While it seems like a lifetime ago, there was a time when I didn't care about reaching Class A. These class battles, these people. I just wanted to enjoy a school life where I was normal and where I could be carefree. Where I didn't have to play games with people, where I didn't have to be cruel and lie.
Politics is an ugly arena, trust only gains value when there's a chance for betrayal. This school is a cesspool of betrayal. There are times when I look around this place and wish I was anywhere but here. I don't enjoy the competition or the cutthroat nature of things but I understand that it is a necessary part of life.
That's the big difference between Ryuen and I. We have similarities but it's the differences that make us fundamentally different people.
Looking around at the faces of my Classmates though, I can't help but feel a little bit of excitement. Not for myself, if we reach Class C with this result or not is irrelevant to me. I could care less if we remain as Class D for the next three years. They do though, Eiichiro does. Horikita wants to get to Class A more than anything. It's for that reason, I'm hopeful that the results are fortuitous.
I feel like a walking paradox. My life has never been in my own hands, all of my decisions have always been made for me. Even now as we sit and wait for the results of the Zodiac Special Test, this result wasn't by my own decisions. I was forced into acting, make no mistake. As much as Arisu is a meddlesome pain, she's my family. Even if she were the one to put herself in danger, I couldn't let anything happen to her and so I acted.
I likened Class D to a baby elephant who had been chained at birth to a tree stump. How they no longer had the fight or desire to pull at the stump to fight for their freedom. In a lot of ways, I am the same. While I continue to fight for my own sanctuary of normalcy, it seems like the ever growing pile of scrutiny continues to climb steadily.
There's an upside to this situation. If we're back in the fold and Class D doesn't give up, perhaps I can return to the middle of the pack. Perhaps they won't be so desperate to look for a savior, believe in themselves and each other and I can once again fade into being a background character.
The procedure is delicate, there's very little margin for error but if there's one thing that I have to have it's belief in myself. I need to trust in my abilities and my knowledge. Acknowledge the fact that there are ways, both dirty and honest, that I can finesse my way out of this situation.
At least until Arisu decides she's had enough of leaving me to my own devices once again.
Sometimes I like to just think to myself. Just compartmentalize different things, analyze my actions and thoughts to see what I can self diagnose. It's because there are times where I wonder to myself if I'm even my own person.
When I look at my personality and my actions, I've come to realize that I'm an amalgamation of the people that I've been closest to. There is nothing entirely unique about me, I've taken pieces of the people around me and made it a part of the persona that is Ayanokouji Kiyotaka.
There's the ruthless part of Arisu, where nothing matters but the goal. There's the protective side of my father, where family means everything. The carefree side of Tsubasa, where living in the moment is important. The loyal side to Eiichiro, where the happiness of those he loves brings him joy.
It's part of the reason that I'm so whimsical, these traits don't always mesh together well. Like fitting a square peg in a round hole, it only works when the peg is smaller.
So what am I? Who am I? What makes me Ayanokouji Kiyotaka when every aspect of my personality is borrowed from someone else?
These thoughts have been plaguing me since this exam started, I've begun to wonder whether or not this is all just a farce. Whether this is the mask and that lifeless husk is what I truly am. Whether I'm doing as Eiichiro is doing right now, faking it until I make it. Hoping that I can become a good person and not whatever the White Room has turned me into.
"Hello Ayanokouji-kun," Hirata greeted me with a small smile as he took a seat next to me.
The others continued to talk amongst themselves, all nervously biting at their fingernails. The moment of truth was approaching but it was as though time had slowed to a crawl at the mounting suspense.
"Hi. Where's Karuizawa?" I asked curiously.
He hesitated before looking around cautiously and leaning forward with his voice low.
"The ankle's still healing. She's really mad at the moment, at both of us."
"Why you?"
"I told her she should apologize, she's really angry that I'm not taking her side. She won't tell me why she's mad at you but I think she's angrier at you then she is at me if I'm being honest. She won't tell me why though."
"I see,"
"I saw your tie in her room. Is there something I should know?"
"I don't cheat, Hirata. You can relax, I'm not trying to move in on your girlfriend. I promise,"
Hirata looked at me strangely but didn't say anything else. It confused me, it was as though the thought had never crossed his mind and he was asking a different question.
It's odd, if I had found another guys tie in Honami's room, I'd be livid. I'd try to find out who it belonged to and I'd beat an answer out of them. Hirata had no such reaction, he even asked me as an afterthought. It was strange for reasons I couldn't quite put my finger on.
