Park Jimin
I squint my eyes as sunlight shines right onto my face.
I move around a little. My bed feels a bit harder than usual. What the?
My eyes then shoot open once I remember.
I look around the room and notice Jungkook isn't here. I almost forgot that I'm in his place.
I lay back with a loud sigh as I stare up at the ceiling.
I got rejected last night.
But, our kiss. Our very last one.
Kookie kissed back! And there's no way, he didn't feel anything.
I want to feel happy about it, but It's hard because at the very end of it...I was still left here all alone.
I pout as I sit up and look around.
Is he home?
I get up and start looking for him. Searching the living room, kitchen, and his bedroom door was open, but with no Kookie inside.
"Jungkook?" I call out. I start to grow really nervous.
I'm nervous to face him. Extremely, but I'm just trying my best to keep my cool. He knows my secret, I was bold last night and I can't go back now. Why sulk over what's done?
Although, I will be sulking once he rejects me, again.
I look out a window above the kitchen sink, and I see Jungkook grabbing luggages off his car. My hands get sweaty just at the sight of him.
He didn't unpack last night?
I step outside feeling anxious, but I have to speak to him at some point.
"K-Kookie."
He looks at me. He doesn't look angry or sad, so that's a good thing.
He looks, fine?
"Oh, hi. Are you feeling okay?"
I'm quiet a little before I respond.
How is he acting so, normal? I mean, he's actually less smiley but I nearly fainted just by saying his name a few seconds ago.
"I am now," I say with a smile.
Only because I'm seeing him.
He sighs as he looks down, "Uh, I think we should talk."
And, there it is. The pit in my stomach. The same one filled with sadness, and embarrassment.
Can I handle another rejection? Just hearing him say he can't return the feelings again, would be awful.
But I need an answer.
"Just say it," I say bluntly.
He narrows his eyebrows.
"Huh?"
I sigh as I feel my knees go weak.
"S-Should I keep trying? Or do I give up on you, Jungkook?"
Jungkook sets the luggages down and walks a few steps closer, but we're still far away.
"What?" He asks.
I frown.
"You, heard me..." I'm trying to sound confident, but I just can't. Not when it comes to him.
"I- Give up on me? Jimin, I still want your friendship, I want you around-"
"So it's settled then. We're just friends."
My heart hurts, my head hurts...I suddenly feel sick.
"Jiminie-"
"Yup! That's me! Little Jiminie, right?!"
I'm being sarcastic.
Jungkook stares at me looking, confused. Sad, even. But how can he be sad? I'm giving him what he wants.
He sighs and rubs the back of his neck.
"Right..." He says.
I let out a dry laugh as I try not to start crying right here.
So, this is it. He wants nothing more. How can I be so stupid? Of course he doesn't want me.
I'm an annoying little boy.
"J-Jin is on his way to get me..."
Don't cry Jimin. Do not, look weaker than you already do.
"Jimin, I can take you home-"
"No need!"
I inhale deeply. I need to get a grip.
I step inside the house and dash to the bathroom.
Once in, I lock the door and throw myself on the floor. I hug myself as I rest my back against the wall. I'm crying. Crying harder than I have in years.
"I-I can't do this," I say through sobs.
He's making me go crazy, making my emotions all over the place. But he isn't even doing anything wrong. I can't force someone to be with me or to like me but God, it's hurts!
It hurts like hell.
But at least now, him and I both know
for sure, the truth without ever wondering...
He now knows I'm hopelessly in love with him.
I clench my chest as I feel my heart throb.
And I now know, officially...that Jungkook will never be mine.
. . .
I feel bad for lying to Jin all weekend. He was constantly asking me if I was okay, and I'd brush it off with an,
I'm fine.
But, how can I tell him that I'm severely upset because "Your best friend Jungkook rejected me, your baby brother?"
Exactly, I can't!
Surprisingly, though, he left it alone, even after I said I am simply just exhausted. But, that part was true. I was exhausted, and I still am.
All weekend I didn't text or call anyone, I just slept instead. I didn't feel good emotionally nor physically.
He hasn't texted either. I've got a feeling he's probably weirded out now that he's had time to think about everything, so even if I didn't just want to distance myself for the sake of my feelings, he probably views me terribly now.
I sigh heavily as I finish washing my face and drying it. I need to hurry. Soobin and Yeonjun are on their way to get me. Yeah, I woke up really late today.
I look at my tired face and messy hair in the mirror with the strongest feeling of disgust I've ever, felt.
I look terrible.
I feel, terrible.
The thought of Jungkook, and the recognition of my sadness caused a tear to fall down my face.
Dang it, I'm already starting the day off with tears. I wipe my face as I rush to put on an outfit.
Black sweater, ripped black jeans, no makeup, and black converse. I roll my eyes at my outfit as I run downstairs.
