Celia (Reader), sister of Sydney and girlfriend of Jill, receives a lot of hate in the media. I love Syd in the sister character so go with it. Dates and places are unrealistic.
English isn't my first language.
Drowning
(vague003)
You really have to listen to that song while reading this, it's the exact vibe I tried to give you with this chapter. On YouTube is one hour version.
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05 April 2021 21:34pm
final game of the flyeralarm Bundesliga
FC Bayern München : VfL Wolfsburg
Of course I had wanted Bayern to win, but it shouldn't be. Wolfsburg won the tournament and I was super proud of Jill and the others. But of course Bayern was my team. This team was my family ever since Sydney had got a contract in munich and had to bring me to every training since I couldn't stay at home by myself. Now I was nineteen years old and played for the U20 and still, this senior team was my family. And seeing them so devastated felt terrible. I stood behind the barrier, watching one team celebrate and the other cry, trying to comfort each other.
,,Celia!", someone shouted. I looked over to the Wolfsburg players and watched with hurt how excited my girlfriend seemed to be. I didn't want to destroy this day for her tho, so I put on the smile everyone wants to see. ,,Come on!" Jill reached the barrier and motioned me to climb over it. I hesitated for a moment, overthinking what the people around would say or in the media even. But knowing exactly how the girls needed the comfort I took the opportunity to get onto that field without getting shouted on gratefully. She helped me to climb onto the barrier as she lifted me up, before putting me down on grass again. She laid an arm around my shoulders and kissed the side of my head quickly, trying to avoid any attention. ,,You should go to your sister, love.", she whispered in my ear as I nodded before separating myself from her. Giving her a last smile I turned around and jogged over to Sydney, who laid on the ground with her face in her hands.
I just sat down beside her and pulled her into a big hug, which she returned thankfully. Neither of us moved until her sobs were getting quieter. After some minutes she looked up.
,,I'm sorry.", she cried out, but I only shook my head, taking her hand in mine.
,,Why would you be sorry?"
,,Because of them.." I followed her gaze and watched the red crowd. Some were crying, others were staring at the Wolfsburg players without any emotion. But there was one thing they all still did - they wore our jersey and hold up their signs.
,,No." My gaze wandered to her eyes again, where I could see nothing but guilt. ,,They all are so damn proud of you. They are proud of this club. They are crying because they wanted you to win. Because they think you deserve this. All those people are staying here, supporting you even if you lost today. They have your back. They love you because you give them a feeling of comfort, because you all give them the happiness they need. Do you know how the videos and photos of you smiling make those people's day? They are crying because you are. Because the feeling of comfort you give them is gone right now.", I said softly, watching her eyes dry. She stayed quiet for a minute before she stood up without a word leaving me alone. She went over to where Klara was sitting and took her by the hand. There wasn't any interaction. They quietly made their way to stay in front of their fans and then just stood there. Syd's arm was around Klara's shoulder while Klara's arm rested around my sister's torso. Not long after more and more of the team came and stood beside them, arm in arm as they watched their fans, all dressed in red and white jerseys, do the same. They stood there for minutes. About 200.000 people and the team, without any words. And while one part of the stadium was loud and the Wolfsburg fans shouted and celebrated, the other part was quiet, until suddenly a person started to applaud. I was quite stunned how you could exactly make out who it was since it was so quiet, but then everyone did it as well. They all started to clap their hands. I don't know if it was to appreciate Wolfsburg, or Bayern, or the gesture. But I was stunned. I stayed in the middle of the field, a single tear rolling down my cheek and again, I couldn't make out if it was because of sadness or happiness.
All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my shoulder and as I looked up I saw Jill, who sat down beside me, wiping the tear away. A small smile plastered on her lips. ,,I guess this is the right moment, don't you think?", she asked softly and I let my eyes wander over the pitch, cameras everywhere.
,,Do you think they will catch the moment?", I smiled and her eyes lit up.
,,I would hope so...", she mumbled as she laid a hand onto my cheek. Closing my eyes, I felt her lips on mine. The sweet taste on my tongue left me flustered. And I just hoped I could do exactly this forever. Pulling away, she had a big smile on her face. She took me in her arms as I snuggled up to her.
,,I love you, Celia."
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06 April 2021 04:21am
At home, munich
There were to photos of yesterday's match that went viral. Not Wolfsburg winning. No, it was a picture of our team and all those fans in front of them. With the caption 'winning together, losing together' it landed on every platform: TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat and more. But that wasn't the only picture that went viral. The same happened to the photo of me and Jill kissing, with one exception; I received all the hate. And if it wasn't hate then sexualizing comments that made my heart clench. Jill had posted the picture herself with the caption 'so much love for you' and now I sat here reading the comments with tears streaming down my face.
This ist ridiculous! This girl is a kid
Didn't your sister push you enough already? @celialohmann
All she wants is attention. Jillie pls come back to arsenal
I would smash Jill too
You must be kidding Jill but you have taste at least HAHA
POV: you're not good enough so you get yourself a famous girlfriend
Do you still have place for someone else @celialohmann?
