As Dazai entered the agency once again, he immediately saw that his previous apprentice had left and so had Atsushi.
The brunet made his way over to the social area of the offices and flopped onto the sofa. Subconsciously dialing Atsushi's number on their flip phone, he anxiously awaited the weretiger to answer.
He hated phone calls with a passion.
"Atsushi! How are you"
"U-Um I'm fine Dazai why what's up"
"I was wondering if you wanted to go on a stroll later! I have something I'd like to discuss with you. "
The line was silent for a moment, the detective could almost hear his apprentices brain scrolling through his calendar religiously for a completely free slot in his day where he can set aside time for his mentor.
"Mmm... "
The concentration was intense. Dazai could even see Akutagawa looking at him with a confused, bewildered look which put a smirk on the brunets face.
"I'm available around half past six, if you like we can meet up in a café Dazai and have some dinner! "
The young adults voice was so cheery and child like he couldn't help but agree.
"Ah sounds good Atsushi, I'll text you and address!"
Osamu immediately hung up and was submerged in the dread of their upcoming meeting. It raised countless amounts of red flags, they were lucky they had some time to figure things out. He was not looking forward to it at all but it was imperative they were caught up to speed. He tried convincing himself that it was for future information to help with cases but deep down, they knew it was for his own dying broken heart but he physically couldn't accept that right now. It was too much. He's pretty sure it was to seal his death wish also, because if the scheme didn't work out he may aswell be already burnt to ash in some rotten old carboard box somewhere.
When the brunet reached the cafe his anxiety levels ceased to do anything other than carry on dramatically increasing. It very much adversed to his usual care free irritable persona he liked to put on. The finger skin picking and mouth biting awkwardly worsened as he sat alone in a place where you are meant to eat pastries and drink coffee. Luckily it wasn't too long until Atsushi arrived.
The weretiger gave him a carefree wave as he approached the table.
"Have you ordered anything yet Dazai?"
The brunet broke away from his thoughts and refocused on the matter at hand.
"No not yet Atsushi, it's rude to eat without your peers and also I'm not that hungry, I had a late lunch anyways"
If water counts as lunch that is.
The brunets smile puts the teenager at ease and decides to order.
His apprentice orders what he wants and then a coffee for Dazai.
"So what did you want to talk about?"
He looked blindly at his mentor. Big dopey eyes and an innocent look on his face.
He was such a cinnamon roll.
"Ah yes, I wanted to catch up! We haven't for a while and I wondered how you final battle went. I know you and Akutagawa were on difficult terms. I hope it wasn't too much for you"
The brunet almost felt guilty for acting dumb. He knew full well the reactions of his apprentices were going to be because of his actions, but what he needed to know was what happened after he paired them up.
"Well after you hung up we had a big fight. I regret it in some aspects but if it hadn't happened we wouldn't have made it to where we are now so I see no reason to wish it never occured if that makes sense?"
Dazai listened intently.
"Yes I understand"
More than you might think
The teenager cleared his throat and continued.
"S-so afterwards wasn't really important so I'll skip to the big battle bit I guess"
Dazai wasn't sure if he needed the bits inbetween but he was about to find out.
"So on the top of the blimp/ship thing? we were getting pretty beaten up."
I counted on you figuring out your differences but what did that achieve!?
"Things weren't going too well because we weren't working together as a team and just didn't want to be compared to one another haha"
The teenager nervously scratched his head.
"But in the end and I got a bit fed up with all the memories in my head saying I'm the problem that I'm not good enough and remembering what Akutagawa had meant in the argument earlier. To sum it up, I listened to what he had to say and what his opinions truly were. After we got a better understanding of one another and we kind of? didn't see each other as enemies and incompatible, we started to see similarities and used that to our advantage. "
Atsushi had almost finished his order. Dazai hadn't touched his coffee.
"I guess we just kind of saw each other without our worldly situations."
His apprentice was getting fidgety because Dazai wasn't saying anything.
"I know it sounds ridiculous-"
Dazai immediately stopped him.
