"Are you sure? Run it again."
The physician sighed. "Doctor, there's nothing wrong with you. You're well within the normal ranges for everything. In fact, I'd say you're healthier this year than you were the last time I saw you."
Ardus shook his head, "I am telling you, something is off. I have too much energy. I am not sleeping well, I cannot focus on my work, I am agitated."
"Have you changed your diet lately?"
"No."
"Have you had a fever, chills, any sort of symptoms other than those?"
"No."
"Has your environment changed?"
A flash of grey eyes, a memory of a dream, a stab of guilt. "No." Ardus growled.
"Then I don't know what to tell you. All you've told me is you feel agitated and have excess energy that you're burning off with exercise, which is fine. As long as you don't push yourself too hard, I think this is good for you. This may just be a temporary change, something seasonal. Now as for the sleeping, I want you to wait it out for a few weeks – it could just be that you're meeting your sleep needs sooner than you're used to. If it gets worse, take a few days off of work and contact me. Otherwise, try not to worry about it."
Ardus left his physician's office more frustrated than when he'd entered.He'd requested a battery of blood tests, exams, a physical, anything to help him understand why he felt on-edge, restless, distracted. And they had all told him there was nothing wrong with him, not even a cold. He stomped back to the university campus, results in his hand. He would have someone in the chemistry department look over them, perhaps, to see if there was something his physician had missed. Omi knew they had taken enough blood to run every test from lymphatic to adrenal. Ardus strode into his office, glowering so darkly that Athe stopped and asked him if he was alright. Doctor Ma'atanoa was also there, wearing another Dreen outfit, and that inflamed Ardus's already agitated disposition. "I am fine, Athe. Doctor, are you prepared for lab work today?"
Doctor Ma'atanoa looked up sharply at him, her grey eyes large, and he realized his voice was far louder than he'd intended. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, I...never mind." He crossed the room quickly and sat at his desk, stuffing his lab results into a drawer. He shuffled things on his desk, claws clicking on the glass surface. He felt eyes on him and looked up, and both Athe and Doctor Ma'atanoa were staring at him strangely. "What?"
"Doctor..." Nina – Doctor Ma'atanoa – began, her whole body leaning towards him with concern. "Are you okay? Those forms...is it bad news?"
Suddenly he was sorry he'd been so sharp, she seemed genuinely concerned. He shook his head, wires and beads clinking. "No, no, it is not bad news, it is just my physical results. Everything is fine."
She looked instantly relieved. "Oh, good. Athe told me you'd made alast-minute appointment and you'd be late, I was just wondering...I'm glad you're okay." She smiled at him, a gentle, sympathetic smile. Something tightened in his chest, like a metal band from his shoulders to his stomach. The way her shoulders had dropped, the way she'd relaxed into her chair told him she was worried. She was concerned for me... The invisible pressure he felt in his chest settled around his heart. What is this? This pressure that had been building for days now, starting in his throat and spreading lower. He'd even asked his practitioner for a stress test, but like everything else the results had been negative for everything except the effort of running at top speed on a treadmill with dozens of colored wires and sensors glued to his dark skin.
He cleared his throat, hoping that pressure behind his tongue would go away. It didn't, but at least he knew he could speak. "Doctor Ma'atanoa, today I am going to walk you through Meem's care process of the red sea worms she is keeping. Their diet is extremely important for venom production – I have them on a specific regimen. Afterwards, we will go to the chemistry department and Nia and Meem will show you how they are handling the venom. I want you to use caution in the labs; I am sure you are aware of several specimens that can be considered extremely dangerous if mishandled."
Doctor Ma'atanoa nodded. "Right." She still wore that soft little smile, and she was being more than agreeable. Ardus felt a thump in his chest and tapped it with his fist. "Hmm. Forgive me, I had a stress test this morning and my heart is still running a bit faster than usual."
"It's fine," said the tiny, absolutely adorable human woman. Today's kit was a soft blue, like the lagoon on an autumn morning when mist rising from the sea obscured the hard lines of the horizon and muted the sun's crisp light. It turned her eyes from storm-grey to a misty steel. What surprised Ardus most, however, was that when she turned to move something from her desk he saw an inset of silvery mesh running down her side, a fashionable touch that was normally found only on adult clothing. Had she been a Dreen, such mesh would display the colored pores set deep in her skin. But she has none, why would she do this? When she turned back, he was still eyeing her suspiciously.