I give them two weeks HAHAHA
And people say not every woman footballer is gay
If Jill wants a girlfriend she could at least pic someone old enough for her
This kid probably doesn't even now what a porno is
-either that or she does them herself HAHA
girl this kid will just hurt you
This isn't serious is it XD
Well if you're not good in football you have to look out for other talents
But can you blame Jill? This chick is hot
Have fun celebrating tonight jill
Dudee can I steal your girl Jill?
I ask myself everyday how Celia can't make it to the seniors with all the pushing she gets
No hate but Jill deserves so much better
Why her Jill? I never met someone more arrogant than her common
I would love to see this chick sobbing into her pillow right now this comments are great
Smash HAHA
I bet she's one of those people who kill their self bc they can't stand the pressure or something
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I felt another tear running down my cheek and I felt how swollen my eyes already were. But however, I turned my phone off and put it on charge, snuggling into the sheets I stopped reading the comments and tried to fall asleep. But they just wouldn't let me. My mind tried to figure out what had gone wrong, what I did wrong, but it just wasn't capable of that. Still, it was stubborn, so it tried again.
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06 April 2021 07pm
At home, munich
I was still laying in my bed, mind working so hard I thought it would explode. I just wanted to stop thinking about it, but my mind wouldn't let me until it figured something out. For a moment it stopped tho, my alarm went of and I winded around to press the 'off' button. I couldn't quite believe that I had laid here for hours, not letting my eyes fall shut. But now that I thought about it, I could feel the exhaustion in me. But however, I had to get out of bed, so I did. My body was hurting from not moving but I just shrugged it off and stumbled into the kitchen, starting to boil some water to make tea. My gaze wandered out of the window, as I watched people walking through the rain and cars driving along.
I noticed a man with a black jacket, hood over his head to protect himself from the april weather. But I recognized him immediately. I didn't know his name or where he lived and what he did in life, but his face and his way of moving around was very familiar to me. He turned around the corner and was gone, like every morning in the last two years. Literally, every morning in the same time he walked around that corner and I saw it everytime, because I always looked out of this window while making tea in the morning. It felt as if I knew him, but on the other hand, I didn't even knew his name. But it must be exhausting to do the same thing every day right?
The klick of the water boiler let me turn around. I slowly filled the water into a cup and let the teabag slip into it, then I made my way back to my room, throwing on some pants and a sweater before brushing my hair and teeth. My morning continued. I drunk my tea quietly so I wouldn't wake my sister up and then went out into the rain and started to jog. Exactly 30 minutes. Like every morning at 7:30 am. And the whole time my mind roamed about the comments or it would analyze the world around me. People were walking past me, rushing into buildings. I watched how everyone avoided each other and no one was interacting with one another. I locked eyes with a girl in my age as I ran past the cafe she was sitting in. I noticed a bird trying to fly through the rain and I saw a man taking of the sign with the odds for the game against Wolfsburg since it happened yesterday. I saw Jill's face on it for a moment, a smile playing on my lips by the thought of her, but it passed as my mind wandered back to the comments.
At some point I entered the flat again, completely soaked and goosebumps all over me.
,,Celia.. I told you to stop running by rain.", my sister said as she stepped out of the kitchen, probably because she heard me coming in. ,,Come on, get a shower sweetie.", she told me and I did as she said. As I stepped out of the bathroom and into my room I saw dry and warm clothes laying on my bed. Some joggers and a oversized hoodie from Sydney. I threw them on and returned to the kitchen where Sydney gave me some porridge with fruits. We sat down together and ate our breakfast while watching tv.
Later that day, Jill called me and asked if I was okay and if I read the comments. ,,Yes I did and yes I am.", I responded. What a lie.
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12 May 2021 7:15 am
at home, munich
It felt as if I was the shadow of myself. Weeks had went by the comments hadn't stopped. The people who wrote them had quickly moved into my direct messages and even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop reading through them. And they didn't stayed at the hate because of Jill and me being together, comments about the team, even about Sydney had been made. I hated it. They said I didn't deserve having such a support system. They said I didn't deserve any of them. My mind was filled with so much hate against those people and, against me. Because I believed them. I found myself avoiding any kind of conversation, just because I was so damn uncomfortable in the situation of speaking to someone who could speak to someone else if I wasn't there. I didn't felt the urge to prove them all wrong, because I believed them. It felt so wrong to play on a pitch with the Bayern jersey on and it felt so wrong to feel the love and care from the people around me, because I believed them. I stopped to talk to anyone, if I didn't had to. It was my way to process all this.
The worse thing was I stopped talking to Jill too. I avoided her calls and didn't visited her. She couldn't visit me herself because of her schedule, so without even noticing, I hurted her the way they said I would.
