TW: mentions of sexual/physical abuse.
Oliver Beeston.
I couldn't get that name out of my head. If I had him in front of me, I'd separate his head from his shoulders and tear his reproductive organs to shreds.
Why hadn't she told me sooner?
I remembered him now. A young lad, though still far older than my then-fourteen year old. He lived across the road and was the definition of a golden boy.
Or so I thought.
He came around a lot. I paid him to help me with jobs occasionally when Sebastian was unavailable. He smiled a lot and talked to everybody. Including my daughter. Especially my daughter.
I suppose she had had some kind of puppy love for him. He was tall and handsome and everything about him was tailored to a fourteen-year-old's crush. But he had laughed it off most of the time. Had probably joked around with his mates and called her "cute" and "a darling" in the same way you would a little kid. She was a little kid.
We had a good relationship. He called me pops and I called him Ollie. A father-son bond. The thought made me sick.
I currently sat in our basement doing pushups. It was something I did when I was upset or angry. Maddie was all cried out upstairs and had fallen asleep, exhausted. I should go to bed too, but I needed space to think.
My baby.
I'm going to kill him.
He had hurt my little girl. And she hadn't told me. My baby.
She had promised me everything was alright. Told me to stop bothering her when she was quiet or upset. And I had thought...what? That she was having a sad day? That she was missing her mamá?
How had she hidden this for so long?
"Papá?" My boy looked down at me.
"Sí, cariño?" I murmured, not pausing from my pushups.
"I'm hungry."
I stopped, looking up, where he blinked at me with innocent brown eyes and I felt my anger slowly melt away.
"Ok." I stood up and followed him into the kitchen.
Handing him a sandwich, I stacked the dishwasher and thought about what to do now.
"Papá!"
I turned around to see Leo looking at me alarmed, and looked down to see the shattered plate I had thrown at the wall.
"Sorry, Lee." I murmured.
Fucking Oliver.
I wrapped the broken plate in some paper towels and stuffed it into the bin, heading outside, I stared across the garden. My fingers twitched for a cigarette even though I haven't smoked in years.
I needed more information. I wanted to march up to my daughter and demand she tell me everything. Did she know where he was now? Did she keep looking over her shoulder to make sure he wasn't standing there? Did she wake up in the night expecting to see him at the foot of her bed?
I'm going to kill him.
A little body wrapped itself around my waist and I looked down at my son who smiled up at me. Holding his arms out for a cuddle the way he did when he was little.
I picked him up and he clung to me.
"It's ok, Papá." He said.
I held him tight and took some deep, shuddering breaths.
Police.
I should call the police right? What if he did it again to some other unsuspecting girl?
I would call them. I decided. But right now, it was time to speak to my kids.
"Maddie! Come downstairs now, please." I called.
I had had this talk with Maddie before, when she was three. I explained all about bodily autonomy and what to do if someone touches you inappropriately.
"If anyone touches you inappropriately, you come and tell me, right cariño?" I told her.
She nodded.
"Say 'I promise Papá'"
"I promise Papá."
"Good girl."
Why hadn't she told me?
I don't blame her. I know it's not her fault. But I wish she had told me sooner so we could have sorted this out together. I hate to think of her dealing with this alone for years.
My princess.
Maddie sat down and Leo clung to me, looking up.
"I want to have a talk about body autonomy. Do you know what that is?"
I looked at my daughter, her eyes were pricking with tears. I hated upsetting her but I couldn't put this chat off any more. I needed to make it absolutely clear to both of them what they needed to do if someone touches them inappropriately.
"It's the right to decide what happens to your body." Maddie said, quietly.
"That's right. This means you can tell anyone no when they touch you in a way you do not like or try to make you do something to your body you do not want to do." I explained, looking at my youngest as I spoke. "This goes both ways. If someone tells you to stop doing something, you stop. Ok?"
They nodded.
"So if someone asks you if you want a cuddle, you can say no and they can offer a different kind of greeting. Ok? And you must always ask permission before touching someone."
They agreed.
"You must never touch a person's private parts." This part was aimed at my son. I knew Maddie knew this. "And if anyone touches your private parts, you must come and tell me immediately."
He nodded.
"Can I have a cuddle?" I asked.
They nodded and I wrapped my children in a hug as they snuggled into my side. I saw Maddie wipe away tears and felt a flash of anger at myself for not seeing sooner.
"I'm here to keep you safe." I told them both, gently. "That's my only job."
I sat and wondered why I hadn't done the same earlier. I had failed at this before, what made me think I wouldn't fail again?
Because you're learning every day. Jasmine's reassuring voice reminded me. And now you know, you will do everything in your power to stop it happening again.
That doesn't erase the pain she's been through.
No. She agreed. But it shows her Papá is always there for her. And that's a start.