1941 words (this one is a bit crappy imo but hope you like it<3) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sakura would never consider why she paid so much attention to you, or why she committed so many details about you to memory (she knew, on some level of course she knew), but she could say that she had admired your smile before. In the time you'd been working together in the student council, she had appreciated the way your eyes lit up when you teased or played around, the way your lips turned up and the sound of your laugh (it was an unspoken fact within her mind that the feeling of warmth the memories brought was irrelevant).
There was more, too. Sakura had seen your expression grim with a dark and serious look whenever you gambled, sharp whenever gambling or thinking hard about something. She'd seen you soft, worried, upset, and caring. Although Sakura couldn't (didn't dare) recall the exact reason for her specific attention, in the short amount of time that she had known you, she'd seen and could remember you in so many different ways; Your eyebrows knit in concern, your lips pursed in concentration, your eyes glowing scarlet whenever excitement was in the air, your nose scrunched ever so sweetly in embarrassment.
But, Sakura had never seen your cheeks lose their rosy color or your bottom lip tremble. She had never seen your eyes wide and glassy in panic, or shiny as tears began to form, even when the stakes were deathly high, your posture remained confident and firm.
It wasn't that you were weak, or that you weren't fit for this gambling madness oh no (although Sakura realized as the both of you came to a safe spot on top of one of the buildings rooftop that she truly believed you deserved better). The problem was that the Academy was cruel, and you weren't like her, nor like any other pupil.
Of course Sakura wanted better for herself, and had learned to be better. Aoi and some of the members of the student council had taught her how much more there was in the world, to strive for something other than the gambling madness and arranged marriage. But, at the end of the day, she still knew the reality of people like who she once was, people like her family.
Maybe you knew that, too, at least in theory. After all, you held out better against the cheaters you'd both been told to take down than the other members of the student council had. You had been able to stifle your reaction to the lies and cheating as you saw the gamble to completion. Now that it was over, though, Sakura saw the toll it had taken upon you.
For some reason, it upset her more than it should have.
For some reason, Sakura didn't want to see you in a position of pain and suffering.
For some reason, she very badly wanted to protect you from it all.
All the madness and chaos this academy has brought upon you.
You'd forced a teeny break once the two of you were in the safety of the empty hallway, heading back to the student council meeting room where Kirari was surely waiting for you both.
All night and day you had done what needed to be done, but Sakura could easily see that your strength was cracking. Your composure was finally lost.
Her mouth opened in a sense of disbelief, willing words into existence that could help soothe your pain (did any such words exist?), but before she could, you threw yourself against her. Years of Runa's surprise hugs ensured that Sakura's first instinct wasn't to push you away for what she might have otherwise seen as an attack, but the action still stunned her beyond belief, making him stiff with shock as his mind processed the embrace. Never would she have thought to see you be so affected by all the stress. How this gambling madness has created such a toll on you.
Then it clicked, and for a fleeting second, Sakura felt the vague and protective impulse to tease you for so boldly throwing yourself against her, or at least make a light hearted, snarky remark. She didn't, though. Those words faded away as easily as the lip service of comfort she had intended to provide.
Maybe you needed this.
Sakura's arms raised to wrap around you, pulling you closer.
Maybe she wanted this.
Maybe she really wanted this.
Your face nuzzled against her chest, your tears soaking into the fabric of her blazer. That action, that sensation, cast away any and all self control.
Maybe she needed this.
Oh god, maybe she really needed this.
For reasons Sakura didn't dare name, she could remember you in hundreds of ways, picture your voice and face and mannerisms with crisp clarity, but those were only two pieces of the puzzle, two senses that she had to recall you with.
Maybe she wanted more.
Maybe she wanted it all.
More than the occasional graze of your hand against hers, of the slight and casual friendly gestures you sometimes offered. Now she could really feel you, feel that you were warm, you were so impossibly warm. Sakura hadn't thought of herself as being particularly cold until you touched her, but she knew that if you were to pull away now she would freeze to the bone. This was a kind of warmth not even Aoi could give her.
She could feel how solid and real you were in her arms, how comforting of a weight you were against her. Until you laid your head against her chest, your arms slowly slithering around her waist, Sakura had been sure of her comfort as she composed herself from the stress of the situation and considered how to help you. Despite that, if your soothing warm embrace was gone, she was sure that the loss would make her ache and most defiantly crave.
Sakura could feel the tickle of your soft hair on her chin, the desperate grab of your hands against her back, softly grasping onto her blazer. She could feel the shape of your body against hers, how perfectly you fit against him and the softness of your chest and waist, tucked so neatly to her with her hands carefully placed at the reasonable spot of your middle back.