"Not at all Atsushi this was very educational. I'm glad the battle and celebration afterwards at the agency was good. Now I must be on my way! I have things to do believe it or not! I'll see you tomorrow! "
With that the taller male rose from his seat and left the table swiftly.
"But Dazai your-"
He couldn't finish before the cafe door closed.
"Guess I'll get back to Akutagawa"
Atsushi paid and left soon after.
------------
After realising they had just communicated and were willing to just listen to each other and find a middle ground Dazai immediately cringed.
I think i would rather die thanks
Even though that conclusion was little extreme, making himself vulnerable around his sworn enemy was the last thing he wanted to do.
That meant he would have to be serious and understanding. He mentally couldn't go through that.
Being a clown and joking around was one of Dazai's few effective defenses. Being present in the room was something that Dazai couldn't handle. It meant what he was experiencing was real and not just a joke. He would have to accept the fact that his actions had severe consequences and impacted the people around him.
The brunet couldn't deal with such a harsh reality.
As he wandered around his apartment coughing continuously as he chucked the keys on a random table and chucked his coat on a random rack he began to feel another fit coming on. His body suddenly felt tense and he knew he just needed to get to his sofa go sit down and once again slash his throat.
Of course after the lung crushing fit and the regaining of his strength he had to look at the aftermath. During one, his vision blurred from the sheer force of his body rejecting the disease.
No.
No no no.
This soon??
The brunet shakily stretched his hand to the mess infront of him and held up a fully bloomed red chrysanthemum. Fortunately, the rest were just red and yellow petals but, to hold a fully bloomed chrysanthemum in his hand was probably one of the most terrifying things Osamu Dazai has ever experienced.
I don't have much time.
As he began hacking up more some of natures most beautiful, heart aching flowers all he could think about was the burning question
What should I do now?
Coming down from a major fit like that wasn't easy. His breathing was shaky and weasy and his voice was crackly. Trying to speak felt as if you were being stabbed which he probably was actually in his oesophagus.
He knew how to attempt to fix this extreme dilemma but that requires top much emotional strain. He probably only had a few weeks left to live being as he was transitioning into one of the final stages of the disease. He was not looking forward to the vomiting.
Such a frickin painful way to die Chuuya, how could you
The bandaged man couldn't help but believe he deserved it. Dazai hurts everyone he meets. He taints them with his overwhelming darkness and black blood. That's probably why Kunikida cries every night worrying if his collegue is okay because of his stupid antics.
Having not eaten or drank in several days, his throat felt ten times worse, but drinking a substance no matter what it was, felt like shards of glass relentlessly scraping down his throat.
Osamu honestly wondered how he hadn't died from internal bleeding. With a plant physically growing inside of him, he doesn't like how it takes so long for lungs to collapse and suffocate you. You can feel the entire process and your body literally getting weaker. You can't eat or drink without feeling like it's torture, you can't dodge many attacks because any movement downwards or to the sides cause your body to have to move and you don't have the same flexibility and what's the worst thing of all is the fact that it's a punishment for feeling emotions.
Why does such a disease exist?
Dazai slowly rose from his laying position, breath hitching as he does so.
He knows he's dropped a lot of weight and he knows he hasn't been sleeping.
Half of him wants Chuuya to help him with this issue, the other half knows Chuuya wouldn't even look his way. He's messed him around too much in life. To be honest, if the ginger wasn't so loyal to Mori and the mafia, Dazai wouldn't be surprised if Chuuya never want to see or even look at the brunet ever again.
Defeated, Osamu flopped on the floor, curled up in a ball, infront of the sofa.
Knock knock knock
"Dazai you lazy bastard! Get up and get out of your apartment! Atsushi told me about you slacking off of work to meet with him today! You need to complete at least 5 reports by the end of the day!!"
He staggered up, coughing into his arm bandages and tried to plaster on a façade of some effect.
Quickly, the brunet flung open the door.
"Kunikida! How wonderful for you to pay me a visit! "
The blonde man didn't reply instead he just looked his collegue up and down in dismay because of what sight he was greeted with.
