Ever since Liam and I went out to the roof, we've gone out of the cafeteria more. It certainly has been driving Darlene insane, the fact that it's dangerous and we don't come back till sun down sometimes. It's become a thing between Liam and me, though. We don't talk much when we're out there, but sometimes it's the silence that speaks volumes.
We go out often, but I do stay in the cafeteria to talk with Lucy and spend time with Craig. Craig still hasn't awoken, but Lucy never questioned it. We talk about random stuff like books and movies. We tried not to talk about the time before. We tried not to talk about family. Well, we tried.
Sometimes it was just inevitable. Sometimes our conversations would just swerve into the past and we would be talking about it and not even realize. When we did realize, we'd get quiet. We'd just stare into the grey nothingness and think.
"Nine," Liam said, shooting an arrow dead center into a Snappers forehead. See, we had started a game out of our escapades. We'd count how many we took out and who ever got the most at the end of the day won. It just kind of started. He's won more than I have, so far. Today, he was kicking my butt at it. He led now, nine to four. He walked over and pulled the bloodied arrow out of the snapper's forehead, his gaze meeting mine. "Something wrong?"
"I'm fine," I said. This was the thing about Liam. Even though we didn't talk much, he could tell when I had something on my mind. We were beginning to get to know each other well out here, actually. Liam was getting to know me too well. He could tell what I felt by the way I stood or the slightest expression. So, even though we didn't talk much, he knew when to say something. "I just got a lot on my mind."
"Want to talk about it?" He asked me. He was so sincere it made me think about telling him something.
"Not really," I said. I could never talk about the ghosts that follow me. If I did, it would be inevitable for me not to get attached. "It's nothing."
"Hmm," He said, running a hand through his hair and cracking his neck. He didn't believe me, which was obvious enough. But he knew not to press. "Anyways, I was thinking..."
"Yeah?"
"Well, since we are killing a lot of the snappers and all," He started, "I think we should start cleaning up the place. I mean, maybe we can get rid of some of the smell. We can load them up and put them somewhere outside. At least we can try and get the lobby cleared out of bodies and try and clean up the blood stains."
I thought about that. I mean, it would be nice to make it look a little normal around here. It would be nice to get rid of some of the smell. We're out here anyways, so why not?
"Sure," I said. "That's seems like a good idea, actually."
"Good," he said, smiling a little bit. We just stared stupidly at each other. I turned my gaze away from his after a few moments.
"I surrender today," I said, shaking my head and wiping the blade of my machete off. "I think we should head back early. My head kind of hurts."
"Sure," he said, pulling up his crossbow. The target fell and he smiled. "Ten."
#
"Hey," Lucy said to me from her hospital bed as I sat next to Craig on his. She folded the corner of the page of the book she was reading, setting it beside her. I instantly smiled as I saw her, feeling the bubbly air that surrounded her. It was always contagious around her. "What's up? How was it out there today? Anything new?"
She always asked the same questions every time I came back to her. I always had the same answer.
"Nothing really," I said. "Liam won. I surrendered. I also have a huge headache."
"Oh," she said, her face shown how she really felt for a few seconds and then she snapped it back. "Well, maybe Darlene can give you something."
"She gave me some ibuprofen," I said. Lucy nodded and put a hand on her stomach.
"Oh!" she squealed and grabbed my hand, laying in on her stomach. "The baby, it's kicking!"
I smiled at her as I felt the tiny kicks from the baby. Lucy's face was lit up with joy. She didn't feel it kick often. When she did, it made her day. She was on cloud nine. This child was her priority, her reason to keep going.
"I think I want to name her Mary," she started as the baby stopped kicking and I pulled my hand back. "Either Mary or Anne."
"What if it's a boy?" I asked her.
"Ethan."
"Why those names?" I asked her.
"I have my reasons," she said, rolling her shoulders. "I think it's going to be a girl, though."
"Why so?"
"I don't know," she said, rubbing her stomach with her hand. "I just feel it. Plus, I've always wanted a girl. I wouldn't mind having a boy, but I really want a girl. I can put bows in her hair, put her in dresses..."
I could already see it in her eyes.
"Are you nervous?" I asked her. I could feel her tense a bit.
"Of course I am," She said. She fidgeted with her hands. "It's only normal to be nervous. Every mom is nervous. My mom was probably nervous when..."
Her eyes widened. She had one of those moments. The only difference was she tried to brush it off.