I know I'm sad, but I didn't have to look it too! The all black was just a coincidence! I'm in a hurry.
I wave gently at my parents after they tell me good morning, and I grab a water bottle from the fridge.
"Jungkook on his way?" My mom asks.
I gulp at the sound of his name. I need to get myself together, and soon.
"I don't know, he didn't text. I'm getting a ride from my friends," I say quietly with a shrug.
I try my best to ignore the confusion of my moms face. She wants to ask, but I really don't want to answer so I hope and pray she doesn't.
Cutting me off my thoughts, my phone dings. I check it and my heart starts beating faster in nervousness.
How ironic, it's Jungkook.
Kookie 💙🫶🏻
"Can I take you to school today?"
I swallow hard. I can't be around him, and I definitely can't show him that I already miss him so much, and it's only been a weekend.
"Don't bother."
That's all I respond with. I read a text from Soobin saying he's here.
"Okay, bye guys, love you."
I kiss them both on their cheek before walking out of the house. My mom frowned at my loss of enthusiasm, but I can't force myself to feel better.
Don't you think I've already tried? I'm trying to let it go, but I seriously just, can't.
I get into the car in silence and buckle my seatbelt.
"Hey," Yeonjun says, "something wrong?"
"Yeah...wait, I meant no. No, I'm good."
I'm a terrible liar.
"Jimin, you looked like you were about to cry after Yeonjun asked," Soobin speaks up.
I sigh as I glance at the two of them back and forth, giving me sincere sad eyes.
Why lie to them?
I play with my fingers as I awkwardly look down at my lap.
"Jungkook...rejected me..."
I sigh at my quiet voice crack.
Yeounjun and Soobin look at each other before looking back at me.
"Im not even sorry for you, Jimin...Im sorry for him. His loss, baby."
Yeonjun holds my hand causing me to look into his eyes.
"You confused to him? Or did he find out?"
"I-I confessed."
"Im, surprised," Soobin says, catching our attention.
"When you were drunk he was so cold to me, and he looked at me as if he wanted me dead. Looked scarier than my mom."
"Woah," Yeonjun whispers.
And, woah indeed. Soobin's mother is actually quite terrifying.
"I know!" Soobin says with his arms in the air.
I sigh and sit back into my seat with a frown on my face.
"So, have you spoken to him since the confession, and...rejection?" Yeonjun asks.
I shake my head quickly.
"No, I can't. I have to be away from him. Not because I'm angry at him, no. I can't be upset at him for not feeling the same, he can't control that. I just need to get over these feelings. Even though, I know deep down that they won't go anywhere..I have to try."
The two sigh.
"Well, even though he probably hates me, I know he at at least cares about you, even if he isn't in love with you...I mean, even though he was holding you in a protective way I've never seen between just friends-"
"Soobin!" Yeonjun says while shaking his head.
"Sorry! Okay, Jimin, I'm just saying.."
I roll my eyes. "Jungkook is just the over protective big brother type. Trust me," I say.
"Fine, if you say so. But just know, whatever you need, we'll both be here," he says as he holds Yeonjun's hand. "And I know Jungkook is usually your ride everyday, but we can pick you up from now on if you don't want to see him."
I instantly sit up, and smile for the first time since last Friday.
"R-Really?"
They smile softly.
"Of course," Soobin says.
"And besides, we'll get more time with our best friend," Yeonjun adds.
I look at them with pure thankfulness. They truly are so perfect.
"I really love you guys," I say.
They laugh.
"We love you too! Jungkook's loss!" Soobin exclaims.
"Yeah!" Yeonjun yells before turning up the radio. "Jimin is hot with or without Jungkook anyways!"
I giggle as I sit back into the seat. I love being around them, and I feel like they can really help me grow, move on, and feel better about myself over time.
Because there's no promises I'll be making any improvements right now.
I look out the window, and even though this is the best I've felt all weekend, I still feel the awful pit in my stomach and chest.
When will this heart break heal?
When do I start to feel better?
. . .
After the ending of the third period bell rings, I quickly gather my things and dash out of the room. I've never wanted to leave school so badly before. I'm exhausted, and I'm not in the right mindset to be around people.
I inhale deeply, then exhale as I walk down in the hall.
Just keep breathing Jimin.
I'm finally able to breathe, I've been thinking about Jungkook nonstop all morning. I couldn't focus on any of my assignments.
I shut my eyes lightly before exhaling again.
"Oh, hey, Jimin!"
I open my eyes and turn my head. Someone called out my name?
I look around and see Beomgyu waving at me across the hall. I smile. It's my first time seeing him in school.
We walk over to each other quickly, trying to push through the big crowd of students. I'm not in the mood for anymore human interaction, but I can't turn down sweet Beomgyu.