We were interrupted by Kushida, Matsushita and Wang who all arrived together. Mii-chan looked quite worried, chewing on her fingernails while Matsushita and Kushida both looked completely relaxed and worry free. On seeing Hirata, she blushed slightly before shyly greeting him.
"Hello, Hirata-kun. Ayanokouji-kun."
There was an awkward chorus of greetings between us before there was an awkward lull of silence and each of them eyed the other seats available awkwardly.
"We may as well all wait together. Come on Matsushita, come sit here." I smiled, moving to the other side of the three seater bench and patting the spot between Hirata and I.
She blushed and put her hair behind her ear before nodding meekly and taking a seat. Kushida had a blank look on her face but sat on the other couch next to Mii-chan.
I'm actually fairly well acquainted with Mii-chan, the girl insisted I call her that. While others used BUDDY in their own way, it would appear Mii-chan was quite the entrepreneurial one. Everyone either looked for tasks to be done or looked for part time jobs. Mii-chan on the other hand, made an abundance of Chinese dishes that weren't available on campus, froze them and sold them to others as pre-packed meals.
She was a fantastic cook, her dumplings were heavenly. Six in a box, fry them or boil them and you had a pillow of shrimp and bamboo filled goodness that warmed you all the way down to your toes. I was a frequent customer, her skills in the kitchen were well known to be almost legendary.
"I've been going crazy for so long without any of your cooking, I can't wait to get off this rust bucket and restock my fridge.
"Thank you, Ayanokouji-kun." Mii-chan said meekly, playing with her hands. "I'll make sure I give you the first batch."
"You buy from her too?" Hirata asked in surprise.
"Of course, the best food at the school. You'd be crazy not to."
"She really is a great cook, she'd be a great wife someday. Wouldn't you say so, Hirata-kun?" Kushida smiled happily, looping her arm with Mii-chan.
"Kushida-chan! Stop it..."
"I definitely think she will but I haven't been able to try it. I've been budgeting my points but I've heard from others that it's delicious." Hirata smiled kindly.
"I'll be happy to make some for you, you don't have to pay!" She said quickly before dejectedly adding. "I'll make some for Karuizawa too, if you like."
"I couldn't take advantage of you like that..."
"No! Really, it's fine, I don't mind. I want to."
"I'm sure you won't have to budget points anymore after we get the results," Matsushita offered confidently.
"I don't know, we took a huge risk. I trust Ayanokouji-kun but after finding out that he got the names from Sakayanagi-san," Hirata said uncomfortably.
"I'm not. I'm sure that the names are correct." Matsushita said with the same confidence.
Hirata gave a bit of a strained smile but didn't fight back as the occupants all started to talk amongst themselves. Matsushita stayed quiet and subconsciously she started to lean against me. It wasn't much, not like she was lying on my shoulder. Her arm was resting against mine as both of us were leaning back on the sofa, both with our feet up on the coffee table in front of us.
"Thank you, Ayanokouji-kun," Matsushita said quietly, trying not to be overheard.
"No, thank you. I'm really proud of you, you stood up to someone like Ryuen. You were trying to pull me away from him and you kept quiet at the restaurant. I'm really lucky to have you."
At the words 'kept quiet', Matsushita strangely looked uncomfortable. She suddenly rearranged herself to distance herself from me very slightly before clearing her throat.
"I'm sure you had a reason for saying what you said."
"I'm still happy you didn't say anything,"
"Stop saying that," Matsushita whispered. I could barely hear her.
"Stop saying what?"
"Nothing, don't worry about it," Matsushita said with more strength, waving her hand dismissively. "It was really intense that day, Matsuo-kun was really something. He had everyone agree to split the points and got us to submit the names. He didn't need to convince me though, I practically wrestled his phone out of his hand to get the name of my VIP."
"I can't imagine that," I said with a cuckle.
The mental image of this rather cowardly girl clawing at Eiichiro to get his phone seemed rather unbelievable. In my mind, I saw what I thought was a reenactment of how it happened. Curiously, chibi versions.
"What? You think I couldn't do it?" Matsushita scoffed.
"I didn't say that," I laughed, patting her on the hand that was resting on her knee.
It was only two pats, but Matsushita stared at her own hand that was resting on her knee as if in a trance. Perhaps I went a little too far with the gesture.