"Something wrong, Doctor?"
Ardus shook himself. "Ah, no. I...I am still not used to seeing you in our clothes." He stared at his desk. Get a grip!
"Well, you probably should. I'm on a three-year contract."
THREE YEARS? Aku send a riptide, this woman is going to ruin me! Whose stupid idea was it to set the contract at three years? Ardus chewed on his tongue, stricken. Of course, he had been the one to suggest such a long commitment. Reda was right. If he'd been alone in the office, he would have slumped forward, laid his forehead on the desk and willed himself to evaporate. Ardus was not a crying man, but for a moment he considered it. Sea gods.
"Shouldn't we get started?" Nina asked him. Instead of summoning the willpower to disintegrate into particles of mist, Ardus pulled forth the strength to to look at her again and answer. "Yes, we should. Meem is waiting for us."
֎
Nina trotted along behind the dark Dreen, thinking to herself how convenient it was that just trying to keep up with him was all the exercise she needed to work off last night's meal at Athe and Boda's apartment. Doctor Ardus was silent for the trek to the specimen laboratory, and Nina wondered what had prompted him to make an appointment on such short notice. Maybe it has something to do with his pores. He doesn't look like it'd be anything else. Rather, Doctor Ardus looked fine. His eyes were clear, his pace steady, he held himself straight and walked with purpose. But, he had seemed agitated recently hadn't he? Since she'd bought Dreen clothes, come to think of it. "Doctor," Nina puffed, "can I ask you something?"
He kept his eyes forward. "Yes."
"Are... Is it okay that I'm wearing this?"
Only the wrinkle in his flat nose-bridge showed any emotion. "Yes."
"See, I thought I'd done something wrong. I know they're kids' clothes, but I'm having some of them altered so they look more like adult clothes. I was hoping I didn't break any taboos or anything."
A shake of the head, but Doctor Ardus didn't say a word.
"Oh, good. It's just..." She felt her side catch in a stitch. "Can you slow down?"
Doctor Ardus lurched to a stop and Nina almost ran into his thigh. "Oops," she side-stepped around him awkwardly. Once she got past the leg that was almost as long as she was tall, she looked up. Doctor Ardus was staring at her, his sea-blue eyes bearing down on her like a twenty-foot roller. "Uh... Hey, you know, I'm trying to keep up, but you take such long strides." She gave him a contrite smile. "I'm little."
"I know." Even nearly three feet below his eye level, Nina could see his jaw clenched tight. He's upset about something. Nervously, she laughed. I hope it's not me. "Yeah, I imagine it's hard to get used to."
"It is an adjustment."
"I bet." Falling silent, Nina waited for him to start off again. This time when he moved forward he walked slower. Nina still had to step it up to stay beside him, but at least she wasn't puffing. She looked up at him, intending to give a grateful smile, and caught him watching her from the corner of his eye. His gaze darted away but it was too late, she'd made direct contact and there was no denying it. "Hey," Nina jogged ahead to stand before him, blocking his path.
"What is it now?" Doctor Ardus said, irritated. His heavy hairless brows drew down and his mouth twisted into a frown. "We have work to do."
"I know, but..." Nina hesitated. She felt even smaller standing in front of him, his shadow falling over her like the wake of some monolithic sea monster. Her head barely came up to his chest, and he was twice her weight and then some. She was acutely aware of his clawed hands in his pockets, his size, the speed and power he was capable of. Nina recalled the game of Jump in the pool, how these people moved like lightning even as they treaded water. To any human, they would have seemed enormous and dangerous. And they could be, if they weren't careful. He's still a person, though. He's just as capable of rational thought as Iam. I can talk to him like I would anyone else. "Look, I don't know what's going on but I know something's wrong. If it's not my clothes, then it's something else. I'm trying my best, but if I'm doing anything that's bothering you, you need to tell me so I can do something about it if I can. I told you at my review that I've worked almost my whole life to get here. I want to get along with everyone –especially you."
