Y/n was never taught this.
How to overcome the shock.
No one could have ever taught him, for that matter.
Levi tried. But he knew he couldn't help, it was almost a rite of passage.
Among all the lessons he had given Y/n, a single phrase broke through his memories.
As pieces of the gates soared through the mockingly clear blue sky, he remembered what Levi had said:
"One day, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure you're proud of what you see."
His mind became clearer, much unlike those around him, looking to the walls as if paralyzed. The young man noticed this and yelled at Ymir to bring her out of her stupor.
It seemed to work, as she looked at him wide eyed for a beat before coming back to her senses. She scanned the area before elaborating a course of action.
Ymir: Y/n, let's go to HQ. We'll regroup with the higher-ups there.
The pair took off in a sprint before hearing the supervisor scream to the top of his lungs.
Supervisor: ALL TROOPS! TO THE HEADQUARTERS, NOW! LEAVE WAY FOR THE EVACUATION AND HELP NO ONE!
The soldiers left behind followed the two as they all headed to the same place. As Y/n was running, he saw the Colossal swinging his arm and effectively destroying every cannon.
Ymir: That fucker...
The Colossal Titan swung his arm again, only to be engulfed in a cloud steam and disappear. Y/n didn't comprehend what happened, but he certainly knew he didn't have to understand it, not yet.
Y/n: God...
* * *
After a marathon of dodging chaos and fighting his own desire to stop and help, they arrived at the building they headed for. After a quick look, he spotted Thurner.
As he walked to talk to him however, Krista ran towards him and tackled him into an embrace that threw him to the floor. He suddenly felt much more relieved, even if he didn't notice it.
The blonde girl shared his relief, calmer after checking they were all alright.
Y/n smiled, but he felt uneasy, worried for her. Ymir read him easily, their time together made them understand each other.
Ymir: You're going to be with her. No matter where you're assigned, no one will notice or give a dang if you aren't where you should be. They'll be much more focused on surviving.
Y/n looked at her in the eyes, eyes full of confidence. He knew what to do. He took a deep breath.
Y/n: Tha-
He was cut off by someone screaming above all the rumbling of the soldiers, silencing them all in a whim.
Commander: EVERYONE! IN FORMATION!
Everyone did as instructed and lined up. The commander continued his speech without shouting, but speaking loud enough.
Commander: You'll follow the same drill as in training. You will have the task to supply, transmit information. Should a titan cross the first line of defense, it's your priority to kill them.
Commander: Every Garrison present will head to the vanguard unless told otherwise. The middle guard will consist only of groups of new soldiers accompanied by a garrison. The rearguard will be the chosen troops from the Garrison.
Commander: The time has come. We will protect Wall Rose with uncountable lives. For the citizens. For the walls. For the king.
Commander: As you all are aware of, fleeing from the enemy will grant you the capital punishment. However, if I happen to spot you, no trial will be held. That is all.
Commander: SACRIFICE YOUR HEARTS!
In unison, every soldier brought their right fist to their heart.
Commander: DISMISSED!
No time was wasted, every person able to walk and not still vomiting of shock was gathering with their teams and setting off to their areas.
Y/n was informed of his squad, composed of Thurner, Mina, another cadet Y/n didn't know of, a Garrison who served as squad leader, and obviously, himself.
They all gathered and were ready to set off, but a hand suddenly took hold of Y/n's shoulder. He looked back at the girl who had done it.
Unknown Elite: You're coming with me, we need you at the back.
Y/n: Bu- Hold on, I can't leave my squad behind!
Unknown Elite: I don't care about what you think. I've been told to look for you, and you'r-
The commander, who hadn't taken position, interrupted her.
Commander: No. No matter how great he was at training, he has no battle experience. Besides, his squad is already short-handed as it is. Most squads are at least made up of 6 soldiers.
He set his gaze on Y/n.
Commander: You go on.
Y/n: Yes, sir!
