"Lena."
It's whispered right by my ear and I grin, rolling over in bed and burying my head into the sheets.
"We need to get up, Butterfly, we've got to go to New York."
Right. New York. Madison Square.
Our next shows.
"I don't want to get up," I groan and shift in his arms, feeling completely at peace. A low chuckle is heard right by my ear and then a kiss is planted on my neck.
"Neither do I, but we've got to get moving."
Ares manages to drag me out of bed and plants a kiss on my forehead when he says he needs to go to his own room and get his stuff.
I nod with a pout and wave him goodbye when he exits my room. Reluctantly, I get ready for the day and pack everything up.
After yesterday's revelation by Ares, everything feels like it makes sense.
Caleb exits his room at the same time I do, and following Caleb, is Kyle who looks flustered.
Caleb's eyes meet mine, and my eyebrows raise. He only glares at me and shakes his head, for me to keep quiet.
Biting back a smirk, I take my suitcase and all my other belongings and go downstairs with the others.
Malcolm gets us moving before I can even properly take a look around to see if Ares is here. But Malcolm ushers us onto the buses, muttering that we need to be on time and sets us off to New York.
We got a suite.
Caleb, Nick, Vi, and I share a suite with each separate bedrooms but a common living room and even a tiny kitchen.
I just about threw my suitcase into my room and left it at that, now too tired to even bother opening it.
Living out of a suitcase is exhausting, even when I'm touring and have everything at my disposal.
"Ella!" Caleb whines when he comes barging into my room, "you're going out with me tonight to get some drinks."
"Did you just order me to do that instead of asking?"
"Please?" Caleb adds with an innocent smile.
"What's the occasion?" I ask and he shrugs. "We're in New York, baby! We've got some things to discuss, as well," he then adds with a pointed look and leaves my room. "See you tonight, Ella!"
I close the door with an amused smile playing around my lips and decide to take a nap after the whole bus ride we just did.
But right when I fall into bed, Violet comes strutting in with a sleepy smile on her face and gets in beside me.
"So fucking tired," she sighs as she snuggles up next to me. Turning around, I hug her and entwine my fingers.
"Me too. Let us just rest, Vi."
But instead of doing that, she asks me, "How are you, Elena? You don't seem like something is weighing you down anymore."
I'm surprised that she noticed because even though I do feel happier, I didn't think it was noticeable.
And because I need to tell someone, I tell her everything that Ares has told me. From his first time seeing me to the party we first met.
"That motherfucker," she gasps, "he held all of this information back? And for what? To have a reason to hold a grudge and be some moody asshole?"
"He has a lot of issues, Vi," I whisper, "he had a lot to struggle with and projected it on the wrong person. He... he's working on it."
"He better," she huffs, "you only deserve the best. He's still on trial, by the way."
I laugh at that and cuddle her some more. "I hope he will pass and show some effort to get liked by you," I chuckle. Violet only places a kiss on my temple.
"As long as you're happy, Elena, I'm in peace."
We took a four-hour nap, and I only woke up because Caleb barged into my room, flopping on top of the bed and shaking us awake.
"Ellaaaaaaa, you promised to go out," he whines, "and Vi, you did too."
I did promise to go out with Caleb, and I can tell he wants to let some things out. I want to be there for him and listen to whatever he wants to get off his chest or just to ask for some advice – though I have no idea what advice I could offer him.
"Thanks for the wake-up, dumbass," I groan and roll over in bed, not feeling like getting up. The nap was so good.
But despite my words, I get up anyway and open up my suitcase, rummaging through my clothes to wear something suitable.
We'll only be downstairs to drink something, and I don't know who else is accompanying us.
Violet rolls over, stuffing her face in the pillow and giving us the finger.
I chuckle when I'm putting on my simple, white dress and a pair of heels.
"I'm not going," comes her muffled voice from the pillow, her shoulders are slumped and she seems in no mood to get up and come with us.
"But..." Caleb trails off, Violet still shakes her head.
"I'm tired, I'll only be moody when I'm down there," she murmurs and sighs.
"I'm not sure if I want to go, I was sleeping so well," I whine when I'm dressed, and Caleb shakes his head.
"I'm having none of that," he grumbles and bends down, grabbing my hips and throwing me over his shoulder, "you're coming with me, Ella."
