Cassandra.
Jem led me into a door and though I was really wondering why he brought me here, I didn't really asked. I trust him fully to know what he do and I know he would not do something to hurt me. He has proven himself much enough for me to doubt him an inch.
Smiling and feeling excited he turned to me, give me some glasses which I believe were for 3D movies, so I ended up thinking will be watching a movie in a private room. And though anticipation were rising my body cannot really show a lot of my expression. It seems I weary myself just for moving one muscle, but keeping the aches aside I managed to give an excited smile then with a swift Jem opened the door and in my eyes laid one of the most beautiful thing I could ever see.
Cherry bloosoms.
In my front were the woody bricks and the finest little grass growing, and in my whole vissions came the magnificent and lively colors of the tree. It was breathtaking.
Managing my self to walk more I was led closely to the tree and though I wasn't sure if my imagination were playing with me or was it really I could smell its scent and feel a cool breeze caressing my delicate face. I shudder with the coldness but feel so inviting. I see the closely the beauty of God's creation but when I touch it I only feel a cold smooth paper in my fingers but it didn't dismay me. Yes. I may have not touch it for real but Im close enough to it.
I smile to myself as I imagine how the flower would feel in my hands then I run down its twigs and branch and though its vividly real in my eyes, my touch had said otherwise. The smoothness of the paper still touched my fingers and its texture were far from real but I never really mind. In my self I could almost feel them, touch them and relate to them and though I could have wanted to stand there forever but my weakened state cannot endure too much movement so with tenderness Jem lead me to the wooden bench in the middle of the park. There I rested myself and get myself a full view of my surroundings.
The front were full of trees and blooms of pink and its shades. The birds were flying to and fro singing sweetly, a voice I could swear hear. Then to my left is another bench filled with one couple. They were young and happy. The were wearing thin coats and had wrapped themselves with each others warmth. Then to the their left is another people watching the view. There were kids playing and picking falling blooms too. They were having good times and its pretty sweet to hear them talk. Then to my surprise I feel no longer Jem's warm hands and body and in his steed is an old man, he had a wrinkled face. His eyes were sort of familiar and his features were undeniable. I feel like I am dreaming, in my side is Jem but he looked like a seventy year old man. His glasses were thick and old too but his smile is him.
My heart ache for the sight. Jem wants me to see him growing old with me by his side while we watch the Cherry blossoms bloom. In this perfect situation he make me feel like I have aged and still in his side.
My eyes got teary but willed them back. This is a blissfull moment just to be wasted on tears, so I put a happy smile. He said I love you and just hold my hand virtually and it that moment I know I can no longer hold myself. I feel crying and indeed a tear escaped from my eyes and Jems warmth hand easily wiped them away. I suddenly feel him near and embracing me in his arm making the old man in my side a little distant.
Cuddling and giving me comfort he kisses my forehead and hum to me. "hush. .I never thought you'll cry because you find the old Jem ugly and unanttractive." He tease trying to make me laugh which indeed happen. I feel a bit better and have managed to give him a soft slap in his shoulder.
"Thank you. ." I said a little pulling away from him and in such movement I felt limped. I can't see him clear with my glasses on, what I see is the old man in his side then the old man turns slowly into Jem and stood up. I follow his gaze and saw him walk over a few feet in my front then he calls for someone. Its Emme. She was wearing a brown coat that hangs to her knees and a two inched black boots with a stockings on. She was smiling at me and waving then she shouts.
"You should try to get well soon. .its pretty lame just to sit in there you know."
She look so real so I just waved at her and shout back even if my throat was dry. "Im fine here. .thank you!"
"Suit yourself. .but make sure you walk next time with me okay?" She shouted again answering me perfectly.
"Yes. .next time." I tried shouting again but It was so hard.
"Okay! Just promise me you will get better okay?" She shouted again and though she was trying to smile I saw in her eyes pain and hope amd prayer for her words silently uttering, please.