Y/n caught up with the group with no desire to see what the reaction of the elite garrison was. He let one thought pass before completely ignoring everything but the task at hand.
Y/n: Haven't seen Bertholdt around. Maybe I just didn't see him in the crowd. Eh. Where could he have gone anyways? The wall? No matter, I'll just ask him later. If I even remember.
* * *
The garrison landed on a roof, followed by the rest of the squad. He introduced himself and began to discuss the course of action for the team.
Garrison: I'm Kazuki, Kazuki Araya. I hope I could spare the time to meet each one of you, but time is of the utmost essence. As you know, we're here to provide support to the vanguard. That means transporting equipment and ─he sighed─ if and when the situation gets out of control, take care of the threat. Understood?
The squad all gave positive answers, and so they set off. The first titans could already be seen in the distance, which set made Y/n's entire body shiver. The leader, in contrast, showed no fear.
Y/n couldn't help but admire how calm he was, or at least made himself to be. As the leader, he had an image to uphold, and that calmness helped the team stay focused.
Eventually, they reached a building from where they could assess the situation. And, to say the very least, it wasn't pretty.
Bodies.
Blood.
Titans.
Bodies were everywhere, as common as leaves and litter on a street. Waist-down, waist-up, sole members. Red coated buildings that yesteryear were white.
And titans. All sizes, roaming in the roads, alleys and alike, with an expression as blank as a canvas.
Not a sight to remember, but one they certainly will.
No one made a sound for a good 10 seconds, before the unknown cadet turned around to throw up. That brought them back to their senses, and Kazuki decided on a course of action which he told the group.
Kazuki: Alright, we've seen how it is. We have to take over. Right now, we are the vanguard. And so, we have to take care of this mess. There's close to no one in this area, so we'll split up to cover as much ground as possible.
He pointed at the cadet Y/n didn't recognize.
Kazuki: You come with me. We'll take on ─ he pointed to a nearby church ─ over there. There's a reasonable number of these fuckers over there. If things get nasty though, we'll count on them.
He turned his attention to the three left.
Kazuki: You three, you should be able to cover the area around that market.
The leader signaled to a nearby path filled with temporary stores. Y/n nodded, and the pair behind him did the same. However, the garrison noticed some hesitance in their stance, he made everyone come closer before giving his thoughts.
Kazuki: Look, I know it's a lot of pressure, you're fresh from training and suddenly thrown in this. Just- Know, that whatever happens out there to other person, It is not your fault. You won't be able to live if you blame yourself for something as unpredictable as a battlefield. I'm talking from experience.
His eyes wandered into the deepest corners of his minds for some seconds, but he soon regained his composure.
Kazuki: One last thing. -He held out a flare- Any of you, take this. Use it if you need support. We'll do the same.
Y/n took a step forward and took it. The garrison nodded.
Kazuki: LET'S GO!
He immediately jumped into the scene of the massacre, the other cadet following suit an instant later. Mina, Thurner and Y/n stayed for a few beats.
Mina strechted before speaking.
Mina: We should be going, right?
Thurner: Yep. -He turned to look at Y/n- You've got the flare, so you lead, Chief Leader Strategist in Command.
Y/n frowned ever so slightly before picking up Thurner's tone. He counted on him. So now, he had to transmit calm to the group. He decided to ease up a bit the grim atmosphere while he could.
He forced a smile, the first of many.
Y/n: I will, you two would get lost.
Thurner chuckled, Mina smiled. It wasn't funny, but anything worked to distract them.
Y/n: Well then, team. This is our moment. Follow me!
Y/n stepped out of the rooftop before rising up again and moving towards the market.
They moved from roof to roof, connecting with one building after the other, but the image remained the same. No trace of the vanguard, completely eradicated.
Y/n couldn't help but wonder how could soldiers as experienced as them die so easily. But he pushed those thoughts away. He'd do everything and more to survive.