I start laughing and tilt my head up, meeting Violet's amused eyes.
Blowing her a kiss, she lifts her hand and catches it, bringing it to her heart.
"I'll be back and hang out with you," I promise while laughing, to which she chuckles.
"See you soon, Elena."
"So," Nick begins, addressing Caleb, "let me get this straight."
We're sitting downstairs in the hotel bar, and we've been here for over two hours. Caleb has loosened up by drinking two glasses of rum and Nick is enjoying a fancy, pink cocktail. I settled for a soft drink.
Caleb has just blurted out that he might have feelings for Kyle.
"You got over Amber?" Nick asks, and I don't miss the subtle wince from Caleb.
Amber had been his ex-girlfriend a few years ago, the one who left him heartbroken. He'd had trouble getting over her, but by the looks of it now, it's like Amber has been disappearing from his mind.
"I guess I have," Caleb whispers as if he never realized it. "I don't think about her anymore."
He thinks about another blonde now, Kyle.
"You like being with Kyle?" I ask, and Caleb nods. "I just... it's been weird getting into these feelings. And Kyle has a relationship with another girl, but it's only a publicity stunt. Even if I wanted to make this public, we could never. The media wouldn't accept it."
My frown deepens. "Have you talked about this with Kyle?"
Caleb shakes his head, looking down at his drink.
"Maybe you should, I think he'd appreciate your honesty," Nick says and I agree.
I'm about to say something else, but it seems like Caleb doesn't want to keep talking about it because he switches the subject to me.
"How are things between you and Ares?"
I don't know how to answer that. "Things are good, but still very unknown," I tell them honestly. "It's like we're in a grey area. It's obvious that I have feelings for him and I think he likes me, too. He's showing it. But it's very fragile."
And I think back upon the question I asked him. What would've happened if he didn't cheat on Maya? Where he would be today.
And he never answered the question.
The words he said after, I'm still not sure if I dreamed them or not.
"It'd be a good thing to talk about it," Caleb suggests, but I only shrug.
"I don't want to scare him away."
I don't want to say the wrong thing. And that bothers me. Why do I have to watch whatever I say to please Ares?
Walking around on eggshells around him is exhausting, and I've been doing that all this time, desperate to get close to him and have a sliver of his attention.
Another hour passes and I feel myself getting tired. We're just talking about stupid things, but I don't feel like participating anymore.
I want to go back upstairs and tell Violet my doubts.
"I'll be heading back," I announce and stand up, taking my purse with me.
"We'll come in like fifteen minutes after we finished our drinks," Caleb says and I blow them a few kisses while nodding.
The ride to our floor doesn't take long and before I know it, I'm walking into our suite where it's eerily quiet.
When I walk into my room to rid myself of my shoes and purse, I expected to find Violet still on my bed, but she's not.
"Vi?" I call out, but there's no response. Walking back into the main room, it's dark and there's no light coming from any of the rooms.
"Violet?" I call out and figure she's not here.
But when I call her phone, I hear the ringtone coming from her room and frown. Putting my phone down, I walk over to her door and knock once.
"Violet? You in there?" I ask, but still no response.
I go ahead and open the door, flicking on the dim lights in here and looking around her room.
When I see her outstretched legs on the other side of the bed, my shoulders fall with relief and I walk over toward her.
"Fuck, Violet, you scared me. I was worried–"
I halt in my steps when I see her lying down on the floor, eyes closed.
"Vi?" I whisper and rush to her side, kneeling down and grasping her shoulders.
"Violet! Get up! Violet!" There's a shake to my voice I don't recognize and it has gone up an octave.
Her skin is pale and feels cold underneath my fingers. She's unmoving and won't respond. The edges of her lips are turning a faint blue and she just looks so unlike herself.
When I run my eyes over her body, I notice the empty syringe by her side, loosely held by her hands.
A choked breath leaves me and I blanch, feeling like all my blood is drained from me and I hear this piercing, white noise in my head.
There's a tremble in my hands and now I don't feel like I can focus on anything.
I cradle her head and hold it in my lap, looking down at her and taking her hand in mine, feeling the coldness of her skin against mine.
My other hand is on her neck, and a strangled gasp leaves me when I feel a faint, beating pulse.
"Violet," I whisper and hold her against me. My thumb runs a circle over her hand, and when she doesn't respond with her usual squeeze, I do it again.
