The journey to the border took the whole day however we successfully left Snezhnaya without any major problems. For some reason, I felt as if Scaramouche and I had broken past a wall that was hindering us. By sharing things about ourselves and being honest with one another, we were able to understand each other much more.
I felt as if talking to him wasn't so hard. Believe it or not, we even argued less than usual. We were able to converse better as two people and there was less of an awkward gap between us. Of course, things can't change that drastically over such a short period of time so we still struggled to keep snarky remarks and insults to ourselves but it was more light hearted. Well, that is what I wanted to believe anyway.
Upon exiting the border and putting some distance between us and the snowy lands of the cryo nation, we came to a stop in a cave. Scaramouche pulled the portal ring out without a word and began to send sparks of electricity flying as he attempted to get it to work.
"There's no shame in admitting you have no idea what you're doing, Balladeer. Really, it's ok," I said gently.
"Have some faith, would you? I've done this before. Sometimes it just need a bit of-"
He was cut off when a small explosion sent a poof of smoke from the ring. Just as I was about to make my disappointment known, he threw the ring at the nearby rock wall and it swirled with roiling clouds. In the centre, an image began to form. Something green and colourful was blurry and hardly visible but it definitely seemed somewhat like Sumeru.
"You were saying?" asked Scaramouche smugly.
"I'm saying get your ass moving. I want to get this Sumeru trip over and done with. Go on." I motioned with my head for him to go first to which he rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand.
He pulled me towards him until we were side by side. The portal only remained open for a short while and so he attempted to hurry us along by dragging me through with him. After this, we walked through the portal simultaneously. The trip felt like what walking through walls was like; it was nauseating and gave me an ear ache. Once we appeared on the other side, the portal seemed to swallow itself and disappear. The humidity that wrapped around us was suffocating.
"Man it's been a long time since I've felt the heat of this place," I sighed.
"You've been here before?" asked Scaramouche.
"That's right. I was a student at the Akademiya and graduated maybe... 300 years ago, I want to say? I can't really remember anymore. I'm sure I left the certificate in my house in Mondstadt," I thought to myself.
Scaramouche gaped at me with disbelief and confusion. "You know it's really hard to believe anything you say. All the immortals I've met aren't really the type to share their life stories so hearing you openly share your experiences... Well, I'm a little sceptical."
I shrugged. "There's a whole lot more experiences I have left to share. Whether you believe me or not, doesn't matter. I only enjoy telling the story. It's part of my job as a bard. If you're curious about anything else, let go of my hand and I'll tell you."
Scaramouche glanced down at our hands that were still clasped before he hastily let go and grimaced. He resorted to walking past me swiftly and ignoring my mocking remarks.
"Look, don't touch, remember Scaramouche?" I called from behind him with a visible laugh in my voice.
"Ugh, just be quiet. I was disoriented from the portal. Now hurry up or we won't even get there by tomorrow," he snapped.
"Get where? We are in the middle of a jungle. Where are we going to meet these so-called informants of yours?" I asked, joining him by his side.
He inclined his head towards me with a bored expression. "Port Ormos. There's a tavern there called Djafar Tavern where Eremites like to socialise and trade information. I am hoping to trade some secrets for information about a person who goes by 'The Traveller'. I believe this outlander will become a difficult factor to deal with when we head to Inazuma so it's best I gather as much information as possible. At the same time, I can send the letter to the Tsaritsa from there."
The Traveller... Venti mentioned something about a person from another world coming to Mondstadt. In fact, he was hopeful that this adventurer might be able to help him with the issue of Dvalin. Do I mention this to Scaramouche? Technically, if the Traveller does help Mondstadt then it works in my favour because that's my home they are protecting. But the fact remains that I technically no longer owe that land after my debt was paid.
Don't get me wrong, I care about the place a lot but at the same time, I feel uneasy. As long as I continue to worry about that nation then I might as well have still been tied to a contract with Barbatos. However, as important as this factor is, I still don't feel confident enough to tell Scaramouche... Our partnership is shaky and often hanging on by a thread. Can I really trust him? If I choose to tell him, it might reinforce the layers of honesty we have started to build with one another. He might begin to see me as more valuable which makes him less likely to dispose of me.