We embrace each other with a short hug and back away with smiles.
"Do you walk in this hallway everyday after 4th period?" He asks.
"I do! Do you?"
He chuckles and nods.
"I can't believe I haven't seen you. Where are you off to next?"
"Lunch, and you?"
"Lunch also!"
We smile as we happily walk together towards the cafeteria.
"Where's Taeyhun?" I ask out of curiosity.
Beomgyu smiles at the mention of his name.
"He has lunch with us. Do you want to sit at my table?"
I give a soft smile. I usually switch tables, talking to different people. I haven't made any solid friends during my lunch period, so this makes me feel good.
"I'd love to."
He guides me towards a round table with only a few other students sitting. Once they see me, they automatically smile and wave.
"This are my friends, Felix, Bang Chan, Hyunjin, andddd I.N," Beomgyu says as he points to each with their names.
"Hi, nice to meet you!" They all say.
I smile and wave gently. They are all so attractive and sweet, where did Beomgyu meet these people?
I shyly take a seat right next to him.
"Where's Taeyhun?" Felix, I believe, asks.
"He's on his way. He told me he'll be a little late because he's making up a test."
They nod their heads at Beomgyu and continue their conversations.
"Hyunjin and I.N are a couple, Felix and Bang Chan like each other but annoyingly haven't confessed yet," Beomgyu whispers in my ear.
I smile at the boys and examine Felix's flustered face, and Bang Chan's flirty movements. Yes, they definitely have something going on there.
I look at Beomgyu with a smile.
"How did you and Taeyhun get together?"
He smiles.
"Funny story. Taeyhun wasn't always into boys," he starts as he opens up a bag of chips. "We met freshman year. He was always so quiet, and I've always thought he was so cute. Everyday I'd talk to him, ask him questions, bring him snacks. I really didn't have any friends, so I decided to try to be friends with him."
"But, he didn't talk," I mention, making Beomgyu laugh.
"I know! I don't know, I guess I either just wanted to be annoying, or, really just crushed on him hard. He was cute!"
I giggle and cover my mouth.
"Anyways. He started to warm up a bit, I knew he didn't hate me even though it seemed as if he did sometimes. After a few months, I started to court him and flirt. Calling him cutie, babe, and so on."
I raise my eyebrows.
"Bold!" I say.
He smiles. "Oh, I know. It made him so flustered, he was shy, and he'd always tell me he's never met anyone as shameless as me. But, as time went by he became less awkward, and as I made more friends I introduced him to all of them. He really came out of his shell, and became so much more affectionate towards me."
I lean on my hand and examine his excited face. This story is so sweet.
"One night, he came over and told me how thankful he is for me coming into his life. My heart obviously went insane, because at this point, I was already deeply in love with him. He cupped my face and suddenly kissed me."
I gasp.
"I was shocked too! I asked why he did it, and he told me that he's been wanting to do that for a long time now. I asked him, what about the girls you've started hanging around, they're all over you? He laughed and kissed me again...saying, you really think I care about them when I have the most adorable boy, ever?"
I let out a loud awwww as I cup my face.
"That's so cute!" I exclaim.
Beomgyu nods with a pink face.
"I agree."
I sigh. "Did you ever think, while you were crushing on him, that you'll never have a chance?"
Beomgyu nods slowly. "Absolutely. He told me he was straight when we were getting to know each other. It sucked. There's so many beautiful girls here, and especially when he became more social. I was so happy for him, but seeing him being friendly with those girls...It killed me, Jimin."
I frown and nod in full understanding of his words.
"But, I guess I was wrong. The day after we kissed, he held my hand in the hallways, and honestly everywhere else. He told his friends after asking if I was comfortable with people knowing we're together, and duh, course I am. All the girls stopped being so touchy with him, and everyone respects us."
I smile.
I bet that's a great feeling. And it starts making me feel really bad. Why can't I have that with Jungkook? Why can't he just love me back?
I feel my face slowly fall, and Beomgyu catches onto it.
"Jimin," Beomgyu says softly. I look into his sincere looking eyes.
"You're a beautiful human. If Jungkook won't love you, someone else will. You won't hurt forever..but remember, self love is important too."
It's like he knew just what to say.
I smile and nod. I really have good friends, I wish met Beomgyu sooner.
Taeyhun suddenly approaches us, and kisses Beomgyu on his head.
"Hi love, I'm sorry I'm late. What did I miss?"
He takes a seat right next to Beomgyu, and all the males at the table start greeting him.
"Oh, hi Jimin! How are you? Finally seeing you at school," he says.
I smile. "I'm alright Taeyhun."
"I was just telling Jimin how we got together," Beomgyu says as he leans closer to Taeyhun's face.
