Tw; drug use, bisexual panic
~🖤K
I wake up to sunlight directly on my face. Ugh, it feels like I was hit by a goddamn bus. I must have been so tensed up when I had that nightmare last night. My shoulders ache.
I feel an arm wrapped around my back holding me to their shoulder. I take a breath in. Am I laying on Eddie? I feel a bit of panic take over and I pull back quickly. "Shit I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" I shake my head still trying to gauge what was happening. I was cuddling with Eddie. What the fuck. "No, no. It's alright. You uh.. you laid on me and wouldn't move. So I gave in and got comfortable and must have dozed back off." He stretches and rubs the sleep from his eyes. "I'm sorry I don't.. I don't know why I did that." He lets out a low laugh. "Dude it's fine. Don't get your panties in a twist. You had a rough night. Needing comfort is a basic human instinct. Plus I'm adorable how could you not cuddle with meee?" There's the comedic relief. What an ass. The confidence of this guy I swear...
I roll my head and neck a few times to see if I can stretch the tightness. It pops a couple of times which feels nice but I'm still sore. I yawn and stretch my arms. "What time is it?" Eddie looks over at an alarm clock on the dresser. "A little after 10. What time do you have work?" I don't want to go to work today. I feel like shit. My body hurts and I feel like I'm on the brink of tears just considering walking into that stupid store. "Fuck work. I'll call out. I can't go in that place today. It's sucking my soul away."
"Not that I'm complaining but. You sure?" I nod. I can afford to take an extra day off this week. Plus it's Tuesday. It's not like anything ever happens on a Tuesday. "It should be fine. I'll call Keith and tell him I'm dying or something. It's not like he'll care." I shrug and go make the phone call. Freedom for a day. Thank god. I come back to the bedroom and Eddie is completely sprawled out on the bed hair splayed out on the pillows. "Comfortable?" I laugh, trying not to stare. But it's relatively useless. I have this feeling in my gut when I look at him. What's going on with me lately? Why do I have an urge to cuddle back up with him and sleep the day away? "If you keep staring at me your eyes are gonna burn a hole in me, Harrington" he smirks.
I shake my head and try to regain my thoughts. Play it cool Steve. "Oh sorry I zoned out there for a sec..." he rolls to his side and props his head up on the palm of his hand. "Zoned out on me? Cmon I know I'm good looking and all but shit." He laughs again. I feel my face flush but I try to make a quick recovery "Oh my god shut it, Munson" did he see me blush? I really fucking hope not.
"So. What do we wanna do today? I've got a drop I gotta make later on but other than that I'm all yours" That damn smile again. What is that? I shake my head. Is he flirting with me or fucking with me? Why is it even effecting me? Jesus Steve get ahold of yourself of course he's just fucking with you. Why would he actually flirt?
Although I've never seen him have a girlfriend. I've seen him hangout with a few at parties but from what I've gathered he doesn't seem all that interested in a whole lot of anyone. Eddie isn't the type for flings. Which isn't a bad thing. But I just wonder if he's had any thoughts like I have recently? Noticed himself looking at other men? I'm not gay I don't think. I love girls. But maybe, maybe I think that in some way I find myself glancing at other guys the same way. Attracted to their hardened jawlines and rougher features. The 5 o'clock shadow and the smell of cologne. I dunno. Maybe.
After Nancy there were a lot of one nights. Moments in time where I tried to regain my previous title as a lady killer. But it's always so empty. It's been at least a year since I've even tried to go on a date with anyone. Robin says I'm going through some sort of catharsis. Healing myself from being an asshole for all those years. She might be right.
"I don't really feel up to much of anything honestly" I shrug. Feels like a good day to just do nothing. "Alright here lemme see if I can go do my drop early and then we can just spend the day vedging out?" I nod. "Alright. I'll be here." I flop back down on his bed and get comfortable while he goes to make a call. Eddie pops his head back in the room. "I'll be back in 20. Eat something. You'll feel better." He disappears and I hear the front door slam. He's right. I go and make myself a bowl of cereal and turn the coffee pot on.
Eddie's house is seriously like my second home. I've spent so much time here. His uncle has also become much like my own. He's a good guy, he's worked really hard to make sure Eddie has had a good life. Eddie has been through so much with his mom passing and his dad in prison most of his childhood. I'm glad he's had Wayne to help him along the way.