"I'm not sure if you already know, but I've been informed that this Traveller is currently in Mondstadt. If we can fasten the process here and get to Inazuma quickly, we might be able to get the gnosis before they even have a chance to leave Mondstadt," I offered.
"Interesting..." he commented as he studied me. "I was sure you would keep that information to yourself to protect your precious Mondstadt."
So he had already predicted it, huh?
"I told you I would be a good ally. To do that, I need to earn your trust and share what I know. Sure, I might have had some second thoughts about telling you but I decided to anyway. I hope you can learn to depend on me in the future," I admitted.
An expression of surprise appeared on Scaramouche's face. He nodded slowly in understanding before continuing to walk in silence. At least he chose not to ignore me or pretend he didn't hear like the last handful of times.
~~~
We had been walking for ages. Every time I tried to float up and skip on the air rather than walk, Scaramouche yanked me down and forced me to move my feet just like he did. He couldn't bear the thought that I might be comfortable on our trek through these excessively humid jungles.
"How far is this damn tavern?" I groaned.
"Shut your mouth and keep walking, bard. I'll tell you when we are nearly there," said Scaramouche with a turning of the head to showcase the awful scowl on his face.
Suddenly, I felt as if all the development we experienced in the past two days had been entirely imagined. Perhaps, he was just cranky due to the hot weather and the trippy roots. More than once, we had both stumbled on vines and thick roots. Not to mention the strange scuttling sounds that startled us from beneath the bushes. The weather hardly impacted me but the humidity meant that no winds freely blew so any company I wished to have from my companions was non-existent. Instead, I was left with a vexed man who was likely born with a glare on his face.
"If we are lost, just admit it. I'll only insult you about it for a couple hours maximum," I shrugged.
He looked me up and down before grimacing and increasing his pace. I forced my aching legs to catch up but everytime he pushed a tree branch or bush out of the way, it would go straight through my head making me disoriented.
"Hey! Would it kill you to just work with me here?" I complained as he was back in my sight and unsheathing his sword to cut down a big branch.
"Probably, yes," he responded nonchalantly.
Upon slicing away at the branch, I sighed and looked around the perimeter. Nothing seemed to have changed. It felt as if we were walking in circles.
"Ugh! What the-" Scaramouche stumbled back out of nowhere, holding his face in his hands.
"What's the matter with you? Did you get bitten by a mosquito?" I said as I waved my own hand around at the buzzing flies around us.
He didn't respond. I frowned, walking closer to him until he straightened and stared at his hands strangely. Then, he looked up at me.
I'm not sure if it was a trick of the light but I could have sworn his pupils were the shape of hearts. Alarm bells were ringing as he watched me with the strangest expression. Something like hunger was visible in his eyes. He pulled loosely at the hem of his shirt as if he was hot.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
As I spoke, his eyes shamelessly raked over my body, lingering on the areas of exposed skin. Suddenly, I felt nervous in my shorts and lacy tunic. It was always a simple outfit that didn't do much for my figure but still kept up with the fashion trends. It was supposed to be plain but presentable.
I watched the Harbinger with caution as he took slow steps towards me with a lustful look in his eyes. Immediately, I knew something was wrong.
Scaramouche closed the distance between us whilst I tried to understand why he was acting so strangely. His hands reached out, sliding to grip both sides of my waist and pulling me taut against him.
"H-hey!! What do you think you're doing?!" I pushed against his chest but it was useless.
His grip only tightened as he watched me with eyes full to the brim with desire and burning heat. One arm of his snaked all the way around my waist as his other hand traced up my neck, entangling itself in my hair. The feeling of it was so intimate. I shivered and reminded myself not to lean into his gentle touch. Something about this was extremely unnerving. My eyes widened at the movement as I continued to attempt to peel myself away from him. What on earth had gotten into him? Why was he touching me like this?
"Scaramouche, whats-"
His head dipped till our faces were inches apart and he looked as if he were about to kiss me. I gasped and grabbed hold of his face with both my hands, pushing him away to the best of my ability.
My eyes snapped to the vividly red plant that caught my eye over his shoulder. No... Please no...