Not long after, our seats and coffee table were circled with the rest of Class D who were standing around and chatting amongst themselves. I oddly felt closed in and when I looked up, I noticed that all of my quick exits were blocked off by a wall of students. I looked up at Satou who looked down at me with a grin.
"Just in case you try to run,"
"I'm fast,"
"We have the numbers advantage. If we're wrong, I'll beat your ass."
I couldn't help but snort. Like that's going to happen.
"Are you confident that the names are right?" Yukimura asked with worry.
It wasn't the usual pompous tone that I heard from him so rather than ignore him like I usually did, I nodded while thoughtfully looking at the light above us.
"My sister's a genius, I'm positive the names are correct."
"I still can't believe that she would betray her class though," Miyake chimed in with a frown.
"My sister loves me more than anything."
We didn't have to wait much longer before the emails came through but none of them moved to take their phone from their pockets. I didn't want to be the one who looked first so I waited with the rest of them. I was patient, there was no reason to rush to check. The results were set, all that remained was to see what they were.
Unable to handle the suspense anymore, Horikita huffed angrily before taking out her phone and checking the results. The rest watched her warily, all with baited breath as her eyes went wide and she choked in shock.
"No... impossible. I d-don't believe it..."
"What!?" Shinohara yelled with a cracked voice, the suspense was too much for her too.
Horikita's hand was shaking, reading over the results again and again as though she couldn't believe her eyes. The rest weren't able to take it anymore, all collectively pulling out their phones to check. Eiichiro hadn't moved, he just watched everything unfolding and drank in every detail.
He hadn't spoken even once the entire time.
Realizing that now I would be able to check my phone and remain inconspicuous, I took out my own and checked, wanting to see what Ryuen had decided.
Rat: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Cow: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Tiger: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Rabbit: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Dragon: Outcome #4 The traitor answered incorrectly
Snake: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Horse: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Sheep: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Monkey: Outcome #4 The traitor answered incorrectly
Rooster: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Dog: Outcome #3 The traitor answered correctly
Pig: Outcome #4 The traitor answered incorrectly
Based on those results, the increase or decrease in class and private points are as follows. "CL" and "PR" are used to denote "Class Points" and "Private Points" respectively.
Class A: Minus 150 CL
Class B: Minus 150 CL
Class C: Minus 300 CL
Class D: Plus 600 CL; Plus 6 Million PR
Current Standings:
Class A - 854
Class B - 651
Class D - 600
Class C - 442
"... I don't believe it." Satou breathed quietly.
"We won."
"We swept everyone... We're Class C."
There were other bewildered gasps of shock before they all started to excitedly chat amongst themselves, hugging each other in pure elation. I continued to sit there and watch, enjoying as their excitement and happiness reached heights that I'd never seen before. They were reinvigorated, they were inspired. They had hope.
If my plans fall through and I was no longer able to stay in the shadows, at the very least, seeing them happy would be worth it. I was surprised when suddenly Matsushita turned in her seat on the couch and she jumped up and tackled me in a hug. There was no armrest next to me and I fell off the side onto the floor in surprise.
We landed with a thud, Matsushita straddling me and her face close to mine. Her hands holding her body up on either side of my head. The others were too distracted with their own happy celebrations that they hadn't noticed. When Matsushita started to inch forward, I turned my face away before gently pushing her back.
I felt sorry for her, she was caught up in the moment. I wasn't blind. I knew she had feelings for me and I'd hoped that they'd started to wane but it seemed like that wasn't the case.
As if she came to her senses, she hurriedly got back to her feet before holding a hand out to me to help me up as well. As I got to my feet, Matsushita's eyes were averted. Bowing with an apology, she moved next to Mii-chan who was jumping up and down happily, wrapping her in a hug.
Seeing everyone like this... it was nice. It was a beautiful contrast.
I remember the days like it was yesterday, when Chabashira-sensei went nuclear and broke everyone down. When Sudo was suspended. When they found out that we would be starting with less starting points at the beginning of the Island Special Test. When they realized we had lost. When they were broken.
It was like watching a dying man clawing through the desert and stumbling on the oasis right before the moment of death. Where he had become so dehydrated that he immerses himself, drinks in the moisture through his pores and becomes reinvigorated. The night is darkest before the dawn and for them, the dawn is now.
Horikita was one of the people who looked most elated but wasn't joining in on the celebrations. Ever the loner, my friend was by herself watching the excitement on her own with the smallest of smiles. Not wanting her to be alone, I moved beside her before wrapping her in a one armed hug while smiling fondly at the group.