He scanned the area, analysing when and where to strike. There were a considerable amount of titans, but a bit apart from the rest, there was one standing alone, at around 10 meters tall. He directed the squad, just behind.
Y/n: LET'S GET THE ONE APART FROM THE REST, PICK THEM ONE BY ONE!
Thurner: WE'LL HAVE TO CIRCLE THE OTHERS TO AVOID THEM, RIGHT?
Mina: WOULDN'T WE SAVE GAS GOING THROUGH THEM?
Y/n hadn't thought about gas, but it could end up being an issue. Nevertheless, he had his mind made up.
Y/n: I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY CHANCES!
The girl replied something else, but it was lost in the wind. They avoided the titans and went through the calmer streets.
* * *
They were edging closer to the lone titan. Y/n was in front, followed by Thurner, followed by Mina. Each of them were alert, focused on anything that seemed off.
But there was nothing. Everything was quiet. Too quiet, in fact, for Y/n. That couldn't be a good sign.
Unfortunately, he was proved right.
Mina: THURNER!! BELOW YOU!!
A titan's hand rose through the air, but thanks to his reflexes, Thurner dodged it, before doing a 180° turn to engage with it.
Y/n hurried back to him, but he saw something a distressed Mina couldn't. Another titan, smaller, appeared from one of the strets. And before Y/n could react, it grabbed onto the cord of the ODM gear, slamming Mina onto the hard floor of the street.
Y/n swore as his instincts kicked in, trusting in Thurner's abilities as he landed next to Mina. He would have to fight off the titan. As it walked towards him, he checked on the girl.
Y/n: Mina, can you move?!
Mina answered with a rough voice.
Mina: Y-yeah, I thi-, I can. I'll help you fight, but- right now, I need just a minute to recover.
Y/n nodded. The titan was a bit too close for comfort for Y/n, so he took off to the skies to outmaneuver the beast and draw it away from Mina.
It fell for the diversion, turning its attention to the flying Y/n as he landed on a rooftop. Y/n looked at the Titan in the eyes, waiting for the perfect time to strike.
It grew closer.
And it grew closer.
Y/n could spot details of the monster's body now, but it wasn't enough.
A little more.
The titan tried to reach to him with its hand.
Now.
Y/n hooked his gear on a chimney to his left, cutting its arm as he soared through. After landing sideways, he used the structure to propel himself towards the nape of the titan, who wasn't fast enough to defend itself.
With a cut of both of Y/n's swords, the titan fell to its death.
He didn't have time to even think about his first titan kill as Mina, clearly hurt, joined him.
Y/n: You sure you're okay?
Mina: Yeah, I can handle (cough) this, okay? I've been through worse.
Y/n: This isn't training.
Mina looked at the decaying body of the titan, then took a deep breath, which also seemed to hurt her. For a fraction of a second, she looked doubtful.
Mina: I- Yes, I-I know. But I can't stay away from the fight when people I know are dying. I have to handle this.
No amount of convincing would change her mind. Y/n shot her a worried glance before proceding.
The pair moved in unison to check on Thurner, who was still in a fight with a titan. The fight still seemed to be in Thurner's favour, as the titan had lost some limbs.
What was worrying were the other two approaching him.
In any other situation It wouldn't be worth the risk facing them head-on, especially with a wounded soldier, but the beasts were too close to Thurner.
A look between the pair and a nod was enough for them to understand. They divided, not without Y/n cheering on his friend.
Mina was taking on a titan around 8 meters tall. Her chest made every breath hurt, but she moved forwards.
She settled on a rooftop and began to circle around the titan, trying to find the nape. It spotted her plan, and faced her, an action which made Mina jump into the skies and find another plan.
She dropped to gain momentum and get back to a higher ground. Risky move, but one she had practiced many times in training. But it was different.
The beast moved his arm to try and sweep the girl, forcing her to dodge at the last moment as she was rising.
Mina crashed into a chimney, poking out of the building. She was badly hurt.