His frown disappeared, replaced by bewildered surprise. He blinked. "Me?"
"Yes!" She nodded vehemently. "I used to read your papers in grad school, I used to look for them every month when the new publications came out. When I found out that I'd been accepted to this program, that I was going to be working with you, I couldn't believe I was so lucky. But now..." Nina trailed off.
"Now...what?"
She sighed. "Look, I can't help but feel like I've done something wrong. You're really weird around me, and I don't know if it's because I'm a human or if it's because of how I dress or what, but I can tell something's off. I was so excited to meet you. I wanted to come here and tell you how much you've influenced my work. Now that I'm here, though," Nina shrugged, letting her hands fall to her sides, "it's like you don't want me here. So if you could just, I don't know, tell me what I did to upset you, I'll do whatever I can to make it right. I really want to make this work, to show everyone on Earth and Dreenai that humans and Dreen can do this. Together."
Doctor Ardus stared ather. "I..." He looked down the hall in the direction they were going, and in the direction they had come from. They way his head swiveled on his long, powerful neck reminded Nina of a predator. There was no one else around, the hall was silent. He looked back at her, then down at the floor. "You have done nothing wrong."
"Are you sure?" Nina asked, trying to keep the begging edge out of her voice. Her eyes burned and she worried that she might start crying. No, I can't do that. Not in front of him. "You...you went through so much trouble to bring me here, you argued with the director's board and fought for funding and got my security clearance, it would destroy me if I've done something-"
Doctor Ardus shook his head, beads and wires tinkling. When he spoke, it was with remorse. "Doctor Ma'atanoa, you have done nothing wrong at all. I did not realize my attitude towards you has been anything other than professional. If I had realized that, I would have treated you differently. That is my mistake; I have been too formal. I did not realize you had been following my work so closely – if I had known, I might have seen you more as a peer than a...a subordinate." He winced. "That is not the word I would have liked to use."
Hope surged in her chest, behind her breastbone right on top of her heart. "So it's really nothing? You're just trying to be professional?" Doctor Ardus nodded. Nina breathed a deep, relieved sigh. "Oh good, I was so worried that I'd screwed this up somehow. Look, if it's okay with you, I'd like to start over."
"Start over?"
"Yes," Nina took a step towards him. To her surprise, Doctor Ardus shuffled backwards. Is he...scared of me? "I want to be friends. We can still be professional, but I'd like it if we could get along too." She put out her hand. "What do you say?"
Doctor Ardus looked down at her extended arm before he glanced back at her face. His blue eyes held an odd brightness. "You are not going to fall again?"
Nina laughed again, this time a real one. The anxiety she'd been feeling for several days, that worry that she'd made a bad impression on behalf of her entire species, melted away. "Very funny, but no, not this time. I've gotten better at dodging."
"Good." Doctor Ardus approached her then, slowly. With great caution – because of his clawed hand, she reasoned – he bent and took Nina's hand in his. His hand was warm, the skin soft despite its rugged, leathery appearance, and even though it swallowed hers whole she squeezed his huge fingers and gave it a little shake. "There," she said, "that's better." They parted. "There's just one more thing I'd like you to do, though."
Doctor Ardus's eyebrow raised, warily. "What is it?"
"Well, Athe calls me Doctor Nina now. Since your name is Ardus, and I call you Doctor Ardus, I'd like it if you called me Doctor Nina too." She smiled, and Doctor Ardus smirked. She narrowed her eyes at him."What?"
Doctor Ardus shook his head, still grinning. "Your name. There is a word in my language, a colloquialism, that means 'starfish'. It is the same word as your name, nina. I would be calling you 'Doctor Starfish'."
Nina shrugged,thinking about the little star-shaped creatures she knew from Earth. "I don't mind, it's cute."
"Dreenai's starfish are hardly cute," Doctor Ardus informed her as they started off again. He walked slower, Nina hardly had to trot to keep up. "They are over a thousand feet long, and so rare that only one or two are ever seen in a generation. They live in the deepest ocean trenches and are the most dangerous, vicious, and largest creature to ever live on Dreenai. To call you after such a creature, considering your small stature, is frankly ridiculous."