"Violet, please tell me you're joking," I beg, "stop playing. This is a twisted joke."
But her face doesn't break into a teasing smile, nor do her eyes light up with mischief.
My heart is nearly beating out of its ribcage and tears are blurring my vision, distorting the view I have of her.
"St-stop j-joking," I stammer out and shake her in my hold, looking for any reaction. "This is not funny," I plead, "please just get up."
Her skin is clammy and doesn't have its usual glow and shine.
"Somebody help!" I shout and hold her cold body against mine. "She's still alive! Someone, please help!"
My voice breaks and her heartbeat keeps on getting fainter and fainter.
"She's still alive," I sob and bring her head closer to me, my tears falling on her hair.
"You promised me, Vi," I choke out, "you promised you'd be with me till the end."
My thumb is rubbing circles on the back of her hand, never stopping in the hopes that by some miracle, she'll squeeze my hand and tell me it's all going to be alright.
But it's not.
She's lying here in my arms, while I'm feeling the life leave her body. My throat is sore from all the yelling I did, asking and pleading for someone to help.
"Ella?"
My head snaps to the door and I see the two figures of Nick and Caleb coming closer. Nick visibly flinches when he sees us and instantly pales, as does Caleb.
"Violet?" Nick whispers, shocked.
"She's still alive," I cry and clutch her body closer. "Please get help. Please help me," I beg.
"Elena," Caleb softly whispers and approaches us, kneeling down beside me and looking at Violet. He seems in shock.
"Get help!" I scream and watch Nick run out of the room. "She's still alive! She's still fucking alive," I shout hysterically.
"Elena, she's not."
"She is! Her heart is still beating," I bring out and feel around again, looking for a pulse.
"She can't leave us, Caleb. She can't. She's still alive. She'd stay with me till the end, she said so."
"Elena... she's..." he begins and chokes on his words, "she's dead."
I'm still feeling around for a pulse, not even looking directly at Violet for I can't stand the thought of looking at her pale face.
I can't stand the thought of her closed eyes and blue lips.
I don't know for how long I'm still looking for a pulse.
"She's not dead," I whisper and hug her to me, flinching when I can feel the warmth leaving her. "We'd hang out together later. She told me she'd see me soon. She's not dead, Caleb."
When Nick comes rushing in with a bunch of other people, I don't look up.
"Miss, I'll need you to let go of the body, please," a gentle voice tells me, and I can tell they're near. But I don't look up and rock Vi's body against mine.
"But she's not dead," I whisper and turn to look at a man in the eyes, "she still has a pulse. I felt it."
"Elena, let go of her." Caleb said that, but his words won't register.
"What are they going to do with her?" I ask him and turn back toward the man, tears blurring my sight again. "What are you going to do to her? Please don't hurt her, just bring her back to me."
When someone starts to pry my hands away from Vi, I start to grow uneasy.
"No," I murmur and try my best to hold on to her, but the grip is strong. "No, no, let go of me," I say a little louder and struggle in their hold.
"Elena, please," Nick begs. When someone else takes a hold of Violet, I kick around in Nick's hold.
"No! No! They're taking her away!" I scream and reach out for Violet, but someone holds my hand back.
And all I want to do is look at her. To take in her features and caress her.
Why aren't the others doing anything? Why is Caleb just standing there, burying his head in his hands while his shoulders shake?
He should stop them. Why is Nick holding me back while people who seem like paramedics take away my best friend?
"Violet!" I cry out and still kick in Nick's hold. "Please let go of her! Don't hurt her," I sob and feel violated in Vi's place when they start feeling around her neck and pulse.
They take away the syringe and go over the wound in the arm, inspecting her skin roughly and just seeming so fucking careless.
Distantly, I hear the monotone voices of the paramedics.
"Time of death, 11:12 pm. Cause: overdose on heroin."
I'm frozen, barely taking in the words and hiccuping.
My screams echo around the room. Around the suite. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole floor heard me.
Tears are streaming down my cheeks, soaking everything as they keep on coming. My headache is nearly bursting my head open and the shivers won't leave my body.
I don't know how long I keep on struggling in Nick's hold while he cries silently behind me, telling me it's all going to be fine.
It fucking won't.
It won't be fine. They took Violet away. They put her body in a bag. While I screamed. And cried. And begged her to come back.
