*A/N: The updates I keep making in this chapter are just to correct spelling and grammar, the plot hasn't changed at all :) Enjoyyyyyy*
The ice cream cafe looks exactly how it did the night I walked with Rose around the old part of town next to the castle. And I get that sense of Deja Vu as she sits on one of the tiny cushioned chairs in the cobblestoned pavements. She's reading a book, old, by the looks of it, and following the words with her eyes.
Her beauty is striking.
In my head, these moments are so much easier. When I'm thinking through every scenario and what I'd say, it's so much easier to pull out the right words. To not stay silent. Right now, I wish I'd know what to say.
I'm staring at her, wondering through the words that don't seem to arrive, when her gaze meets mine. And I expect her smile. I don't know why, but I do. Because it was so natural. And I got used to relishing in its light. But as she frowns, I realise I won't see it. I realise I won't see much of her at all.
I make it to the chair, avoiding a frown.
"Is this chair empty? All the others, full" My words replay the conversation we had that night in the diner. And her eyes turn sad, her back slumps down and she manages a curt nod.
My hands make it to my side and I feel so helpless. I can't stand it, I can't stand seeing her this way, knowing what's happened-
"Please, Rose. Tell me what to do." I take her hand but she pulls away and covers it with her other one "Tell me what to do to make you feel better. I don't care what it is"
Her eyes search mine and I think pollen went in her eyes but now I realise she's crying. And it my doing.
"Rose, please"
I don't even know what I'm begging for. All I know is that her pain is driving me to my knees. And as she says her next words, softly, as if scared of asking for anything, I almost reach for her to try and hold her together. Almost.
"I just need an explanation" Her voice is like the crash of waves on a shore. It's soothing. It's lulling. It's heartbreaking when the silence comes.
There are so many things to say, I think. There is so much I need to find. So many words I need to express. But she asked for an explanation so I give her the truth.
"Jason beat Aiden up. Made him leave town and said-"
"When was this?" She interrupts, anxious.
"About two months ago. After the..." I stumble over my words "After the incident in your room"
Rose swallows audibly, her nod stiff. "So why did he do that?"
I roll my eyes, say "Why would Jason do anything? He wants what he wants. He gets what he wants"
At her irritated glare, I explain "He wanted Aiden to pass along a message to me. That if I left you alone, he would keep funding everything you need. He'd keep paying for the university you wanted to go to and your tuition. Or-" I correct myself, "His parents would and he wouldn't mention the fact that you cheated on him"
Rose lets out an exasperated huff that has me chuckling despite myself. At least we agree on the stupidity that is Jason.
"He wouldn't stir up trouble at school. He wouldn't bring you up, and he'd say the breakup was a mutual agreement and that you're friends."
"It sounds too good to be true" Rose looks away, at the people walking past, snapping pictures of the castle on the hill above us.
I shrug, "I guess he doesn't want anyone having what's his. I think he'd rather give you money, that isn't even his, and not have you around, than to deal with his parents preferring you. Loving you. Supporting you."
Rose dips her head in acknowledgment but stays silent. So I press on a different matter, "Have you talked to your parents about him? About what he did to you?"
"No"
"Maybe you should" I offer.
Rose's eyes hold a threat in them as she stares me down, "That isn't your place to say. Or to decide. And if I so much as hear a word of what went down that day, if I see a video-"
"Why the fuck would I have a video?" I grunt out.
She looks away too quickly. She presses her hands together and cracks her knuckles. Her foot starts tapping on the stone pavement. Somethings making her nervous. I just know.
"I didn't think you would, it just kind of-"
A waitress makes it to our table, asks in a bored tone, "Drinks?"
I can't process anything but the pure paranoia on Rose's face. I'm just staring at her brown eyes dumbfounded at the idea that-
"He had a video of you having sex? Did he have a video of you-"
"Asher" Her tone alone could kill me, so I wisely lock my tongue.
"We'll have two black coffees, please" She gestures the waitress a quick nod, of dismissal and a warning. Should she say anything about what she just heard.
I can't seem to let go of the idea that she...
"He doesn't have a video of me." She says.
I let out a sigh of relief, my shoulders slumping down.
"But Cassie did" Her words are so soft I almost think I've imagined them, that I'm making up something that doesn't make sense. Because I must be. I must be going insane to think...
What?
"She had a video of us making out. Nothing scandalous, but something that could be edited to look that way because I was sitting on top of her and..."
"You what?" I start, my voice shaking because it makes no sense that Cass-
Rose smiles sadly, says, "We were in love."
The words drop like stones into the pit of my stomach. And if I were in water, I'd be sinking because it's the sort of thing I never would have guessed and she kept this from me. Cassie kept this from me and Rose kept this from me. After all out honesty and-
"It was reckless. Nobody knew about it because we wouldn't make it obvious." The coffee make it to our table but I'm too confused to even nod my thanks to the waitress. Instead I keep my gaze locked on Rose. On her green eyes, as if they will give me some sort of comfort. "To anyone else we were best friends. That's why Cassie almost never mentioned me, because she was scared it would look like something more than platonic and you'd tell your Dad-"
"Why would I tell my Dad?" I say, a sharp edge to my words that make Rose look away shamefully.
"She always thought you two were closer. Because you played basketball all the time, and that was what he wanted. Because you put up with the future he layer out for you, and she couldn't. So, Cassie thought you'd never understand" Rose says, a calm in her voice I wish I could adopt because at the moment I can barely breathe. I can't think around the fact that Rose has been lying, and that Cassie was in love with her. I swallow audibly, as if that will bring my worries down to my stomach instead of knotting up my throat.