Nina giggled. "Is it? For all you know, I could be the most dangerous creature on the planet now."
"For my mental health, yes." Even though he tried to not to show it, Nina saw the corner of his mouth curl up and a certain gleam in his eye. She burst into laughter again. "You know, for someone I've never seen smile or laugh, you're pretty funny."
He glanced over ather, eyebrow raised. "Am I?"
"Yes! Even if it is at my expense. From reading your papers I never would have thought you had such an interesting sense of humor. A touch of romanticism, sure, but not so much the humor."
Doctor Ardus looked sharply at her. "Did you say romanticism?" Nina wondered at the Dreen's strange expression. He looked shocked. Nina felt the same odd sense that she'd stumbled into something as when Athe reluctantly talked about his mother the night before. Is there something I'm not supposed to know? "Well, sure..." she began carefully. "I mean, the way you write – I've told you before you write beautifully – it makes whoever is reading it sort of...fall in love with what you're writing about. It's a unique style, something that's hard to find in academic writing. Why do you ask?"
For another moment Doctor Ardus stared at her, his eyes troubled. Then he looked ahead again and fixed his gaze on a distant point. "You are not the first to mention it." His jaw was tense again, the set of his shoulders stiff. Darkness settled into his face again and Nina wondered at it.
Arriving at the lab, Doctor Ardus and Nina donned protective gloves, masks, aprons and eyewear. Nina's were custom-fitted, modeled off of the same patterns Doctor Ardus and Meem wore. Nina grinned, glad her mask hid her face, at the funny sight of the dour and dark Dreen wearing bright green gloves and a thick apron. Meem took them through to the specimen tanks, to the red worms she'd shown Nina before. They were much larger now, and they squirmed about the tank. Nina shuddered. Guh, these things are nasty. Meem reached into the tank with an arm that was gloved up to her shoulder, scooping one of them up and lifting it to the surface. "They've just been fed, they're fairly active but they'll settle down soon." She handed the ugly thing over to Doctor Ardus, who examined it.
"They are healthy," he declared. "Good color, not too much subcutaneous fat. You are not over-feeding them, I see."
"No, not at all. Each worm gets exactly the amount of feed you described; I hand-feed every one of them."
"How is their venom production?"
"It's excellent, I get at least six ounces a week out of this entire tank."
"Good. Keep following the regimen and as the new clutch matures you should expect eight to ten ounces per week. Will that suffice?"
Meem wrestled with the worm as Nina would a particularly enthusiastic, if over-sized, puppy. She gripped the tail end with its venomous spike tightly, keeping it far from herself, Doctor Ardus, and Nina. Yet the Dreen woman was hardly bothered by its whipping head and wriggling body. She handled the worm as easily as she would a pet. "Oh yes, more than suffice." The way she looked at him, turning her head this way and that to display the glittering green skin of her neck, made Nina chuckle. Meem's lemon eyes turned on her. "What's funny?"
"Nothing, the worm..." Nina pointed at Meem's apron, where a dribble of slime stained it dark. "I thought it soiled you."
"Oh, that," Meem's eyes rolled with good humor. "It's not the first time and it won't be the last." She rolled the worm over her arm and let it slide back into the water. "It would take a good deal more than some worm slime to upset me." She was about to say something else, but a notification pinged on her desk. "Excuse me." She left to check it, and Nina gave Doctor Ardus a look. Though she couldn't see his mouth, she saw a glint in his eyes similar to the one she saw when he joked with her earlier. His eyebrow raised and Nina smothered a snicker beneath her mask. This is much better. He's more relaxed –not totally, but he'll come around. I knew he'd be intelligent, but I like this side too. I'm glad I said something, now we can be friends.
She watched him wander between the specimen tanks. Though still the stoic, quiet academic she was familiar with, the glimpse of humor added another dimension to the personage she'd admired for years. Before coming to Dreenai, she'd never seen so much as a photograph of him, yet reading his publications had painted a fairly accurate picture of the type of person Nina knew she wanted to work for. He was determined, methodical, forward-thinking, inquisitive and not afraid to buck tradition if it furthered science. And he had such pretty eyes. Whoa, stop! I am not going there. Nina shook herself, mentally backing away from that particular minefield. You're going to forget you ever had that thought. You can joke about Meem with him, but you can't go beyond that. Nina was glad her mask hid her red cheeks, yet she still pretended interest in a label on a tank until the heat left her face.