"You're a liar, Ayanokouji-kun."
I didn't let the shock show on my face as I rubbed her shoulder absentmindedly and continued to watch our celebrating class.
"I am still in this school because you saved me. I won't pry if you want to keep it a secret so I'll only ask you once. Will you tell me how you did it?"
I looked down at her as she turned to look up at me. Rather than come clean, I did as I always do. I lied with a smile.
"Did what?"
Horikita rolled her eyes but the smile didn't leave her lips as we continued to stand in our own solitude away from the group. Even Eiichiro allowed himself some small bit of satisfaction as the others pulled him into the celebration they were having together.
"Bastard, I hate you." Horikita said without feeling.
"Got your compass?"
"I wish I did, now more than ever."
It wasn't long after that everyone insisted that we all go to the buffet together. I hate the buffet, there was always too many people but before I could go Horikita grabbed onto my sleeve to stop my escape. The smile did not leave her face, this time however it said 'if I'm going to suffer being in a crowd, you're coming with me'.
When we got there, everyone separated into their own cliques, excitedly chatting amongst themselves. Unlike when Class C had won on the island though, I was pleasantly surprised to see that none of them were gloating about their win to the other classes.
Perhaps it was because they felt like they hadn't really done anything, perhaps it was because they didn't want to sell Arisu out and were trying to keep their promise. Perhaps we had spent so much time at the bottom that they felt humbled. Perhaps they were concerned that the decision could be overturned and it was all a cruel prank.
All that I did know was that the moment we entered the buffet as a rambunctious group, we were met with curious and calculating stares from the other classes. Class A wouldn't take their eyes off me, not caring about the other members of Class D. Class B seemed to be eyeing me as well, just not as curiously as Class A. Class C on the other hand, was glaring at me with so much intensity that anyone else would feel uncomfortable.
"Too crowded, I'm going somewhere else," I said while turning quickly to make a hasty escape. Before I could get far, Horikita grabbed onto the collar of my shirt and I comically halted with an abrupt stop before I could be choked.
My humiliation reached new levels as Horikita dragged me to a table before shoving me in the seat next to Eiichiro. Before I could say anything, she turned and walked towards the serving area to fill a plate for herself.
We sat in awkward silence, Hirata was the only other occupant of the table but he was getting food himself. The rest of the table was empty, Eiichiro sitting there as a human placeholder to let others know that the table was taken. He sat quietly, not saying anything while picking invisible lint off the table cloth and pretending like he was busy.
I was getting tired of this tantrum that he was throwing, we're supposed to be best friends.
"Are you going to stop this or not? How was I supposed to know that they'd spring a special test on us?"
Eiichiro stopped pretending to be preoccupied and turned to me. He cautiously regarded me before asking me point blank.
"How did you manage to make Ryuen submit the wrong names?"
I never wanted this for him. After careful consideration I came to realize that one of the reasons why I kept procrastinating was because I wanted to preserve this part of him. The oblivious and carefree side to him that looks at the world with a positive outlook. I didn't want him to become like Arisu and I.
"Eiichiro," I started carefully. "There are times when a leader needs to trust the people under them to achieve a goal. Where the ends justifies the means, no matter the cost.
"There are times when a leader can't know how or why something happened. They allow others to dirty their hands with the blood of their enemies so that theirs can remain clean. Can you trust me? Can you trust my judgment that however I achieved this goal, that you're better off not knowing?"
I could see him hesitating, as though he didn't want to just let this go. Curiosity was a powerful emotion, something that Ryuen had just learnt himself. Knowing this, I had to distract him. I'd need to change the subject and hope that he'd forget about what was at the forefront of his mind.
"I just want my friend back," I admitted quietly. "People are learning my secret, more and more everyday. I don't have a lot of time left, I'm fighting to prolong it as long as possible. It won't be long until everyone in the school learns of that place."
"Who knows?" Eiichiro asked in alarm.
I couldn't help but smirk, Eiichiro was not amused.
"Not like that you idiot! You- Enough with your jokes! Who the hell knows?"
It was like putting lipstick on a pig. Eiichiro could comb his hair, fix his uniform and try to be the picture of composure all he wanted but throw a wrench into the gears and he reverted back to his panicky self. I was grateful for it. It felt like... normal.
"Matsushita," I started quietly, trying to calm him down. "Koenji and Kushida."
"Not the worst people who could know." Eiichiro frowned in concern.
Oh this sweet naive child.
