CW// there's like some talking of really weird ships in this because of statehouse fanfiction. You've been warned.
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Message's
Tommy: Joe has a theory that Doc is an alien who just materialises in places
Sam Nook: What
Tommy: Also does anyone but Sam Nook remember becoming friends with ollie
Tommy: because I dont
Doc: DONT QUESTION ME
Tommy: So doc isn't human
Tommy: Good to know
Doc: No I am definitely of the human species
Tommy: That's what an alien would say
Tommy: Doc's either an alien, a god or a ghost
Doc: Well I am definitely not of the human species
Doc: You decide which one
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Doc: Here me out
Doc: I’m going to be a fairy gay mother and throw glitter at people
Doc: What if by the smallest chance it’s true that we could make a nuke large enough to destroy this whole planet
Tommy: I mean those exist
Doc: Shouldn’t of said that
Tommy: I'm not even worried anymore
Doc: You should be
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Doc: You cant kill me I have a life warranty that expires when I’m 25 that’s when I shall die
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Jack: I just saw someone fuck an Xbox and then a toaster
Jack: dont click twitter links
Tommy: where would the penis go?
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(Context for the next few: Ben Brainard)
Jack: florida is for old rascit white men
Tommy: In the words of Florida "that's all you really get taught down here. Disney, pop culture and alligator avasive techniques"
Jack: i’m very surprised the amerian government hasn’t banned him yet
Tommy: I assume they think it's funny
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Messages
Tommy: Florida is in an "open relationship with the truth"
Tommy: Austin is California's only friend
Tommy: maryland likes men(?)
Ranboo: I’m gonna delete ur wattpad account
Tommy: THAT WASNT EVEN FROM WATTPAD
Tommy: THATS BEN'S CANNON
Ranboo: ur youtube then
Ranboo: this is so painful
Tommy: I don't need an account to watch yt
Ranboo: tru
Ranboo: still
Ranboo: so painful
Ranboo: to you ship my country
Tommy: I completely blame Ben, he made the NASCAR theory sketch
Tommy: Also the mother nature "hit me baby one more time"
Tommy: And the Alaska joins the table sketches
Tommy: And the Texas joins the tabel sketch
Tommy: And literally all the "woooooooooooooow" moments between loui and florida
Tommy: And the LGBTQ+ join the table
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Tommy: I've read a one-shot where Loui is a woman and loui and Florida have sex and loui gets pregnant
Tommy: I've read a one-shot where Florida has a sex dream about loui, then wakes up and they actually have sex
Tommy: I've read a one-shot where Texas accidently goes to a gay bar and becomes a regular
Jack: stop
Jack: a lot of Texans are gonna be mad with you
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Tommy: Oh also CDCxMississipi
Tommy: Literally just because CDC calls him 'Sippi
Jack: stop
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Tommy: die! Die! Die! Die!
Bdubs: you won't be laughing when it happens to you
Tommy: I'm a nice person
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Boo: where's Katherine?
Tommy: I don't know
Bdubs: ask Pearl
Tommy: Pearl where's Katherine
Pearl: I don't know
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Katherine: did I hear someone was eating sand
Boo and Tommy: yeah me
Bdubs: those 2
Boo: he dipped his tongue in
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(See if you can get all the references)
Scott: save me Prince charming
Bdubs: cindegayla
Scott: snow White and the 7 gays
Bdubs: sleeping gay
Scott: gay and the beast
Bdubs: gaypunzel
Scott: mogaya
Bdubs: mugay
Scott: Gilmor gays
Bdubs: mean gays
Scott: gay education
Bdubs: endgay
Scott: gaymilton
Bdubs: how I met your gay
Scott: brooklyn gay gay
Bdubs: gayriends
Scott: be more gay
Bdubs: gay it on
Scott: love, gay
Bdubs: Gayhouse academy
Tommy: legally gay
Boo:...
Boo: that went on for too long
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Doc: If you fall asleep near an ant colony in the wild they will eat you alive and feast on your flesh
Doc: If you leave a dead body submerged underwater for a long amount of time without air exposure their body fat will turn into a soap
Jack: shut up
Doc: No
Doc: It’s useful
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Doc: If I die when I die I’m gonna eat a potato
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Tommy: what is Pheobe's taste in men?
Bdubs: Um
Bdubs: humoos