"When my mom had me," She finished. Her happiness was gone. She fake coughed into her tiny elbow. Her eyes were glossy and she continued to fidget with her hands.
"I'm sure everything will be fine," I said, sitting next to her and putting a hand on her shoulder.
"What if it's not?" She said, balling her hands into fists. "What if it isn't going to be ok? What if I don't make it? What if I turn? What if something happens to the baby?"
"It's going to be okay," I said, pulling her into a hug. "You can't think that way."
"But I do," she said, crying into my shoulder. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Walter. He nodded and I moved behind him while he took Lucy in his arms, brushing her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder.
Suddenly I felt a presence behind me. I turned to meet a pair of blue eyes. Liam.
"Come on," he whispered, leading me to the other side of the cafeteria by Jackal.
"Is evr'thing okay?" Jackal asked, alarmed by the serious air.
"Fine," I said, feeling small. Lucy was right. She could turn on the spot if she didn't make it. We had Darlene, though, I told myself. Darlene would deliver the baby just fine. It would be okay. Even if Darlene wasn't confident, she was reading books that we got her. It would be fine.
I looked up and saw Liam studying me. He didn't speak, he just looked at me. He never talked much anymore.
Then it hit me. He realized what could happen. That's why this whole baby thing bothered him. He saw it as a danger. He saw it as an accident waiting to happen. I think he saw it as a threat, too. If Lucy turned, she could harm us. She could kill one of us. He realized that, and he now knew I realized it as well.
"Hungry?" He asked me. I wasn't really, but it was impossible for me to even think about turning down food. That was something that would probably never change.
"A little," I said. As soon as we were in the kitchen, he lightly grasped my arm, turning me toward him.
"You get it," he said, his eyes searching mine for reassurance. I nodded. His grasp slackened and he let out a sigh. "This isn't going to end well."
"It might be okay," I said, halfheartedly. But even I could hear the doubt in my voice.
"Lease," He said. He always said my name like it would prove that he was right. He wasn't right. He wasn't right this time. Lucy was going to make it. She was too happy, too good. The world couldn't take her too. I wouldn't let it.
"No," I said, anger bubbling up in my chest. "No. You don't know anything, Liam. You're just assuming you know what's going to happen. You're wrong. She's a fighter. We have Darlene. It will be okay. It will be."
"Darlene has a book, Lea-"he stopped midsentence, his eyes snapping to the cafeteria. My heart thudded in my chest as I registered the shouting. We both started toward the café, but once the scene came into view, I could feel my heart drop.
Craig.
He was on the bed, shaking violently. I didn't even realize I was running until I was next to his bed, right in front of him. No. No. This was not happening. I held my hands above him, unsure of what to do, panic flooding my system.
"Darlene," I shouted, my voice so panic ridden I couldn't hold it steady. I was amazed I was able to start shouting. "Darlene! What's going on? Help him!"
"Move," she said, her eyes darting everywhere. Liam grabbed me and pulled me away. I felt hot tears streaming down my face but it didn't matter. I fought Liam to stay next to Craig, but it was futile.
He dragged me away and I beat my hands into his chest. It was useless. He held onto me as we slid down against a wall. We sat on the floor together; I was in his arms, crying into his chest. After a while my crying stopped and I just stayed in his arms.
It wasn't until after it was all said and done that Darlene informed us it was just a minor seizure, that everything would be okay. It killed me to hear her lie. I knew this was not good. Something was happening to him and I was so, utterly helpless.
Liam stayed with me the whole time, even after it was done. I didn't speak until everyone was asleep.
"Thank you," I breathed. His arms were still holding me to his chest and I could hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat.
"For what?"
"Because I had an emotional breakdown on you, and you stayed."
There was silence for a few moments and I regretted my words for a second, but then he readjusted himself.
"I said I would try to make it okay." He exhaled deeply. "I don't lie."
More silence followed, save for the monitors that were strapped on Craig.
"I just can't stand the thought of losing him," I said, my body utterly exhausted. "But I'm already losing him and there's nothing I can do."
He was silent. He just held me closer. Sometimes you don't have the words; that's where actions come in. We stayed together like that a little while longer and I started to fall asleep. He picked me up and carried me toward my spot. I buried my face into his chest as we passed Craig and then he set me down.
His fingers brushed some stray hairs out of my face and then our eyes met once again. This time it was different, though. There was something buried deep inside there, something he was letting me glimpse, if only for a second.
And then he walked away.