┏━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┓
𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗢𝗥 𝗡𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥
chapter eleven:
one thing, and it's back to the
beginning !
┗━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━┛
"ATHENA?"
IT WAS nighttime now. Athena had showered and gotten in her pajamas, trying to wash off all of the drama that she had experienced today. She was currently standing in front of the sink, brushing her wet hair. The only other girls in the cabin with her were Violetta and Maddox. Kourtney, Ashlyn, and Gina had been out somewhere, but Gina had just returned, saying nothing but Athena's name.
Athena ran her brush through her hair. "Yeah?"
"Um . . . can we talk?" Gina asked.
"Why? You clearly don't care what I have to say."
Athena didn't really mean to be so abrasive with Gina. However, after dealing with the water throwing and all of the snide comments that Athena hadn't noticed until today, Athena was just done. She wasn't going to let Gina walk all over her. Athena was worth more than that.
"I didn't mean it," Gina admitted. "The don't get me started, the throwing water thing, the telling you to stop when you were trying to tell Kourtney it was okay."
Athena set down her hairbrush and looked at Gina through the mirror. "Really? It seemed pretty personal to me."
"It wasn't."
"Are you sure? Because you weren't even a part of Kourtney and I's plans, you weren't even there when we made them. All you saw was a cup of water and thought to throw it at me. Me, specifically. You could've chosen anyone else."
"You were on stage at the time," Gina protested.
"So was Kourtney," Athena countered. She turned around fully and stared at Gina. "Why not her?"
Gina went silent.
Athena shook her head. "You said you wanted to start over. Is this your definition of starting over? Throwing water at me and telling me to shut up?" Athena let out a quiet scoff. "I defended you when Ashlyn accused you of turning back into Gina one-point-oh during auditions, but you're acting a whole lot like you were at the beginning of the school year."
"I'm not," Gina insisted. "But it's kind of hard not to act like this when you've basically stolen everything from me."
Gina's eyes immediately widened. She seemed to regret what she said. Vaguely, Athena heard Violetta and Maddox leave the cabin, wanting to leave them to their own situation. Athena stood up straighter from her place by the sink.
"Stolen?" Athena repeated, blinking in shock. "I'm sorry, I'm confused. What have I stolen?"
"For starters, Gabriella," Gina answered, her words seemingly pouring out of her.
"I was only her Understudy. Nini was the real Gabriella."
"Belle."
"I didn't steal the role of Belle from you, you tried out for her, too," Athena reminded her. "Do you not remember that conversation we had near the water fountain when Lily came up to us?" Her voice shook as she spoke. "You know, I wanted to give you the role of Belle because I overheard that conversation between you and Carlos in the hallway the day the power went out."
Gina was quiet. However, Athena could see some shock reflected on her features through all the anger that was seeping out of her.
"I was about to give it up, but Ricky convinced me not to, to do things for me. That's your mindset, right? What's so wrong of doing things for me?"
"Anna," Gina continued. "You got Anna, I got ensemble."
"That was Val's choice, not mine!" Athena exclaimed in exasperation. "Every role that I've gotten, I was just chosen. I didn't tell the directors hey, give this role to me, not Gina." Athena sighed. "This is so much more than roles, G. You and I both know that. So what's really going on?"
Gina hesitated for a moment, but her anger took over her. "I'm so tired of your perfect life ruining mine. Can't you leave something for me?"
Athena felt her stomach twist uncomfortably. "What?"
"Roles have a lot to do with it, but there's something else. Why did you take Ricky away?"
The world seemed to stop turning. Athena felt her entire body freeze. That last felt like an absolute smack to the face. Everything started to make sense. The comment on Homecoming night, the Valentine's Day chocolates joke, all of the lingering gazes on her and Ricky that she hadn't realized until now, the snide remark about the leading lady on their trip through the woods . . . this whole time, Gina had liked Ricky, all while he was dating Athena.
