A/N: I'm glad some people are enjoying this and I am happy to continue. I'm hoping to get a new chapter up once a week. Thank you for the support and let me know what you think!
Elliot pulled into the driveway of his house in the middle of the night. All of the lights were off and he hoped everyone was long asleep. He scrubbed his hands down his face, leaning his head back against the head rest in his jeep. He was home, the place he should want to be but he didn't. He wanted to be with Olivia.
He slammed his hands against the steering wheel, forcing out a breath. He was lost. He had slept with another woman, went against everything he had believed in and the worst part of all, he didn't regret it. Being with her was like nothing he ever thought it would be. He had no idea how to navigate the road he was going down but he had just changed his life forever.
Unbuttoning his dress shirt and pulling it from his arms he threw on his old sweat shirt, throwing his used shirt in the back of the car. Wearing a shirt with another woman's smell all over it wasn't doing much for his conscience. He slid out of the car and made his way up the front steps, unlocking the front door and closing it gently behind him. Going up the stairs he checked in on his kids before walking into his bedroom. He grabbed a pair of sweats and went to the bathroom to change for bed.
He splashed some cold water on his face and stared at his reflection in the mirror, shaking his head. He threw his dress pants in the hamper and went back to his room, stopping at Eli's crib. He brushed his fingers through his sons blonde locks, softly stroking his chubby little cheeks, "Daddy loves you, Eli."
"What time is it?" Kathy asked from the bed, sleep evident in her voice but still startling him.
"It's three," Elliot replied, walking to his side of the bed and sitting down.
"You're really late," she mumbled, laying back down and he shrugged, laying down on his back and staring up at the blank ceiling. "Where were you?"
He looked over at his wife and she was looking back at him. "We caught a case," he lied, scrubbing his hands down his face. And so it begins.
SVU
The piercing sound of the alarm startled her awake. Olivia sighed, rolling over and grabbing her phone from the bed side table, silencing the dreadful noise. She laid back down, burying her head in the pillows and seriously contemplating whether or not she had the strength to go to work.
Where do I even start?
Guilt surged through her body, making her physically ill as she sprang out of bed and ran to the bathroom, making it just in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She coughed, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and she sat back, pulling the sheet around her as she heaved once more into the toilet bowl.
"Ugh," she groaned, pushing her hair out of her face and standing up on shaky legs, leaning over the sink with her head hung low. She turned the water on and brushed her teeth, avoiding the mirror because she just couldn't handle what she would see staring back at her. Dragging herself back to her bed she sat down on the edge, running her fingers through her hair and taking a deep breath.
There was no guide, rule book or manual on what to do. She had crossed the line with her married partner and there wasn't any coming back from that. In her mind it was a mistake, and she wished like hell she could take it back, but her heart said something different. She had no one to blame but herself.
Mustering up what little energy and will she had left, Olivia got ready for work, resolved to the fact that she would have to face Elliot and the consequences of their actions, whatever they might be.
SVU
Elliot had gotten to work extremely early on account that he couldn't bare laying next to his wife any longer. The urge to spill his guts to her was too strong and he just couldn't handle that yet. He couldn't even comprehend what he had done let alone how he needed to go about fixing it.
There is no fixing it, Elliot thought to himself as he sat at his desk, working on a stack of paperwork and his third cup of coffee for the morning.
Truth was, he didn't want to fix it. Being with Olivia was one of the best nights that ever happened to him and he didn't want to take it back. However, he regretted what he was doing to his wife, his kids, and Olivia, but he couldn't force himself to feel that it was a mistake, because it wasn't. He was a grown man and he knew what he was doing, knew that one night with his partner would have severe consequences. It was wrong on so many levels and it had the potential to ruin people's lives, but it was single handedly one of the top moments in his life that felt completely right.
She knew him, better than anyone else on this planet including his wife. Olivia knew all of him, inside and out, all the deep dark crevices of his soul and yet she still saw the light in him. To be honest, it startled him how easy it was for him to give himself to her the way he did...how natural it felt to be intimate with her. That just showed how deep their relationship with one another was to begin with.
Elliot sat back in his chair, scrubbing his hands down his face. He needed to talk to Olivia, see where her head was at because he was confused as all hell. Looking up from his papers he saw her walking down the hall towards him and his heart stopped.