More. Maybe, subconsciously, she wanted more than the occasional whiff of your hair or skin when she happened to be too close by. Almost without thinking, Sakura pressed her nose to your head, inhaling the scent of your hair. It was nothing more than an impulse (or so she could tell herself), but not one that she took any effort in denying. She wanted to smell you, to have that piece of the puzzle slotted away in her mind, to solve that delicious curiosity.
You smelled sweet, ever so sweet. The delicious combination of your shampoo and the natural warm scent of your scalp with the darker base of your sweat filled her mind, overwhelming and intoxicating. Uniquely you, soft and comforting, feeding the ignored taboo that memorized your expressions and mannerisms, that held the very thought of you to the forefront of many of her thoughts.
And still Sakura wanted more. Some greedy part of her mind wanted to touch you properly and to know and memorize the scent of your skin, to explore these curiosities fully, to protect you from the Academy.
But then you sniffed, a reminder of your tears and turmoil, of the reason you had sought her embrace at all, and Sakura felt a violent rush of regret and self loathing for those perverted thoughts.
The reason you were crying at all was because of gamblers like her, rather, who she was so used to being (but what kind of gambler such as herself would have felt the things she just had?). Would you still seek solace in her arms knowing that? Would you still need her then?
Would you still show such vulnerability if you knew her thoughts? Would you even ever feel safe around her if you knew just a glimpse of her thoughts?
No. No You wouldn't.
"Is this...okay?" you finally asked, your voice small, quiet and unsure, halting Sakura from forcing herself to pull away from your fragile body. She knew your voice to a pitch perfect degree, and now it was weaker than she'd ever heard it, worsening the guilt and intensifying her ache to protect you. "I'm so sorry, I-" You let out a hitching breath, nuzzling against her chest again in a seemingly unconscious expression of stress.
It wasn't that you were weak. Oh no.
"No," Sakura responded, her voice coming out gruffer than intended, making you tense up. She cleared her throat before you could pull away from her, rubbing your back without thinking. "I... I don't mind at all Y/N"
But you still needed her, in this moment, you needed Sakura.
"I didn't think it'd be so hard, but the look in their eyes..." you said quietly, "You can't reason with them, it's like they're... Monsters." You let out a heavy and shuddering breath, then your arms dropped.
Sakura let you go, allowing you to step away and leave her cold. It ached. Although your eyes were red and swollen, you looked far more composed now.
Then you smiled.
It was another new one for her collection, something brittle and brave. Beautiful, strong, heart-breakingly....irresistible.
"Let's get back then, I'm ready for this all to be over, Kirari must be waiting for us after all." you stated with more confidence, almost an attempt at your natural playful tone.
The words hit Sakura hard. You were ready for this all to be over. To bid her goodbye, to move on.
"And, ah... I'm... Sorry about that," you added sheepishly before turning away, "You're a good hugger, though. Thank you Sakura." The smile you wore turned genuine, the look you gave her enough to make Sakura feel her cheeks heat up, her chest fluttering strangely.
"Don't mention it," she replied with a forced casualness, hating the flush of emotion your words sent through her. Then you turned away, taking all the irresistible warmth with you. Quick on your heels came the burn of embarrassment and a harsh pang of disappointment. Sakura stood in her tracks for a moment, shook her head to clear it, her hands raising to readjust the tail she kept her hair in as she slowly began to follow.
You wanted-
Sakura knew it wasn't weakness you suffered from, it was vulnerability and your bright smile, it was the fact that you were far too good for the Academy you'd involved yourself in. You wanted this to be over because the horrors of the Academy had worn you out, but you'd seek it out all over again the moment you got paid.
You needed-
Sakura knew you weren't entirely naïve. You were too trusting and hopeful. You miscalculated the danger of the Academy in your belief of the good. You needed to be protected from that.
She wanted-
Sakura knew she could protect you and keep you safe if she stuck by your side, perhaps she could even teach you enough that you wouldn't need to be protected by her anymore. You were scared of the monsters that roamed the academy constantly, but she was far more dangerous and cunning than any of them. And she wanted to protect you.
She needed-
Soft and warm in his arms, Sakura could still feel the phantom feeling of your arms around her waist, the comforting weight of your body pressed against hers.
She needed-
If she breathed deeply she could ignore the smell of the city air and recall the sweet scent of your hair, the natural musk of your sweat mixed with the fragrance of your shampoo.
She needed-
More.
Absolutely everything.
She needed-
She wanted-
She craved-
You.