Soraya's POV
"Willow, don't tell me you don't have my wardrobe memorised because when you bloody well want something, you can describe the shirt down the type of material," I stated over the phone as I stood in my underwear. Ashton was going to be picking me up in less than twenty minutes, and I still had no idea what to wear.
"You can't wear the jersey they gave you as a forgiveness present?"
"Will, are you kidding me? It's signed, I've already framed it. That thing is not going on my body," I replied in disbelief, almost panicking as the echo of my clock ticking hit me right in my anxiety.
"Okay, so, start with jeans. Whichever pair you grab first." I reached into the built in and ripped a pair of jeans out. "What colour are they?"
"Grey. Honestly, did you expect anything else?"
"You have a point, my sweet, colourful bird." Alrighty, sure thing honey, I'll let that one slide. I don't have time to argue. "Now, are you going grunge or something semi-formal?"
"I have no idea," I replied.
"How am I supposed to help you if you can't help yourself?" The redhead asked through the phone.
"I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, WILL!!" I shouted, looking through my shirts once again.
"Why do you care so much?" Will asked gently, which made me freeze in my room. Why did I care? "Do you like Ashton?"
"No..." I replied, ignoring as my face began heating up, and Willow could tell the denial wasn't as believable as it could be.
"Wear what you're comfortable in, don't worry about what Ashton thinks. He prefers your signature style, anyway. Remember your birthday party?" Willow stated, and it made one sentence flash through my mind.
Now that's my Ray.
"Yeah..."
"Don't overthink it. Just grab some clothes, put them on and get to the baseball game," Willow stated, which made me smile.
"You're right. Thanks," I said a little quietly as she fished for a band shirt and threw it on my bed next to the pair of jeans.
"You're welcome. Now go have fun." I didn't have time to reply as Willow hung up on me. I quickly got dressed and put a pair of Converse on before running down the stairs. Someone was knocking on the door.
"Two seconds!" I shouted, praying that it was and wasn't Ashton.
"You have one!" Ashton shouted back through the door, just before I opened it.
"Let's go to the baseball!" I shouted in excitement before Dave came into the lounge room. He looked at Ashton for a moment.
"Bring her back before ten," Dave stated simply.
"Since when did I have a curfew?" I asked in confusion. My adoptive father looked at me.
"Since now." He replied with a smirk. "Now go enjoy yourselves..." He looked at Ashton again. "... but not too much."
"Bye..." I trailed off, walking out the door slowly and closing it behind her. "That was weird." I whispered as we walked to Ashton's car. Dave had never been protective of me before. He knew I could take care of myself.
"Well, I would say I disagree with you but..." Ashton trailed off. "What makes him think we'll be that late, anyway?"
"I'm pretty sure he's implying something there, Ash," I replied. Ashton blinked as he processed what I had said. "You are following me, right?"
"Yeah, but why would he think that?"
"You have a reputation, in case you've forgotten, oh Player of Emeraldville High." I mockingly bowed before getting into the car.
"I'm not that bad..." He trailed off as he too got into the car, but one look of disbelief from me made him double back on his statement, "... anymore."
"I know. I don't know why, though." I replied genuinely, not really expecting a response from him on that point. It surprised me when I received one.
"All of us have been through a lot this year. It's put everything into perspective. I've looked back on everything I've done and... I guess I don't really like how I acted. I think I only want to be in a relationship now if I think it could last." He replied, glancing over at me before starting the car. I'm glad his focus wasn't on me. He might have seen the colour reaching my cheeks after he finished speaking.
"Thought you might tell me you needed to focus on your education." I joked, needing to change the tension that I felt in the air. In all honesty, I couldn't tell what the origin of the tension was. I just knew it was different, and it wasn't normal.
"Ha, I love your humour Sora." Ashton replied with a laugh, reversing out of the driveway. I let out a silent breath of relief.
"Yeah, that's me... the funny one." As I spoke, a sense of relief came over my body, the tension slowly easing. I couldn't stop my leg from bouncing. Maybe the tension wasn't eased as I thought.
