3rd person pov
They were all back. Natasha, Gamora, Loki, Vision, everyone who died for the Endgame. Tony didn't. He didn't exactly die, mostly thanks to Peter and Bruce, but he wasn't doing so good. He wasn't doing anything at all, actually. Tony had been in a coma since the battle, wich had been 7 months. Peter had turned 17, he was living with the Avengers, but he felt like he didn't deserve it. He let them down, Tony is in a coma, He could have snapped. It was his fault, and he knew it.
---
Peter sits down at the kitchen island and is immediately greeted by Morgan jumping into his arms. The saturday morning sun glances through the blinds at the penthouse of the Avenger's tower. "Hey princess, how'd u sleep?" Peter tilts Morgan up to the counter and sits her down. She was wearing her spiderman themed pyjamas. "Great, I had a dream that daddy came back and hugged me! He bought me a color book full with awesome animals!" The girl chirped, not noticing the way Peter's face falls.
He quickly composes himself and boops Morgan's nose. "Why don't we go downtown this weekend to get you a nice colorbook?" Morgan's eyes light up and she nods enthousiatically. "Hey kids, I have to check up on Tony, but Steve will make pancakes or something, okay?" Pepper enters the kitchen, dressed in a black pencil skirt and a formal white button up.
"Okay mommy! I do want chocolate chip this time though." Morgan pouts at her mom and Pepper smiles warmly. "Steve can decide that. Bye morgs, bye Pete." Morgan waves at her mom and jumps off the counter, probably to get her barbies to show Peter. "Bye, ms. Potts." Pepper smiles and mouths 'Pepper' before leaving. Peter doesn't deserve it. It was all his fault, he had the gauntlet in his hands, he could have done something, he was a superhuman, he-
"Queens, you want choco chips?" Steve's voice pulls Peter out of his negative train of thoughts. "Uhm, no, plain is fine.." Steve nods and before Peter can think again, Morgan is holding onto his leg.
---
"Is something wrong, Helen?" Pepper asks worriedly, and the other woman smiles. "Don't worry, ms. Potts, it's actually quite good news." Helen says as she walks Pepper into the room of her husband. "I would say so, too." The voice is hoarse, but it is unmistakeable the voice of Tony Stark. "Tony! Oh my- Jesus, Tony." Tony is sitting in his bed, for the first time in 7 months. "Hey, Pep."
-
Peter doesn't know what to think when Pepper asks him and Morgan to come have a chat about Tony. 'Is he dead? Did I fail again?' What Pepper actually tells them is totally different, but Peter doesn't know if he's happy about it.
Tony is awake. Peter's heart skips a beat. 'He's going to hate me. It was my fault, he knows it. He missed 7 months of the life of his daughter. I'm selfish, an idiot.'
Peter feels dizzy as the trio arrives at the room. He sees Pepper and Morgan go in, but he can't bring himself to see mr. Stark. He turns around runs to his room and slams the door shut. He can't help but let the tears escape. Sobbing loudly, he sits in the corner of his room.
'Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster. Monster.'
-
Pepper watches Peter run away, her heart aches. She knows Peter blames himself. "Hey maguna, how you doing, huh?" She hears Morgan's laughter and decides to leave Peter for a moment. "Hey Pep, where's Peter?" Tony asks. "I- He, uhm, couldn't see you right now.."
---
Tony wasn't allowed to leave his room yet, so Pepper, Morgan and the others often ate in Tony's room. Peter didn't, and Tony noticed.
On the fourth day after Tony awoke, Peter didn't have a choice but to go see Tony. Everyone was asking him why he didn't go, and after anyone visited Tony, they told Peter Tony wanted to see him. Peter just made up excuses, but when he was on his phone in the living room and FRIDAY said Tony wanted to see him, he couldn't come up with something.
So, there Peter is, walking to Tony's room as slowly as he can. When he arrives, he knocks on the door before opening it a little bit staying in the doorway. "Mis- Mister Stark, you wanted to, uhm, see me?" Tony smiles at the sight of his s- protegé. "Hey kid, come on in, don't be shy." Peter shuffles to the bed and stares at the floor. "Why haven't you come and see me kid, thought you would want to this old man when he woke up? Everyone told me you kept me alive." Tony smiles, but doesn't miss that Peter slightly flinches.
"Hey, kid, whats up?" Tony's voice is gentle, and he grabs Peter's hand. "Nothing." Peter mumbles, but Tony doesn't buy it. "Peter."