I moved out of my parents house right after graduating, got my own apartment in town and never looked back. The only thing I still have from my old life there is my car. But that's fine by me. I never needed them anyway. I saved up all my money from Scoops and from the video store and packed my shit and left. They didn't care about me regardless. It's always been that way and at this point in my life I've stopped caring. As soon as I got old enough to be home on my own they were basically never there. It is what it is. At least I have my chosen family.
I finish my cereal and drink some coffee, looking out the window. Eddie finally comes zooming back into the spot next to mine, music blaring. The front door slams open "Miss me, sugar?" "Shut it. I made coffee." He takes a deep breath in, inhaling the sweet and bitter smell of the coffee filling the room. I grab him a cup and he downs it rather quickly. "I swear you should be a barista and not some movie jockie" I laugh. "Working for tips sounds nice and all but there's no coffee places in town." He chuckles. "Successful trip I suppose?" He nods points to his lunchbox that he set on the counter." She's fed and ready to go."
I don't approve of his dealings but he makes a decent amount from doing it. It's mainly just weed but every now and again he'll get a request for the harder stuff or some hallucinogenic. He obliges usually, anything except heroin. He won't go near the stuff because of his dad. Can't say I blame him for that. I wouldn't go near it either with that kind of history.
I go sit on the couch and flip through some channels and settle on The Price Is Right. Nothing for shit on during the day except game shows, or soap operas. Eddie comes and plops down next to me, passing me a joint he decided to light. I take a few hits and pass it back. "Can I talk to you about something?" He nods. "Sure man you can talk to me about anything. Open book." He exhales and puts out the joint in the ashtray on the table. "Do you.. well. Okay hear me out here." I furrow my brows together and try to think of the right way to say what's been on my mind since this morning. "Have you ever like... actually dated anyone?" He laughs lowly. "Why? You interested, sweetheart?" Fucks sake Eddie. "Cmon, be serious. I just haven't ever seen you with anyone in these years I've known you. And I was just curious. You said you're an open book. So open up."
"Fiiiiine. Uh yeah. Junior year. Low key kinda thing. I had a few relationships here and there before then but. That was the last one."
I nod. "Hm. Alright." His choice in words makes me wonder. "Can I ask you another question?" He glances to me and back to the TV. "Shoot"
"Was it a guy?" His eyes widen, but he does not look at me. I can see he's visibly anxious and starts to mess with his rings. "You don't have to tell me. I just wanted to talk to you about something that I've been feeling and I don't know what to do with it and I'm so sorry that was super rude of me. Fuck. I'm an asshole I'm sorry man...I-" he cuts me off. "Steve. Shut the fuck up for a second and let me talk." I nod and put my hand up to my mouth and do the 'locked and throw away the key' motion. "Yeah. It was a guy. He's from the next city over. Don't go spreading this shit around okay? I get enough shit for being a freak I don't need everyone knowing I'm gay too." I nod.
"Can I ask you a question now?" Shit I know what he's going to ask. I feel my heart start beating faster in my chest. "Yeah..." he looks over at me finally, direct eye contact makes my stomach flip. "Well you just blurted out a bunch of nonsense at me but from what I could gather, I'm assuming you're having feelings toward guys as well. Right?" Right on the nose as usual Munson. He doesn't get enough credit for how observant he is. "I uh... yeah." He nods, in an understanding way. "Interesting." He smiles and breaks eye contact. "I just. I have been noticing lately that there's certain... features... in guys I've been finding myself gravitating towards. And I mean I still like girls. But also there's moments where I find myself looking a guy up and down in the same sort of way and then there's you and your damned flirting all the time and your stupid cute smiles and what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?!"
Wait. What did I just say? Steve shut up. Stop talking. You're doing the Robin thing. "You think I'm cute?" His face turns red. Is that all he heard? "Oh uh... well yeah look at you. That hair? Adorable. And Jesus Christ you could stop an entire parade with those dimples." I rub the back of my neck and look at the floor. "Oh. I uh... wow. Thanks, Steve." He laughs nervously.
"So if I like both what the fuck does that make me? I've been confused my whole damn life and this just makes it worse. I'm some sort of weirdo right? God why can't I shut the fuck up I sound like Robin" he chuckles again. "Dude. There's a name for it. You're not confused or a weirdo. You're bisexual. Meaning you like both men and women." I look over at him. "There's a name for it?!" He smiles and nods. "Yeup. Welcome to the club. We have meetings on Saturdays and you get a crown." I shake my head laughing. "So you don't think I'm crazy?" He puts his hand on my shoulder. I look up at him. "Well yeah but not because of this."