It was a Lustful Delight. An extremely rare plant found only in warm climates or in dark places. So rare, that it just had to be Scaramouche that came upon one. If it's toxin is inhaled or purposefully released by the plant into someone's face, the intoxicated becomes overcome with sexual desire and lust for the first person they see. And I hadn't the faintest clue how to cure it. Now, Scaramouche was all over me as if I wasn't the object of his greatest irritation and resentment only moments ago.
"Scaramouche, you hate me, remember? Snap out of it!" I shook his face a little in my hands.
He wasn't deterred in any way. In fact, I think I only made matters worse by cupping his cheeks in my hands. His hands removed themselves from my body and rested lovingly over my own.
"On the contrary, I like you very much right now," he whispered in a low voice and a truckload of adoration.
His lips moved to place a kiss on the inside of my wrist, then moving to my palm, then the tips of my fingers. Every spot his mouth feathered over felt tingly. I clenched my jaw and jerked back, trying my best to pull myself away from his touch.
Never have I ever resented an overgrown root as much as the one that tripped me over causing me to stumble onto my back. Scaramouche along with me. He was on top of me now. The fall had hardly disoriented him as he smirked like I'd just handed him the gnosis he was so obsessed with. He pulled off his hat and left it to the side whilst he held me down by the hip in one hand and allowed the other to trail up my neck until it was back in my hair.
I need to stop him. What do I do? How do you get rid of toxic pollen from someone's internal organs? This is so frustrating...
Why is my body tingling at his every touch? My skin is hot, my breathing patterns are all over the place. His hungry eyes are causing my stomach to do backflips. I wracked my brain for any solution. There had to be a way to fix this, and soon.
Suddenly, his face dipped into the crook of my neck and I felt his soft lips press kisses onto my exposed collarbone. The action had my heart stopping as I gripped his shoulder in shock. The effort I put into really trying to push him away was shamefully little. I told myself time and time again that physical touch was something I didn't crave. I believed it and agreed but the way my body was reacting to this man's touch sent electric shocks through every neuron in my body.
Scaramouche's eyes watched me intently, amusement and adoration were present in his gaze. His lips continued to trail kisses before his hand on my hip shifted beneath my shirt and up my back. I shivered at the feel of it, which he took as a good sign to move his mouth to the side of my neck.
It's not real Y/N. Get him to stop
I bit my lip at the overwhelming feeling within me when his lips connected to the sensitive spot on my neck. My hand on his arm tightened as he sucked and licked the skin attentively, drinking in every pained reaction of mine. And boy was it agony. A small groan left my lips as I shut my eyes tightly trying to get my senses straight. The feel of his hot mouth and full lips giving me such attention had my heart rate increasing rapidly. This has gone too far, I need to stop this. If I don't, I'm not sure how far I'll let him go.
I have 2000 years worth of physical affection to catch up on and right now he was making it feel way too hard to stop. You can only lie to yourself for so long about your personal wants and needs.
"Scaramouche, you need to stop. This isn't you. You're going to regret this the minute the toxin wears off," I forced out but it came out too breathy and only seemed to spark his desires even more.
"Oh no, I don't think I'll regret a thing," he spoke as the distracting feel of his hands holding my waist tightly beneath my shirt and his lips travelling further up to my jaw overwhelmed my senses.
"Scaramouche-" I never got to finish my sentence when a gasp left my lips.
He shifted his knee till it pressed against the junction between my legs causing a quiet moan to leave my throat. Heat rose to my cheeks and my body burned at the pleasuring friction. His eyes glittered with obsession and were drunk on the sound that I made. No matter how hard I tried, my body wasn't matching the orders of my brain and I was slowly being taken over by the feel of him.
He smiled against my jaw, making the butterflies in my stomach explode. He continued to tease me with kisses and pressed his knee hard against me, making me bite down on my lip and curse the heat that flustered my neck and face.
I needed to try something different. Perhaps he would answer, if I used his real name. He hated it when I said it before so maybe he'll stop before this gets out of hand. I pushed back against his shoulder just as he neared my lips.
"Kunikizushi, snap the fuck out of it," I said sternly with a shake.