Peter looks up at his real name. His eyes are watery and red rimmed, there are dark bags under his big eyes and his face has matured since Tony last saw him. "Kid, you can tell me." Peter looks anywhere but Tony's eyes and it's silent for a while.
"You- It, It was my fault." Peter eventually whispers, so soft that Tony almost missed it. Tony's eyes widen in shock and realisation. 'Stupid enormous guilt complex.'
Before he can tell Peter it isn't, Peter continues. "I'm sorry, mr. Stark. So, so sorry, it was my fault, I had the gauntlet in my hands, I'm a superhuman, I should have done it, I, I should have-" Peter breaks into sobs. "Peter, you may be superhuman, but you're just a kid"
"Yeah, and you're a dad, and Ironman! No one needs spiderman, or Peter Parker." Peter says between his sobs. "I need Peter Parker. How could I be an actual dad without one of my kids?" Peter's sobs quit abrubtly, eyes going wide. "I- Mr. Stark.. I, I... I don't deserve you, or any of t-this- I- I'm sorry for coming, I- I need to-" Peter stutters and begins to stumble towards the door. "Kid-" Peter runs out of the door, leaving Tony with his hand still reached out to Peter. Liquid fills Tony's eyes, and as he tries to blink it away, it drips onto his cheeks.
He's crying.
---
That's how Pepper finds her husband. In his bed, staring into nothing, silent tears leaving the man's eyes. "Tones?" Pepper says carefully, and Tony slowly turns towards her. "We spoke." Pepper's face falls, already understanding what happened, and she sits down next to Tony. "He's- He's having trouble getting over it, Tony. Thinks it's his fault." Tony slowly nods, not making eyecontact with Pepper. "I told him I saw him as my kid." He adds and Pepper needs to hide her surprisement. She always knew Tony saw Peter as his son, but she never expected him to actually say it.
"He told me-" Tony's breath hitches, "He didn't deserve me or something like that." Pepper combs her fingers through Tony's hair. "It'll be okay, really." She noses his hair and places a kiss on his forehead. "Promise."
-
Peter doesn't know where he's going, but he knows he needs to leave. He can't handle the guilt nagging at him anymore, he can't handle the way his heart sinks anytime Tony is mentioned anymore, he just can't. So, here he is, throwing his stuff in a duffle bag and rushing out of the building.
Walking on the streets, in his thin shirt and sweats, Peter realises he isn't exactly dressed properly for the weather. Cold air brushes through his hair and through his shirt, and after a while of walking, Peter is already immensly cold. Spiders can't thermoregulate, he knows that.
But he pushes through, not wanting to go back to the Tower. He gets pitiful looks, to wich Peter responds with frowns. People are so judging. Eventually, Peter finds himself infront of May's apartment, but Peter knows May is on a business trip to Canada. Not knowing where else to go, Peter shelters in an abandoned building he once found as spiderman, and as he climbs into a shattered window, it starts pouring.
Peter listens to the clattering rain as he lies back down on the hard floor. He has laid a hoodie down for whats supposed to a pillow, and he has changed his shirt to a sweater. He doesn't know why he's here, why he's not in the warmth of the tower, why he just left, why he feels so guilty, why he didn't snap instead of Tony. His thoughts drift of to what Tony had said.
'I need Peter Parker. How could I be an actual dad without one of my kids?'
Peter has to admit he sees Tony as a father figure, but after Thanos, Peter can't help but feel like a failure, a black sheep. His heart warms but also deeply sinks at Tony's words. He doesn't deserve the love. He deserves hatred, filthy looks, dissapointment.
Because after all, that's what he is. A hated, filthy, dissapointment.
---
After her talk with Tony, Pepper makes her way to Peter's room, only to find the door wide open and clothes all over the floor. Peter is nowhere to be seen, and thats when Pepper starts to get really worried. "FRIDAY, where is Peter?" She asks, already knowing the answer, but not wanting it to be true.
"He left around 40 minutes ago, ms. Potts. Would you like me to call him?" FRIDAY responds and Pepper goes with a hand through her hair, concsidering her options. "Yes please, connect it to my phone." She eventually says, and she fetches her phone from her bag. The phone rings a few times, before, to Pepper's surprise, Peter answers.
