When I first met Ayanokouji Kiyotaka on the bus, I wasn't sure how I felt about him. Like everyone else, I was well aware of him after the news about the White Room broke out.
I would be lying if I said I hated him with all my heart. A part of me felt pity for him because of how much he suffered in that place.
One night, he caught me screaming out my anger. Stupid me, why did I forget my phone at his place?
I was an idiot, I thought I could prevent him from telling anyone about this by saying that if he were to do so, I would tell everyone he tried to rape me. Little did I know he recorded me.
After that, I started hating him a little more. I wanted to expel him because he knew of my past, much like Horikita.
He blackmailed me with that video. I had to do what he wanted me to do. Luckily for me, he wasn't after my body.
Oh how I hated working for that brat.
That was my thought at the time.
Overwhelmed by my hatred, I decided to betray the class during the Zodiac Exam. I gave Ryuuen the three VIP names of Class D. I told him about the other three classes' plan. It was easy since I was in the Cow Group along with all the other class leaders.
That was a mistake.
During the last class meeting, Ayanokouji told the class of the presence of a traitor in our class.
Crap. I'm about to be exposed. At least, that was what I thought.
In the end, he didn't. Why? He had the video, he could've ended my school life right there and then.
I told the class that I wanted to talk the him. After I asked him why he didn't expose me, he said he had deleted the video.
Is this guy insane? What the hell?
That idiot told me it was because he wanted me to trust him. He even invited me to rant out my problems to him.
I went through his phone. I even searched every corner of his room, every folder on his computer when we came back to school. I found nothing.
I felt hope.
Perhaps I could trust him, at least a bit.
Since that day, I started let out my frustration in his room. I would be lying if I said it didn't help. I can't remember the last time I felt this good. When I was in middle school, I had built up so much anger and anxiety that I vomited frequently and my hair started falling out.
After the Sports Festival, Horikita tried to expose me. That bitch. Luckily for me, she didn't have proof, and Ayanokouji defended me when he was interrogated.
You idiot, Ayanokouji. Why are you doing all this for me?
I asked him why he did that, he gave a vague answer, his typical 'who knows'. This guy...
I felt comfortable around him, like I didn't have to put on my mask because he simply did not care.
Damn you, Ayanokouji, for making me feel this comfortable around you.
A while after, Horikita wanted to meet up. I messaged Ayanokouji to inform him about it.
Horikita proposed a deal. She proposed to leave me alone if I left the class alone. I did as Ayanokouji told me to. I told Horikita that I didn't betray the class and played innocent.
Ayanokouji was listening the entire time. Horikita was frustrated when she saw him.
Ayanokouji then told me I should give Horikita a second chance. A second chance?
At the beginning of the year, I really wanted to make friends. That's what I live for, after all.
But I wanted one thing more than any other. A genuine friend. Someone I could actually feel comfortable with.
Ayanokouji become that person even though I hated him at first.
That made me think.
Could Horikita also become that person?
I must say, I was sick of being treated as a danger by Horikita. That was what made me hate her so much. I decided to be a danger because you saw me that way, Horikita.
But if I could truly get along with her, perhaps that would be better for the two of us.
I don't want to keep feeling these negative emotions. I figured I had to change. I can't keep living like this. I had to make more genuine friends. I can't spend the rest of my life like this.
Even though I hated people and their hypocrisy, it's not like I wanted to be that way. I sincerely wished that I could get along with everyone. I dreamed of genuinely getting along with everyone without having to put on a mask.
After a while, Horikita apologized to the class and me for her selfish behavior. What a shock. That was honestly the last thing I expected her to do.
Had she changed for the better herself?
Did you something, Ayanokouji?
Tch. I'm an idiot.
The effort I was putting in trying to expel her could be used to try and get along with her. It would be better for my mental health to get along with someone that knows my true side.
I was moved by her apology. It made me snap out of it. For the first time, I gave Horikita a genuine smile.
Horikita asked me to meet up after the Class Poll Exam results were announced.
Yamauchi got expelled, but it's not like I cared about him anyway. At the least, the class had one less pervert now.
Today, Horikita and I met.
"Hello, Kushida."
"Hey, Horikita."
It was pretty awkward at first, I must say.
"I'm sorry, Kushida, for my behavior towards you, for my lack of trust, for seeing you as nothing but a threat. I'm horrible. The past weeks I've spent without my leader spot made me think about this. I want to accept you, Kushida. I want to trust you. I'm willing to help you with any problems you might have. I've realized that you wanted to befriend me at the start of the year, yet I didn't reciprocate your efforts. I know it would be hard to be friends now... but I'm willing to put in the effort. I want to treat you as a friend, not a threat."
I was shocked. That must've taken a lot of courage to admit that. It felt genuine. I could feel how hard it was for to admit that.
Ayanokouji... what the hell did you do to her? Did you brainwash her or something?
It doesn't matter. Perhaps this was the start of my genuine friendship with Horikita.
She changed. She wasn't the arrogant, egotistical Horikita that I hated. Now, she was humble and genuine. I appreciated her change and her genuine efforts to befriend me. She took her second chance. I would be a fool to refuse her.
Screw you, Horikita. You might make me cry at this point. I'm truly an idiot. I suppose it's time for me to change too.
I smiled.
"I'm glad you feel that way now, Horikita. I'm glad I gave you a second chance. Let's try our best to get along, okay? It won't be easy though," I half-joked.
"I agree, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes for you to like me," she smiled back.
Pretty... if only you smiled more, Horikita. I'm sure so many boys would fall for you.
"I'm so happy we could work things out, Horikita."
Crap. Hold your tears in, Kikyou-baka.
"Me too, Kushida. Let's hope this will be the start of a genuine friendship."
I went forward and hugged her. Damn it.
I must say, this might've been the most reassuring hug ever.
Who knew it was this simple?
All this time, I was scratching my head trying to expel her.
All this time, I saw her as an obstacle to my school life.
But Ayanokouji made me realize there is more than one way to get over an obstacle.
This was the best way I could ever ask for.
I changed.
It was all because of one person.
Thank you, Ayanokouji.
Thank you for helping me change.
I don't care what you think about me, but I will forever be grateful to you.
I hope you won't betray me in the future.
********
Author's Notes
Hey!
Finally a SS from Kushida's POV.
I hope you enjoyed this!
See you for the next SS!