Now, I'm shuddering in Nick's hold while I feel drops fall down my cheeks. Constantly.
"Let me take her."
A soft voice fills my ears. And for a second, I feel warm, but the tension returns to my shoulders immediately.
Someone murmurs something lowly from behind me, a response to the other person.
"You fucking did what?"
"Just gave her a pill to calm down. She was kicking and thrashing everywhere, you had to see it happen. I just want her to rest a bit before it all sinks in."
A pill? When did I take one? Between all the screaming?
I don't remember.
"You tried to sedate her that way? Let go of her, now."
"What are you going to do with her then?"
"Calm her down my way. Without feeding her some bullshit meds and letting her come down from everything."
I'm being released from the hold I was in and I glance up, meeting familiar blue eyes, and feel another fresh set of tears come over me.
I walk into Ares' arms and relax in his hold, feeling his arms wrap themselves around me.
"Baby," he whispers and tightens his hold on me as if he can't believe I'm here. "I'm here. Fuck, I'm so sorry."
I don't say anything. I can't say anything. I feel numb. I feel angry. Sad. And it's all exhausting me.
From the corner of my eye, I see Kyle approaching Caleb who seems scared, drawn to a corner and looking around him – appearing lost.
Caleb doesn't seem to register Kyle taking him in his arms.
Nick has his arms wrapped around himself, appearing out of it and I can see his hands tremble.
Ares notices me looking at Nick and I slowly reach my hand out toward him, which Nick takes. I entwine our fingers and hold on to Ares, letting him lead us out of Vi's room.
Ryan is sitting on the couch, with Dan next to him. They stand up as soon as they see us, a worried and pitiful expression on their faces.
I avoid the looks they're sending me and press my head against Ares' chest. "You're okay, Butterfly," he assures me and leads me into my room, keeping it dark.
Nick is still with us, for I haven't let go of his hand and I even lead him toward the bed with us.
I don't want him to be alone and I want to be with someone who is as close to Violet as I am.
"You just rest now, baby, okay?" Ares asks and I can tell he's going to leave. A whimper leaves me and I hold him tighter.
When I lift my head and another tear rolls down my cheek, I shake my head.
"I was just going to tell the others that they could rest and leave. Everything is handled now," he assures me, but I still hold on to him.
My fingers are clutching the material of his shirt and I am terrified of being left alone.
"I won't leave, baby," he says and gets in bed with me, wrapping his arms around me and assuring me he's still here.
Nick is awfully silent next to us, but so am I.
I just don't want to be alone, and I don't think it's a good idea for him to be alone, either.
Ares' heartbeat is steady against my ear, and for the first time since I walked into the suite, it calms me down.
Nick is out in no time, his hold on my hand loosened and he even draws it away, but still lies close to me.
Shoving my hand underneath the pillow, I pause when I feel a piece of paper meet my hands.
Drawing it out, I look at the folded paper and see my name scribbled on it.
In Violet's handwriting.
With trembling fingers, I open the note and meet her familiar, messy handwriting.
My eyes go over the words, and a sob wrecks through my body. Ares hugs me closer to him and presses kisses on top of my head while I shake against him, taking in Vi's parting words.
I couldn't live like this anymore
I'm sorry to leave you behind, my Elena
you were the family I've always needed. and I cannot thank you enough for it. you're the most beautiful human being I've ever met and it was an honor to call you my best friend.
I learned a lot from you.
the note is short, but if I were to write a real letter, I'd be writing a book. and though you're worth every word, we both know our love for each other without needing to express it once again.
we've already lived our beautiful memories and you'll carry them around for both of us.
I will always be with you, even though I'm not there physically.
till the end.
love, always
vi
. . .
I'm so sorry to put you guys through this.
TO BE FAIR, I did give you guys a warning, you just guessed the wrong person.
We will get through this painful journey together.
It was just as hard writing this for me as it was reading for you, trust me.
I didn't see any other ending for Violet, this was always how I planned it.
I love you, you're not alone.
If you struggle with mental health or suicidal thoughts, here is a hotline for you to reach out on:
https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/
Or just talk to me. I'm not a professional but I will always be here to listen to you.
Websites for suicide prevention:
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention
https://www.who.int/health-topics/suicide#tab=tab_1
I fucking love every single one of you.
You're worth it. Always.