T H I R T Y - S E V E N
ottilie harrington.
For the first few days Otto would initiate each kiss, she knew JJ wouldn't do it. She was well aware if his nerves.
But after she'd made it clear it wasn't a one time thing he would kiss her too.
It wasn't like two highchooler's kissing each other like they were trying to lick each other's tonsils. It was more chaste pecks here and there, rarely going beyond that.
They also kept it inside the house, it was another one of their unspoken agreements.
Otto finally was realising JJ actually loved her, he wasn't like her last boyfriend's that said it to get into her pants. JJ wasn't doing it for that otherwise he'd have left months ago.
He actually loved her.
That terrified her because she was pretty sure - not 100% sure - she loved him too.
She wouldn't say it unless she was ready, and knew she did love him. In the past she said it because other person said they loved her and she felt an obligation to say it back. They looked at her expecting her to repeat the sentiment, like if she didn't repeat it they'd be mad.
But when JJ told her the first time she was a little off her head with everything that was happening, then he said it again the night of her slight meltdown he said it in a way that it was clear he didn't expect her to say it back.
It almost looked like he didn't want her to say it back.
It looked like he just needed her to know, like he needed to get it off his chest.
Just like the kisses they shared JJ would remind her he loved her, every so often he'd slip it in. Usually before bed when he was saying goodnight he'd tack on an I love you.
Every since her father died they didn't really spend time apart from each other, they didn't share all the same classes so they'd wouldn't be together for that. But beyond that it was pretty much them 24/7 and had been for months.
Neither of them were sick of it.
JJ still loved seeing Otto when she woke up in the morning all dazed and confused for a few seconds, he loved seeing the concentration on her face when she cooked, he loved how excited she got for shitty reality TV shows and Grey's Anatomy. But, more than anything loved watching her with Freddie.
He didn't want another baby with her because she didn't want another one. But if she did want another one he really wouldn't opposed to the idea, not at all.
Otto loved it when JJ fell asleep running his hands through her hair, contrary to popular belief she didn't fall asleep every time someone did it. Although the success rate was very high. She also loved watching him trying to figure out how a hoover worked or other common items, she loved when he pretended to be interested in the TV shows she liked, she loved watching his awful gardening skills that her mother paid him a ridiculous amount of money for. But she too loved watching him with Freddie more than anything.
She still would rather be shot in the head than have another baby. She really thought she was dying.
"You go have a shower, I've got Freddie and I can make dinner." She smiled at him, his arms were already wrapped around her front, his chin perched on her shoulder.
"Is this your way of saying I stink?"
"If you stunk I would just tell you that. I'm not the type to beat around the bush. I'm telling you to go have a shower because you barely ever have time to yourself, it's always a painfully efficient shower. Maybe you could have a bath, they're fun. So just go, relax."
He spun her around, Otto glared at him, he pressed a kiss against her forehead. "I love you." He reminded her, she smiled and he left to have a shower.
Otto tried to make sure he had time to himself, even after a few months he was still hellbent on doing as much Freddie work as he could. Although in the first month after she gave birth he didn't let her touch a nappy. And she only got to feed him when she said she wanted to.
No one - not even himself - knew what to expect from him as a father.
And to be honest the expectations weren't in his favour, but he superseded them tenfold.
He loved Freddie and Otto more than life itself. He loved them so much it hurt.
While JJ knew Otto very well, Otto also knew JJ very well. She had a note on her phone of all the things she cooked that he liked and was sure to make those as much as possible saying that she liked them. Most of them she wasn't particularly fond of.
While he knew she loved buttered toast, she knew he liked crunchy peanut butter (the cheap ones, none of the fancy shit.) And his favourite drink was fresh orange juice with ample pulp.
That night she cooked one of his favourite meals that she really did not like.
When they sat down at the table, Freddie happily asleep, he smirked at her as she pushed the food around with her fork.
"I know you hate it."
"I don't hate it. I wouldn't cook it if I hated it." That was the truth, she didn't hate it she just disliked it, strongly.
He rolled his eyes, "Take a big bite, I'm talking a full spoonful."
"I'm not a dog, I don't do what I'm told." She glared at him, she really didn't want to take a big bite, she would probably gag.
"Just admit you don't like it."
"I'm not admitting shit."
"If I didn't like it, would you cook it?"
"Probably not."
"So you don't like it."
"Fine, I don't like it. But you do, hence me cooking it. Be grateful, I'm extremely selfless."
He raised his eyebrows, at the beginning he too truly underestimated her in certain areas, but as he began to know her personally it was a different person entirely to the person she shows other people.
"What else don't you like that you cook?"
She proceeded to name several things she cooked regularly that she strongly disliked.
"Do you ever cook anything you like?"
"Yes. I have a schedule, three times a week I try something new, two times a week I do something you like and two times a week I do something I like."