,,Celia.", my sister said, as I laid in my bed. The training was over so I would just spend the day here. ,,Come on, let's do something. Would you like to cook something?", she asked as she she sat down beside me. I didn't react. She sighed. ,,Jill called earlier today, she's worried about you." Nothing. She sighed again and stood up from the bed. ,,You know how you make her feel, right? I don't care if you ignore me or the others, because I know this is the way you handle stuff. But she doesn't. She thinks it's her fault you're doing all this to yourself. So please, just get your shit together, Celia. Stop getting lost in your own self-pity. It's your decision and you know that." And it sounded so unreal. Because everything she said was so brutally honest and so brutally right.
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13 May 2021 7:15 am
at home, munich
It was the next morning. I could see my reflection in the mirror, dark rings were under my eyes because I still couldn't sleep. But still, my routine had to be done. I don't even know if this routine is healthy anymore, not because I'm doing something bad but because it's the same, every morning at the same time the same things. Ridiculous right? So now I stood there, waiting for the water to boil and for the man to turn around the corner. My thoughts were roaming like usually, the only difference was that it wasn't the comments in social media that made my brain work, it was Sydney. Sydney always knew what to say to me, not in a way of comforting me and saying everything will be fine, sure some people would need that in my situation, but I don't. I think at one point, she had figured out for herself that the way we feel and think is our decision. I don't know when she did, but I didn't care, because it's true. Hard but true. When she's saying that to me, it feels like a slap in the face, because she reminds me that it's my fault I'm feeling like shit right now. And knowing that isn't a great feeling. It's kinda comfortable, or easier to blame others for the way I feel because they wrote their comments, but it was my decision to let them affect me. It's easier to let myself feel bad.
I knew all this, but I couldn't do anything against it. I just couldn't clear my head enough to think straight, it didn't work. And this damn routine of mine isn't helping.
The 'klick' of the water boiler brought me out of my thoughts. Wait, the water is ready? But..the man still wasn't around the corner. By now he should have been here minutes ago. I looked over to the desk where the newspaper was laying. Taking a few steps over to it, I saw a picture of a car crash and a photo from him.
34 years old man died yesterday morning in a car crash on the way back home.
That was it. In this moment it felt like something inside of me klicked. The man that grew so familiar to me over the last months was gone. And he wasn't old. He was way too young. He died while he was lost in his routine. I didn't want that. So, even if I couldn't really heal immediately, I needed something to change, even when it was something small. Looking around the flat, I saw my running shoes, the weather was great. My gaze wandered to Sydney's bedroom door and I knew what I would do. I turned around and walked into the kitchen again, not changing my clothes before and letting the water cool down again, I made some scrambled eggs with bacon toast. Then I put everything on the table and made cacao, not tea and while I put one cup on the table as well I brought the other over to Sydney's room. Opening the door and slipping into the room, I sat down next to my sister.
,,Sydney. Wake up.“, that was enough for her to open her eyes and look at me, the cup of cacao still in my hands, with a soft smile. ,,I made breakfast.“ We stood up and went to sit on the table. She made no comments of me talking again, she probably knew already.
,,So what do you wanna do today?“, she asked. I was a little stunned how she knew me exactly, because that wasn't a question she usually asked. Shaking it of I responded tho.
,,Can I get your car? I have a little trip to Wolfsburg to do.“, I said with a small smile plastered on my lips.
Sydney chuckled lightly at that. ,,But you are paying the gas.“, she said as we both laughed. God, I loved my decision already.
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14 May 2021 05 pm
Jill's flat, Wolfsburg
I rang the doorbell, not knowing if Jill would be there but I did as she opened the door. She stopped in her movement and stared at me. I was stunned how dead she looked, knowing it was my fault, but how she still was the most beautiful human being on this world. And I asked myself how I could survive without her for so long.
,,I'm sorry Jillie..“, my voice broke in the end but I was cut off anyway as she brought me in a bone crashing hug wich I returned with so much pleasure.
,,I thought I had lost you.“
,,You never did, I just lost myself.“
Not letting go of me she picked me up and carried me into the flat and into her bedroom, almost scared if she let go I would ran away again. But that wasn't what I was planning on. We crawled under the covers, as I snuggled up to her and hid my face in the crook of her neck. No words were exchanged, we just enjoyed the comfort of each other. I didn't know how much I needed this.
,,I'm sorry for those comments.“, she wispered but I only shook my head.
,,Don't be, it's not your fault. I wanted that too.“
,,But I feel as if I made you doing tha-“
,,No, don't even go there, Jillie. It doesn't matter anyway, I deleted my social media for a little while.“, I mumbled as I looked in her beautiful eyes.
,,You know what those comments say isn't true right? I love you.“, she said with concern. I smiled at that.
,,Yeah, I know. I love you too, so so much.“
And leaning in, I felt her lips on mine again. The addiction I forgot I had was back and I couldn't stop thinking how lucky I actually was.
We all die one day, why not dying happy?
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Lovely, I actually like this. It's kinda long the longest I wrote so far, 3436 words. Tips and requests are open, but I don't know when your requests will come, sorry for that. Love you. Byeeee.