"Pete, where are you?" She immediatly asks and she awaits in worry as Peter is a silent for a moment. "I'm sorry." Peter finally chokes out. "I- I can't do this anymore, the- Just staying with you guys, it means alot to me, what you did for me- But, I just- I can't stay there anymore. Tell the team I'm sorry. Tell mr. Stark.. Just- I don't know, I- Just- Just tell him I love him.. Goodbye, ms, Potts."
Pepper stays still in the middle of Peter's room, her phone to her ear, eyes wide and silent tears messing up her mascara. And then Peter hangs up, without another word. Pepper, stunned, walks back to Tony's room, and the man looks up with hopefull eyes. "Pepper, what's wrong?"
"We spoke."
---
Peter knows the team has been trying to find him. A few times they actually almost did. It had been around a month, maybe, since Peter left. He wishes they would just go on with their lives, see it as another burden less. They didn't. Peter couldn't go out as spiderman anymore, because they always found him, not that he was in a good state to fight anyway.
Peter had grown.. thin, to say the least. His face was hollow, his stomach was so flat Peter wonders if there are even any organs in there, the dark bag under his eyes were so dark it almost looked like make-up, and he filthy. Literally.
Peter also knows they had tried to contact May, but Peter didn't let that happen. May got a huge chance in Canada, and he wasn't gonna let anyone screw that up for her.
But, on the 35th day, Peter wasn't on time.
-
Peter stares at the wall of his 4th warehouse. He doesn't know what he's going to do, what will happen to him, what will happen if May comes back and finds out. He has no clue.
thomp..... thomp..... thomp.... thomp....
Heartbeats. Peter raises a brow, and he hears the heartbeats come closer. There are multiple people. The clanking of metal, the sound of fabric rubbing against one another, whispers..
The avengers had found him. Again. Slowly, Peter gets up and starts to make his way to one of the windows quietly, but the door already bursts open and Peter freezes in place. Natasha, Steve, Clint and... Peter's heart aches. Tony. Why is he already in his suit again, isn't he supposed to be resting?
Peter narrows his eyes as they finally lay their eyes on them. He knows they will be surprised, because of his appareance, and in that time, he can make his way out. So, when indeed, the heros' eyes widen, Peter throws himself through the nearest window. He fall a story down but quickly gets to his feet and starts running. He can already hear thrusters and footsteps.
The thrusters got to him first, and before he knows it, he's being pinned down by Ironman, on his back. "kid, please-" Peter starts to squirm underneath the man's hands. He can't breath, he's under the warehouse again. Ironman's face warps into the vulture's and Peter starts blinking rapidly, trying to snap out of it.
He can hear Steve's voice and starts to panick, not wanting to talk with them. With all his strength, Peter pushes Ironman off him roughly. He starts to run, away from the team, but his feet suddenly can't move. He looks over his shoulder in confusion. Clint. Bow in his hand, but without arrow.
Peter could swear Clint did have an arrow a minute ago- Then the adreline starts to sink away, and the pain from the tranq arrow in his shoulder starts to seep in. Peter stumbles backwards, away from the team. The world is blurry and Peter starts to panick again. Tony notices, and steps towards the teen, but Peter flinches away. He can feel himself drifting away, the tranq arrow doing it's job.
"Mis'er S'ark?" Peter mumbles in confusion, forgetting his guilt for a moment, and Tony catches him as he blacks out.
---
Tony is so happy they got Peter, but at the same time, he wishes he would have never have to see Peter like this. The hollowness swallowing the boy's face, his body carrying zero pounds of fat and the unhealthy state the kid is in made Tony want to scream his lungs out.
The team feels the same way, they confess as they sit in the common room. "You think we did the right thing?" Clint asks, not so sure if attacking the kid was a good idea. "You see how thin he was? If we would've come a few weeks later he would already be passed out if we found him." Tony says. "Stark is right. But, Peter could run away again, and we can't legally keep him here. So, we need to do something about his guilt complex." Steve adds in, and Natasha nods. "Like a therapist?" Bruce questions but Tony immediatly shakes his head.
"No, Peter would hate that. We have to talk to him." Tony says, just as Morgan enters the room. "Daddy, are you talking about Petey again? Is he coming back?" Morgan had missed her brother, but she was told Peter was on vacation.
"Hey morgs, yeah, Petey is back. But he isn't feeling so well." Tony sets Morgan down on his lap curls a hair around his finger. "Owh, okay. When do I get to see him?" She glances up to her dad hopefully, and he smiles at the girl. "After we sort some things out. But you should get to bed, young lady. Why don't I show you the way?" Morgan chuckles as Tony picks her up and throws her over his shoulder playfully.