"Is that what you meant?" Athena asked quietly. "When you said that I've done more than I know? All of this . . . is because of Ricky?"
Gina didn't respond.
"You're fighting with me over a boy?" Athena questioned loudly. "I thought our friendship was worth more than that."
"Ricky isn't just any boy," Gina argued.
"I know he isn't, considering I'm literally dating him. He's one of the good ones, the one you don't want to let get away. And I'm sorry, Gina, but I'm not going to let him get away from me for you."
Athena felt like she was spinning out of control. She could feel panic rising up in her chest and her limbs shake. Athena felt even worse than she had earlier after her and Ricky's duet. It was like she couldn't calm herself down, no matter how many reassuring things she told herself or how she tried to take some breaths. Nothing was working.
"I can give up my role of Anna to you if you want, even though we've already started rehearsing, but Gina, I'm sorry, I can't give up Ricky. He — he means the world to me, and I — I love him. Without him, my life would completely fall apart."
"He would just choose you, anyways," Gina said bitterly. "And don't even bother. I'm over it."
With that, Gina left the Honeycomb cabin and slammed the door behind her, leaving Athena alone. Athena's chest heaved up and down slightly and she turned back around, placing her hands on the sink and staring at the drain. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Gina had all of this pent-up anger towards Athena and had just let it out all at once.
Athena never wanted this. She never wanted to let roles in a musical or relationships get in the way of her friendships. Athena hadn't done it on purpose, but she guessed that Gina had had this resentment from High School Musical and hadn't let it go, even almost a year later.
Slowly, she looked up in the mirror. Her eyes were glassy and her facial expression just screamed tired. She was tired. Athena had dealt with enough drama and panicking for the day, but there was more.
I have to write, I have to play. I have to write, I have to play.
Athena knew that was the only thing that could really help her. Even before going to Ricky or Violetta or Artemis about something, she would always write in her song journal or play the guitar. Athena didn't want to go all the way to the barn for the piano in case other people were inside, but there was a more transportable instrument that she could borrow and go to a more secluded spot. She just had to go get it.
She quickly put on a pair of shoes, grabbed a hoodie, and left the cabin. Athena pulled on the hoodie once the cooler summer night air hit her skin, feeling a little colder because of her wet hair. The stars were twinkling down on the camp, and it brought Athena some comfort, but not much. Her fingers were itching to play notes — or in this case, strum chords.
Finally, she made it to where she could get the instrument. Athena hesitated in front of the Yurt Locker cabin. She didn't know why she was so nervous — maybe it was the prospect of Ricky clearly going to notice that something was wrong because he knew her, or maybe it was there was a chance she would get hit in the head with a ball because of Crash. Either way, her heart rate had slightly increased in anxiety, more than it already was.
She swallowed her nerves and reached up her hand, knocking a couple of times. Athena only waited a moment before the door opened. It was Carlos who had answered. He smiled at her, not noticing the solemn expression on her face.
"Athena," Carlos began. "Hey."
"Hey," Athena responded. "Is Ricky here?"
Ricky appeared behind Carlos, making Carlos leave the doorway. "Hi, Attie. What's up?"
"Can I borrow your guitar?"
He blinked at her for a moment — not her first instrument of choice, she always went for the piano. "Uh, I — I mean, I guess." He walked over and grabbed his case off of the floor. However, when he approached her again, his eyes narrowed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Athena insisted, going to take the guitar case, but Ricky pulled it back a little farther. "Ricky, please, I'm . . . it's nothing."
He gave her a look. "Attie."
"Can I let you know in a little bit?" Athena questioned.
Ricky glanced back into the cabin for a moment before walking out onto the small porch, shutting the door behind him. "I don't like the idea of me leaving you alone when something's bothering you."
"Ten minutes," Athena pleaded. "Just give me, like, ten minutes, and then you can come find me."
"Five."
"Ricky—"
"Five."
Athena sighed, not really wanting another argument. "Fine. Five."