With coffee in one hand and her phone in the other she made her way into the bull pen, looking towards her desk and her eyes met his. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked over his face. His crystal blue eyes, his jaw, his lips... Oh his lips...And all she could think about was the night before.
She's so beautiful, he thought to himself as his eyes roamed over Olivia. She had simple black dress pants on and a grey shirt with her hair tucked behind her ear away from her face and he still couldn't take his eyes off of her.
"Uh...morning..." Elliot stuttered, shaking his head and trying to focus his thoughts on something other than his partner.
"Morning," she replied softly, her eyes leaving his as she went around to her desk, putting her purse into the drawer, her jacket on the back of the chair and taking her seat. Her eyes flicked up to his as she brushed her bangs from her eyes and he was staring at her. She felt bare...like he was looking deep inside of her and she was completely naked and exposed. It was already difficult enough to be across from him with his eyes on her like that, pulling at her soul. "Stop looking at me like that."
He blinked away, casting his eyes down and grabbing a new file to start on, "Sorry."
Olivia just sighed, grabbing her own file and trying to focus her mind on work. Navigating this new found territory was proving to be difficult on all levels. Her finger tips were itching to touch him but her mind fought her, running through the list of why sleeping with Elliot was terribly wrong and could not happen again.
He's married...He's married...He's married, was slowly becoming her new mantra that played through her head, quickly settling her draw to him while simultaneously making her feel like a terrible person. Damn this is hard.
He wanted to talk to her, get her where they could be alone and just figure it all out, decide where they went from here. "Liv..." He started but was interrupted as Detectives Odafin Tutuolla and John Munch entered the squad room.
"What's good," Fin asked, taking off his leather jacket and sitting down at his desk.
"Paperwork," Elliot grumbled in response, tearing his eyes off of Olivia to acknowledge Fin. "No case yet."
"Ah, well it's only a matter of time," Munch added with all the knowledge of a veteran detective.
Olivia heard Elliot call her name but chose to ignore it, burying her head in paperwork and at least tried to shut out the rest of the world.
SVU
The 1-6 was unusually quiet and a several hours into the uncomfortable silence Olivia couldn't take it any longer.
"I'm gonna get some fresh air," she mumbled, grabbing her coat and making a b-line towards the stairs, heading to the rooftop.
"What's eatn' her?" Fin asked with a raised brow, looking toward Olivia's retreating form.
Elliot shrugged, hoping like hell that he could keep his expression schooled enough while his thoughts were running wild.
"She's your partner...go figure it out," Munch told him with a bob of his head in the direction that Olivia headed.
If you only knew. Elliot pushed himself up from the chair, taking the steps up to the roof two at a time. His heart was pounding against his rib cage and his mind was racing. Trying to get his thoughts together so that he had some hope of maybe having a conversation with her, he took a deep breath and pushed the door open.
Olivia sighed as she heard the door shut and his footsteps coming closer. She went to the roof to clear her head, try to get a grip on what she was feeling, and that was going to be impossible with him there.
"Please...leave me alone," she said softly, her arms resting against the brick ledge as she leant against it, looking out at the parts of the city she could see.
"I can't," he said, coming to stand next to her and leaning against the wall. "I can't leave you alone," he said, realizing that it was the most honest thing he could say. He couldn't leave her alone, not before and certainly not now.
She gripped the edge of the wall harder, his words hitting her heart, "You have to."
He shook his head, "I don't know how...tell me how to and I'll try...tell me how to pretend like last night didn't happen."
"I don't know...I don't know what to do," she whispered, the conversation more painful than she could have ever imagined. It was never supposed to be like this.
He rested his hands on top of the ledge, his head hanging down, "I don't want to forget about last night."
Olivia looked over at him, his expression was pained and she knew that this wasn't easy for him either. They had done this together and they needed to figure out what the next step was, together. "Do you have any idea of what we did? How horrible of a thing it is?"
"Of course I do! I had to go back home and sleep next to my wife...pretend that's where I wanted to be and lie to her about where I was," he yelled, his expression filling with anger and she was stunned silent. "I've never been that person, Olivia...maybe I'm not always happy with my marriage but I never thought I'd become a cheater." He sighed, scrubbing his hands down his face, "Last night was...I've never felt anything like that before..."