Taeyhun smiles softly as he looks into Beomgyu's eyes. "You're telling him about the best decision I've ever made?" He caresses Beomgyu's face, and the whole table starts cheering them on, making me laugh.
"Jimin, what grade are you in?"
I look over at the boys, not really knowing who asked.
"I'm a senior."
"Cool, same as us. Well, except little Felix here..."
Felix frowns at Bang Chan's words.
"I'm a Junior! Leave me alone."
I giggle.
"Jimin, you're beautiful. Why haven't we seen you around before?" Felix asks.
I smile. How kind.
"I-I don't know. I wish I saw you all sooner," I respond.
The boys all smile and nod their heads.
"Tell is a little about yourself," I.N says. Or, I think that's his name? I'm bad with names sometimes.
"I'm not very interesting-"
"Don't be silly. Our friends are your friends. Now please, go on and on," Taeyhun says as he inter whines his fingers with Beomgyu's.
I look around at everyone smiling at me, waiting for me to speak, and I just smile.
How did I get so lucky to have met such kind people?
. . .
"Thank you guys, see you tomorrow!"
"See you Jiminie, we love you!"
I get out of Soobin's car and wave them goodbye as they drive off.
I stand for a few seconds, feeling my smile fade.
Being around people I love makes me feel better, but now I'm left here, where my thoughts are going to eat me alive.
I slowly walk inside, and start to breathe in and out deeply.
"Hi Jiminie!"
I jump a little, startled by the sudden call of my name.
I look up and see Jin on the couch smiling at me with the T.V. on. and I look to over to see, oh..
I gulp as I feel my hands grow sweaty.
Jungkook is sitting next to him, looking up at me awkwardly.
We hold eye contact for a few seconds.
I'm breathing so heavily I'm sure I look terrified, as Jungkook just looks sad.
Why is he here? Didn't I weird him out? And, how did Jin get to my house before me?
I quickly look down.
"Want to watch a movie with us?" Jin asks.
The last thing I want is to sit in an awkward silence with Jungkook.
"I-I uh, better get homework done, actually."
I quickly walk away as I hear Jin respond with a quiet, "oh, okay."
I hurry to my room and shut the door.
I feel my eyes start to water.
How can Jungkook act so normal? It's like he doesn't even care, as I'm over here going insane.
I shut my eyes as I walk over to my bed, and just slip into the covers, not undressing at all.
"He rejected you, get over. Of course he doesn't care, he isn't the one who's hurt," I whisper to myself.
I hear Jungkook laugh, and right after that I can't hold back tears that start to stream down my face.
God, he really seems perfectly fine.
I close my eyes and lay on my side, staring at the door.
Get over it, get over him.
Get over it, Jimin...get over him.
. . .
I hear loud footsteps, and my eyes start to flutter open. I move around a little, feeling a little sweaty. Was I having a bad dream or something?
Suddenly, my door opens, and I really don't feel like talking to Jin or my parents right now, so I quickly start fake sleeping.
The door closes again, and I peak one open just to see who it is, and my heart almost jumps out of my chest.
It's Jungkook?
He slowly faces me and I shut my eye.
Pretend to sleep, maybe he'll go away. You have to be distant, remember?
"J-Jimin?"
My heart jumps at his voice calling my name. I've missed it so much, and it's only been three days since Ive last heard it.
But, I realize he didn't even call me, Jiminie. Just Jimin today, Jungkook?
I hear him sigh heavily as he walks over to me and sits near on the bed, right near my stomach.
It's silent for a few seconds, before I feel his hand suddenly start to caress my face.
"God, you are so pretty, Park Jimin."
My heart, my heart, my heart. It's fluttering like crazy.
"Oh," he suddenly moves his hand.
"Okay, I did not come in here to be creepy or weird, trust me.."
I don't mind weird if it includes you being sweet...
"I just, wanted to talk, but I guess I'll have to wait. You look so peaceful sleeping..."
I hold back a frown. Maybe I should wake up and just talk?
Gosh, no Jimin! Be strong.
You're only going to make it worse for yourself.
I feel Jungkook chuckle as he slowly takes my shoes off. I was so upset I didn't even do that.
"Who sleeps with shoes on Jimin?"
He's even gentle when removing shoes?
I hold back a smile.
"Okay, sleep well, Jimin. I'm saying Jimin because you hate being called Jiminie, I could tell..."
That's true.
"I'll be here tomorrow morning to pick you up."
He slowly stands up, and takes even longer to open the door.
"I-I know you're asleep, but. There's so much I want to say, I really just don't know exactly what it is...It makes no sense."
It doesn't, but I'd love to sit and hear nonsense, but I have to stay away.
"Okay...I'll be here tomorrow..."
Once I hear the door shut, I slowly open my eyes.
I frown.
"But I won't be..."