In the distance, she saw Y/n slice the nape of the other one and hurry over, Thurner far behind him.
The soldier tried to regain her pose, stumbling once, and twice. In her last attempt she managed to stand, but her ODM gear didn't work. It was broken.
The same moment she realized this, a hand grabbed her. She panicked.
Y/n was close enough to hear her scream, but he couldn't move fast enough to do anything.
Mina: Wait, no! Y/N!
Y/n could do nothing but watch as the titan closed its jaws.
This couldn't be happening, he thought, it was Mina, who he knew and to some degree considered a friend, even if they weren't close.
He tried to shake off whatever he thought for later to focus.
He had to avenge her.
However, just as he landed on a rooftop, a blood-curdling scream of anger resonated through the sky.
Thurner, throwing himself at the blood-soaked monster.
Y/n: THURNER, DO-
The titan moved his hand vaguely, having anticipated it, which swatted him like a fly.
Y/n was quick on the reflexes and plunged to catch Thurner, which he achieved. The knockback made some roof tiles fall off, but no more than that.
The hit the blond had received didn't leave him uninjured, though. His face was full of blood and as Y/n placed him on the roof, he winced. Nevertheless, It didn't look like anything serious.
The titan approached the pair, Thurner tried to scramble to his feet, but he was cut off by Y/n's blade.
He shot Thurner a deadly look.
Y/n: No.
He was clear enough. Thurner understood and laid on his back.
Y/n took a deep breath, and looked at Thurner one more time before jumping into the fight.
This time he dropped down and went for the limbs, making a slash to the nape much easier.
It didn't take long. After a thud on the ground, Y/n was back with the blond cadet. His face was a bit clearer now, but the effects of the hit would only worsen if he was to move.
Y/n first checked for any more titans, but none were close. After that, he did his best to tend to Thurner's injuries. He started to talk to Y/n.
Thurner: Y/n, how in hell did we end up like this?
Y/n looked at him, fully understanding what he meant.
Y/n: It's difficult- but don't worry. I get what you mean and... Yeah, this is shit. I get how you feel right now, but...
He took a deep breath before continuing.
Y/n: Now's not the time. We'll have plenty of time to grieve if and when we get out of this mess. But in this moment you can't let this mess you up. It's not your fault.
Y/n: You know that you'll have me whenever you need, for anything you might need. But we have get through this now.
Thurner blinked, taking in what he said.
Thurner: Yeah, I understand. Thank you.
Y/n was done helping Thurner. He examined the area around them, checking for any more titans. It all seemed clear. As he was deciding where to go next, an explosion reached their ears.
Red smoke rose into the skies. They both understood what it meant.
A flare.
Their leader was in danger. Y/n knew he had to help. However, Thurner wouldn't make the trip any easier. He assured Y/n of his ability to escape if any more titans showed up.
Y/n was content. He set off. With a sigh, Thurner sat leaning on a chimney. He covered his face with his hands, exhausted. All he could do now is wait for help or for Y/n, if he ever came back. Pushing through, he stayed alert.
Y/n arrived to the flare's position, a square. Looking around, he heard screams, and someone calling for him.
???: Y/N! ─ they coughed─ UP HERE!
Y/n jumped and flew to the building from which he had heard the scream. Kazuki was lying, badly wounded. He was looking into the distance with a defeated expression.
Y/n looked to where he was looking and he saw why.
The unknown cadet laid on a pool of blood, unknown to Y/n for the rest of eternity, nameless. He shook off the thought and focused his attention to the leader. He seemed very weak, his movements slow and painful. Nevertheless, he spoke calmly and surely.
Kazuki: How was your side of the squad?
Y/n looked away for a second, recalling the events.
Y/n: We, uh, we lost Mina. Titans. Thurner's hurt, but he'll live.
Kazuki: Sit down for a minute.
Y/n: No, wait, hold on, are you okay? We need to get you to help soon, I'll take a few bandages and co-
Kazuki: It's far too late for me. Sit down.