He gives a look to the team as to say 'we'll talk about this later' and heads out with Morgan.
-
They didn't get a chance to talk about it later. The next morning, Peter wakes up 3 hours too early and when he notices he's strapped to a hospital bed, he begins screaming his lungs out and thrashing his arms around. Peter almost thinks he's gonna scream up blood, but luckily he doesn't. He breaks one chain around his arms and pulls the IVs out roughly. In the act, Bruce storms in, together with Natasha and Tony.
"Hold him down, we're gonna need to sedate him!" Bruce yells above Peter's screams and Tony and Natasha nod as they begin to hold Peter down. In the mean time, Bruce is fuddling with some sort of needle before he stabs it into Peter's arm.
The faces around Peter start to get blurry again. "Please-" Peter doesn't get to finish his sentence as his head falls back onto the pillow and his body goes limp. Tony and Natasha slowly let go and are breathing heavily. Tony hates seeing Peter like this, as did Natasha.
"What's going on? I heard-" Pepper comes rushing into the room but abruptly stops when she takes in the scene. "Oh. I- Is everyone okay?" She asks and Tony nods. "Yeah, but Peter isn't."
Peter's wrists and ankles are burning red and bruised. "Jesus.. He did that to himself?" Natasha nods at Pepper's question.
"We need to help him."
---
The next day, Peter awakes calmy. He isn't tied to the bed anymore and there's no one else in the room. Luckily, there is a plastic cup with water at the side of the bed, wich Peter jugs down immediatly. Slowly, memories begin making their way back into the boy's mind.
Peter guessed he was at mr. Stark's medical bay, and Bruce Banner confirmed that when he came walking in. "Hey kid.. See you found the water? Would you like some more?" Peter just nodded, throat too dry to speak and Bruce gave him a freshly filled cup.
"Peter, we want to talk with you. About Tony." Peter's eyes widened in regret and fear. "don't worry. We're not mad. Everything's okay, no one's angry, no one's upset. We're just gonna calmy talk about it. It's okay not to be okay." Bruce's words reminded Peter of his uncle Ben, and he immediatly calmed down.
"Okay." Peter said. "Alright. So, how do you feel when someone brings up Tony?" Peter gulped. What did he feel? "G-Guilt? I don't know.. I had the gauntlet, I shouldn't have let him snap. And he told me he saw me as his kid, and I ran away just because I felt guilty, and that makes me even more guilty, because I hurt mr. Stark with that." Peter quickly said and Bruce nodded, understanding.
"What you need to understand, Peter, is that none of this was your fault. I could have snapped too, or captain marvel. You don't blame them, do you? So why do blame yourself?" When Bruce noticed Peter frowning about that, he quickly continued. "See, it doesn't make sense. I don't blame myself either. Not because I made a mistake and that happens, but because I tried my best, and everything turned out great. You don't have to regret your decisions from the battlefield, but what you will regret, is not talking to Tony. He loves you, we love you, we would never blame you." Peter was in tears by now and Bruce pulled him into a comforting hug.
"Can I see him?" Peter eventually asked, and Bruce nodded. "He's probably already outside." Bruce chuckled as he left the room. After less than a minute, Tony Stark stepped into the room.
"Hi mr. Stark." Peter gulped down the guilt, remembering Bruce's words. "Hey kiddo. You alright?" Tony went to sit down next to Peter and Peter nodded. "You.. alright?" Peter hesitantly asked back and Tony smiled.
"Of course, kid."
"I'm sorry."
"I thought you just talked about this with Bruce."
"That was about the snapping."
"What're you sorry about this time, then?"
"For not saying it back."
"Saying what back?"
"I see you as a a dad too- Or well, not like you see me as a dad, but- you know what I mean, mr. Stark ." Peter stuttered out, looking down at his hands that were fiddling with the blanket.
"You really say something like that and end it with 'mr. Stark' again? Make it dad already. Or whatever your comfortable with I guess."
"I love you... dad."
"I love you too, kiddie."
---
What a cuties, hm? Also, I'm really struggling with keeping something past tense or present tense while writing, and I hope you're not too disturbed by it randomly switching sometimes.
Word count: 3314
wow, that's a lot.
Have a great day,
-M.O.C.