"Me either," she said quietly and he stopped his rant, his expression softening. "I'm really struggling with how I feel about it...it was incredible and the connection I felt with you," she took a deep breath, trying to keep her tears at bay, "It was like nothing else...but I feel terrible about it...you're married and we're partners and it shouldn't have happened."
"But it did," Elliot said softly, his hand moving across the brick towards hers. He needed to touch her, at least have that reassurance of her skin against his. His fingers brushed hers and he was grateful when she didn't pull away.
Olivia's fingers laced with his and she knew she was fighting a losing battle. She wouldn't be able to resist him. "What do we do?"
"I'm not a strong enough man to leave you alone," he said softly, his thumb rubbing across her knuckles. "I know this is fucked up but I need you...you feel right to me."
Her vision was blurred as her tears threatened their escape. He was being honest with her and she felt the same way as he did, no matter how wrong it was, it had felt right. "I know what kind of woman and awful person this makes me...but I need you too much to walk away," she admitted and watched as his body relaxed, his hand squeezing hers.
"Please...please don't cry," he murmured, pulling her closer to him and brushing her tears away with the backs of his knuckles. "I'm sorry that it has to be like this," he said softly, his hand cupping her cheek and tilting her face up to his.
His forehead rested against hers and she breathed him in, his after shave and that smell that was just him completely invading her senses. The rough pad of his thumb caressed her cheek as she spoke quietly, "People will get hurt."
"I know," he said with a sigh, his lips brushed her temple and his arm wrapped around her waist. He knew that people would get hurt and he just hoped like hell that it wouldn't be her. He tilted her head back so he could look over her face, moving closer and brushing his nose against hers before kissing her lips softly.
Her lips melded to his, giving his tongue entrance when he nudged her chin. It was still so new and still so hard for her mind to comprehend, so she didn't try. She was letting her heart guide her through this. She moved her hands to his chest, the kiss deepening with each passing second until she needed air and had to pull back, panting.
"Liv," he murmured, his hands going to her hips and pulling her flush against him.
She let her hands travel up his thick muscular neck to cup his jaw, her fingers delicately skimming over the light stubble she found there. "No more talking," she said softly and he cupped her cheek, drawing her lips back to his.
Elliot backed her against the brick wall, biting her bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. His hands went to her backside, pulling her against him and his lips moved over her jaw. He kissed behind her ear, gently biting down on her ear lobe while his fingers went to the button on her slacks.
"No...not here," Olivia murmured, taking his hands in hers and wrapping them around her waist, kissing his lips softly.
He nodded, kissing her again and holding her tightly in his arms, "I'm sorry." She shook her head, cupping his neck and bringing his lips back to hers.
"We better get back down there," she said softly, kissing him one last time before pulling out of his arms. He nodded, taking her hand and lacing his fingers with hers.
They made their way to the door and he pulled her back gently, "Are we okay?"
"That's a loaded question," she replied quietly with a shrug.
"You know what I mean," he said, pulling her back to him.
She sighed and squeezed his hand, "I do...this is all kinds of wrong...but I think we're okay...I don't have a crystal ball that can show me the future...I'm just going to take it one day at a time...I need you."
"I need you too," he nodded, kissing her temple and squeezing her hand before holding the door for her.
They walked back down to the squad room, neither having a clue what was going to happen but knowing for certain that they were in it together.
SVU
The next day had brought the squad a case with a woman dumped in the river with the twist of having her hands cut off at the joint. All of the current clues and evidence had led them to Orlando McTeer, a cab driver who was convicted of aggravated rape and had been paroled a year ago.
Elliot and Olivia were leaning against the table, the plasma lit up behind them with McTeer's information.
"We know where he hangs out. We know that he prefers blondes carrying packages," Elliot shrugged, his hands clasped in front of him. "I say we catch him in the act, turn the case from circumstantial into solid."
Olivia watched him, picking up once he finished, "Let's go dangle some bait." She pushed herself away from the table and he followed.
Munch rolled his eyes, "Here we go again."
Fin snorted, going back to his desk, "Something's up with them."