"Are you okay? You're fidgeting a lot more than normal." He pointed out.
"I'm fine." I replied, staring at my jittering leg as if it would make it stop. Just for clarification... it did not make my leg stop.
"Am I supposed to believe that?"
"Please, yes."
***
"You know, I'm not going to gloat," I said as we walked out of the stadium, a massive smile on my face.
"Yeah, I don't believe that for a second."
"Good. Because, oh Lordy, did my Rays beat your precious little Redsox!" I shouted before he held onto my hand to stop me from absent-mindedly walking into someone. "Oh my goodness, I am so sorry-"
"Watch where you're walking." The man told me. I scoffed, about to snap back.
"Not worth it," Ashton spoke directly into my ear, over the chatter surrounding us.
"Yeah, okay," I replied, turning my head to look at him. Close. He was very close. His shoulder was brushing mine, his warmth seeping into my body through the contact. "Hi." I didn't really know what else to say. The proximity of his face to my face was already making my cheeks warm up.
Oh god. I like Ashton.
"Hi?" He questioned. "You realise we have been around each other for the better part of three hours, right?"
"Yep."
Oh god. I like Ashton.
"Hey, um, I didn't want to bring it up but you're acting really weird today..." He told me. I nodded. I had to think of a cover.
"Yeah, well, with everything going on, it's just nice to have a good day for once." Well, that was darker than intended. Oh shit. His face shifted back to worry. That's not what I wanted.
"Yeah, it is nice, I guess." He replied, a sweet smile on his face. Good. I didn't like it when he looked sad.
Oh, my fucking god. I'm an absolute sap.
"We should go back to the car and get out of here." I said, needing to break away from the nearness of his body to mine. Taking half a step back, I kept my eyes on his, smiling to make it seem like I was okay with moving away from him.
"Okay." He said, a disappointed look briefly coming across his features as he stepped away from me too. Was I supposed to pretend that it didn't hurt when he started walking back to the car without taking my hand? What was I supposed to do? I could tell him, I could tell him that I liked him... but then that would change everything. What if it doesn't work? Then I would have ruined a perfectly great friendship. What if he doesn't like me back and I make a fool of myself?
I followed his footsteps, keeping as close to him as I could without touching him, but still accidentally brushed arms with him as I avoided people in the crowd until we reached the car park. From there, I kept a distance between us, my arms crossed over my chest as we walked.
"You good?" Ashton asked. As I opened the passenger door, I nodded. "I just..." He trailed off. I climbed into his car and he got into the driver's seat before he looked at me.
"What?" I asked, my arms still crossed over my chest. He took a slow breath and shook his head.
"Nothing," he said, starting the engine before driving us out of the car park.
"Okay."
On the drive home, I played with my fingers. An uncomfortable and brutal silence filled the car. What had I done? This wasn't us. We bickered and argued and made fun of each other the entire way to the game and now...
My eyes wandered over to him, my thoughts speeding through every moment we had shared until this point. When did it change? Liking someone in this way didn't happen by flicking a switch. I might have realised it today, but it wasn't when it happened. Could I even pick a single moment? Or was it a culmination of it all?
Had people already noticed before me?
I mean, Willow seemed to know. Was it obvious? Wait, if she could tell how I felt about Ashton...
I pulled my phone up and pulled her contact up on my phone, typing faster than ever before.
Okay. I like Ashton. You were right. Now tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do about it.
I waited patiently, seeing the text bubble pop up to show she was typing her response. And then it disappeared. No. She cannot abandon me now. I was about to type a rudely worded text when the bubble came back again.
Tell him.
Wow, that was insightful, Will. I started typing a response, to ask about why she thought that was a safe thing to do when her text bubble came back again, so I waited a little longer until a longer message came through.
Before you ask if he likes you back, use your brain. How is he dressed right now? Are there any interactions you've had where he instigated contact? Touched you without reason? Done overly nice things for you?
I could already make a list, starting with him touching my shoulder with his just before. That wasn't necessary. He could have just said it wasn't worth it to me, but he leant in. He made the choice to lean in close, to nearly brush my ear with his lips as he spoke. I looked at my phone again as another message from Willow came through.
