The honourable Thogswallot Golfindelatata, alighted upon his judicial bench. He did so with flourish, dignity, and a small amount of theatrics. His rotund form dwarfing the heavy wooden podium, he banged has gavel for silence, then adjusted his wig. With the rabble called to order, murmuring halted, cans of Polopsi-Cola hidden from view, the trial was ready to begin.
The equally... impressive... court convener said, "All be seated!"
He then turned to the Honourable Golfindelatata and announced, "Case number 506-7522980 is now convened for your Lordship."
Magistrate Golfindelatata peered over his reading glasses at the papers before him. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a slightly linted Molyak Berry flavoured candy, and plopped it in his mouth, "This is the humanesh deviant case? The deviant found out in Merkleisana's Forest?"
"In truth, your worship, this is the one."
The court convener rubbed his fat hands together as he scanned his own briefing papers. He looked up at the man sitting behind the Alleviation Protestors table. Well, if you could call him a man. He looked like one, but, he was... different. He wasn't their kind.
"Adjudicators? Are you ready to hear arguments?" The judge looked at the four men and two women in the adjudication pews. It was the only official place you would find a woman in this misogynistic society. They all nodded solemnly, straightening their jackets, their blouses, their wigs. Adjudication duty was an honour, a privilege, amongst the Tillans. They were brightly dressed, though not that bright in their minds; the adjudicators, were prepared for a short trial. These humanesh things were always quick to the gallows, but oddly entertaining. Since their race had begun travelling into outer space, they had encountered many races that required adjudication. For the good of the universe, you understand. The judge looked at the male faces of their patriarchal society, sitting in the audience gallery.
With the adjudicators ready, the court convener raised one hand, palm up, towards the court Protestors. They stood up, straightening their gowns, wigs, and cravats.
"Protestor Callabriataanishta, ready to present arguments for the Condemnation."
"Protestor Khuewtyifillasgin, ready to present arguments for the Alleviation."
"Proceed," rumbled the judge, his fat tongue sliding around the slick, sweet candy in his mouth.
"If it pleases your honour," began Callabriataanishta, Protestor for the Condemnation, "I will recount this horrific's of this case. While on a sojourn during rest-day, our complainants did take a walk through the private lands of Merkleisana's Forest. They did so, I will point out, with the permission and blessing of Lord Merkleisana himself." He turned and nodded to the unsmiling Lord Merkleisana, sitting in the audience.
There was a chorus of ooh's and awe's in the audience, quickly shushing themselves so he could continue, "On that walk, they found an unauthorized landing site for a spacecraft of a species as of yet, not encountered."
Marcus fidgeted in his seat, the stink of his own body rising from his spacesuit, which he had not been out of in ten days. He looked around, brushing his sweat-greased brown hair off his tanned forehead, squinting his black eyes. They all looked human, grotesquely obese humans, but humans none the less. It had taken a few days for his Hispanic temper to stop railing at the captivity imposed on him. He had finally given in to his first-contact training and tried negotiating. All he got was laughs of derision; finger pointing; and tasteless, sloppy, maggoty food. His small exploration craft had an engine failure as he entered this planet's system. It crashed on this inviting looking planet, inviting looking from space; then his troubles really began. The rotund screeching children that saw him emerge had soon summoned rotund men with shovels, pitchforks, and one large, ugly looking, blunderbuss. He looked around at all the obese people, not one of them under 300 pounds. He sighed to himself. This was not what he had signed up for when the joined the Earth Exploratory Force. He wished now that he had taken a job on one of the ice miners, safely trolling through the Kuiper belt.
"As you can see, M'Lud," the Protestor for the Condemnation continued, "This... thing... may indeed look like us, but it is not like us." He smiled at the Protestor for the Alleviation, adjusting his wig defiantly as he did so.
"M'Lud, I must protest," interjected the Protestor for the Alleviation, "My learned colleague has referred to the constrained before you as an 'it'. I can assure you that it is not an 'it', rather," the Protestor looked over his shoulder, distastefully sneering at Marcus, "I can assure you that it is a 'he', I believe."
