sorry for taking so long with the requests, hit a writers block lol
shuhua feels like she's not fit for this life anymore. she feels like a big sack of garbage that's going to be tossed away soon. she's always the one to never care about her image and always just speaks her mind, but ignoring the hate comments can only go so far.
the taiwanese girl doesn't know what to do anymore, she doesn't want to bother the other members about her problems. she's scared of being a burden to them and plus they already have their own problems to deal with. they don't need to add an extra layer to that.
shuhua has spend countless nights tossing and turning around in bed, she can't even have a good night's rest these days. she wants to just go back to her small home in taiwan and spend the rest of her days there.
she misses being around her mother tongue 24/7, she misses the homemade food her mom always makes, and she especially misses her whole family there.
currently it's another sleepless night for shuhua. everytime she shuts her eyes, the thoughts always come back.
is she really suit for this life? should she just quit? would the whole group be better off without her?
she'll admit, she's seen the worried faces of all the other members. she's been distancing herself and staying in her room more nowadays. only responding when she needs to or when force her to.
if she could, she would hide away from them forever. not because she hates them, but because she's so tired of this whole idol thing. she desperately need a break from everything and might just explode if she doesn't get one.
she's been so trapped in her mind that she doesn't even hear the door click open. the light brings her back from her thoughts and makes her face the figure that's walking it.
"hey shu." she recognizes that honey voice anywhere. "minnie-unnie." she can hear how raspy her voice has become from balling her eyes out every hour.
"mind if i join you tonight?" shuhua gives her a small smile and shakes her head. "you're always welcomed." it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with so she could get some sleep tonight. she knows minnie has been paying attention to her. she knows minnie knows she's been crying, but minnie doesn't push on it, she offers comfort instead. it makes shuhua feel relieved that she doesn't have to talk about it yet.
shuhua lifts up the blanket inviting minnie in. when minnie gets in, shuhua clings to her immediately. she fits her head under minnie's chin, and takes a deep breath in. she inhales the comforting scent of minnie. minnie wrapped her arms around the girl and held her close. she knew all shuhua needed right now was comfort. she knows that the younger girl will tell her what's wrong overtime.
just as minnie was about to fall into slumber, she could feel shuhua shaking a bit. at first she put it off thinking the girl was trying to find the right position, but then she felt something wet against her neck. she realized shuhua was sobbing against her.
"it's too much for me, unnie." she hears shuhua say. it's muffled but she knows that shuhua has a big rock weighing her down right now.
she tightens one arm around shuhua, and uses her other hand to pat the girl's hair. she sings to shuhua to calm her down a bit more and rocks them back and forth. slowly she feels shuhua stop shaking and her tears turning into small sniffles.
"you don't have to tell me everything right now, but if you need an ear i'm right here. let me carry your worries." minnie's soothing voice helped shuhua calm down more. "can you just—hug me for the night. i'll talk about it tomorrow." minnie nods and shuhua snuggles in more.
shuhua wakes up to a cold bed. she feels the spot where minnie was. it was long cold and no one was there anymore.
'of course why would she stay? she only was there to lull me to sleep' shuhua sighed, checking the time in the clock beside her. she saw it was half past four and decided to get up and make herself look like she didn't ball her eyes out all yesterday and last night.
after washing up she heads to the kitchen and is met with a minnie and soojin cooking for everyone. the first one to spot her was yuqi who was sitting on the dining table playing some random game.
"yo shu! you're up." shuhua saw yuqi put her game down and came to pat shuhua's head. "was scared you died there for a second." shuhua whacked the backside of yuqi's head. "ow! ok i'm sorry, good morning." shuhua laughed at yuqi's pouting face.
as yuqi was about to say something, miyeon came rushing out of her room and body slamming herself into the maknae. "good morning shuhua." poor shuhua couldn't speak for a second since she got the wind knocked out of her.
"jesus miyeon-unnie." miyeon gave her a cheeky smile and back hugged her tightly. shuhua rubbed miyeon's hands as a sign of gaditute.