He's started rejecting girls at school too. When was the last time you saw him with someone?
He had rejected Jessica from the entire group the other day. Never denied that I was the choice he was making when she tried to tear me down. I hadn't thought much of that at the time, or any of the other instances where we had touched. When we cuddled during movies, when I stole his warmth, when he comforted me, when he checked if I was okay with it all, when he cooked food for me, when he carried me down the stairs, when we wrestled on the floor so I could try to get my journal back from him.
I looked over at him again. The amount of times we had taken care of each other like we had been friends for years. I definitely didn't like him when we first met. There was no doubt in my mind about that, but as I slowly learned about him, who he truly was and he began to change...
I hadn't felt comfortable with anyone's touch since before Adam – except for Ashton. There had never been any pressure to touch him, and I knew there never would be. He would never force me into anything. He would work through this with me, would understand if I needed to stop whatever we were doing because it was too much. Would constantly make sure that I was comfortable and...
Why were my eyes stinging?
Was I about to cry?
I sniffled back the tears that were sitting in my eyes, unsure of why they were even there. Was I seriously crying because I found a person who understands me?
"Fuck, are you crying?" Ashton asked after I sniffled again and he looked over at me. I wiped away my tears and shook my head.
"No." I replied, a blatant lie as we pulled into my driveway.
"Sora, what's wrong?" He asked. I didn't reply because nothing was wrong. "Did I get too close? When I talked you down from tearing that man a new asshole? I know I touched your shoulder, and I had my face very close to yours, and you stepped away from me quickly." I started laughing, because what he was saying just proved the point I was thinking before.
"No, nothing's wrong. Would you like to come inside?" I asked, smiling while the tears kept falling from my eyes. He furrowed his brow in confusion and started shaking his head. "Please? I need to tell you something over your delicious hot chocolate." He sighed, a soft smile on his face.
"How could I say no to that?" He asked while getting out of the car. We walked into the house and I ignored the pale blue car on the street. Adam had ruled over too much of my life, even if it was him; he wouldn't come in until I was alone. And I was never alone.
I unlocked the front door and walked in, realising that with no other cars in the driveway, we were the only ones here. Good, that means no one should walk in on me, potentially embarrassing myself.
"Do you remember where everything is?" I asked as we walked to the kitchen. He looked at the space before nodding. "Good, I'll be back in a second, then." I ran up the stairs to my room, changing into a pair of grey sweats and a light jumper. If I was going to do this, I needed to be comfortable, and I needed to make sure that my crying from before didn't make my mascara run. Next stop was the bathroom, where I fixed the smudged mascara and brushed my hair, pulling it back into a messy bun.
When I was happy enough with my appearance, I walked back down the stairs and saw Ashton pouring the hot chocolate into the same two mugs as last time. I lifted myself onto the kitchen bench while I watched him pour, admiring his muscled arms as he did so. How did I not realise how I felt before now?
"So... what do you need to tell me?" He asked as he gave me a mug, then settling himself next to my leg that overhung the bench. "I mean, you've stopped crying now, so it might not be too bad after all." He smiled while he spoke, turning around to face the bench and put his mug down. His hip was resting against my knee. More unnecessary contact. Add that to the fact he had made hot chocolate just because I asked him to...
"It's not bad, unless you think it is." I said, a small smile on my face as I held my mug with both hands. Suddenly my eyes couldn't stay on his and I looked at the delicious chocolatey liquid, which had two marshmallows floating in it.
"Yeah, that makes sense." He joked. I grimaced, not really knowing how to tell him.
"Um..." I tucked up my leg that was closest to him and turned to face him. The smile he'd worn fell.
"Should I be concerned?" He asked.
"I..." goddamn it, Soraya, just say it. "I like you, Ashton." He furrowed his brow.
"Clearly, I'm in your house-"
"No." I said, putting down my hot chocolate and reaching to touch his forearm. He looked into my eyes, paying attention to nothing else other than me.
"I like you, Ashton."