"Isn't it always?" Munch retorted with a raised brow, grabbing a case file off of his desk and reading through it. The Stabler/Benson story was nothing new to this detective, and while he agreed with his partner, he preferred to sit back and observe.
Elliot closed the door to the locker room, "Are you okay doing this?"
"Of course," Olivia answered him instantly, grabbing a bag from her locker before turning to him. "Why wouldn't I be?"
He shrugged, sitting on the bench with one leg on each side, "I've never liked you being under cover."
Olivia snickered, slamming the door to her locker shut, "Why because I'm a woman? That's rich..."
His brows furrowed as he looked up to her and she was pissed. "What? No, not because you're a woman."
"Why then?" She shot back, her hands on her hips. "Because we're fucking now and you think you just have some right to..."
"Olivia..." he yelled, standing quickly and pinning her against the lockers with his body. She was panting as his weight rested against hers, the sexual tension and energy coursed through her blood. "You know it's not because we're fucking," he ground out through clenched teeth, his eyes rolling, "It's more than that...it's always been more than that."
"Elliot...not now," Olivia murmured but there was no power behind it. She had taken a low blow at him and it was coming back on her. It's always been more.
His hand cupped her cheek, his thumb swiping over her bottom lip and kissing her softly, "Just be careful okay?"
She nodded her head as her fingers gripped his shirt, the feel of his lips on hers brought on a mixture of feelings.
"It's confusing for me too...but I can't stop myself," Elliot confessed, reading her mind and proving just how well he knew her. He tipped her chin up so he could see her face, "Just be careful."
"I'm always careful," she told him seriously and he sighed, his hand falling down to his side. "Knowing you have my back is what makes it easier. Nothing is going to happen to me with Stabler on the watch."
He smirked and grabbed her waist, pulling her close and nuzzling against her neck, "Damn straight."
"El...I have to go get ready," she said, pushing against his chest once he started leaving hot open mouthed kisses down her neck.
"One more minute," he mumbled against her skin.
Olivia shook her head, pulling out of his embrace, "No more minutes right now."
"Later?" He asked with a pout, his hands falling to her hips.
She rolled her eyes at the pout that was on his lips and the puppy dog eyes she was getting, "We'll see."
He shook his head, pulling her back to him, "Not good enough."
"Elliot," she sighed, resting her head against his chest. It was so hard for her to fall into this new relationship and all that it entailed. She was the other woman, the mistress, and it was not a title she thought she would ever use to describe herself, but that's the only one that came to her mind.
"I'm sorry," Elliot said softly. He felt guilty for so many reasons but feeling like he was pressuring her was the current reason. It wasn't fair to her for him to pressure her or just assume she was going to be able to jump into this. He knew her better than that, knew she had her reservations even though she had said she was in this with him.
She took a deep breath and looked up at him, "It's alright..."
He shook his head, "No...it's not."
Olivia took his face in her hands, "I'm not going anywhere...I just need some time to adjust, okay?" He nodded and she kissed his lips lightly, "I have to go get ready."
Damn she's sexy, Elliot thought as Olivia walked towards him. After they had left the locker room he had went outside and waited by the car for her, deciding to give her some space and get some fresh air. The bright pink dress clung to every curve and her gold strappy heels made her legs look a mile long, and none of that was helping him keep his composure.
"Surprisingly, the blonde isn't half bad," he said with a smirk and a raised brow as he leant against the drivers side of the sedan, his elbows resting against the roof.
She raised a brow and stood across from him, "You've always been one for blondes."
"But I've got a thing for a beautiful brunette with gorgeous eyes," he replied with a casual shrug, giving her another once over before sliding into the car.
Olivia took a deep breath and brushed the long blonde hair of her wig over her shoulder. Even in the situation she found herself in, Elliot made her feel incredible and she loved him. I love him, she repeated as she slid into the car next to him. Their affair was already complicated enough and now was not the time or the place to confess her love, especially when she didn't know if he felt the same for her. She would keep it to herself to the time being while she tried to navigate their new relationship and figure out all of her feelings and emotions. Rolling her eyes at herself she relaxed back into her seat as Elliot pulled the car out of the spot and onto the street.
He reached across and rested his hand upturned on her thigh, willing her to take it. Olivia laced her fingers with his and gave his hand a squeeze, turning her head against the head rest to look over at him and gave him a small smile, "You've got nice eyes too."