"This is bad, Kiyotaka. Now that you've done this, people are going to get suspicious. What are you going to do now?"
"Let me worry about that," I said calmly. "I have it covered, you don't have to worry about anything. Just relax, enjoy this. You played a bigger role than you realized, you did a fantastic job. In fact, I have a present for you. I did a lot of shopping, there are a lot of books for you to go over.
"You read those and I'll do whatever I want while you're studying. You can ask me anything you want and I'll help. I promised you that I'd teach you everything I can and I will. If you don't want to wait until we get back to school, you can download the books that I bought for you. I'll email you the download codes later."
"Okay," Eiichiro nodded with determination. "Thank you, Kiyotaka. I'll study as hard as I can. There's things I need to do though, I want to warn you, I won't have as much time to hang out with you as we'd like. When we get back to school, I need to help Sudo."
"Sudo?" I repeated in surprise.
"He's not as bad as people think he is, he just has a temper. I helped him study for the midterms, he's just a little misunderstood. I think he's had a bit of a tough upbringing, he just needs someone to help him."
If there was anyone who could do that, I was looking at him. He had the patience of a buddhist monk, look at what I've been putting him through. It would be a monumental task but it was challenges like this that made a true leader. Leaving no man behind and making sure to support those that needed it.
I nodded but said nothing else. My stomach rumbled, I was hungry. Eiichiro noticed and put his arm around me, patting me on the shoulder. Two people angry with me both successfully placated, I was setting records once again.
"Go get something, I'll hold your seat. Hirata shouldn't be too much longer."
Just as I was about to stand, a steaming plate filled to the brim of my favorites was being placed in front of me and I looked up to see a smiling Honami. Like a genie that appeared and gave me exactly what I wanted right when I needed it.
"Marry me," I said gratefully to her before turning to my plate.
The plate dropped with a thud on its side, spilling rice onto the table. I quickly grabbed a napkin trying to salvage the food but to no avail. Wondering what the hell that was about, I looked up at Honami again only to see her completely red faced. Eiichiro wasn't much better as Mako slid into the seat next to him with a grin plastered on her face.
"At the rate those two are going, we should expect babies before we hit the end of our second year," Mako joked.
"I'm really sorry, but that seat is taken." Eiichiro frowned at Mako.
"It's fine, I'll move when they get back." Mako waved off dismissively before smiling mischievously at Honami. "Besides, I have to reboot my friend. You alright there, Ayanokouji-chan?"
The joke seemed to successfully 'reboot' Honami as Mako had put it as she suddenly shook her head as if to clear it. Sitting down with a huff, she crossed her arms and pouted, glaring at me.
"Why did you say that? She's going to call me that forever now,"
"What did I say?"
"Moron..." Eiichiro muttered.
It was at that moment that Hirata came back with his food. Hirata looked at Mako who was sitting in his chair before moving his eyes back to Eiichiro who was looking at him pleadingly. Hirata just smiled apologetically before taking one of the other chairs that none of the previous occupants had taken.
I was mildly impressed with Hirata, perhaps I misjudged him. Early on in the year I prayed for this poor soul, the one who had girls constantly tugging at him, always seeming to beg with his eyes for someone to save him. I thought it was kindness that made him act that way, sacrificing himself so that the rest of us could get away ourselves, a divine being. A pure soul.
Turns out Hirata really is mortal, capable of sacrificing someone else for his own safety. Oh how the tables have turned, Eiichiro's position as our very single leader was about to get him more attention than ever, especially with his newfound interest in maintaining his appearance and the fact that we'd had such a decisive win.
"We should get some food too, come on Matsuo-kun." Mako said before dragging him away from the table.
He looked at me pleadingly but I didn't notice. I didn't see it. I was focused on the food in front of me. I definitely didn't see anything.
"You should watch her," Honami started nonchalantly as she picked up a set of chopsticks on the table.
Apparently this plate was for the both of us. I started picking at the food myself, eating while watching Mako and Eiichiro from the corner of my eye.
"Why? He's fine, he can handle himself."
"She's determined to figure out what you're hiding, I had to sit through an inquisition. Mako-chan is very charismatic and quite persuasive."
"He'll be fine."
We continued to eat, mostly in silence. Horikita came back to the table and sat next to Hirata without a word, the two of them eventually striking up a conversation. It was nice to see, Horikita was slowly opening up to people of her own volition. I wanted to think that perhaps I had something to do with her being a little more social but it was probably more likely Hirata's doing.
