HELENE RECOGNIZED THE EXPRESSION of guilt like an old friend. It had been one she had been carrying her whole life, ready to blame herself for everything that went wrong. That's why she saw it at once on the men's faces, every single one of them. Only one was going to die tonight, but all were guilty of crimes which were haunting their conscience. Soon, they'd be haunting hers.
For some reason, that thought didn't suffocate her as much as it once had. No, instead she kept her smile, truly meaning it as she slowly walked around the men strapped to the chairs. What did any of it matter? None of the things she had done would disappear nor would the things she had failed to do, that she had learned all too well during her isolation. Years of feeling terrible resulted only in more years of terror. She was tired of it. More than anything, she refused to turn into her mother.
Perhaps it was time for her to turn into another kind of monster instead.
"Let's see," she drawled, looking from them back to Nathan," do you know the answer to this riddle already, darling?"
"I don't," he smiled back," you know that would make it less fun. It'll be revealed at the end, by one of my men here."
"I'm glad," she said, clapping in her hands," then we can solve it together."
His eyes lit up at that and he walked over towards where she was standing, opposite the three men whose fates were tied around her fingers. When she glanced towards Nathan he was still looking at her, a half-smile on his lips. There was something about the way he viewed her which had always made her heart skip a beat. It was like she was exhilarating to him, like every single word she spoke captivated him. More and more, he was starting to become the same for her.
"Let me start first, my love," he said.
"This one," she said, pointing towards the man in the middle," he's all yours."
Nathan's grin widened as he swiftly unsheathed a knife from his belt, walking over to the man. His victim was shaking so much he would've fallen out of the chair, had he not been tied to it. Ever so slowly Nathan placed the blade underneath his chin, lifting up his face to force him to look at him.
"Name," he said.
"It's Bruno, sir," the man stammered," please, I didn't do it, I swear. Why would I -"
"You're talking too much," Nathan said with a distasteful click of his tongue," careful, I'm only patient when it comes to Helene, so it's not a favor I'm going to grant you."
Bruno quickly stopped talking, watching Nathan with wide eyes as he continued.
"Do you have children?" Nathan asked," a partner? Tell me, I'm curious."
"A husband and a son," Bruno muttered.
"A son?" Nathan asked," are you kind to him? I can't imagine you are. Good fathers don't end up in jobs where they can be killed, right?"
"Isn't that exactly what good fathers do?" the man on Bruno's left said.
Nathan glanced back towards Helene and she took a step forward, looking at the man she had to analyze.
"Is your father still alive?" she asked.
"Why are you all asking these useless questions?" the man frowned," come on, ask us who snitched. That's what we're here for, right? I have to be home soon, I don't have the time for these games."
Helene placed a gentle hand on Nathan's before he could cut the man's tongue off, stopping him in place. Her smile was so warm it seemed to confuse the man as she bent forward, so they were seeing eye to eye. He wasn't scared. Or at least, he was pretending not to be. No family, that she was sure of, or none he cared for at least, otherwise he wouldn't have pulled such a reckless stunt with a man so dangerous closeby. Then what? What was he willing to risk his life for to get home so quick?
"A heroin addict," she said," is that why you don't have time to play?"
His gaze snapped towards his elbows, as if checking to see if the bruises on his veins were visible through the cloth, but when he saw they weren't, his frown deepened.
"How did you know?" he asked.
"Easy," she said," you're clearly ready to risk your life for something. If you're in this kind of life, that can only be one of three things: money, drugs or family. You wouldn't be stupid enough to think you'd survive this long enough to get the money nor to protect your family, so that leaves drugs."
She held up his wrist, watching the tremor for a moment before she continued. "I thought you were shaking out of fear, first, but you're in withdrawal. It's quite cold here, but your skin feels feverish, yet you're pale. Besides, you've been restless the whole time we were here. How long has it been since you last used? It must be longer than twelve hours, if you're already this shaken."
"It could've been any other drug," he said," why heroin?"
"A guess," she smiled," you confirmed it when you anxiously looked at your veins."
"You're crazy," the man stammered.
"You're so clever, my lovely Helene," Nathan said warmly, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear," this world has never deserved you." His voice was colored with sincerity as he pulled his hand back. "Neither do I."
