Charlie was so quiet.
A lot of men were quiet in comparison to me, but Charlie hardly said a word. Content to listen to me ramble on.
I had so many questions. About him. His kids. His wife. But instead, I let him listen and hold my hand.
He looked at the leaves above and I wondered what he was thinking. But he turned back to me and squeezed my hand gently before I could ask him.
I thought about the drawing of his wife he had tucked under his arm and wondered what he was doing here.
Was he ready for this kind of thing? I thought of Archer and his problematic dating life. Moving on too soon could be just as bad as not moving on at all. You needed time to adjust. It didn't matter how long it took. When you lose someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, you need to allow yourself to grieve properly before moving on.
I guess we would see how much he could handle.
He turned to look at me and smiled. It was a smile that said I'm scared. A smile that screamed I'm not ready.
Maybe I would just have to be patient. Because when it comes to love, you couldn't rush anything.
I squeezed his hand gently and he smiled again, this one looked happier. More relaxed. I hoped he would relax enough to let me get to know him. But I had a feeling he was holding back to reassure himself that his wife was still his number one.
"Do you want to go to the park?" He asked.
"Sure." I agreed.
We put our drawings into the car to keep them safe and strolled along, our linked hands swaying gently. I dipped into a shop and bought a bottle of white wine and some paper cups.
He led me under the trees and we sat down, I handed him a cup and filled it with wine.
"Do you think it's possible to fall in love again once you've lost the love you thought was going to be the one?" He asked.
"Yeah." I said. "It just takes time, that's all."
"Why did you divorce your husband?" He asked, turning to me.
"We just grew apart." I shrugged. "I still love him, he still loves me. We just weren't compatible anymore. He still wanted that freedom to drop everything and travel whenever he wanted and I wanted something more settled. We had kids. We changed. I didn't want to be the person who held him back and made him unhappy. He still sees the kids. He just doesn't want to be tied down."
He nodded.
"I used to travel a lot when I was younger." He said. "Before I met Jasmine and had kids, in my early twenties, I went on holiday to Peru and just kept travelling. I hopped from place to place until I met Jasmine in Mexico and we travelled here."
I listened.
"She got pregnant and we ended up settling here. We always planned to travel again when Madeline was born, but we ended up finding jobs and life got more serious." He said, wistfully. "We never made it to Japan."
"Japan?"
"A month before she got pregnant, we planned to travel to Japan and see the cherry blossom trees and ride the bullet train." He explained. "We were planning it and almost booked a ticket but then the positive pregnancy test came back. We realised we needed to build a home here, since we both had family here at the time, and visit Japan later."
He looked across the park and I wondered what he was thinking. Wondered if he was remembering what had been. Imagining what could have been. If they had only had the time.
But time was a funny thing. It dragged on and on when you were young and then all of a sudden it sped up and you were just doing your best to keep up.
~*~
The sun began to set and the smell of rain was in the air. I considered suggesting we move inside but I looked at Charlie and kept my mouth shut. The bottle of wine between us was now almost empty.
He looked up at the sky with a smile and took my hand. He pulled gently until I started to run alongside him until we were in the middle of the park. Suddenly the sky broke and he gave a mischievous grin before taking my hand and starting to spin us around in a circle.
Thunder clapped and his eyes sparkled in the lightning.
"We should go inside." I yelled over the thunder.
"We can." He said, the words being stolen away by the wind. "But why would we?"
He started to twirl me around the empty park, splashing through rapidly forming puddles, and pulled me close. His eyes were alight with mischief and something else as he moved gracefully whilst I stumbled to keep up with him.
I watched him move and smiled. There was something lighter about him right now. Simpler. As if the rain had come and washed all his fears away. I wondered whether it was the wine or the water that had caused this sudden change but right now I didn't care.
He dipped me and laughed, I marvelled at the sound, surprised that such a carefree laugh could come from such a reserved person. His smile lit up his entire face and his eyes sparkled even in the rapidly fading light.
"Don't you need to get home to your kids?" I asked.
"Right now, mi Querida, I'm all yours." He said, taking my hands.
I laughed at his carefree words and his haunting smile as he pulled me close and stroked my damp hair out of my face.
The rain suited him. Droplets clung to his hair and his shirt stuck to his body, slightly see through and I could tell he was more than a little on the skinny side, a slight six pack rippling under the material. I saw the young, handsome man his wife had known, falling in love for the first time. Letting his guard down.
He traced my lips with his thumb lightly and gave a heart melting smile. The kind of smile that lit up his eyes and spread through his whole body.
"Charlie." I whispered.
"Sí?"
"I need to get home." I said, gently.
He smiled again and pulled his hand away, leading me back to the car.
In the car, he put the heating on full blast and we sat back, allowing our clothes to dry a little.
He pulled out of the parking lot and drove slowly, the rain the only sound in the car. I glanced at him and he gave me a smile that made me feel warm despite the chill of my clothes.
We arrived home and I waited in the car for a few minutes, wondering what to do.
"Thank you for a lovely evening, Charlie." I said.
He smiled.
"We should do this again sometime." I ventured.
Another smile and a nod.
"I'd like that very much." He said, softly. He stroked the top of my hand and squeezed it softly.
I smiled and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.
"Drive safe." I told him.
"I'll give you a call." He said.
I walked up my drive a funny, floaty feeling in my stomach. Turning, I saw him wave as I fitted the key into the lock. As I went inside, the car pulled away and disappeared around the corner and I was left staring at the dark.
~*~
I sat up in bed the next morning, my sketchpad in front of me when my phone buzzed.
Thank you for a lovely time last night. Hope you're ok. Think I may have caught a cold from the rain. Cx
I smiled and picked up my phone.
I had a great time too! Should do it again sometime. Mix 1tsp lemon juice and a pinch of sugar into hot water. It should help with the cold. Lx
Once a mother, always a mother. I fought back a grin and looked down at my sketchpad, trying to work out where I was going wrong. I rubbed out the line and sighed at the faint mark. No matter what you did, the mark never properly went away. I sketched over it again, altering it slightly. Better.
I lay back in bed, thinking about yesterday and replaying the events in my mind.
This was usually where the doubts set in. Had I done something wrong? Said the right things? Held eye contact enough to seem interested but not too much to seem creepy? Had I ruined it by talking about my kids nonstop?
But this time, all I felt was a warm sense of happiness that made me smile to myself as I looked out into the still rainy landscape.
I pulled out the drawing I had done yesterday of the landscape and traced his outline in the corner of the page. I had tried to capture his thoughtful expression whilst he was drawing, the way the droplets of water stuck to his hair. He was beautiful. The fact that he didn't seem to know it made him even more beautiful.
He looked guarded. Defensive. As if he was trying to keep everyone from seeing what was underneath the calm, shy façade. And I wondered what he was hiding.
This was a man with secrets. A man who was used to maintaining a distance with the rest of the world.
He would be hard to get to know. But I couldn't help but think that once he let you in, he would never let you go.
I would just have to break his walls down, piece by piece, until he trusted me to take his hands and lead him back into the sunlight.