His partners coat was off so he could see his appearance more clearly.
Boney arm, bags indented in the older mans eyes exaggerating his tiredness, blood speckled around his mouth and hands covered in blood.
Damn i forgot about that
Dazai remained in character as he approached the younger male.
"I know I didn't-"
"Save it. Clearly you're not doing too well so get washed up, put your coat on as you don't want to worry the youngens and I'll be here after you finished. I am bringing you back to the office even if I have to drag you there myself"
Kunikidas voice was calm stern but constructive. Weary, Osamu obeyed and walked over to his bathroom, still in character, but very much on edge because this could cause problems for him.
-----
They walked to the agency side by side, Dazai coughing every once in a while despite some restraint. Unfortunately by this point in his illness Dazai understood that the more he resisted the worse it got so by coughing with mid range restraint was the best option, unfortunately with his illness worsening at quite a quick rate, those coughs have become more apparent to those around him.
"Dazai, I know that you don't trust me-"
"Kunikida, don't worry about me! I'm just fine! What you saw today isn't something you need to concern yourself with I've-"
Cough
"Got it under con-"
Suddenly the brunet broke into yet another fit.
No, no no! NOT HERE
With Dazai practically ordering his body to stop it's cleaning process of the full flowers the coughing eased off just as they reached the agency.
"Im just going to get some tissue from the bathroom, it's a bad cough is all"
With the flowers scratching at his throat, threatening to pour out any frixkin second the brunet slid into the restroom.
This routine was getting exhausting.
With full flowers and leaves now pouring out of his system, Dazai wondered how such a crucial change in his illness had to have been caused by some psychological change.
Was it because he was no longer going to try and fix the rift between him and Chuuya?
I mean that practically solidified his fate because he wasn't going to tell the ginger.
As he sat on the bathroom floor by the toilet seat, the brunet felt something wet on his face.
Tears.
Dazai closed his eyes and let the 4 individual tears fall. How ironic that that was the amount of time they had been seperated for.
Of course thinking of his so called unrequited love again sparked another reflex.
So is this going to be my life now? Constantly trying to keep him out of my mind? How impossible.
I lost control of my emotions apparently months ago.
Dazai laughed raspily once again at the irony. That seems to happen a lot at the moment, as if he can't wrap his head around the cause of his death.
The demon prodigy being defeated by love and tears that should never have been shed. He has nothing to be regretful about and yet here he is, tearful, in indescribable pain and being killed by the disease of love.
He knew he had thought about this practically every time he had a bad episode, but this time because his emotions ran so deep about showing weakness at the agency, this time was different.
He was always called the demon prodigy because he was emotionless, merciless and was a calculating machine. But to talk about human logic, Dazai's made perfect sense. Of course not to him, but as a product of his environment and lifestyle of faux faces and emotions, feeling and being killed by them now seems barbaric.
There was no way Chuuya would help him. Never in a billion eons.
_____
"Nakahara sir, "
The ginger looked above his black round glasses up at his subordinate.
"Yes what is it."
The subordinate straightened their posture.
"Kouyou has paged someone from the agency to you, they said it about an old collegue of yours, it sounded ridiculous according to Kouyou sir."
The ginger took of his glasses while his other hand was clenched under the table.
"Thank you, you can go"
As the door closed Nakahara let out a small cough and then answered the phone.
"What is it. This better not be a waste of time"
"You were Dazai's partner right? "
"What is it to you? "
"I need to ask a few questions"
"Gah! Make it quick, I don't have all day!"
A/n yeh it's been a while since I posted 💀 I'm writing this because I got a comment wanting the next chapter and that was chapter 5 but I don't publish chapters until I have the next one written. Idk why I just do.
Anyways sorry it's been forever since I posted chapter 4 but you know hopefully it won't take forever for this chapter to come out but we'll see.
ANYWAYS HOPE Y'ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY AND NOW I'VE GOTTA REVIEW MY NOTES I MADE AT THE END OF CHAPTER 5 SO THAT IT DOESN'T SOUND RIDICULOUS ALR BYEE