was filled with so much heartbreak. Raven looked down at the rough ground below him where the dirt and been walked on so many times that it was now flattened to a hardened and uneven mass that worked as well as if it had been plastered as the humans perferred it.
Jagger understood that Raven could form no words to state that he was in fact leaving. A broken sob escaped the domimate and Raven could not recall ever seeimg the werewolf so weak and heartbroken. And Raven questioned himself, how could he do this to Jagger? To the man he loved? How could he break him so, a man who have only showed him love and made Raven feel things he would have never believed even possible? But how could he do the same to his son? How could he do Rogan such an injustice? Raven was torn. Even Rogan who had been fooled by his own body and had truly fallen asleep instead of his plan of pretending now laid almost stiff at the thoughts of leaving and the broken sobs that escaped his father who was only strong in his eyes but was now weak by words that did not even escape Raven's lips.
"You could come with me Jagger. I'm not leaving you- I am leaving the pack," Raven attempted to comfort and persuade his mate.
Jagger, who had crumbled unto the floor in his sorrow, now looked into the sub's eyes with a pleading look, "How can you not be leaving me if you are leaving the pack? For I am the pack and the pack is me."
And in itself Raven knew it was true. If he was leaving the pack then he was leaving Jagger because the dominate belonged to the pack and the pack belonged to him. Raven tried to find words, any words that would let Jagger know everything was going to be okay. But how could he form the words when he himself did not know if everything actually was going to be okay and quite frankly, the sub did not believe it would be because if he was doing good for someone he loved, he was still going to hurt another person he loved.
However Raven was saved from finding words he knew would do nothing to help Jagger or himself or the child who he believed was now sleeping. He was saved by Darius aggressively parting the furs that acted like curtains for the privacy of those inside the cave. Behind Darius followed Daven and then in turn Cyrus.
"I knew he had to come back to see Jagger! He wouldnt leave without talking to his mate. Good so that Jagger could talk some sense into him," Darius told the other dominates confidently, boasting proudly that his guess to come back into the cave would find them Raven.
"Yes, yes," Daven rolled his eyes at his father.
And Cyrus clapped Darius on his back in award, "Good guess."
But Raven was still at war with himself.
"Go tell the others that we found Raven and the search is over and tell Storm and the others they could come now. She'd be relieved." Darius commanded Daven who eagerly went to carry the good news to the rest.
Maybe if the others werent so excited about finally finding Raven then perhaps they may have noticed the soft sobs that escaped Jagger's dry lips or the look of hopelessness and despair on Raven's face as he struggled within himself. But all this went unnoticed on the celebrations.
Storm rushed into the cave frantic to see her son, "Where is he? Where is my baby?" Her eyes roamed everywhere in a hurried search before settling on Raven.
The woman had aged gracefully and was still strong enough to grip Raven and Rogan both in a crushing hug.
"And Snow is still here. Oh I thought I would have never seen you both again. And Jagger was so worried and me..." Storm stopped her rant to peer onto Raven's eyes. She could not ignore the vacant look in her son's eyes.
Jesse walked into the room followed by Daven again. "Ra-Raven?"
Jesse's eyes were red and puffy which meant he was no less crying over the loss of his best friend.
Liam burst through the fur curtains and stood at Cyrus' side. Unlike Jesse, however, who looked like he was worried sick for his best friend, Liam looked as though he had a piece of mind to give Raven and he was going to say it the two subs were so different yet were the best of friends despite the little rough spot they experienced after what had happened to Liam in the hardest time of his life.
"I honestly don't know what goes through that mind of yours Raven. Had everyone worried sick because of your stubborness. And-" Liam paused in his heated rant much the same as Storm and narrowed his eyes at the sub suspcioisly.
"You are staying arent you?" Jesse asked in a feeble voice.
Raven felt an overwelming sense of guilt and he shifted his weight to his other feet, Rogan suddenly becoming a burden on him. The young child wasnt as light as Raven thought but somehow he felt it was just a metaphor to how he really felt- for the first time ever, Raven felt like Rogan was a burden.
In the deathly silence that followed Jesse's unanswered question, Jagger sobs suddenly were audible now. And with Raven repositioning his weight unto his other foot, it gave everyone a peak of Jagger.
Liam gasped at the sight of the dominate looking so weak and most importantly devastated. He couldn't believe anything could have reduced the man to such a state. And yet Jesse's question was answered with just a small glimpse of Jagger. Raven wasn't staying. He was leaving. He was leaving the pack and he was leaving Jagger. And that crushed Liam's heart to know. For he had experienced heartbreak and he would not wish it on anyone- even the very same man who contributed to Liam being the broken man he was when Cyrus found him- the man who know in turn was heartbroken on the ground before everyone.