Ricky begrudgingly handed the guitar over to her. "Five minutes."
Athena took it from him, not having the strength in her to even give him a small smile. She left Ricky by his cabin and looked around, finding a tree in a secluded area away from the general eye of the camp. Athena went over to it and sat down, placing the guitar down next to her. She opened up the case and placed Ricky's familiar guitar on her lap.
She leaned her head against the tree, staring up at the stars as she strummed some random chords that she had learned from him. Whenever she wrote, she always just said the first things that came to her mind and would slowly piece them together. Athena's eyebrows knit in thought as some chords were placed together.
"Don't blink, no, I don't want to miss it," Athena sang quietly. She paused for a moment. "One thing, and it's back to the beginning."
It felt like her and Gina were reverting back to the beginning of Athena's junior year. One fight, and they were how they used to be. Athena didn't want that. She just wanted them to be okay, to be normal. Not to mention, Gina was completely ignoring starting over when Athena was doing what she asked.
"'Cause everything is rushing in fast."
Athena's eyes suddenly filled with tears, because, God, everything was really rushing in fast. She couldn't keep her thoughts out, and now it was driving her to cry. She should've known the second that Gina threw that cup of water at her that she was bound to cry today. It was like everything was built up, nd now it was all tumbling down.
"Keep going on, never look back." Athena stopped playing for a moment to wipe a tear away from her face, even though more came. "And it's one, two, three, four times . . ."
She paused for a moment, thinking of what else to say. That's what she was trying to do — go on and not look back at all of the mistakes or what had happened over the last two semesters. But it was hard now, and everything was rushing back up.
"That I'll try for one more night, light a fire in my eyes." Athena squeezed her eyes shut, making more tears fall, and her voice dropped into a whisper. "I'm going out of my mind."
It sure felt like it. All of her feelings and everything that had happened today was making her feel like she was going insane.
Suddenly, she felt a presence beside her. A very familiar presence. Had it already been five minutes? She must've completely lost track of time, caught up in nothing but guitar, lyrics, and now, crying.
Athena lowered her head back down and opened her eyes, but could barely see because of how much they were filled with tears. The person sat down next to her on the ground, dragging the guitar case out of their way.
Ricky wasn't exactly surprised to see Athena crying by his guitar, but it still broke his heart nonetheless. He had left his cabin five minutes on the dot, nothing but concern for his girlfriend, because she honestly looked shattered. And now she looked even more shattered as she cried with his guitar. His heart instantly broke even more. He never wanted to see her upset. Ricky always wanted love and happiness for Athena.
He reached over and gently took the guitar out of her hands. Athena didn't protest and just stared blankly ahead, her hands falling down to rest in her lap. Ricky put his guitar back in his case, not even bothering to shut it, because he was way more focused on Athena right now.
Athena felt Ricky tap the bare skin on her thigh three times. I love you. It was something that she always did to him when he got lost in his thoughts, asking if he was ready to talk. If he tapped back he was, and if he didn't, Athena would continue to give him his space until he did tap back. Now it was going the opposite way. Ricky didn't want to push her to talk if she didn't want to.
She then reached over and tapped his hand three times back. Ricky glanced over at her, watching as the tears fell freely down her cheeks.
"What's going on?" Ricky inquired.
"Gina and I fought," Athena revealed, swallowing a sob that had built up in her throat.
"What about?"
Athena couldn't tell him — that was Gina's secret. "It doesn't matter."
"It clearly matters if you're this upset over it," Ricky protested. His eyes softened when he saw her lip quiver. "Athena, baby."
"I'm fine," she stated quietly, but instead of firm, it came out as more of a whimper than anything.
"No, you're not. You don't have to pretend to be okay when you're clearly not. That's what you always tell me, right?"
"I'm sorry," Athena cried, placing her face in her hands.
"You have nothing to be sorry about," Ricky replied.