It was the added snicker by both Protestors that really infuriated Marcus. He had had enough, he jumped to his feet, "Your Lordship! I am not an 'it', I am a 'human', just like you!" He knew it was a hollow argument, but he had to start somewhere.
The court reacted with horror. The massive body of the Judge leaned forward, bench creaking under him, "How dare you compare yourself to the good peoples of Tillan! You insignificant, ugly, scrawny, deviant! You insult us with your scrawny presence, and then you add deeper insult by comparing us to the humanesh of the galaxy! Our colony may not be one of the big mainland cities, but we are, I assure you, not a stupid backwater full of hillbilly's and rednecks! Here, we know what is what, and we know that you are wrong in many ways! Now sit down and be quiet."
Humanesh? Wondered Marcus, what the hell is he on about? "Your honour, I mean no disrespect to the court, to your people of your planet, or to your august presence. I have done nothing wrong, I had no time to do anything wrong, all I did was come to be amongst your people. It's not a choice I made, it simply is what it is. I am who I am, I am what I am, and I am here now, among you."
The Protestor for the Alleviation backhanded Marcus, sending him sprawling to the floor, the laughter of the court filling his ears.
"I'm sorry M'Lud, I don't believe my... client... understands the journey we have made to enlightenment on our world. How could he? This deviant may be humanesh, but it is not a Tillan. I admit it is not a Tantaloid, Lectoid, or an Arachnoid, but that is really irrelevant. I just argue," he peered at Marcus who just lay there listening, still too stunned to stand, "that the court grant some latitude while it... err... while he becomes accustomed to our judicial system."
The judge was nodding as he spoke, "Yes Protestor Khuewtyifillasgin, I agree that it is humanesh and not one of those other sentient forms of life, however, I will concede no more to that... thing."
Marcus was now standing, he looked at his Protestor and made a movement indicating he would like to speak. His Protestor shook his head. However, Protestor for the Condemnation saw this as well. He had a bright idea. Give the deviant enough rope, and it would hang itself.
"M'Lud, if it pleases the court, the humanesh is indicating, appropriately, that it would like to address the court. Perhaps I could beg the indulgence of your honour, to allow the humanesh deviant to speak on its own... " he snickered, "on its own behalf."
The judge considered this for a moment, stroking his ample chin judiciously, "Alright Protestor Callabriataanishta, but you," he pointed at the Protestor for the Alleviation, "keep a tight rein on what this thing has to say for itself."
"M'Lud," Marcus' defense Protestor bowed with a flourish. He then whispered a few instructions in Marcus' ear and then stepped back.
Marcus stepped up to the podium of the Alleviation council and cleared his throat, "M'Lud, Adjudicators, Protestors," he turned to look at the spectators, Lord Merkleisana was smiling at him, "Gentlemen of the gallery." Marcus turned back towards the judge, "M'Lud, I do not admit to being a deviant. I do admit, to being different. Just as each us in this courtroom is the same, we are also, all different."
"Some more different than others," he heard a voice sniggering behind him, which he ignored.
"I stand before you today, accused of no crime. I have not stolen, assaulted, murdered, or done damage. All I have done is simply come into your lives, differently. We all have beating hearts, we all breath air, we all sleep at night, we all love our families, we all love our children, we all enjoy good food, we all contribute to our own societies. I am an explorer. I am simply one who has explored places that not many other people are willing to go. I have faced fears and challenges, that most of you would be incapable of facing. "
A chorus of derision rose from the audience: Scrawny! Deviant! Spaceman! Freak! Go home! Die! To the gallows!
The judge banged his gavel with one hand, holding up a halting hand to Marcus. Marcus bit his lip, trying to figure out what to say next.