But most importantly anger flooded in Liam's veins. Anger that Raven would do such a thing to Jagger in the sake of being stubborn. And it wont just be Jagger who would feel the pain of Raven's departure. His mother, Storm, his father, Darius, his twin brother, Daven, with no doubt and Jesse, the soft hearted and easily broken sub. Even Liam had to admit that he would feel as though something was missing. All this sorrow for the sake of stubborness.
"He's leaving," Daven said more to himself than anyone else but everyone heard him and Jagger's heart felt much heavier, his sobs increasing.
And Jagger felt embarrassed. Not embarrassed by the fact that he was a dominate- no, the future alpha of the strong Northern Ridge Pack- and was crying shamelessly in front of so many friends and families who were yet still people nevertheless, and displaying himself as something so weak, but embarrassed that he was crying and being weak for a man who would not even look with pity upon Jagger, at the reduced nothing he now was, and have compassion and be compelled to stay atleast a while longer or return the favour of a tear down his check or even a whispered word of comfort or remorse that Jagger knew would mean nothing yet would mean something somewhere. And Jagger weeped more in despair and in shame that he loved so shamelessly.
But Raven wanted to kneel on the ground like Jagger and hug and hold him close and whisper words of sweet love that they share often times at night, and he wanted to express his love and claim that he would stay forever at Jagger's side like he promised the dominate oh somany times- a promise he would break.
But Raven had Rogan in his hands, and he could not bend or level himself with Jagger with the boy nestled on his hip. And for the second time that night, Raven felt like Rogan was a burden. Raven felt that Rogan on his hip preventing him from going to Jagger was just a physical manifestion of what it really was; Raven had to choose between his son and his mate much the same as he now had to choose between comforting Jagger and relieving him of his emotions or waking Rogan and discomforting him.
And just then Rogan woke up and climbed down Raven's side and stood up at his side, his small human face peering into his Dad' eyes with a look of understanding and pleading and reassurance. As though he understood the situation and was telling Raven with his beedy eyes that it was okay to choose Jagger, that he would be alright if the sub left him to comfort his mate and ensure that the dominate know he wasnt leaving him anymore, that the boy would do good all on his own. And his eyes had strength and power all on it' own and Raven took this as a sign, some secret sign, that everything would be okay. He just had to stay. He couldn't leave. And Rogan was telling him this with his eyes.
The others watched this exchange between Raven and his son silently and Liam didn't know what his best friend saw when he looked into ths young sub's eyes but he decided that it must of been one hell of a thing. For Raven dropped to his knees in a hase and showered Jagger with words of reassurance and promises of not leaving and proclaiming love unto the man.
And for a moment Liam believed everything would be okay. That everything was fine now. But there was already something growing within Jagger. Something cold and icy that ran from his chest to his brain to everywhere else throughout his body. From fear to heartbreak to hurt to sorrow to embarrasment to shame to malice. Jagger had experienced them all in that short time space.
Though Cyrus was silent, he saw the changes in Jagger. He hadn't been focusing on Raven like the others, he had been looking at Jagger. Daven had done the same as Cyrus. They had seen and now realized what emotion Jagger had come to now. Even before Raven comforted his mate, they had seen that Jagger's tears had stopped. That his face was now contorting from heartbroken to being hard like what some men experienced after a traumatic event. That cold hardness that was so easy to come but so hard to break. And now that hardness wore itself on Jagger's face as the man who caused him so much pain, who caused that hardness to find a place within Jagger, the man who allowed the hardness to grow and consume Jagger now whispered sweet nothings into Jagger's ears and promised of things that he was not sure, promise of everything would be alright, as that man did this, the hardness manifested itself.
Jagger pulled himself from Raven's arms. The sub looked at his mate in shock. Jagger had been motionless throughout the entire ordeal, drowning in his sorrow. But now the dominate had finally responded to the sub's affection and his response wasn't something Raven ever thought Jagger was capable of doing to him. Jagger looked at his mate with none other than what Raven could identify as betrayal and rage. Raven may have even gone so far as to say it was hate but he couldnt because he knew it wasnt hate, even if it was very close to it.
"Don't try to fool me with things you don't mean," Jagger's voice was soft but powerful.
Raven's wide eyes roamed his mate's face, trying to see the man he wanted to see but instead only being greeted with coldness.
"I-I" Raven couldn't find it in himself to form any words. He was too suprised by Jagger's actions to process what was really happening fully.