I smile at her and nodded since I was too weak to speak again. Then she smile and walk as she enjoys the place. Then the scenery change and the place was suddenly quiet. What only remains is the sweet breeze, its scent and its comfort. Then I feel Jem gently squeeze my hand as I look at him. His face was a little blurr in the glasses but he whisper that I look in the other side as he held me in his chest. Obediently, while peacefully resting in his broad chest I saw him in my other side looking at me with those eyes of him shouting different languages of I love you. He smile to me more and said, "I love you. ." and as the virtual had said I also hear the real Jem saying likewise as he gently stroke my hair and caress me.
I replied to the both of them. ."I love you too and thank you. ." I muttered as determined as possible.
He kissed the top of my head and mutters , 'anything for you', as he continue to gently caress my body giving me ample warmth despite the chilly weather of the place. It was so real. It felt so real.
Smiling contentedly to myself and to the place I feel so revived and strengthened despite the weariness that overcoming me. It just feels so nice here that I feel renewed. I couldn't helped but be overjoyed.
I wanted to stay awake longer but everytime Ive walked or moved my body easily give up and I'll end up sleeping, so afraid that I'll forget this I willed myself and push to see the view one last time, I slowly watched and turn my head to see them all again. The place and the memory I want to bring them with me. I want to make sure that even in my dreams, I could bring them there. I want to bring them there.
Then before I really fell asleep I hugged him tight as my fragile body could do and say, "I love you." again and then darkness filled me welcoming me with another heaven in my dreams.
Cherry blossoms. Then I drift away to my sleep with a smile on my face.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Jeremy.
"I love you too." I replied sweetly to her while trying desperately not to choke.
Looking around the place was beautiful and the hardship in making it was so all worth it. She was obviously pleased.
I kept on stroking her body and feel here with me and wished that if only I could trade places with her, I would. If I could only take her pain, I would.
Holding her hand I gently squeezed it and put it in my mouth to kiss it. I wanted to kiss her hand gently but before I could do that I already broke into pitiful sobs and hugged her tight.
'I love you.' I muttered as I kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose and her sweet lips. "I love you so much." I said while deeply crying and in pain.
"Jem did you love Emily?" She asked me thoughfuly. I smile at her and give her a kiss.
"Yes. .I did. But I love you more. .more than anything else."
My reply satisfy her making her to hugged me tight. "Thanks. .atleast I know you never intended to hurt her."
I stroke her hair lovingly and pull her away to met her eyes. "I never intended to hurt her. .but I never also thought that I wasn't over you."
"If- -if I die. .would you, would you take care of her for me?" She asked pleading with her huge brown eyes, making me nod despite my reluctance. I just can't imagine her dead, I don't want to imagine her dead.
"Promise me. .promise me you'll take care of her for me. ."
With a lump in my throught I tried to say what she wanted.
"I can't!" I blurted out of my memory. "No please. .please breathe!" hugging her tight and praying for miracles to happen I feel her hand loosened.
"Please." I begged to whoever hear. "Please. . ."
To live is Christ, to die is Gain. The word echoed in my mind. Thats the verse she always read to me or to herself everytime. Everytime.
Let go Jem. Let me go.
I can't. I won't! Please come back!
She smile at me but she shook her head.
I love you. She said and her image in my head were gone so were her life on her body. I feel that no.matter how I rubbed her, her heat wouldn't come back and that her already paled skin looked more paler to me than ever.
Please, come back. Just come back.
Cuddling and hugging her I keep on repeating the word like a mantra, a prayer and a plead. .
" I will love you in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. I will love you even if nothingness come. I will always be at your side. I will be your constant companion and love, I will remind you of your ways and mine. I will put your desires and need ahead of mine and love you completely. And above all, I promise to be honest to you as possible. Share my guilts and happiness. My hurts and pain. I promise too to defend you and fight for our love as I could muster. I love you and I will be your wife. .not even death can tear us apart."