"Young... man..." began the judge, "No one has accused you of any of those things that you said. You are accused, of deviancy. You are accused, of being different from what is right and normal. We Tillans, are right and normal. You, whatever you are, wherever you come from, are not right and normal. Therefore, you must be eliminated. It is the only way we can keep the world, the universe, safe for good and normal people like us."
"But your honour," protested Marcus, "allow me to fix my ship and be on my way. I'll bother you no more and make sure my people bother you no more as well."
"Your people won't be a bother, we will deal with any future visitors as we deal with you. By keeping our society purified of deviants."
"But surely your honour," Marcus was desperate, visions of a tight noose and short drop filling the back of his mind, "there must be some tolerance in your hearts, some compassion for those who are different? Do you not have a God? Do you not have tolerance? Is there no Golden Rule on your world? What about those in your society that are different, what about those that aren't quite like everyone else?"
"SILENCE!" roared the Judge, "How dare you insult us by implying one of our great people's might not be normal? Of course we are all normal; of course we are all the same; if anyone of us -- if any single one of us were to be -- like you -- our whole society would collapse into the chaos and uproar of tolerance!"
Almost everyone was on their feet, fists were pumping, voices yelling, chairs rattling, wigs being adjusted, everyone wanted a hanging. They were all yelling for the gallows, they were all yelling for the deviant, for the one that was different, to be put to death.
"M'Lud!" Yelled the Protestor of the Condemnation. He had to yell a few times over the din. The judge started banging his gavel. He kept banging until the noise died down and all the men returned to their seats.
"M'Lud," continued Callabriataanishta, "I see no sense in prolonging this infuriating nonsense. That thing is nothing like us. It has no rights. It does not deserve to live, certainly not in a decent society like ours." He looked at his counterpart, "Alleviator? Do you have anything to add in defense of this deviant?"
The Alleviator was distracted by a note handed to him, he glanced up at the Condemner and said, "No... nothing to add.... but...."
"But what?" asked the Judge, not happy.
"Your honour, if it pleases the court, the founder and builder of our colony, the esteemed Lord Merkleisana has asked to address the court in this matter."
No one said a thing. The great Lord Merkleisana was behind every stick of building, every grain of food, every cobblestone of road, every needle and bandage in the hospital. Lord Merkleisana had never, ever, spoken in public. In fact, no one remembered the revered Lord ever speaking to anyone, except through intermediaries. Their entire colony was built on the exploration, work, and finances of Lord Merkleisana. The judge rumbled some respectful noises and waved to the audience gallery, for the Lord to come forward. Lord Merkleisana did so, slowly, looking at all the smiling faces, faces smiling because of how much they loved him, how much of their entire lives they owed him.
Lord Merkleisana stopped at the front of the court. He stood looking at the Adjudicators, the Protestors, and the audience. The Lord then glanced at the Judge, nodding with thanks. He then turned back to the assembled, hushed, waiting faces. Lord Merklesiana reached up slowly and pulled off his wig. Instead of a bald head, like every other person in the room had under their wigs, long tresses of golden blond hair fell to the Lord's shoulders. There were gasps.
The Lord then slowly undid his jacket, reached inside, fiddled with something, then opened his jacket fully. Pillows and rope fell to the floor. The Lord was not an obese man of Tillan, he was skinny, skinny in a way that had never been seen on their planet. Gasps, whisperings, and murmurs now filled the air. The room was in motion without going anywhere. The members of the court were speechless.
Finally, the Lord, now looking not like he had looked a few minutes before, reached up and ripped open his dress shirt, revealing two large breasts. The Lord who wasn't a Lord spoke, for the first time in public, with a melodic and sweet voice, "Consider how I have bettered your lives. Consider all the things that I have done for you that you have never known about. Consider how I have loved you and prospered you, these last twenty-five years. Perhaps it is time to consider what is truly .... deviant. Those who are different ... or those who leech off of others differences, for their own sense of justness."
She turned and smiled at Marcus, closing her coat over her nakedness, "There will be no gallows today, deviant."