It had always been the other way around. It had always been Athena comforting Ricky, holding him as he cried. But now the roles were reversed.
Athena felt Ricky gently pull her hands away from her face. She looked up at him, and suddenly, just by their eyes meeting, Athena knew she couldn't keep it in. Athena let out another sob and surged forwards, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her head in his shoulder. Ricky responded by wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her to sit sideways on his lap, holding her close.
Ricky turned his head and kissed her temple gently. "I love you."
Athena sobbed again, feeling her spirits pick up just the slightest bit by those three words. "Say it again. Please say it again."
"I love you," Ricky repeated quietly, resting his cheek against her head as he rubbed her back softly. "I love you. I love you."
Her shoulders shook as she continued to sob and cry into Ricky's shoulder, him repeating the same three words over and over again and occasionally pressing gentle kisses onto her temple and in her hair. Athena clutched onto him tighter than she ever had, afraid that if she let him go he would disappear, even though she knew he wouldn't.
After a while, Athena finally lifted her head up when she had run out of tears and the sobs were just left to hiccups. She was still sitting on Ricky's lap, and he was staring at her in a mixture of concern and softness. Athena sniffled and reached up, wiping some of her stray tears away with her hands.
"I love you more," Athena said.
Ricky shook his head, a small smile on his face. "Not possible." He pressed his lips to her forehead gently. "To the moon and to Saturn, my love." Ricky continued to rub her back softly. "What do you need from me?"
Athena could've started crying again right then and there. Whenever she comforted Ricky after a breakdown of his, she would always ask what he needed, wanting nothing more to make him feel better. Sometimes it was a distraction, which came in the form of playing piano or guitar or watching a movie. Sometimes it was silence, where they would just sit with each other. Most of the time it was hugs, where Ricky would just curl up into Athena's side like he wasn't eight inches taller than her.
"Just please," Athena whispered, letting out another sob against her own will. "Please don't go."
Ricky reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Never. C'mere."
He adjusted her gently so he was sitting on his lap a little better, unlike earlier when she was half-off because he was in such a rush to hold her close. Athena still had her arms slung loosely around his neck. She sniffled, honestly feeling quite stupid for crying so much and having Ricky literally hold her in his lap like she was a child, but Athena didn't know what else to do at the moment. Athena started to feel her heart rate decrease from the crying as Ricky's hand ran up and down the fabric of her shirt — well, his shirt.
"I have a question for you," Ricky admitted, and Athena looked over at him. "How many times have you left me while I was crying?"
Athena's eyebrows knit in confusion. "None."
"Then why did you think I would leave you?"
She paused for a moment, bowing her head and averting her gaze to her lap.
"Hey," Ricky said softly, reaching up and placing a hand on her cheek. "Look at me, Athena."
Athena slowly looked up, the words coming out of her making her feel utterly pathetic. "It's just . . . you make me feel so loved. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it."
Ricky's eyes softened, and he ran his thumb back and forth on her cheek. "Don't say that. You deserve all the love in the world."
Athena leaned into his hand on her cheek instinctively. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"
"It's the other way around, baby." He kissed her jaw softly. "You're the best thing that's ever been mine."
She let out a very small laugh, but it sounded a little sad from her voice being all choked up. "Why are you quoting Taylor Swift right now?"
"I thought it would make you feel better."
She said nothing else. Instead, she leaned her head forwards, resting her forehead on his temple, and hugged him tightly. Athena couldn't help but realize that he was the best thing that's ever been hers, too.
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WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T READ THE CRYING PART WHILE LISTENING TO CHEMICALS BY DEAN LEWIS SAVE YOURSELF THE EMOTIONAL PAIN
athena my girl :(
also if you don't agree with anything athena said or did this chapter, you don't have to! as much as I love and adore her, she sometimes makes rash decisions and speaks through her anger, like now. she isn't perfect :)
and I know stand tall is mostly a piano song but I thought it would be more meaningful for her to play it on ricky's guitar <3