"What about Aiden? I thought she loved my best friend Aiden?" I grit the words out, pained at the old scar of our lost friendship.
Rose levels me with a cold stare. One of jealousy, I now see.
"Aiden loved her." She clarifies, "Cassie used him as protection from anyone that would question our supposed platonic relationship" Rose air quotes those last two words, "And she used you as an excuse to break up with him and appear distraught for months. Something that would give her and I time to love each other. To be with each other without the pressure of the world around us" Rose smiles at that.
I can't reciprocate it. Because I can't handle any of this. I can't let out a single breath that doesn't make me feel like my very being is ripped to shreds. I need air. I need space. I need to get away from all of these secrets.
"Stay, Ash" I don't even realize but I've stood up, and my body is facing the direction of the street and my mind is already mapping out my way back home. The sharp turn on the cobbled streets to the left. The path through the woods and by the cliff. But Rose's hand is in wrapped around my fingers. The scent of vanilla is drifting in the wind and surrounding me. That alone makes me pause.
And as her eyes meet mine, weary and tired and broken and bruised, I can't make myself walk away from her. Because that's selfish. And all she's ever had are selfish people around her. All she's had are people who didn't look after her, or understand her, or even try to. And if I walk away, I'm not any different.
So I stay.
"At that time," Rose starts again, noticing that an explanation is probably the best method to get me to understand her, "Jason was still my boyfriend, and he beat me up really badly one night. Right after I'd taken that video with Cassie."
My hands curl into fists at the thought of Rose, hurt and alone. Alone with that monster-
Rose seems oblivious to my rage as she speaks, looking anywhere but me.
"So Cassie threatened me. Told me if I didn't leave him she'd show the video to him so he would at least leave me"
"But you didn't leave him" I fill in, my words breaking.
"No" Rose says, straightening her back to resemble some sort of strength "I didn't. And Jason got the video from Cass a month later. But instead of leaving me, he used it against me. Told me if I ever got out of line, he'd post it online. And because my shirt was off, it could probably be classified as scandalous enough that universities and job offers would be closed off to me"
My entire being stills.
And it's lethal rage brewing inside of me. It's anger festering on my very being and protectiveness over her filling my brain and clouding my vision. Because despite her having a relationship I didn't know about with my sister, despite her letting me beat myself up over Aiden and how much I regretted not letting them be together, despite her not telling me about the video, despite everything- I love the hell out of her. And I know I'm mad. I know I need some time.
Hell, I just thought about love.
But I also know she could have never told me, but she chose to say something. She could have let us be apart, in torture, but she chose to say something.
"Rose" I call her name but I don't think she hears it.
She's just blinking back tears fruitlessly, her hair falling around her face in messy waves and her shoulders shaking.
"We had those months. She was mad but we had two months in which she pretended not to notice the bruises, or the cuts, or the ripped clothes." Her face is in her hands as she speaks, her hands soaked in tears. "She tried not to notice and I tried not to bring it up. And for a while, it was really, really, good"
She's trying to speak but her words just get choked off by sobs. Suddenly, I hear it. The vowels in a word. The consonants. And her rough voice breaks my heart.
"But then she died" Tears are steaming down her face and she's not even bothering to wipe them away as she speaks, her eyes on mine, "And I lost a part of myself there. I lost the only person I'd ever opened up to. The only person who really made things right for me. Who cared." She chokes out.
"And I loved her so much" Her words are pleas, "I regret everything I didn't do. I regret not leaving Jason because I could ditch university if it meant being with her, I could ditch my family, I would ditch everything if it meant she'd be back."
I look at her, at the pure anguish in her eyes, and I see my mirror. I see her feeling the same pain. The vacancy.
"I know, Rose"
Her eyes meet mine, and it's like she sees it too. The match that's been lit between us. The things that made us broken, now melding us together.
I don't even realise it, but I'm crying too. And the coffee is cold. And the bill is dropped aggressively at our table. And the coffee spills onto our fingers, making them sticky. The waitress looks at us with an inpatient look, as if we've been hogging her table too long despite it being late and absolutely empty.
And it's just like that first night.
She looks at her fingers, touches them together.
Then she takes mine in hers. Makes her eyes clash with mine and dips her head gently to the side, as if in question. So I nod. Just once. Small and subtle but she sees it. And she gives herself a second to relish in being understood completely by another human being on this planet, she gives herself a second to read through my now apparent smile, she gives herself a second to gain the confidence she needs to say the next words that make my heart burst.
"I love you too, Ash"
And that's when I realise, I don't have to say the words back at all. Because she can already see into my very soul.
*A/N
Okay so I almost cried writing this chapter BECAUSE HOW SAD IS THAT. But how beautiful is it too? I also wanted to mention that it's not supposed to be the 'typical' love story. I'm aware that in other stories, Asher would have walked away. But he's always been extremely empathic and when I, personally, empathize with Rose's character, I can understand why she wouldn't want to risk telling Ash about her relationship with Cassie because apart from being painfull for her to discuss, she didn't know if Ash would still take his Dad's side on the relationship AND, finally, it was a promise she made with Cassie when she was alive. So she wouldn't want to break the last thing she treasures of her.
I hope this all makes sense. Thank you for reading and please vote if you're enjoying it :)
Love,
Beatriz*