Doctor Ardus straightened from the green flasher tank and turned towards the Dreen woman. "Meem, is Nia here?"
"Yes."
"I am going to step out for a moment. I have something I would like her to look at. Continue with Doctor Ma'ata-" He glanced at Nina, a strange look in his dark eyes. "Doctor Nina's walk-through of the red worms' care until I get back. I will not be long."
"Certainly." Doctor Ardus gave Nina a brief nod before leaving the laboratory, stripping off his gloves and pulling down his mask. Nina gave a mock salute Well, that's an improvement! Meem waved her over and Nina trotted across the room. "Like he said, he'll be back." Meem showed her a copy of a schedule, labeled with tasks that spanned a typical Dreen day-period. "This clutch is fed a special formula every four hours, because they're still growing. It mimics their natural diet, but contains some supplements we've found to spur venom production. There's a night shift who feeds them after I leave, but I'm the one who harvests the venom every third day or so. Once they mature, I should be able to collect every other day. Unfortunately," she blotted at the slime on her apron, "mucous production also increases as they mature and get more energetic. It would probably be safest if I handled the larger worms – not that I'm saying anything about your size, Doctor." She gave Nina a guarded look.
"No, no, I understand. I'll need to learn to handle them properly anyways, it would be better if I started with the smaller ones."
Meem pulled up a series of figures. "This chart measures each tank's venom output – I'll link it to you on the common drive. This is where I get my reports that I give to Doctor Ardus." She continued with showing Nina various reports and files, Nina standing on her toes to see Meem's terminal screen. It was all pretty standard stuff, the kind of lab documentation practices Nina remembered from undergrad. Baby steps, she reminded herself. I need to show that I'm capable of following procedure before they turn me loose in the field. The minutes passed and Doctor Ardus eventually returned, a sheaf of papers in hand. "Nia's in her office," Meem pointed him through a set of doors on the opposite end of the laboratory. "Doctor...Nina," Meem paused. "That's what I heard him call you, right?"
"Yes, Athe calls me that too. It's all right if you want to call me Ma'atanoa, he told me what 'nina' means in Dreen."
Meem's head tilted slightly, curious. "Hmm. Anyway, I need to walk you through a basic handling procedure. You seem pretty comfortable with the primates, so we'll skip those." Meem took Nina to a freestanding closet filled with even more gloves, goggles, even nets and snares and a massive tranquilizer rifle as long as Nina was tall. "It's unlikely we'll have to use the tranquilizer guns," Meem gave Nina a surprise friendly smile. "We don't have anything bigger than a blueback at the moment."
"What about Doctor Ardus?"
Meem's lemon eyes flashed wide and she glittered a surprised yellow. To Nina's satisfaction, she laughed. "I'd never considered it!" Somehow, Nina doubted that. The mental image of Meem taking aim at the big dark Dreen and then dragging him by his feet into her office made her giggle too. "What else can you show me while he's busy?"
"Let's see," Meem continued to smile, and Nina counted it as a success. She followed the Dreen woman to another cabinet. "In here is where we keep fast-acting countermeasures to some of the specimens' toxins. Hopefully we won't have to use any on you, I don't know what the correct dosage would be yet. That's something Nia is working on; she should have the numbers in a few days. Until then, you'd do well to avoid getting bitten or stung."
"Believe me, I know." That they didn't already have human doses was to be expected– Nina had only been in residence for two weeks, she could hardly expect them to know everything.
"Right. Well, if you think you're ready, we can try handling some of the smaller specimens."
Nina smiled with enthusiasm. "Let's do this!"
֎
Nia went over the results line by line. "There's nothing in here that should cause you any concern," she told Ardus. "Your doctor wasn't hiding anything from you. It would be against medical ethics to do so."
"What about the elevated testosterone levels?" Ardus tapped a clawed finger on the corresponding line. "It says it's zero-point-zero-four percent above last year's results."