He froze against me and I waited for the moment he would take a step back and frown at me. It never came. Scaramouche's hand detangled itself from my hair and cupped my cheek ever so gently.
"Say it again," he said quietly, a thumb tugging down on my bottom lip.
"What?!" I frowned at him with irritation that he hadn't reacted in the way I'd hoped.
"Say my name," he whispered into my ear, watching me with starry navy eyes.
"Kunikizushi...?" I said hesitantly
My stomach dropped at the sight of his eyes falling shut and a genuine, dazzling smile broke onto his face. It looked so real, completely different to his sneers and insulting smirks. I couldn't take my eyes off him. If I thought he was handsome before, then I was sorely mistaken. Oh boy, I really need to stop getting distracted.
"Beautiful," he commented, opening his eyes to stare into mine with such depth I questioned whether or not I was still alive. "It sounds beautiful coming from these lips."
This is ridiculous. I cannot believe he tried to kill me the first time round for saying it and now he's blushing with the most bewitched expression. How is this fair? Just as I was internally slapping myself for provoking him further, his hand on my waist gripped my upper leg and ran down the inside of my thigh.
"Why won't you snap out of it?! We shouldn't be doing this Scaramouche. You're not in your right mind," I whined as I struggled to keep my thoughts away from his dizzying touch.
"But you're enjoying it so much... Why would I stop when I get to see you in this state? You're just so..." he trailed off as he stared at my lonely lips with hunger.
I swallowed. He looked just about ready to devour me and I hated how much I felt excited about it.
Suddenly an idea struck me. It was a long shot but with my new abilities it might work. If I didn't try it now, this would go too far. I didn't want to have to do it this way and if it didn't work out then it would only escalate the situation but it was worth a shot.
"Please don't kill me," I prayed.
My hands found their way around his neck, pulling him down to meet my lips. He didn't hesitate in kissing me back instantly, groaning against my mouth as his own hands reached around to the back of my head. He pushed me even closer to him, making my brain go all fuzzy and distracted. I couldn't help it. The heat of the moment, the euphoric sensation of finally being able to feel someone so close and obsessed with me. It was addictive.
He parted my lips, giving his tongue access to taste me. The kiss was passionate and deep and fast. All my senses were heightened at the thrill of it all. We battled for control over the kiss, I think I was slowly losing. I sighed contently and relished in this feeling of being wanted.
I was getting distracted. I needed to get back on track and work to get rid of the toxin. My plan was to allow some of my anemo to enter through his mouth and ventilate the toxic pollen out of his nose and other areas it might have clung to.
He tilted my head back, giving him even more space to plunge his tongue deeper and hold me hostage to his desires. My back arched ever so slightly as his knee pressed into me once again. My fingers that were entangled in his hair, subconsciously gripped tighter earning me a groan from the Harbinger. The sound made me feel hot in all sorts of places.
Focus, Y/N.
Right. Yes. The toxin. Must get rid.
Aw. Do we really have to?
Please shut up. I can't believe myself right now. Scrapping out any ridiculous thoughts in my head, I allowed a stream of anemo to flow from my mouth to his. The glowing greenish sliver of elemental energy slithered around in his breathing system, eating away at the pollen and carrying it out as it left his body.
I could feel Scaramouche's movements against me grow slower until he tensed and broke away from the embrace. His eyes met mine with confusion as he ran his gaze over the state of me. The fog of lust that clouded his sight fully cleared to which he stumbled back, away from me.
He watched me with a nervous expression, his eyes landing on my throat and the shirt now riding up my stomach. Then his eyes latched onto the hat on the floor before his expression turned cold.
"Explain, Y/N. Right now." It was an order. Clearly, he had absolutely no idea what he'd just done. His voice was still a little wobbly and out of breath. His lips were swollen and his cheeks still pink.
I grimaced before sitting up and righting my dishevelled look. "That flower over there spat in your face causing you to become completely obsessed with me until you basically threw yourself at me. I tried to get you off and stop you but the toxic pollen messed with your brain. Anyway, I managed to get the pollen out of your body."
I shrugged at the end, rubbing the spot at the side of my neck that throbbed with the lingering feeling of his mouth. That one is gonna leave a bruise. Ugh.
