CW: NSFW
The five-school end-of-semester entrance exams were approaching. I listened in class seriously and worked from day to night, memorising English words and Korean poems during morning self-study and having my hyung fill in the gaps in my learning when I got home at night.
Every day after night self-study, my hyung would wait for me on a pebble road in a garden about a hundred metres away from school (unless he had worked overtime; in that case, he would just drive over). Sometimes, we would drape our arms over each other's shoulders as we chatted and strolled home. Other times, we would take a detour and walk behind the long marble spirit screen, holding hands as we walked home. The sky was very dark and there weren't any street lamps here, nor were there any people passing by. We didn't need to worry about not being able to let go of our interlocked hands in time if we ran into someone. We were very safe.
I asked him if he had thought of a suitable degree for me to take in university. I guessed that he would choose finance, project management or international commerce; the kind that could be used to help him next time, yet he asked me to choose something I liked and was interested in.
I thought about it for a long time, but I didn't have anything I was interested in. I was only interested in him.
When we got home, I was covered in perspiration and urgently wanted to take a shower. While pulling down my underwear, I called for my hyung to pass me a towel. When my hyung passed me the towel, he also took the opportunity to squeeze himself into the toilet, wrapping his hands around my waist as he kissed me, holding back his heavy breathing.
"You played basketball today?" He asked me huskily.
"Yeah, I'm sweaty all over, don't hug me."
"Lifting the hem of your shirt to wipe your sweat is very crude," he said, his tone a bit stern.
"Bloody hell, haven't I always done that? In the past when we played basketball together, you never said that I couldn't lift my shirt."
"Because your waist is very slender." He pinched my waist, "That group of little boys and girls all can see it."
"Little boys? Ha, do you think that they're like us, doing men? Those brothers of mine are straight. Relax, even if there are gays, it'd be me fucking them."
I seemed to have accidentally said something my hyung didn't like again. He frowned, "Be obedient."
I could only nod and go along with my hyung's wishes.
The actual number of times that we had made love actually wasn't much because the two of us were very busy. After rectal douching and foreplay, to aftercare and cleaning up, a few hours would have passed already. We more often just kissed and gave each other head. Jungkook's kisses were thoughtful and lingering, caressing the insides of my mouth, or licking the veins on my neck.
My reflection in the mirror above the sink was stark naked while his suit was still neatly in place. When he wasn't smiling, his naturally cold and fair skin, as well as his high nose bridge, made him seem like someone who restrained himself. I thought of a phrase: a beast in human clothing. I shouldn't have described my hyung like that, but my vocabulary was limited.
Facing the mirror, he hugged me from behind and touched my chest and abdomen. His fingers moved aside my sparse pubic hairs that still hadn't fully grown and lightly stroked my cock.
"Hair affects the feeling, how about I help you shave it off?"
"Motherfucker, if you shave it all off, how will I use the toilet in school?"
"Pass me the lube."
"There's only a bit left, remember to buy a new one."
"Mn."
"Get another brand, this one's too watery. It's not good to use."
"It is a little. I'll get another brand. Does this feel good?"
"Mn...Hyung, come here...my neck, kiss my neck here...mn..."
"Don't move your ass, lest you ignite a fire," he laughed under his breath. He sucked on my earlobe while the fingers of his left hand lightly rubbed my nipple.
There was a scar left on his left hand, running from his middle finger into his sleeve. It was partially covered by his sleeve; only I knew how long this scar was. I closed my eyes, afraid to look at it. Jungkook guided and enticed me by my ear, asking me to open my eyes and look at him.
I leaned against his chest, letting him control me. I listened to him and earnestly looked at the man in the mirror who was tenderly touching me all over, the pleasure intensely rushing to my head.
"Hyung..."
"Darling, can you call me by my name?"
"Why, wanna fantasise that I'm not your brother?"
"..."
I felt that I really understood my hyung. Perhaps deep in his heart, there was a part of him that despised and lamented the blood relationship between us. I loved my hyung dearly; for most things, I could let him have his way, whether it be planting strawberries or calling him 'hubby'. Even when he got in the mood to do some BDSM and tortured me until I was in extreme pain (there was even a time when I said the safe word but he thought he understood my limits so he still didn't stop), I let him do it. But sometimes, I would insist on not letting him have his way. My tolerance had its limits too.
"Hyung." I continued to call him this.
He laughed helplessly, rubbing the tip of his nose against my cheek, "Why are you so obstinate?"