"alright kids! time for dinner." shuhua saw soojin setting the table for everyone. the girls gathered around and took their respective seats to eat. soojin's food always made everyone feel better. especially when soojin made shuhua's favorite, seaweed soup.
quickly, shuhua was the first one to finish all her food. soojin had to tell her to slow down since shuhua was eating like someone was going to rob her out of her food.
as soon as she was done, she rushed back to her room for a hideout. she doesn't want the other girls to worry about her more than they have to.
she decided to go on her phone to pass the time, but she ended up on a news page with her face on it. she read all the comments about how she wasn't good enough and how she was only a filler member in the group. she knows she shouldn't be reading them but she couldn't tear her eyes away.
she didn't even realize she was crying until she saw the tears travel down onto her phone. she decided that was enough tonight and she'd just try to get some shut eye. she was about to fall asleep until she heard a soft knock on the door, and heard someone walk in.
she smelled the floral scent leak into her room and knew it was the oldest member. she turned to face miyeon. "do you need anything unnie." she whispered out, not wanting to be too loud.
"can we cuddle?"
shuhua nodded and lifted her blanket to invite miyeon in. she knows she needs comfort right now, and miyeon is warm. she placed her head underneath miyeon's chin and held onto her like the korean girl would let go any moment.
shuhua felt miyeon's warmth and started to silently cry again. miyeon felt the wet tears on her neck and placed her hand on shuhua's chin ushering her to look up at her.
"what's wrong, love?" shuhua couldn't speak for a moment. she's been holding it all in and was only letting it out now. "i don't know if i can do this anymore." miyeon carded her hand through her hair in a comforting manner. "what do you mean?"
shuhua explains to miyeon how she's been feeling these past few months. how she doesn't know if she should continue the shaking route of being an idol or just to go back home. she explains how she always goes back to the hate comments and can never stop reading them.
miyeon tentatively listened to what shuhua was saying the whole time. once the younger girl was finished, miyeon hugged the girl tight. "how about this, we both go to sleep and we talk about this with the other girls tomorrow. i'm not putting down what you said, but i think you need a little rest." shuhua nodded and returned her head underneath miyeon's chin.
"i'll be here when you wake up shu." shuhua hummed and they both fell asleep.
in the morning, shuhua softly woken up by miyeon petting her hair. she looked up to see miyeon give her a small smile. "what time is it?" shuhua rubbed her eyes and shook her head to shake off the drowsiness. "it's half past 12. do you want to get up now?" shuhua nodded.
both of them got up and freshened up a bit before heading out to meet the other girls in the living room.
shuhua played with the hems of her shirt nervously. miyeon caught onto her nervousness and rubbed her arm. "guys i have something important i want to say." all the girls stopped what they were doing and turned to shuhua. they all ushered her to sit down on the couch while they all gathered around.
"i want to say, these past few months have been hard on me." she explained exactly what she told miyeon. they all gave her their full attention and was understanding of her. by the end of her explanation, she was starting to cry. they all started to comfort her with hugs, pats, and tissues.
it was soyeon who spoke up first. "this group wouldn't be the same without you shu, you've showed so much improvement and it's crazy. everytime i look at you i feel so proud that you've gotten this far." soyeon patted shuhua's head and kissed her cheek.
"you bring out a different charm for the group shuhua, we would definitely not be the same without you." soojin rubbed her hand on shuhua's back creating different shapes.
"we love you so much, shushu, don't forget that." minnie kissed her forehead and gave shuhua a tight hug.
"yeah, and i would have anyone to fight with if you weren't here." shuhua lightly hit yuqi's arm but sank into yuqi's warmth when she offered it.
"thank you for telling us about this" miyeon rubbed shuhua's arm and kissed her hand.
after everything they all decided to take a rest. they focused on the maknae and gave her a lot of love throughout the day.
shuhua was grateful to have all the girls by her side. she realized she couldn't live without them even if she tried.
she wouldn't trade her life for anything else in the world.