Not too much longer after that, Eiichiro and Mako had returned. The two of them ate while Mako tried in vain to strike up a conversation with him. He looked incredibly uncomfortable, Eiichiro wasn't used to having random female attention.
"Hey, hey Matsuo-kun. Why are you so standoffish? Our best friends are dating, shouldn't we try to get to know each other? We're bound to spend more time together."
"Kiyotaka and I don't exactly spend a lot of time together though," Eiichiro said uncomfortably.
"Eh? Isn't that strange? Aren't you two childhood friends and stuff?"
"It's not strange. We just have different priorities at the moment."
"Oh, I guess you must be pretty busy with leading the class and everything," Mako said with interest.
"Yeah... I suppose you could say that," Eiichiro said while eying her suspiciously.
"Mako-chan, he's trying to eat. Don't be rude..." Honami tried to defend him.
"Eh? I'm eating too, it's just dinner table talk. Matsuo-kun doesn't mind, do you Matsuo-kun?"
Eiichiro looked at me for some kind of guidance with what to do with this ball of energy. I had to admit, I was thoroughly enjoying Mako's inquisition. It also told me a lot about her.
This girl was dangerous, much like me she didn't get embarrassed. I could see why Honami was such good friends with her, the very definition of a social butterfly.
"No... it's fine. I don't mind." Eiichiro said warily.
"See! He doesn't mind. We're going to be best buds," Mako grinned while putting her arm over his shoulders.
It was a little awkward for her, she was quite a bit smaller than Eiichiro who was fairly lanky. Somehow she managed to pull it off though.
"Where does she get all this energy from?" I asked Honami.
"Tell me, Matsuo-kun. Honami-chan never tells me any of the juicy details. Maybe Ayanokouji-kun told you something, anything interesting to share? Any juicy stories?"
Eiichiro turned to us with a grin. It seemed the question brought something to mind, a way to pay me back. I didn't like that grin, not one bit.
"Well actually there is. One day I went into Kiyotaka's room to ask him about something and when I opened the door she was i-"
"AHHH!!" Honami screamed, getting to her feet and throwing herself over my lap to cover his mouth. "I think that's enough dinner table talk."
The movement hit my shrimp that I just finished peeling onto the floor. Poor shrimp-kun. His death was in vain, I was going to savor his deliciousness. Now he's wasted, dirty on the floor. Three seconds had already passed, it was too late for him.
"I should have let you eat elsewhere," Horikita scoffed as she continued to eat.
"It's kind of fun, we haven't had a dinner like this in a while." Hirata smiled.
"I've never had a dinner like this, exactly how I like it."
It continued like this for a while. Eating, laughing, joking. While Horikita was pretending like all of this was beneath her, she did chime in to conversations from time to time.
Slowly but surely, Eiichiro's trademark grin was back and he was matching Mako's energy. Both of them seemed to joke back and forth about the most inane things.
Eiichiro almost exclusively hung around the guys in class. Almost as though he were betraying Tsubasa by being friendly with other girls. It was misguided but at the same time I could understand it to a degree. Any girls who developed feelings for him would have their hearts crushed, he only had eyes for Tsubasa.
Honami and I went to go and get some more food, leaving the two to themselves. It came with more bickering, over something that I thought was completely illogical but to Honami made perfect sense.
"Why can't you just get what you want to eat? We're at a buffet. You can take whatever you want."
"No, we have to get a variety so we can try each other's food. Taste everything."
"Okay so get your plate, get everything you want to try and eat it? Why do you have to pilfer stuff from my plate?"
"Because I want to," Honami said with a nod, as though that were the answer to all of life's questions.
I gave up again, this seemed to be a recurring theme with us. Honami would whine, I would push back and then I would just give up because it was just less effort to let her have her way. I could feel all the looks, staring at me from different angles and critiquing me curiously. More interruptions seemed to be in the cards as Ryuen stood in our path as we were just about to move to the next display.
"Well, would you look at that; Beauty and the Beast."
He looked furiously at me, angry beyond belief. It was understandable, I was fully aware of every detail of what I did.
It's not like I become a different person or an amnesiac, it's more like a state of mind. I'm fully aware of everything that transpires while roaming that White Abyss, I simply lock everything away while fulfilling a goal. Now that I had all of my senses, I could understand his anger; I could empathize. Even if I didn't have any sympathy for his position.