SVU
The case had been a long one and had taken an interesting turn when Elliot and Olivia had crossed paths with Colonel Dick Finley, one of Elliot's past mentors who had worked with the deceased in a space program. Finley had been hitting on Olivia since they had met, even asking her out on a date which she had accepted much to Elliot's frustration and confusion, but to his credit he hadn't said anything. The case had come full circle when Elliot had realized that Dick Finley wasn't a helping hand but the murderer and he was doing his best to get away with it.
Elliot was bringing Dick down in hand cuffs after their hotel room brawl had finally ended. Both had gotten in a few punches and the evidence of that was clear. He put Dick in the back of the squad car just as a taxi pulled up, stopping and letting out Olivia who was dressed to the nines.
She walked towards him, her blue silk dress blowing in the wind and the concern evident on her face as she stopped a few feet in front of him, "Is everything okay?"
He took her in and shook his head, not saying anything but she understood and had put the pieces together.
"Do you want me to drive?" She asked him softly, taking in the blood over his eyebrow and the red marks covering his face and neck. Her next thought was that he should probably get checked out by a doctor but she didn't need that argument and she didn't want to add to whatever he was going through.
He shook his head again, walking past her and gently squeezing her hand as he went.
Elliot spent the rest of the night in a daze, everything in slow motion while the detectives worked around him closing the case. Finally the night had come to a close and he couldn't wait to get out of the precinct. Olivia and Elliot walked down the steps of the precinct steps in silence, just like the rest of the night had been.
The air was cooler than it had been earlier and Olivia rubbed her arms, trying to rid her skin of the goose bumps that had formed.
Elliot took his suit jacket off and held it open for her, "Here" She turned, pushing her arms into the sleeves and he pulled it on for her, his fingers skimming her skin along the column of her neck.
"Thanks," she replied softly as they walked down the empty street.
There was no conversation about it or even an asked question as they walked the blocks to her apartment, just an understanding that they needed to be together.
She took his hand in hers as they climbed the stairs together, unlocking her door and ushering him inside. She sat him on her couch and took his face in her hands, looking over the bruises that had started to form, "Are you alright?"
He shrugged, moving his hands to her hips, "I'll be fine...just a little sore."
"I hate seeing you all bloody and beaten," Olivia told him softly, making a point to kiss the mark over his eyebrow, cheek, and the long bruise on the side of his neck. "Let me get you something for the pain." She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Tylenol out of the cabinet and a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She turned around and Elliot was hovering right behind her.
"Why were you going to go out with Dick?" He asked her finally, the question playing on his mind for the better part of the last two days.
She shrugged, her eyes falling from his as she leaned against the refrigerator and she set the pills and water back down on the counter, "I don't know...because I can? I would have just come home to an empty apartment and been by myself all night anyway."
"You're mine," he said through clenched teeth, reaching out and pulling her against him.
"No," she replied breathlessly, "I'm not."
He kissed her jaw and back to her ear, sucking on her soft skin, "But I want you to be."
"El," she moaned as his mouth moved down her neck and around, coming to her lips and kissing her for the first time in what felt like forever.
"Liv," he growled, hoisting her up and eliciting a squeal from her but her legs wrapped around him all the same. He walked her back to the couch, his lips never leaving her skin for a second as he laid her down against the cushions. She was looking up at him with red swollen pouty lips, her deep chocolate eyes practically black with desire. She was the sexiest thing he had ever laid his eyes on.
He kneeled between her legs, blue eyes cast over her and she couldn't wait any longer. She needed him in so many ways. Her hand trailed up over his stomach, his muscles rippling as she moved higher and grasped the collar of his shirt in her hands, pulling him back down, "Kiss me."
His lips crushed hers in a hard and deep kiss, tugging on her bottom lip and then soothing it with his tongue, plunging it deep into her mouth so he could taste every inch. She pulled his dress shirt from his pants, her nimble fingers finding his skin and reveling in the contact. His skin was on fire. He went back to her neck, tasting and nipping at her skin as he moved down her chest. His hands went to the bottom of her dress, sliding up her legs while she unzipped it from the side. He pulled her up, pushing his jacket off of her shoulders and pulling the dress down her body.