Returning my gaze to his, I watched as his face morphed into guilt. The sight of it surprised me. I didn't know he was capable of feeling such a thing, He covered his mouth and stared at the floor alarmingly. It almost looked like he was going to throw up. Geez, I didn't know an experience with me would spur such a reaction.
"I need a second. Don't follow me," he stated before he grabbed his hat and stormed away into the trees. Of course, not without hacking down the Lustful Delight with his sword.
So I sat there, trying to stop myself from blinking because everytime I closed my eyes I saw the way he looked at me and the way he called me 'beautiful' and the way I loved how his hands felt on my skin.
Someone wash my brain out with bleach.
~~~
Scaramouche POV:
How am I supposed to face anyone after that mortifying catastrophe?
I can't believe I did something like that. She didn't seem as bothered as I thought she would be but maybe that's because she knew I wasn't in my right mind. She was right of course but... It didn't take away from the fact that somewhere in the back of my mind, I was always curious about her. That curiosity is what led me to resorting to 'hating' her because I couldn't afford any silly distractions.
I could never understand what drew me to her, what made me want to know her. It all began when she first arrived and swept everyone away with her music. At first, I believed everyone was exaggerating and all the praise she gained was underserved. Then I saw her play in the garden for the first time. It annoyed me that they were all right. Her music was like breathing air, it kept you alive. It strengthened you to keep going.
Soon, my intrigue would get the better of me and I would find my eyes straying to her. Because of that, I often noticed the little traits that made her herself. I hated the way I found them entertaining and adorable because she was just a girl who could play the lyre. That's what she made everyone believe of course. And then she brought everyone's perception of her to dust after revealing her misdeeds. For six long years, I tried to resent her for wrapping everyone around her finger. I tried to dislike her for all the ways she made mistakes and was obviously full of flaws. For a while, it worked but you can only lie to yourself for so long.
She tried to smile at me when we walked past one another. She would catch me staring and question me with her eyes but would let it go almost immediately. When she played in the maze, I felt like I was seeing the real her. She glowed underneath the moonlight and sometimes she accompanied her music with singing. It was rare but I found myself mentally agreeing with Columbina when she excitedly rambled about how ethereal Y/N sounded those nights.
I tried to kill her more than once. Even now, I am constantly consumed with guilt about it. I thought if I killed her my fascination with her would die along with her. Both times, I let out my anger on her because she took up too much space in my head. It certainly didn't justify my actions but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. If I let her in, if I talked to her like my equal and allowed her to see me, I knew she would embrace it. She would smile that pretty smile and welcome the real side of me that wanted her to like me.
That was the real reason for all the arguing. My intention wasn't to hurt her, I just needed to push her away and set a solid boundary that she won't want to cross. She has already attempted to get to know me and I naively allowed it. I told her about myself, I honestly admitted thoughts I never imagined I would share out loud. She didn't pity me or make me regret it. Her reaction was to respond with her own honesty and it only made me more interested in her. Suddenly, I wanted to tell her everything.
The way she has put in an effort to gain my trust, to talk to me and understand me. All of that was only worsening the situation. Because right now, my mind was in shambles. I couldn't think straight. I slumped down onto a log and held my face in my hands, trying to cool my hot cheeks. Rubbing my eyes, I tried to erase the memory.
Because, I remember everything. And I mean everything.
The way Y/N's lips parted slightly at my touch, the way she gripped my arm tighter whenever I did something she obviously liked but would never admit out loud. Make it stop. I can't see these things anymore. I mean, it wasn't even really me. That was the result of the flower, it had nothing to do with me.
'Kunikizushi, snap the fuck out of it.'
I swallowed. My hand covered my swollen lips as the sound of her saying my name intruded my thoughts. It was beautiful. Even the first time she'd said it, I felt it in my stomach. The weird fluttery feeling when she spoke my real name.
My thoughts spiralled out of control after that. I think I secretly let them. She hadn't followed me and so I let myself recall the memories for the last time before I shut them away completely.
Her averted pleasure filled gaze, the lips she bit when she didn't want to show how much she was enjoying it, the warmth of her body. What would it be like to kiss her when she wasn't holding back?