"This isn't over. I just wanted you to know that it wasn't me who submitted the wrong names. It was Ishizaki, I'll deal with him soon. If you think that you have me beaten because of what you did then you're mistaken. Now that I've found you. Now that you've revealed yourself for what you are, I won't stop. You're the one I've been looking for."
"What are you talking about?" Honami asked with suspicion, looking between Ryuen and I with apprehension.
"You haven't told her, have you?" Ryuen smirked in realization. "What's wrong, Vice President Ayanokouji? Are you afraid? Worried about what she'll think of you when she finds out what you did? I thought you said you weren't concerned."
"What is he talking about?" Honami repeated, now looking at me with all of her attention.
"Tell her, Ayanokouji. Tell her what you did to make us submit the wrong names. Go on, do it."
"Didn't you learn your lesson the last time you did this?" I asked in exasperation.
Ryuen just continued to smile confidently, looking at me challengingly while Honami continued to anxiously watch the interaction. She tried to hug my arm but I pushed her behind me, covering her with my own body. Honami was trying to be comforting, show support but she was naive. In a potential fight, I needed both arms and hands free.
His smile widened at what I'd done, tauntingly looking over my shoulder at Honami who glared up at him defiantly.
"Little Red Ridinghood can't tell a wolf when she sees one, can she? Or perhaps... that's what she likes and she doesn't even know it."
"Whatever you're trying to allude to, no one will believe you, Ryuen-kun. You should have thought about that when you stabbed us in the back on a technicality." Honami said firmly.
Ryuen just chuckled to himself as he turned to walk away, he achieved what he wanted to. He planted the seed, a virus that would spread unchecked unless addressed right away. This was his end goal, to make Honami question me without revealing anything himself. He wanted to see how I'd react and what I would do.
He seemed to have a short term memory, perhaps he needed to be reminded of the stakes.
"Now that I've found you, you're deluding yourself if you think that I'll allow you to slink back into the shadows like the snake that you are. Your peaceful life is over, Vice President Ayanokouji. I'll make sure of it. You and I, we're the same. You're just like me."
Once he turned and left, Honami didn't waste any time with putting down her plate and taking mine and putting it down. She dragged me by the hand out of the buffet hall before stopping in an empty hallway and turning to face me with her arms crossed.
"What did you do?"
"Don't ask me that, we agreed. That is that, this is this."
"Yes but- That..."
Honami struggled to find a counter argument before frowning in frustration. We already agreed, anything to do with special tests we'd keep separate. We wouldn't ask, we wouldn't let it come between us. It was fortunate that that agreement was made, I didn't think she'd be so accepting if she knew. Shiina Hiyori was her friend but even if she wasn't, she still wouldn't condone that I'd threatened an innocent physically and mentally.
I could see the gears turning in her head, she was at one point the leader of Class B. Despite what people may or may not think about her, she was capable. If she were still leading Class B she'd be formidable. If I taught her like I was planning to teach Eiichiro, Class B would be a frontrunner. It'd be a much tougher road, Honami was headstrong in her beliefs. It wouldn't be easy to convince her to throw away her morals.
Despite that, she wasn't stupid. She knew how to think outside the box.
"How about a trade then." Honami offered. "I'll tell you about the deal Class B had with Class C and you tell me what you did to make them submit the wrong names."
Interesting, appealing to my own curiosity in exchange. It was an opportunity on more than one front, I'd get a glance into the inner workings of Class B and get some valuable information that we were missing. It also served another purpose, if I could get Honami to give me information on Class B once, it'd be easier to get her to do it again.
"Okay." I agreed after some deliberation. "You first though."
Honami quickly looked around to see if we were alone before dragging me into the Private Pool. It was empty, curiously it was the exact same Private Pool that I had confronted Class A in. The motion sensors kicked in and the moment we entered, the lights were almost blinding as we sat on the edges of parallel sunbeds.
"Himeno sent us to scout for locations while she met with Ryuen. We agreed to share the costs of maintaining a base of operations. We also made an agreement not to submit each other's leaders names and work together to uncover the leaders for Class A and D. I was assigned to find Class D's leader while Class C would take Class A.
"Originally, we were only supposed to play host to Ryuen. He was going to spend his points and then send the rest of Class C to the ship to retire. On the second day he pivoted though, he met with someone and he changed his plans. Instead we all stayed together and it was my duty to find your leader and come back to reset the base.