She grabbed his hand immediately, Nathan's gaze flicking to her in surprise at her touch. Why was he so ready for her to doom him to death when he at the same time kept preventing her from meeting it? Didn't he understand that they were both more alike than anyone else could ever know? They deserved each other. She didn't know if it was a compliment, but it didn't need to be. The part of her which was striving for the world's approval had bled out in a basement a while ago.
"I love you," she said," truly, irrevocably."
He stared at her, no smooth words leaving his lips as he lingered in the warmth of her words. Finally, he lifted her hand to his lips, whispering of love on her skin as he kissed it.
"You weren't finished," she said, nodding towards Bruno.
"I wasn't," Nathan said, glancing back towards his victim," no ring on your finger even though you're married. You wouldn't be in this kind of job if you were worried about losing valuables, so that's not why you're not wearing it. You were practically tearing up when I talked about you're family, like you feel guilty even talking about them. Are you cheating?"
Helene gasped, placing her hands on Nathan's shoulder as she leaned in. "With a cop? Don't tell me it was that easy."
"I'm not cheating with a cop!" Bruno replied immediately, before breathing out shakily," you're right, I betrayed my family, but it was with someone from a bar, not a cop. Please, believe me. I am a terrible person, but not a snitch."
"Aren't snitches terrible people?" Helene smiled.
"What do you think, my love?" Nathan asked her, eyes lingering on her hands touching him, before he locked them with hers," I'll do whatever you tell me to."
"Even if I asked you to let the three of them remain alive?" she whispered in his ear.
He swallowed, like it was difficult to control himself around her, but he nodded still. How far would he go to please her? The consideration was so gentle, she couldn't help but feel loved.
"Even then," he said.
"It's fine," she said, pressing a kiss on his cheek," just kill them all."
Nathan gestured towards the men waiting on the sidelines, two of them taking a gun out as they walked over. She already had turned around to leave, his hand on the small of her back as he followed along.
"Wait!" the third man shouted," please, I didn't even get the chance to spea -"
The sound of a shot cut him off, two following quickly after. She didn't linger on it nor bother to look back, instead letting the door fall shut behind her as they walked downstairs. Before she could walk out of the building, he placed his hand on the front door, locking her in between him and the steel.
"I thought you'd find it more amusing," he said," we could've played longer, Helene, dissected them all the way to the skeletons in their closet."
She turned back towards him, leaning against the cold steel.
"It was fun," she said," really, Nathan."
"But?" he asked.
"But I don't want to play games anymore," she said, leaning forward towards him as her fingers grazed past the knives strapped to his belt," not when it comes to you and me. You keep asking me to tell you what I want and that you'll do it at once. This is it. I love you, I do, but you can't manipulate me like you do with other people. If you keep doing so, how will anything be real?"
"I didn't manipulate you there," he said, voice colored with confusion," really, Helene."
"I'm talking about everything until now," she said," the murders, the lies, the dreams. It doesn't matter, I don't want to linger on any of it, but from here on, you can't play a game with me again if I lose something at the end. It isn't love if it continues like that."
He stared at her surprisedly, like she was saying something strange to him.
"Manipulation is love, Helene," he said," if I don't play my games, you'll realize you don't want to be near me. What will I do if you leave? What meaning will my life have then?"
"I won't leave," she said," really. If I realized anything during my stay with you, it was that I have nowhere to go. All you have to do is say you'll be real with me, until the end."
"You mean until death do us part?" he said, their breath mingling at the close proximity.
"Even after," she whispered back," promise me."
In a way, his innocence when it came to love was endearing to her. He had never learned what was normal, but neither had she. Still, she didn't want to end up like her parents, that was all she knew. Days of being haunted by them had made her despise them more than ever, but they wouldn't take this opportunity for love from her. Not when this was the realest thing she had ever felt in her whole life. He would do anything for her. Now, she would do the same for him.
"I didn't know, Helene," he murmured," I thought I was doing what I had to to keep you by my side. I didn't know it wouldn't be love like this."
"I am by your side," she said," all you have to do is say the words."
When she looked in his eyes, there were no ghosts staring back at her.
"I promise," he said.