Y/n doubted, but he obliged. The squad leader took a deep breath.
Kazuki: On a mission, you can't let anything stop you. And more importantly, you can't let that fact make you feel like you're shit afterwards. It's not your fault. It never is. Take my word for it.
He looked at the infinite for a while. His body was struggling to live.
Kazuki: I enrolled in the survey corps. I lasted one expedition. Lost my whole squad to these fucking titans. It's been haunting me ever since. I've been miserable ever since because of that. You see, what I'm getting at is, you can't let this get to you. You are an observer. Please. Keep it in mind.
Y/n nodded. It was clear he needed to get that off his chest. But now he had to find a way to help him. He rummaged through his pocket, but a hand stopped him. Kazuki's.
Kazuki: Don't waste that on me. Really. I'd rather if you made it quicker.
The meaning of those words took some time for Y/n to catch, but when he did, he was terrified. The leader pleaded again, and Y/n stood up and unsheathed his blades. His hands were shaking. It wasn't the first time he killed someone, but it had never been as direct as this, looking straight at the eye of someone.
Kazuki: It's not your fault.
Y/n: It's not my fault.
His hands were steady once again.
After finishing with a swift motion, he had to stand around pacing for a while, feeling numb. He returned to Thurner without much thought and carried him to the nearest group, he saw Krista. He saw some others doing the same, it looked like that was going to be their meetup point for the time being.
He landed and quickly explained the situation to Ymir and Connie. Krista was a bit far behind, speaking to Armin.
Ymir: We'll talk after this is over. It's shitty luck you ran into those many titans at once, but at least you managed to save someone who is competent.
Connie: Shut the fuck up! You didn't have enough calling Armin useless?!
Ymir: Grow up! It works like this.
Connie: How about I make sure your mouth doesn't work like that? You bitch!
Thurner was a bit heavy, and even if he insisted he could walk, Y/n didn't trust him. He stopped the pair's fight.
Y/n: You two! Take care of Thurner.
Both took Thurner without hesitation, ignoring his constant complaints about his non fully functional body.
Krista walked away from Armin with a deep expression, but a slight, tired smile forced its way into her face when she approached Y/n. She hugged him for a few seconds without saying anything before speaking to him.
Krista: Are you okay?
Y/n made a non-committal noise, he had no idea.
Krista noticed it wasn't the best moment for small talk, so she took his hand. The pair just moved from street to street, patrolling the area. It wasn't a pretty sight. They moved to a rooftop. Y/n felt more at ease.
Y/n: What was up with Armin?
Krista: Well, his whole squad died. Eren died saving him, meters from where we were some minutes ago.
Y/n: It's a pity. He really was eager to take the fight to the titans.
Krista: Did you want to go to the scouts because of him?
Y/n: No, no. I hardly ever talked to him. I've got my reasons.
Krista: Which you never told me.
Y/n: And which I won't. We all have our secrets.
He looked at her eyes, as blue as the sky, intently.
Y/n: I'll tell you who I am once you regain who you are.
A/n: She knows we know her past bc of the snow episode, which i will write if and when I reach s2 as a flashback.
Krista took a deep breath and nodded. She remembered the deal. For now, it was best to leave well enough alone.
Krista: So, should we-
Y/n: KRISTA!
Y/n pushed the girl out of the way. He had heard a titan moving, but it was already too close when he made the connection. The small titans arm didn't reach Krista, but it did swat Y/n.
He was sent flying until he crashed legs first into a wall. He had also hit his head, the last thing he saw was some shadows moving around. But his vision grew dimmer.
And dimmer.
And dimmer.
And gone.
A/n: It's 4 am. If I want to check anything ill do it tomorrow, and I think there are some things. Would appreciate it if anyone pointed anything out.
A/n 2: I have no clue what to name the chapter. Maybe I'll change that too.
Step 3: Enjoy