Nia shook her head and the tiny strings of shells hanging from her frilled ears tinkled."It's well within the normal range. You'd have to get into zero-point-double-digits before you'd have to worry about it, and unless you start administering testosterone yourself you'll never see numbers like that. Why are you so worried about this?"
"I told you, I just feel like something is wrong. I cannot sleep like I used to, I have far too much energy, I have been so agitated I have had to cancel or reschedule appointments."
"And? Have you had any other symptoms? Headaches, nausea, muscle weakness, fainting, vision problems?" Nia counted the symptoms on her fingers.
"No, no, no and no."
"Then I don't have anything. I think your doctor is right, you're just noticing a change and taking it too seriously. When I turned seventy, I also felt some changes. It's perfectly normal."
Ardus frowned and huffed. He looked out the window from Nia's office and watched Meem instruct Doctor Ma'ata... Doctor Nina in handling a baby sand-skimmer with thick gloves. The animal was no larger than Nina's hand, it hardly posed a threat to a Dreen child at that size. He'd played with them himself as a boy to feel the tingling numbness in his fingers –it usually went away in an hour or so. He watched the tiny human woman carefully position the animal between her palms while Meem held its short tail out, pointing to various features. She looked so pleased with herself, finally interacting with the wildlife of his world. She said I have influenced her work. Is that why her papers stood out to me? Because I could read myself in them? He realized Nia was saying something, but he hadn't caught it. "Sorry, what?"
"I said, have there been any major changes in your life recently? Have you taken on more work than you should?"
"No, in fact I have given some tasks to her," he indicated with a tilt of his head at Nina on the other side of the glass. Nia looked out the window and back at Ardus, where he stood with his hands in his pockets facing the lab. She studied him for a moment. "You've been spending a lot of time with her. Perhaps you two are getting close?"
Ardus did not like the look in Nia's green eyes. "No," he answered too quickly. He was glad he was dark, or else his pores would have given him away. More like I cannot get away from her. His memory of the other night returned, and the stomach-turning shame.
"You're staring at her."
"I am not staring, I am monitoring. You know I am responsible for her while she is here."
"You're looking at her like she's a glass of water and you're a thirsty man." Nia's eyes narrowed. "How long has it been, Ardus?"
He avoided her gaze. "Since I have had a glass of water?" he said scornfully.
"Since she died."
Ardus rounded on her with a hot glare, his blue eyes snapping and a low rumble starting in his chest. "No," he snarled through clenched teeth.
Nia sighed. "Ardus, I know how much you miss her. We all do. But this..." Nia twirled her hand in the air, "this abstinence, it's not healthy."
Ardus's jaw worked and his slit nostrils flared as he stared Nia down. She held his gaze, waiting, her pores a calm blue-white. Finally, he whipped back towards the window. His eyes grew huge as horror swept over him like a rogue wave. "Nina!" he bellowed suddenly, and Nia leaped to her feet as he crashed through the door out of her office. Ardus shoved a workbench out of his way as he entered the laboratory, the bench toppling over and landing with its legs in the air and its top cracked. Nina lay in a heap on the floor, Meem kneeling over her and flashing yellow with panic. The human was unresponsive. "What happened?" Ardus demanded,going to his knees next to her. She looked tinier than a child, crumpled on the floor so far below him.
"The skimmer, it bit through her glove! Everything was fine and then-"
"Call the infirmary, I am taking her!" His heart thudding in his throat, Ardus scooped Nina up in his arms and marveled at how little she weighed. "Tell them everything! Call Athe!" Meem was on her feet in a moment, and Ardus clutched Nina to his chest while he careened down the hall to the university's medical wing, webbed feet slapping the marble floors. Nina's head lolled, but he could feel her breath on his neck– a blessing from the sea gods. No, no, please no! He shouted ahead, "Move!" and the titanic bellow that preceded him brought people – Dreen and human – to doors and windows to see what the disturbance was. Ardus hugged her tighter, trying to squeeze the sand-skimmer's toxins from Nina's body, his mouth dry and tongue thick. Omi, please!
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My search history must be so concerning. Animal neurotoxins, human metabolism, paralysis, first aid for jellyfish sting, stonefish poison...
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