"God you're sexy," he husked, his eyes roaming over her exposed skin. The black, practically see through lace bra that barely covered her nipples and contrasted with her skin doing nothing but turning him on even more. He went back to her skin, kissing down to her breasts, moving the material out of the way so he could take her into his mouth.
"Ah," was all she could get out as his mouth took over her nipple, tugging and pulling while his rough fingers went to work on the other. He left hot open mouthed kisses across her chest as he moved to her other breast, giving it equal attention. Her fingers threaded through his short hair, holding him against her skin and losing herself in the way his mouth was working on her sensitive skin.
He needed more of her. He pulled her up from the couch, one arm supporting her while the other reached behind her back to unclasp the bra. She shuddered as he slowly dragged the material off of her arms, dropping it onto the floor next to the sofa. She went to his pants, undoing the belt buckle and button, unzipping them when his hands stopped her.
"Bed," he husked and she nodded, moving to stand but he pulled her to him, holding her against him as he made his way to her room, kicking his slacks off as they fell from his waist. He pushed her against the bedroom door, his strong hands wrapped around her thighs while he kissed her breathless.
She fumbled with the door knob before it finally opened, sending them flying into the room and crashing onto the bed. She chuckled against his lips and felt him smirking, "Not very graceful."
"No," he murmured, shaking his head as he went back to her neck. He kissed and licked down her chest, kissing each breast and then over her toned stomach, leaving light kisses across the waist band of her lace panties. His fingers slipped under the material that kept her from him, skimming her skin as he pulled them down her perfect long legs.
"Beautiful," he said softly, gazing down at her as he unbuttoned his shirt, letting it fall to the bed and pulling his undershirt over his head. His hands worked their way up her legs, feeling as the goosebumps prickled across her skin as he got closer to her core. She sucked in her breath as his fingers trailed along the outside of her before gently dipping into her sex.
"You're so wet," he purred, his mouth following his fingers and finally tasting her, taking her clitoris between his lips. Her hips bucked against his mouth but he held her firmly, pushing her legs over his shoulders as he licked and kissed her. He got her right to the verge of her orgasm before pulling back, "You taste so good."
All she could do was moan as he gave her one last good lick before moving up her stomach, pushing his boxers down his legs. She reached between them, taking his thick hard cock in her hand and working him up and down against her palm.
He held himself over her as she worked him, shuddering against her neck, "I need to be inside of you." His hand moved her from him and he guided himself to her entrance, gently pushing himself into her.
"Ah El," she moaned, arching her back as he slowly went deeper. Filling her like no one else ever had, reaching parts of her that had only been touched by him.
He stilled, using all of his willpower to let her adjust. She was just as tight as the first time and it was the most amazing feeling he had ever experienced. He kissed her neck, sucking on her pulse and her hands went to his back, "Are you okay?"
She nodded, wrapping her legs around his waist and nudging his back with the heel of her foot, urging him to move. He pulled out slowly before sinking back into her, both of them moaning at the friction. She guided his mouth back to hers as he started his rhythm, slow but deep. Moving in and out of her as her hips moved up to meet his thrusts.
"Oh...oh El," she purred, her orgasm building deep in the pit of her stomach and she knew she was close.
"Hold on," he grunted and he felt her clenching around him. He picked up his pace, pounding into her with all he had as his fingers went to her core, finally sending her over the edge along with himself. Her orgasm ripped through her as she bit down against his shoulder, her eyes fluttering closed as she felt his release inside of her before collapsing onto her chest.
Olivia held him tight to her, their slick skin practically melting together as they laid in a tangled mess of sheets. Her fingers trailed through his hair and her legs fell loosely around his hips, letting him calm down in her arms. It was like nothing she had ever felt before. A closeness to someone else she never thought existed until now. The connection they had more apparent to her in this moment than the previous and there was no denying it.
He kissed her breast, comfortable to lie against her and listen to her heart beat. He felt safe with her. A few moments of silence passed and Elliot slipped from her body, pushing himself up and taking her lips with his before lying next to her. He pulled her to his chest, kissing into her hair, "That was incredible."
"It was," she agreed quietly, tilting her head back so she could kiss his lips softly. She gave him a couple more kisses, cupping his jaw in her hand, "I've been yours since the day we met."