Imagine the sighy of Raven with his eyes wide and his jaw slack and fumbling as he tried to find words that wasn't there. The pure look of horror and suprise distorting the features of the sub's face. Liam was sure his face was a reflection of Raven's face, suprise the most prominent amongst them. Liam realised that near everyone in the cave faces mirrored the shock on his and Raven' s face. Except Cyrus and Daven.
How did those two not react as the others but instead held solumn expressions with their lips pressed into a thin line. And there and then Liam realised the hardened man Jagger had become. He couldn't say he didn't fear it. He feared for Jagger and he feared for Raven.
"J-Jagger..." Raven spoke but more as a plead, more as a plead for the former Jagger to return. But Jagger couldn't forgive so easily- he didn't want to.
Jagger yanked his hand free from Raven's touch and the sub gasped in shock and hurt. It felt like someone had punched the air out of him. Silent tears streamed down his now pale checks and an expression of utmost hurt shadowed his beautiful face, his bottom lip trembling a bit.
Jagger glared at Raven, his eyes slightly narrowed as though he could see through the sub's act, feeling no remorse at the clear pain and hurt his mate was experiencing. But contrary to what the dominate might of thought or chose to believe, Raven's pain was near unbearable. Jagger stood up and turned to leave.
"B-b-but I love you," Raven whispered softly, already loosing the battle against sorrow.
But Jagger heard although the others had to strain their eyes to hear even with their heightened werewolf hearing.
He turned sharply to face the blonde hair sub, "I love you too." But in this words were regret and fustration that drowned out the words itself. "But you didn't love me enough to not want to leave me, you didn't love me enough to want to stay. And now I can't forgive you......and i don't want to."
And with that Jagger left, leaving a devastated Raven in his departure. Silence. Only silence yet again. Liam looked at his best friend who had not moved from his spot on the ground. Raven's face was permenantly stuck in it's state of shock and his eyes roamed all about in front of him yet it was unfocused. No doubt he was lost somewhere in his mind that Liam could not place.
Liam believed the sub just needed time to comprehend and process on his mind all that just took place, and by the silent blank stares he was giving, Liam guessed he had not done this as yet.
Storm was among the first to come out of her state of shock at the events that happened and she walked briskly outside the cave to follow Jagger and most likely comfort him and hopefully bring him to his senses.
Jesse got out of his daze and went over to the forgotten Rogan who still stood in the room. Liam wouldn't think that a five year old child would understand what exactly happened between their parents but he didn't doubt that Rogan did. The child was always smart, much like Titan. But if he understood, he showed no signs of it, which was wise.
Jessie carressed the young sub's cheeks and told him everything was alright and that he should go outside and play with the other boys. Rogan was on his way without hesitation, to which Jesse looked relieved.
Darius snapped out of his pondering and looked at his son's blank face before indicating that he was going to see if Jagger was okay. Maybe it was because he didn't yet feel comfortable and he felt it would be awkward to comfort his son after they had been at each others heads so shortly before, and in some way, the alpha felt like it was his fault that all this even occurred.
After he left, Jesse and Liam shared a look of understanding. Jesse catiously approached the sub kneeling on the ground.
"Raven..." Jesse called.
No response.
A moment passed before Raven cocked his head to the side in confusion and disbelief.
"He left?" The long haired sub questioned softly.
Liam looked to Jesse who in turn looked to both Daven and Cyrus. Cyrus shook his head ever so slightly to indicate that they shouldn't say anything.
"He left," Raven said with more surety this time, his voice no longer trembling as weakly as before.
"Jagger's gone." The sub shook his head as realization hit him.
Raven repeated that two word sentence in his head and echoed it through his lips.
Liam wondered when his best friend would catch up to reality; seeing the sub stare blankly lost in his own world and murmuring sentences that made him physically wince was devastating on Liam to see Raven in such a state, like a mad man that have been left alone to his thoughts too long.
But when a loud sorrowful cry pierced the eirry silence in the cave and Liam saw that it had escaped from Raven who now was holding his head in distress and rocking forth and back, wailing and crying out his pain and pouring out his sorrow and heartbreak through the form of tears, Liam wished he had not been so eager for Raven to come to reality.
He much perferred the Raven who was being unrealistic and naive to the situation and lost in his mind that the broken replacement of a sub that now took his place. And all Liam could do was try to comfort his heartbroken friend and attempt to relieve some burden of Raven though he knew nothing but Jagger or time could heal such deep wounds.
But that didnt prevent Liam and Jesse from still trying though, rocking Raven to the tempo of his song that narrated his arching of heart from the throat that was now used as a medium to express his emotions. And Daven had to see his brother, his twin, sing the melody that was in no way sweet and listen to the music that sounded the opposite of it's true angelic purposes. But he sat with Cyrus and the others on the ground surrounding Raven, dancing to the song he sang.