The word ring again, the promise of love and forever.
". .not even death can tear us apart. ."
"Please. .come back." I feel my voice hoarse, low and breaking. I feel my world completely falling apart. "Please. You said you'll be my constant companion. .my guide and my love. .pleassseeee. .---"
"PPPLLLEAAAASSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!" I sobbed and almost choked. She promised to fight for our love and be my wife. My constant companion. .but Why did she leave me? Please,Come back.
Not minding my everything and wetting my self and showering Cattey's head with tears I even hoped that it would somehow bring her back to life. To me. "J-Just come bacckk. .even if I would clean your pukes everyday. .or wash the sheets everytime you poop in bed. .I wouldn't even mind if you peed in your pj's. .I wouldn't care taking care of you all my life. .I wouldn't be mind carrying you in my back forever just you can be at different places in the house. I wouldn't mind if you keep on biting my hand when you have combulsions and attacks. I wouldn't mind being sleepless at all. .just. .just please. .please. .come back!"
"Just come back. ." I kissed her head again while cuddling her body. Soaked in tears and unknown agony I keep on rocking her back an forth not knowing whether I want to wake her up or pray pretend that I wad just humming her to sleep.
"come back. . ."
"Come back. ." I keep on rocking her while cuddling and then I saw her hands in her sides swinging with no life and force. My cry wouldn't been so much in anguish and undeterminable pain.
"CASSANDRA!!!!!!". I shouted to the top of my lungs and mourned till forever exist.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Emme.
It was already six in the morning when I arrived to fetch my sister but when I open the door with Jem embracing her tightly, his eyes were bloody red and he was talking and muttering something in her ear while crying. His been repeating the word 'come back', 'come back to me please' and for the moment my head was deliberately messy and I don't even understand him then realization hit me like a waved of thunder busting in my brain.
Still and astounded I managed to walk a step then another until my heart just stop beating and I rushed to her in tears of pricked agony.
"No-no- no. ." Shaking my head I kneel beside her helping Jeremy wake her up. "No. .No. .Nooooooooo!!!!!!" I tried harder to wake her up but her skin is deathly pale and her body is icy cold slapping me that I have nothing more to do. And that my efforts are vain and futile, she's never going to wake up again.
I was too late. Way too late. Looking at Jem who I realised took his vigil makes me realize that she even passed away how many hours ago and that I never had even the chance to bid her goodbye!
She's gone. Gone for good.
Why does everyone I love leave me?
Why? Why does everyone I care about vanished and taken away from me?
Why?
Pain stricken I tried to touch her face and feel awed as ate (a-teh) look so peaceful like she was just sleeping. In her face left was content and smile.
Looking at her that way makes me more anguished. True enough atleast she was happy now. Away from immense pain and sufferings. Away from hurts and all, but what about me? She left me, she left Jeremy in such a state you would never imagined!
Then suddenly a memory cross my mind. She was in the hospital lying in her bed as I was holding her hand. I remembered asking her if she was afraid of what was to come but she just smile and stroke my hand saying. . .'Death is just a separation of the soul and body. .Love however never ends and fail. .beyond skies and limits. It travels and reaches. . .I for a certain love you sissie and if tomorrow is a failure live and know that I had lived my life and not a single moment of it I will wished to change. .'
'Wouldn't you? You could have not run away from Jeremy at that time and---' I trail off.
'And what be happy? Have kids and not let things be this way? If I did worst could have happened that time. .it is better this way. .'
Confused of what she was saying I so wanted to ask again but she fall asleep easily leaving our conversation at edge.
She was prepared to die yet I wasn't prepared to let her leave yet. Could God atleast spare more days or weeks perhaps? Could He? I end up crying again and again.
She look so peaceful and Im too selfish not wanting to let her go, afraid Ill be left alone in this world.
Life, it so unfair.