"Hyung", "Hyung", "Hyung", "Hyung", "Hyung", "Hyung". I was precisely this obstinate.
He gave me a deep kiss in response: Mn, I'm here.
Jungkook carried me onto the counter next to the sink. My two legs wrapped around his hips as I hugged his neck, kissing him. The heated, lingering kiss was like two fierce animals biting at each other to show their intimacy, my spine hitting against the crystal mosaic wall a few times.
"Should we do it?" He asked.
"Let's. I've missed you."
Jungkook unzipped his pants and squeezed half a tube of lube onto his cock, stroking it a couple of times before carrying me up so my back was against a wall. He held his cock against my hole and slowly entered.
In this position, he could fully control me because other than the wall behind me, I had no other support. With the help of my weight, my hyung reached extremely deep within me. To prevent him from fucking me to death, I had to tightly wrap my arms around his neck and clamp my legs around his waist.
I hated this position. I felt like my stomach was about to be penetrated and my shoulder blades were being knocked until they hurt badly.
"Baby, call me hubby."
"...Hu...bby."
I thought that if I was obedient and called him that, he would be less rough. Unexpectedly, it was like I had flipped a switch in him. My hyung started to fuck me fiercely until I was hugging his neck tightly with my whole body shaking. I ejaculated my cum onto his shirt. He lightly pulled out and rested his cock against my stomach, stroking it a few times before his warm cum trickled down the shallow dips of my abdominal muscles. I zoned out for quite some time, my head was completely blank in a post-orgasm trance.
"Did it feel good?" He dipped his fingers in a bit of his cum and brought them to my lips, "Lick it."
"No, it's musky as hell."
My hyung smiled and wiped the remaining cum on my face. He revealed his canine teeth to me. It was really cute, I couldn't hold up against it. Even if he wiped shit on my face, I'd forgive him.
Afterwards, we showered together. When we went back to the bedroom, I sucked him off. After we jerked each other off, we hugged and slept. He liked to rub my head right when I was about to fall asleep like he was petting a cat, burying his face in my washed hair and rubbing against and breathing it in. I was tired, so I couldn't be bothered to hit him.
In the past, I had always thought that I had it too hard. However, when life became calm and ordinary, I realised that it wasn't that hard. The hardest things were still mathematics, physics and those meaningless comprehension questions in my Korean papers -- frankly, I didn't care about what intentions an author had while writing a piece of text. If I wrote one in the future, I would definitely write about my hyung. In that case, the author's intentions would stem from love. My hyung was a steadily growing and interweaving rhizome, the veined patterns on a leaf, the source of my blooming and what I loved most.
On Monday morning, I was on cleaning duty at the school gates with a few other girls in class. Two girls were lifting the rubbish bin. I just so happened to see them, so I helped them to carry it and dump out the trash inside.
As we walked back to class together, Chaewon jokingly said that she saw my hyung send me to school and even said that my hyung and I looked alike. Regarding this, I couldn't tell. In theory, it should be that he looked like our mum while I looked like our dad.
I remembered that this incident had happened before our parents divorced. At the time, my mum was in front of the mirror, picking a pair of earrings to wear. I was standing at the door asking her why she was only taking hyung. That was what she had told me. It was the reason why she hated me. Of course, there often were people who said that we looked alike. I thought to myself, after all, we were brothers; it couldn't be that we didn't look in the least bit similar.
I had also fantasised before that I had been given to them or picked up from the rubbish bin. Like that, we would successfully become a pair of homosexuals who, while still not accepted by the general public, would at least not be insulted and cursed at by everyone. But we had done a test at the hospital before; we indeed couldn't be any more related.
This day could originally have passed without anything special happening -- attending class, doing work, getting off school, being lovey-dovey with my hyung in bed, touching lips and fighting a little before hugging each other to sleep. Unexpectedly, in the afternoon after class had ended, my hyung gave me a call. It seemed like something urgent had come up on his end. He just hurriedly instructed me through the phone to stay in the dorms at school tonight; he had to go on a business trip.
Even if he was going on a business trip, he could let the housekeeper stay behind and keep me company. I had always applied to attend school without staying inside; this was unusual. When it came to his work, my hyung was a very composed person. Based on my understanding of him, even if the company had gone bankrupt, he wouldn't be this agitated.
But it was alright, my hyung had the ability to properly deal with everything. I had full faith in this.