Story #6: Adjudication

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The honourable Thogswallot Golfindelatata, alighted upon his judicial bench. He did so with flourish, dignity, and a small amount of theatrics. His rotund form dwarfing the heavy wooden podium, he banged has gavel for silence, then adjusted his wig. With the rabble called to order, murmuring halted, cans of Polopsi-Cola hidden from view, the trial was ready to begin.

The equally... impressive... court convener said, "All be seated!"

He then turned to the Honourable Golfindelatata and announced, "Case number 506-7522980 is now convened for your Lordship."

Magistrate Golfindelatata peered over his reading glasses at the papers before him. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a slightly linted Molyak Berry flavoured candy, and plopped it in his mouth, "This is the humanesh deviant case? The deviant found out in Merkleisana's Forest?"

"In truth, your worship, this is the one."

The court convener rubbed his fat hands together as he scanned his own briefing papers. He looked up at the man sitting behind the Alleviation Protestors table. Well, if you could call him a man. He looked like one, but, he was... different. He wasn't their kind.

"Adjudicators? Are you ready to hear arguments?" The judge looked at the four men and two women in the adjudication pews. It was the only official place you would find a woman in this misogynistic society. They all nodded solemnly, straightening their jackets, their blouses, their wigs. Adjudication duty was an honour, a privilege, amongst the Tillans. They were brightly dressed, though not that bright in their minds; the adjudicators, were prepared for a short trial. These humanesh things were always quick to the gallows, but oddly entertaining. Since their race had begun travelling into outer space, they had encountered many races that required adjudication. For the good of the universe, you understand. The judge looked at the male faces of their patriarchal society, sitting in the audience gallery.

With the adjudicators ready, the court convener raised one hand, palm up, towards the court Protestors. They stood up, straightening their gowns, wigs, and cravats.

"Protestor Callabriataanishta, ready to present arguments for the Condemnation."

"Protestor Khuewtyifillasgin, ready to present arguments for the Alleviation."

"Proceed," rumbled the judge, his fat tongue sliding around the slick, sweet candy in his mouth.

"If it pleases your honour," began Callabriataanishta, Protestor for the Condemnation, "I will recount this horrific's of this case. While on a sojourn during rest-day, our complainants did take a walk through the private lands of Merkleisana's Forest. They did so, I will point out, with the permission and blessing of Lord Merkleisana himself." He turned and nodded to the unsmiling Lord Merkleisana, sitting in the audience.

There was a chorus of ooh's and awe's in the audience, quickly shushing themselves so he could continue, "On that walk, they found an unauthorized landing site for a spacecraft of a species as of yet, not encountered."

Marcus fidgeted in his seat, the stink of his own body rising from his spacesuit, which he had not been out of in ten days. He looked around, brushing his sweat-greased brown hair off his tanned forehead, squinting his black eyes. They all looked human, grotesquely obese humans, but humans none the less. It had taken a few days for his Hispanic temper to stop railing at the captivity imposed on him. He had finally given in to his first-contact training and tried negotiating. All he got was laughs of derision; finger pointing; and tasteless, sloppy, maggoty food. His small exploration craft had an engine failure as he entered this planet's system. It crashed on this inviting looking planet, inviting looking from space; then his troubles really began. The rotund screeching children that saw him emerge had soon summoned rotund men with shovels, pitchforks, and one large, ugly looking, blunderbuss. He looked around at all the obese people, not one of them under 300 pounds. He sighed to himself. This was not what he had signed up for when the joined the Earth Exploratory Force. He wished now that he had taken a job on one of the ice miners, safely trolling through the Kuiper belt.

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