"Ryuen gave us the points for maintaining the base but when I wasn't able to find the leader for Class D, he submitted my name. Since I wasn't able to find your leader to hold up our end, he was able to break the memorandum under us not fulfilling our end. He's within his rights to do it, Kanzaki already tried to invoke the penalty but Hoshinomiya-sensei told us that he hadn't violated the terms of the agreement based on how it was written." Honami explained.
"So you were trying to find our leaders from the start. You made out like you only did it after I challenged you that you wouldn't be able to find them." I said with a laugh.
"That wasn't part of the deal, I told you what I agreed to tell you now it's your turn. Don't try and get more information out of me then what we agreed on. I already gave you more than enough for the exchange, what did you do to make Ryuen submit the wrong names?" Honami said firmly.
It wasn't much but it was something. The details of the deal weren't as surprising as I was hoping, there really wasn't much there that I could use. There was one key detail that she had in there though, Ryuen was planning on a different zero point strategy but changed his plans when he met with someone.
It had to be someone from Class A, someone under Arisu's control.
Honami was starting to get impatient, tapping her foot expectantly as I went over the details she'd given me. The tapping was soon joined by a pout, then a glare. It was tempting to drag it out longer just to see how far it would go but I decided against it. We just made up after our first fight, I wasn't about to antagonize her again.
"Ryuen has suspicions that BUDDY is mine so I used that to my advantage. Based on how many points I imagine it was generating, I told him that if he didn't submit the wrong names then I would spend twenty million points per month expelling each of his classmates one by one."
The tapping stopped and suddenly the color drained from Honami's face. Her face changed from hurt to betrayed, she was probably friends with more than a few of them besides Shiina Hiyori. I knew it was one of the things that she was terrified of, losing her friends to random expulsions from the school.
"You did what?" Honami breathed in disbelief.
"It was an empty threat, I don't have the points to do that and it isn't possible. Ask Hoshinomiya-sensei, you can only overturn an expulsion. You can't induce one. I did it in front of others hoping that they'd take the bait and act rashly. I told them that you and Katsuragi were probably already trying to negotiate with Eiichiro and that if he made a deal before they submitted the wrong names, then I would go through with it."
"How could you do that?"
"Do what? It was an empty threat, it isn't possible. I can't get punished for it on that basis, there's nothing they can do about it. We played chicken and they looked away first."
"That doesn't make it right!"
"Oh grow up, Honami," I said in exasperation. "I already told you that I would lie, cheat and everything in between to win. This was nothing. It was an empty threat."
"That still does not make it right!" Honami shouted as she got to her feet. "There's a difference between misleading people, small infractions to get an edge and outright threatening people with expulsion, Kiyotaka!"
Before things could get out of hand, I stood as well and calmly put my hands on her upper arms. She slapped at them angrily at first but I persisted before rubbing my hands up and down soothingly while remaining calm. Eventually, the silence and calm nature of the private pool brought her back to equilibrium. The earlier frustration melted away.
She still looked at me annoyed but calmed down slowly and waited for me to explain myself.
"We just had our first fight and made up not long ago. Do you really want to do this now? What's done is done, I can't change what happened. You asked for an answer and I gave it to you."
I could see the turmoil but eventually her shoulders sagged. She didn't want to fight anymore either, the adrenaline from earlier dissipating as she looked at the floor. I knew the fight had left her, I hadn't lied. She asked for an answer and I gave her one. I told the truth. Not the complete truth but I told the truth.
So why did I feel guilty? Why did omitting details from my explanation to Honami feel like a betrayal?
There's a difference that I can't explain, when lying or manipulating Arisu it didn't feel like this. Perhaps it was because both of us were playing the game, Honami didn't want any part of it. It was as though I was taking advantage of the innocent, it didn't seem to feel right.
It doesn't change the fact that I would still do it. Winning is everything, sacrifices have to be made. Winners set aside their personal feelings to achieve the goal, losers cry about the fact that it wasn't fair. Hard choices needed to be made in this cutthroat environment and I was able to make those hard choices.
"I may not be able to lead Class B anymore, but I'm going to work as hard as I can to beat you. I'm going to beat you fairly. So that you can see that winning doesn't require you to do disgusting things like that ever again." Honami said with determination.
If this is what it took to drop this, I would accept it. Still, I'm a cocky bastard. I was arrogant. I'm self aware, I know it's one of my flaws but it's taken me this far and it's one of the only traits that I have that I know is solely mine and not borrowed from any of the people I'm closest with.
"You can try." I taunted her confidently.