"You don't cook things I don't like."
"Because I have good taste."
"You need to stop cooking things you don't like, it's ridiculous." He said, grabbing her bowl and began eating it.
"You really like that baked pasta shit." She points out.
"I know but watching you trying not to vomit looking at it while pretending to eat it but instead just pushing it around the plate is painful."
"You make trying to be selfless incredibly difficult." She grumbled standing up grabbing her glass of diet Coke and going to put more ice in it.
He ended up making her pancakes, something he had just learned how to make and was very proud of himself. Despite it being almost midnight she ate the pancakes eagerly.
JJ was actually a decent cook, while she was practically duct taped to bed rest by JJ he did the cooking, and it was pretty good.
There was a lot of pasta involved and sandwiches, the occasional pot noodle if something didn't go to plan. But they all tasted good which was all that mattered.
Once she had finished, the washing up was done and the dishwasher was loaded. Otto looked exhausted, JJ was obviously more sleep deprived than her the night before because he slept like the dead.
While they usually split it (with JJ doing slightly more because he would snatch the baby out of her hands,) the night prior JJ didn't wake up once.
He was mildly annoyed at Otto for not walking him up, he hated the idea of her doing all the work. She told him to fuck off and let her sleep in.
As soon as Otto's head hit the pillow she was asleep, JJ smiled and after putting Freddie down he climbed into the bed and pulled her toward him. She mumbled in protest of being woke up, something along the lines of but very quickly fell asleep again.
Otto dreamt, but it was not really a dream more of a nightmare.
She was in a wedding dress it was puffy and hideous, the corset digging painfully into her, she could see herself in the mirror, her hair pinned up and make-up done to perfection, except her face was littered with bruises, she couldn't tell if they were so bad they shone through the make-up or if they purposely didn't cover them, they didn't just cover her face but all exposed skin. Most were dark purple bruises, some were lighter obviously healing.
Some one opened the doors to the painfully bright room walked over and grabbed the upper arm and began to drag her through the door, down a dimly lit corridor and toward a set of tall, grand looking doors, she heard music begin to play, the doors opened and she looked down the aisle.
People lined either side, all looking at her with smiles on their faces, she noticed a few people Wes knew, and couldn't see anyone of her friends and family. It was gorgeous but in a way that didn't seem coherent and was instead buying the most expensive option for each item.
Someone walked next to her and looped their arm with hers, she turned and saw Horris looking down at her with a smirk.
She looked from Horris down the aisle, Wesley stood at the other side of the long walkway, with a smug look on his face.
She didn't want to move but her feet did it for her, walking down to the stage, once at the end Horris pressed a wet kiss to her cheek and handed her off to Wes, he grabbed her hands so tightly she thought they'd fall off from lack of circulation.
"You're mine, Ottilie. You've always been mine, every since I laid eyes on you--
The nightmare was cut short when someone raked their hand through Otto's hair, pushing it back off her forehead. It pulled her from her terror riddled slumber slowly, she watched Wes' face blur before it disappeared.
Wes. He was there.
That was her future.
Otto need to get away, that could not be her future. She wouldn't let that happen. She won't let him hurt her forever, she was not his to own and abuse until the day she died, probably by his hands.
She shot up, trying to find her bearings to leave. Her hands gripped the sheets in fevered desperation, she tried to get her legs out from beneath the covers when a gentle hand was placed one her back and she jumped.
"Get off me. Let me go."
"Tillie, it's just me."
Not Wes. That wasn't Wes' voice.
Otto turned her head, JJ sat up next to her, "You're okay, I've got you. You're okay." His voice was soft and calm, trying to not add to her stress.
Her heart was racing and her body was working overtime as it prepared itself to leave and to fight. But her body was wrong, she wasn't with Wes, that wasn't her future.
JJ watched as she stared almost emptily at him for a second, he didn't move, despite wanting to grab her. After a few seconds past and her brain fully comprehended it was just JJ, and JJ wouldn't hurt her she sniffed back the urge to cry and sat forward grabbing him tightly.
He held her just as tight, rubbing one arm up and down her back. "It's okay. You're okay. It's just me."
JJ had heard her vaguely mumble Wes' name and when she started grabbing the sheets like she was trying to kill them he decided to wake her up.
He'd read somewhere to not startle someone having a nightmare, so he tried to gently coax her out.
One hand of her's was wrapped around his neck and the other was pressed into the skin of his back flatly, fingers pressing into down slightly. If he was wearing a shirt she'd be death gripping it.
He kept murmuring the same sentiments, that she was okay, it was just a nightmare, and it was just JJ.
And Otto knew JJ wouldn't hurt her.
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My girl has PTSD. I don't have PTSD (thank the Lord, I'm already screwed up enough as is) but I have nightmares like that and they are horrific not to mention they fuck up the next day for me