My fingers touched my lips subconsciously. I still felt the lingering feeling of her hands in my hair. God, she's so infuriating. Why did she let it go so far? Why did she seem so unbothered by it? Did she really mean it when she said that she would have been the same with anyone else who could touch her? Tell me why it disappoints me so much to remember those words.
~~~
Y/N's POV:
I was still sitting on the floor with crossed legs, picking at the grass when Scaramouche came back. He looked to be in better shape, with sharper features and a straight posture. Glancing up at him, I couldn't stop the flash of the memories appearing in my face. I hoped it wasn't visible that I was still thinking about earlier. Scaramouche was a professional at concealing his thoughts and emotions. From his expression, I couldn't infer a single thing.
"What happened earlier was... Strange to say the least. I want to make it clear that I was obviously highly affected by the toxin and anything I did to you was against my will. I still owe you an apology. I forced myself onto you and it was probably not a nice experience. For that, I'm... Sorry," Scaramouche forced out.
I couldn't hide my surprise at the genuinity of his words. An apology was certainly unanticipated, especially from him. He looked a little embarrassed and ashamed however, I was still struggling to compute the fact that he came here of his own volition and chose to admit his wrong doings. How do I tell him that it was more than just a nice experience? Get a grip, Y/N. Don't even think about taking a liking to him.
I'm afraid to say that I think we are past that point already. The way butterflies fluttered in my stomach at the way his eyes sometimes strayed to my lips often crossed my mind. Not to mention the fact that he is willing to compromise and can actually be decent company if you don't piss him off. Also, he looks gorgeous when he smiles. I found myself hoping he would smile at me like that whilst in his normal nature. It was a long shot because I can hardly get him to call me by my name, let alone smile at me.
I've had crushes before. Usually, they were shallow and unimportant crushes of attractive people I met in my journeys across Teyvat. I always made sure to never let myself think about them too much because they could never happen. When I found myself thinking about them too much, I would move onto my next destination to protect my heart. But now...
No. Don't think about it. It can't and won't happen.
"Um, thank you? I appreciate the apology," I nodded solemnly.
"Good. Because you likely won't get another one. Let's go," he deadpanned as he motioned with his head for me to get up.
Thinking he might have changed and being disappointed was none other than my own fault. The apology was probably the most sincere thing I could ever get out of him. I suppose I didn't mind really. If he kept doing things that were noble and admirable then I might find myself falling for him. And we can't let that happen now can we?
As we walked in an awkward silence, we kept our eyes peeled for any watchful eyes or Fatui squads searching the area. Luckily, we went about uninterrupted and soon we exited the suffocating airs of the jungle. Stepping out of the trees, Scaramouche and I came face to face with the entrance to Port Ormos. A place I hadn't had the pleasure of visiting for many centuries now. After graduating, I joined a circus in Fontaine for a while and never felt the need to return to Sumeru despite its beautiful landscapes.
"Personally, I don't think those Eremites will give you any valuable information. Many in these areas are infamous for scamming clients," I commented as we stuck to the shadows and kept our eyes peeled for Fatui.
"I'm aware of that. I know what I'm doing. All you need to do is lie low and wait for me to finish. Can you do that?" he asked, pointedly narrowing his eyes at me.
"Yes, sire. You can count on me." I added an enthusiastic salute to which he grimaced.
"Somehow, I prefer it when you call me names. Just stay behind me. We'll try and find a disguise for you as we go through the market," he said.
The sun had begun to set now. The water at the port was visible from here and I couldn't stop myself from gorging on the orange that dyed the sea. You would think after living for so long that sights like these get boring. On the contrary, you forget so much along the way and you go through so much that sometimes you can't stop to look around you. That's why I always like to appreciate what I know won't last forever.
"Isn't it pretty? Sunsets are beautiful no matter where you are," I commented without thinking. I smiled over at Scaramouche, not realising that the man I was talking to hardly liked anything.
Strangely enough, he had already been watching me. His expression was indifferent but his eyes were soft and gentle. I felt myself grow nervous with hot cheeks and cleared my throat before proceeding to walk past him.
Let's just get this over and done with.